Why Have We Not Cheated?!?!?!

Real Conversation that Occurred at the gym:



Travis: My friend here thinks everyone wants to have sex with him because he's Dominican.

Dominican: Do not, Travis!

Me: I'd rather have sex with Travis than you, buddy. Sorry.

Travis: I'm going to take that as a compliment and leave it alone.

Domincan: Travis, stop twisting my words.

Travis: Tell her what you said then.

Dominican: Nahhhh man.

Travis: So Block offered him a job. He would start when he gets back from the Dominican.

Dominican: He asked me to bring a Dominican girl back for him.

Travis: So, course, he thinks Block must want to have sex with him.

Me: I hate to break it to you sweetie, but unless you got a fat pussy hidden in those gym shorts Block ain't interested in sex with you.



Travis and I laugh. The Dominican looks uncomfortable and Mike approaches looking all sexy and shit as he applies chapstick to his luscious lips.

Travis tells Mike about the Dominican and his sexual issue. I'm attempting to figure out how the hell I'm getting to my car without getting soaked. I voice this issue to everyone. Dominican looks relieved the subject is off him now.



Mike: Hop on up, I'll give you a piggy back ride to the car so your feet don't get wet in those flip flops.

Me: Is that the only ride you're offering me, Mike?





Mike starts laughing and under his breath mutters something about how long it has been for him. Conversation continues while I make a mess of my shake and need a towel. Mike is about to leave when he turns around.



Mike: Well, ready for that ride?

Me: Don't tease me Mike.

Mike: Who says I am? I don't tease baby, I please.





And with a cocky wink in my direction, he heads out into the rain. How have we NOT cheated on his wife yet? This is definitely the most innuendo fueled conversation Mike and I have had about US. We joke about sex A LOT but usually in the context of one or the other of us getting it on with someone else. And his comment about how long it has been directly challenges the notion that my trainer put in my head about rumors swirling that he was already cheating on his wife (Come to find out about 1/2 of those rumors actually involve me!).

What do you think? Will this keep getting more and more sexually charged? Will we cross the line?

It's Monday Night...

And I'm dying my hair.

$%#& YOU, GREY HAIR!

In 25 minutes, I will be Revlon color #33. Sassy and Flashy!

Goodbye, grey hair I imagine sprouting out of my head; HELLOOOOO shiny, bouncy dark brown locks.

Run With the Dawgs 5K

My friend Leigh and I hit up Athens, GA for the 7th Annual Running with the Dawgs 5K and it was great! We both attended the University of Georgia and love Athens so this was an awesome first race to run together.

We agreed Leigh would pick me up at 6:15 am but we woke up concerned the race wouldn't be run because of the torrential downpour going on. We decided to head the hour down the road anyway and see what happens. I have never run a race in the rain and was kind of nervous this would be the first time I had to try. Luckily for me, the rain subsided as we pulled in and picked up our race packets!

The race started in downtown Athens and made a loop around it (supposedly so we could pass the ceramic bulldogs all around town that are painted up for charity though I know of at least three on Broad Street that we missed out on seeing) then headed out of downtown and into the scenic neighborhoods surrounding it. If I had to guess, I'd say there were less than 500 people for the race and I'm sure a fair number of people saw the rain and skipped out.

Leigh and I started out in the middle of the pack. I took the first mile WAYYY faster than I intended to and hit the mile marker at 8 minutes. I tried to slow it down and I have no idea how to adjust my pace in a race so my body was going to have to do it for me. The course was a lot hillier than I had anticipated after reading the race website which said it went through downtown. Which it did for about 1/2 a mile. Couple of issues I had with the race:

1. It was HOTTTTT. And sticky. Like more rain was just waiting to shower down on us.



2. I couldn't find music I liked and my iPod was not working with me on that. It was distracting me.



3. Little kids were passing me. And by little I mean, UNDER 10. It was disheartening.



4. Only one water stop (I know, I know I should plan ahead blah blah blah).



5. The last hill was RIGHT before the finish line. I absolutely CANNOT STAND when they end a race on hill. It's like whoever mapped the course has never run a race before!



6. The overall female winner really annoyed me. She didn't follow the course correctly so she didn't cross the finish line first and she ran way more than 3.1 miles. She complained, they gave her the prize. Yes, they should have marked the course better but if you can't follow the directions they give you (turn right at the top of the hill) then tough cookies. Sorry that you didn't win one time but better luck next time.



7. That being said- there was no real start (a string is not a start my friend) and no real course marking. Considering it was the 7th time they put this shin dig on, they should have been better at this.

It was a GREAT time and I PRed with a time of 28:18 and I thought for sure I was losing it at the end and wouldn't PR but I did! I would definitely do the race again- it was $15 to register and it was fun to wear my red and black and run through town. I don't know why I didn't do more running through Athens in college!

Oh! And my favorite part of the event was that at precisely 8 AM the starting official got on the PA and asked for a moment of silence for those men and women who protect us every day by fighting for our freedoms to do the things we love. The crowd hushed and church bells denoting the time of 8 AM started going off. Two little boys in matching outfits with bib numbers (no joke could not have been older than 3 maybe four) turned to their dad and said, "Hey! I thought it was supposed to be quiet? Who's making that noise?" I couldn't contain my giggles, it was so darn cute!

DON'T FORGET TO ENTER MY GIVEAWAY- you have until June 2nd to win 13 prizes!

10, 11, 12, and 13

Prize #10: is a gift card to Starbucks because there is always a day we could use a little ummmppphhh in our lives. Mine occur on all days ending in....DAY. so thanks for joining me on those days.



Prize #11: Gu of some sort. I don't eat the shit so if you do I'll let you pick. Otherwise you're hoping I pick a flavor you like that does big things. So think long and hard before you say, "I don't care...." In fact, forget letting you pick, I'll buy you guys a sampler pack. That's how much I love you. But if you love ME you'll send me mucho followers!



Prize #12: The Runners Guide to the Meaning of Life. Apparently running is good for more than athleticism. I'll let this book explain it more eloquently then I could dream of!



Prize #13: Asics Mesh bag to carry all your awesome new shit for free you got from me because I was begging you to be my friend. And I mean begging. And by begging I mean praying you might throw a dollar or two toward my run. For realz. You can choose from pink, blue or black!



So, head over to the original post and figure out how to possibly win all 13 or NONE of these prizes :) You have until June 2nd to win and so far...I have 4 entrants! You don't want to miss out! Good luck to Ben, Ethan, Heather and C Elmore!

Versatility. I've got that in spades. In fact, I have so much versatility, I can't even figure out who I am. Which supposedly is a common afflicition in my generation and at 26 years old but I'm not going to lie, I feel like a loner in that respect. Anyway, Barbie of Barbie Runs graced me with this sweet Versatile Blogger Award that I've been watching the rest of you get. Finally, my turn! Whoo! Unfortunately, that means you've all gotten it by now so I am not sure who I can give it to. Way to make me feel like the last kid picked for the kickball team guys.

Apparently, you are supposed to learn seven random facts about me:

1. Pet Peeve #1: Abbrevs. Stupid. I absolutely hate people who totes speak in abbrevs. Especially people I know for a fact went to college. It's like basically you are just too lazy to speak in a grammatically correct and socially acceptable fashion. Abbrevs have lit become their own lang. So much so, that sometimes my friends use them and I haven't a clue what they are talking about. And seeing them spelled is hysterical. Ush does not equal usually people. Whatevs.

2. I'm from the Jersey Shore. I am not anything like those assholes you people watch on your reality television shows. Or the ones that appeared in The Sopranos. Or any other crap movie. I am from the same area as Bruce and Bon Jovi and I'm proud of it. But if I get asked some stupid question about where I am from or you make a smart ass comment to me I will get riled up. In fact, let me take care of it for you: I'm from Exit 98 Shore Points and yes I know the difference between a jersey girl and trash is that trash gets picked up. Yes, I have the Jersey Shore attitude. Do not mess with me.

3. I'm the oldest of three children. I'm the most competitive of the three in EVERYTHING I do. My brother(23) is the smartest of the three of us (though he's taking his time getting through undergrad). And my sister (14) has the beauty and talent. She's a competitive swimmer for Summit Swimming. Several colleges track her times and chat her up at meets. And she is the nicest, sweetest one of the three of us. I couldn't be prouder of her if she were my own kid. I really adore both of them and call them constantly to harrass them and hang out with them as much as I can. When I decided to move back to the ATL, they were my main reason.

4. Speaking of family, I have a large one. I wish I saw them more. Both sides of my family are devout Irish Carholics (my great uncle was a monsignor in the church). My mom has 10 brothers and sisters (who are all named Mary) and my dad has 6. I have like 30 cousins or something like that. My oldest cousin is 5 years older than me and my youngest cousin is 25 years younger than me. Which I think is pretty cool. Especially since the oldest cousin is expecting his first child! Most of them live in NJ but some of them live in California, Virginia, Pennsylvania, New Mexico and North Carolina. And don't even get me started on second and third cousins- cause I know most of them, too.

5. I went to college at UGA and love Athens (I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before). If I won the lottery, I would buy a house there. It's such a great town with a lot going for it. I graduated with a degree in Journalism and a second degree in Literature. I almost didn't get the second degree because I wrote a paper detailing why I shouldn't get the degree. I waited over a month for my degree to arrive in the mail and scared the crap out of my mom when I breathed a sigh of relief. I also am the only one who got an A in my capstone class entirely due to said paper. And yes, Soulja Boy's Crank That still gets me fired up- I know the dance and do it EVERYTIME it comes on. No shame.

6. I really want a job that requires travel because then maybe I could figure out where I want to live. I am getting the two year itch and contemplating trying out North Carolina next. Barbie is trying to get me to move to DC.

7. In high school, I played softball, ran track and managed the football team (aka water girl). I tried out for cheerleading but didn't make it. During this time, I weighed in at 95 lbs. By the time I graduated I was up to 105 and thought I was fat. Good Lord, high school girls really have a skewed vision of the world. I'm just starting to get back to my athletic roots and loving it. I really feel so much better about myself after a kickball or softball game!

And since I'm so generous, if you havent gotten this award yet (please let there be one of you), tell me so I can give it to you below :)

Feelin Fine at 9

Giveaway update- real quick- gotta hit the bed so I can get up EARLY and run 10 miles.

Prize #9: Bondi Bands. Why? Because I keep entering to win them and so far I am FAILING. If I'm going to buy one it might as well be for an awesome reader. Don't worry they come in all kinds of styles for kids, men and women. I'll be real nice and let you pick. Then you can tell me how much you love it :)

Also, just in case you can't win it here, you can enter to win Bondi Bands over at Sticky Fingerprints (adore this blog so add it! Immediately!)

** Remember my giveaway ends June 2nd, so head back to the original post to enter 13 prizes!

Could Not Have Said It Better

This might be a new weekly post for me. Just whenever I stumble across something motivating or funny or whatever. Anyway, while on Daily Mile, I came across this comment about someone's workout. In fact, go friend Rob K right now if you haven't done so!

"Had to pick up the pace today to make it to beer o'clock."

Yes, yes, you did. I shall repeat this to myself tomorrow on my 10 mile run!

** Don't forget to enter the giveaway contest for 13 prizes in honor of my Boston 13.1 for Team Challenge!

Thirsty Thursday aka Why Do I Drink?

1. I am going gray. See previous post for my feelings on this newest development.
2. I have 2 months to find a new job and a new place to live.
3. I am single. Per usual.
4. My ex is engaged. See reason # 3.
5. My life is in shambles.
6. I am broke (probably from drinking).
7. My friends live farther away than I would like.
8. Gas is expensive.
9. Shit, life is expensive.
10. I hate my job (probably get fired again for saying it again. Some lessons just can't be taught).
11. A little girl I babysat is getting married. What the hell is that? Shouldn't she still be in diapers or something?
12. I have issues. Lots of issues. Anxiety, abandonment, daddy...you name it, I've got it.
13. Life is an utter disappointment whether I try or not.
14. I like booze. No seriously, I like it. A LOT.
15. People are shitty drivers. This puts me in a bad mood.
16. No one has entered my dicktowel giveaway. I'll show you people. All current followers are now entered. Blaire I hope you win a dick towel and don't know what to do with it.
17. My neighbors suck. Except one of them has an entire liquor store in her apt.
18. I have bad luck with cars (that will be a whole nother post my friends).
19. The quarter life crisis neither begins nor ends at 25. Therefore, I'm currently residing in this state of my life.
20. I miss home.
21. I am overweight.
22. I have high blood pressure. Alcohol lowers blood pressure. Dr. Write me a prescription!
23. It's fun.
24. It's Thursday?
25. Telemarketers keep calling my apt looking for David and Jennifer Monter. Who, oddly enough, I actually know as David used to be my employee.
26. Miley Cyrus. Do I need to say anything more?
27. I haven't had sex in quite sometime. No that is not an invitation for one of you to offer your services. I'm just saying, its enough to drive you to drink. Because well, its depressing and because you might lower your standards and get laid.
28. I like bars. And patios. And college football games. And Yankees games. And concerts. And all of these things are more awesomer with booze. Seriously.
29. Because I want to.
30. Because this blog would be better if I were hammered.

Giveaway Update

Heyo! Welcome to my two newest PUBLIC followers- 24 was a good year for me so I can dig 24 public followers. Thanks for stopping by the ol bloggy blog. Why did I say that? I have no freaking idea. Anyway...

Giveaway update: Prizes 6 and 7 and 8 revealed!

Prize 6: One thing that gets me going for a run- be it 20 minutes or 2 hours and 39 minutes (the time of my first and last half marathon) is TUNES. I've only had one race where I didn't really hear the music and the one time I did tune back in it was a TERRIBLE song. I firmly believe it threw me off my rhythm and skewed my time. Anyway, prize # 6 is an iTunes giftcard so you can add some fresh beats to your running mix. Not sure what songs to add, head back in time to my post on running music sites and pick up some tips and tunes from the experts!







Prize 7: I need one of these. Or any kind of towel really. I just DRIP at the gym and I'm sure no one enjoys seeing it (not even gym crush or creepy guy). I can also use all the motivation I can get. So I'm throwing one of these awesome towels in for you to enjoy! Probably I would want the No Excuses towel but since I'm feeling generous, the winner can pick the one they want. I'm so giving.





Prize 8: The other thing that got me through my half marathon was a little token our Endurance Manager, Angel, gave to us the night before the race. I cracked this bag open at mile 9 and ate a few every time I felt my energy flag. No idea if they actually work or if I just tricked myself into thinking they do but I like candy. And they taste like candy so its a win in my book. Therefore, the winner gets a pack, or two, or three of Jelly Belly Sports Beans!



Just click on this link to go to the entry post and follow the directions. Remember YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DONATE TO WIN. (** update I am a mere $141 away from my goal!) You have until June 2nd to enter so HURRY. So far only EZEthan and Celmore have entries! Personally, I'd like to keep this prize pack myself but I can't so you should enter :)

Atlanta. really?

i have been an Atlanta resident for almost 2 years { june 5th is my exact atlanta-versary }. and in these 2 years i have come to realize one main thing… you Atlanta people suck at a little thing called driving. the worst part is many of you have been doing in 10+ years like me. i thought if you do something everyday you get better at it not worse?! every damn day i am reminded about how much you cannot stay in your lane or merge onto highways or work a 4 way stop sign or change lanes or heaven forbid when a light goes out it debilitates you all. but most importantly, i have realized that 97% of you Atlanta drivers cannot seem to move your car forward which i think is the main point of having an automobile.

Atlanta natives bitch and moan about the traffic, but as a Washington DC native I have decided that yes Atlanta you have a traffic problem but if your drivers actually knew how to drive it would not be as bad.   most of you bitches are timid as hell.  Just get in your car and DRIVE!  If you wouldn’t be scared to switch lanes or scoot through a yellow light traffic wouldn’t be so shitty.  Drivers in DC are reckless as hell and they are not timid – traffic still sucks but at least you’re getting somewhere in the shitty traffic.  Atlanta, I am stuck in a parking lot 24.7.365.  Grow some balls and drive or I dare you to take a trip to the DC Metro area { Northern VA, DC, and Maryland } and try giving that drive a try.  You’ll either (a) die (b) cry (c) get in an accident or two or (d) learn to fucking drive.

Lets chat about the back tail lights and break lights.  What in the hell is up with 7 out of 10 cars not having 3 functioning back lights?! Isn’t that a safety concern?  How many accidents in Atlanta are rear endings because of lights being out?  In Virginia we have both a safety & emissions inspection, cops will pull you over and ticket you for a tail light being out.  No lie, this week I have been behind a car going to and from work every day that has not had all 3 lights working. One car had NONE working. WTF?! Does Atlanta just not care?

There is something about an Atlanta driver and their cell phone. If the phone is to the ear the left foot just cannot put pressure on the pedal.  They just rest it there and use all the effort to converse and no effort to even pay attention to if they’re going the speed limit. Seriously, if you cannot drive and talk … hang up and drive.

How about the douchebags who know where they’re going but think it’s a great idea to just try and zoom past in another lane and then cut people off to get over. well i hope you do not ever encounter my big black suv { commonly known as “big black” } covered in running stickers because friend, you ain’t no friend of mine and I am blocking you out.  Have some fucking patience like the rest of us and get in line.  Or what about the people who live in DeKalb County who get lost in DeKalb County. Do you know how I know you live here?? Your license plate told me so. …your constant breaking and “do i turn here… or here … no here” … that shit kills me.  Get a fucking GPS it is 2010.

Oh the pick up trucks that have been supersized and jacked up.  If you cannot control your gargantuan (spelling?!) truck then you should not be able to drive it. I want to revoke your license.  It looks like you’re not only overcompensating for your likely little man friend but you cannot drive either. Stop almost running me into on coming traffic on Peachtree.  On the topic of issue controlling your car. Soccer Moms in your vans and big suvs. If I became governor or president or head of the DMV whatever I become, there will be a driving test involved.  If you cannot control your personal school bus then get a fucking station wagon.  You can haul just as many kids and a cooler full of Capri Suns and Scooby Snacks for after soccer practice and not almost kill me. Oh and by the way, hang up the phone… the other soccer mom you’re talking to her, I am sure you’re gonna see her in 10 minutes talk then.

The pits though is how Atlanta drivers do not understand the common known rule of fast drivers to the left slow drivers to the right. If you’re in a staples delievery truck or a UPS driver or behind the wheel of a UHAUL 9 times out of 10 you do not belong in the left hand lane.  If I am riding your bumper in the left hand lane going 40 in a 45… you sir in your BMW do not belong in the left hand lane.  Yes, I do honk at you and flash my brights and scream and scream and scream and yes, I know it is doing nothing but have some fucking courtesy and move the hell over.  I wish there was some sign I could wave at people that asks them the simple question “what makes you think you belong in the left hand lane?!”.

Please. Feel free to follow me on twitter (@bamabarbie06) and I will give you more traffic and driving tips on a daily basis!!

HOLY %^&$

*This is kind of a Wednesday Wigout in that I'm slightly freaked by something I discovered today. However, this is not a Wednesday Wigout in that I am not flipping my lid over some stupidity someone else did that I observed.

The title of this blog could be hell, fuck or shit depending on how you would react to finding your first fucking grey hair.

That's right, I'm 26 years old and this morning I discovered a fucking grey hair on my head. A lovely-if-it-weren't-making-its-home-on-my-head silvery strand. Where the hell did that come from?

Actual conversation between my mom and I:
Me: MOM! I found a grey hair on my head!!!!
Mom: Hmmm...
Me: MOM! Hmmm? A GREY HAIR ON MY HEAD!
Mom: You're aunt went grey at 27 so that sounds about right.

WHAT?!?!?! I have always said that when I started aging I would do so gracefully. None of this botox bullshit and dying of my hair. I was going to have a glorious mane of silvery hair. Actually I'd probably cut it short but whatever. I didn't imagine this would start occurring at the ripe old age of TWENTY SIX. Christ, Jessica Simpson was onto something when she uttered "24 is almost 25 which is practically 30!"

Actual conversation between my 24 year old brother and I:
Me: I found a grey hair on my head.
Brother: I'd feel sorry for you but HELLO?!?!?! (points to his shaved head and clearly visible receding hairline. I affectionately labeled him 10-head)
Me: That doesn't make me feel better. What hair you do have is not grey.
Brother: Well I'd rather have grey than none.

While we're on the subject of grey hair, hey guess what?!?! I seem to also be shedding an extraordinary amount of hair these days. So not only am I going grey but what brown hair is still attached to my head is swiftly running for the hills (it's like the premise of white flight...but on my head). I don't even bother to brush the shit anymore for fear that a huge chunk of it will fall out and I'll have to shave my head into a matching hair cut with my brother.

Oh. God. I'm. Getting. Old.

Prize # 5

Okay, so I hit the grocery store last night and couldn't stop munching on what I have now determined will be Prize # 5! Back to Nature has a delicious Chocolate Delight Granola that I bought to add to my morning yogurt along with strawberries as part of second breakfast. I LOVE IT. So, you get to love it, too. Nutrition (aka boring) details: 220 calories per serving, 6 g of fat, 37 g of carbohydrates and 5 grams of protein. 28 g of whole grain, 100% natural amd 4 grams of dietary fiber. 100% AWESOME. So, there you go- you enter, you have a chance to win Body Glide, CCFA goodies and now Back to Nature Chocolate Delight Granola!

Also, I have already determined prize #6 but don't have a ton of time since the boss just strolled in and I doubt me blogging is on my list of duties. Just to be sure I'll double check...wait, nope. Don't forget to enter! YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DONATE TO WIN A PRIZE! I know times are tough for a lot of us out there so if you can't donate, not a problem- you get the chance to win as well! But if you can spare a dollar or two I would much appreciate it!

AND, I have decided since I will be running the Boston 13.1 and I am soliciting you for donations for said race that there will be 13 prizes in this AWESOME giveaway (okay modesty is not my best attribute...obviously). Right now, EZEthan is the only person to be entered in this contest so far so click back to my Plea for Help post to enter!

Last thing, I added a tab at the top for charities since my favorite aspect of the running community is how supportive we all are! Let me know if you are running a race in honor of some great cause and I will add a link to your donation page onto this site :)

Twitter Tuesday

Sometimes the BEST way to find someone new to follow is to go to your own list of people you follow and find the funniest person on it (or you can substitute most interesting. Whatever). Then go through the people they follow and find a great picture. Which is what I did this week because I AM LAZY. I swear Twitter Tuesday saps up a lot of time when done correctly. I am going to compile a list of awesome this weekend and have it ready to go so this can be posted prior to 5 pm on Tuesdays. After that, the post is pretty much pointless right? Cause you won't read it til Wednesday.

This week's Twitter Tuesday tweep was picked for a number of reasons. The most important of these reasons being the bio that decorates his profile which states the following:

being gay is weird & hard. tweet that.

Okay, then. Done and done. A new follower has clicked follow (me, duh) and now I bring you my selection of gems I mined from someone else's profile. Thanks @beingayisgay!

• The only thing I cook up in the kitchen is drama and jealousy. Best served al dente at 98.6 degrees.
• True/False: My hair is holding me back.
• So tired of mistaking lesbians for cute boys.
• Sorry I'm late. My emotions hit heavy traffic on Santa Monica Blvd.
• Can we like, give Lance Bass back to straight people?
• Does this AA meeting have an after-party?
• Reality show: Four gay New Yorkers get dumped in the deep South & fight for their fabulous lives. Cosmos meets bigotry.
• My friends and I are the gay version of The Craft. We wear lots of black and just held a seance for LiLo's career last week.
• I'm a very giving person. I give nasty looks to strangers all the time.
• Tonight, should I dress to impress or dress to depress?
• I charge for house party appearances. I'll need California weed, 420 dollars and a cute boy to make out with by night's end.
• I moved to New York City to have brunch with my friends and talk about dicks
• I know love is supposed to be blind but that's some Helen Keller shit going on right there.
• Behind every great gay, there's a fabulous mother holding a mimosa.
• In this cruel modern world, you're only as good as your last tweet.
• True Life: I'm Sexy & People Are Jealous Of Me.
• Being a homosexual is a full-time job and I'm sick of working without benefits.

**Also, I bet he would love to win a dick towel unlike my followers. Also, obsessed with this fabulous picture!

***Double also, for some reason I really like his background. I always imagined this is how it went down in the batcave.

Feelin the Love...

For Body Glide! bing, bang boom. What a day!

This morning I spent a solid 10-15 minutes searching desperately for my Body Glide which wandered off sometime over the weekend and has not yet returned. My 4 miles yesterday were TORTURE. I did not want to repeat today. Of course, thanks to not being able to locate it I only ran 1.5 miles so I guess either way it helped.

Supremely pissed off, I logged into Twitter from the parking lot of Gold's Gym and tweeted the following:

I really love that my body glide is missing. And by love I mean hate with a passion capable of ruining my day.

Which prompted my decision to give it away as part of my prize pack. No one should ever be without this stuff- I swear by it. Trust me, Vaseline does not work as well AT ALL. It'll do in a pinch but really...for the long haul- not worth it.

A short time later (ahem a few hours which is wayyy too long) I got an email stating Body Glide was following me. Excellent. Still haven't found my actual stick so I tweeted this:

@BodyGlide found me on Twitter. Now if only I can find it in my apt.

Shortly after that (and I mean a few minutes- damn!) I got a direct message asking me my address and the type of products I use. I'm basic and just use the antichafe. Barbie just clued me in to the fact that they even have a For Her version!

The response will forever endear Body Glide in my heart:

Nothing boring about a runner and blogger. Thanks for helping to spread the word about our products. We appreciate it.

The only thing I love more than not having a ridiculous rash between my thighs is flattery so YOU WIN BODY GLIDE!

Giveaway Revealed...prize 1, 2, 3, and 4

Okay, so as you know, I am throwing together a giveaway to correspond with my last ditch fundraising efforts for the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America through Team Challenge. On June 27th, I will be running my 2nd half marathon in Boston. I am super excited but time is running out to donate my money and if I can't raise enough, I can't go. So, in typical Berryfine fashion I'm winging it and throwing together a super awesome prize pack of which I will slowly reveal as this week continues. Be sure to go back to the original post to enter the contest and see the details.

Anyway...

Prize 1- Well, this morning I had a shit start to my day. I couldn't make myself get out of bed for 10 minutes. This is a particularly annoying issue on a Tuesday or Thursday as I like to get a 30 minute run in before Cassandra the Devil comes at me (want to know what I did today, hit up a basketball court and try some moving pushups- one time to halfcourt and back. That was just to start). Anyway, after delaying the inevitable in my ridiculously comfortable bed I finally got it together. But just when I thought I might actually squeeze the 30 minutes in...My BODYGLIDE went missing. Therefore, I'll be tossing a BodyGlide into the prize pack. I can't say enough good things about the shit- especially after gobbing on vaseline as a poor substitute. So HURRAY BodyGlide!

Prizes 2, 3 and 4- In a fit of desperation, I emailed my endurance manager, the INCREDIBLE Angel Whitworth, and said HELP! I explained to her my dilemma and the decision to hastily throw together a giveaway and she said she'd love to help! Therefore, you can show your love for CCFA and Team Challenge and rock an awesome waterbottle (I run with mine constantly), a sweet t-shirt and assorted goodies that she's yet to bestow upon me. 1.4 Million Americans suffer from Crohn's and Colitis and you can spread the word just by sporting the goods :)

Also, I mentioned I would tell you about my honored teammates. I'm going to start with the one closest to me and work my way out from there. The inspiration behind my decision to join Team Challenge is my Daddy. I am most definitely a Daddy's Girl ( has listened to me whine and moan about some stuff I doubt he could care less about, helped take me in after college and headed to NYC, drove all my stuff back to Atlanta when I failed in NYC and just is generally pretty awesome). I doubt I would have ever developed an interest in running if it weren't for him.

My strongest high school memory involves a track meet at Greater Atlanta Christian School. I was 15 and running in the finals of the 400. And my dad flew into town and got to see me run it. I did my best time (admittedly not the best time in the world but MY best time) and I think 50% of it was knowing he was there because I have never matched that time since and he hasn't been to one since! But that memory has been replaced by an even better memory. You see, when I was a kid my dad suffered in silence. Back then (oh so long ago in the 90s) not much was known about Colitis and it took a while to determine that is what he had. There was not much they could do and nothing seemed to help. So they decided to take out his colon. Not only is colitis painful to the point of preventing people from living their lives but it can also lead to colon cancer. He has a scar spanning is torso (chest to just below his belly) and had a lovely bag collecting pee when he first came home.

So when a pamphlet came in the mail in Jan 09 I decided I had to do it for him- to show him I saw what he went through and to thank him for being a parent throughout that ordeal. I don't imagine it was easy for him having to balance weekends with his two children and a disease he couldn't seem to combat. Anyway, in July of last year I flew to California and ran the Wine Country 1/2marathon from Napa to Sonoma. I barely trained because I lack discipline and I was already nervous. After spending the night before the race meeting honored teammates and other runners I was wiped out...until I got off the bus at my hotel and saw my Daddy standing there. He flew from New Jersey to watch me run for him. It was a total shock to me and I admit even now telling the story makes me cry. He has been my biggest supporter and fundraiser- emailing everyone he knows and collecting money to donate in his name so his company will match. I absolutely would not be where I am in any aspect of my life (or this race) without him.

It is for him that I run my 1/2 marathons.

Research is crucial to finding a cure for Crohn's and Colitis. And funding is necessary to make that happen. Therefore, people like me make a huge effort to do what we can to get the word out and beg people like you to do what you can. Donations are always awesome and taken with a HUGE smile no matter the amount (this little girl at the gym handed me $.50 the other day for it!). But even just spreading the word helps a ton! So thank you to everyone who has donated or mentioned to their friends my journey :) More prizes and stories of strength and courage from my honored teammates are to come!

Monday Musings

• I really hate when my boss emails me to do something and I’m in the middle of something else. Especially when that something is the next thing I’m going to do because I do it at the same damn time every damn day.
• I hate begging for money. But I am fundraising for a race so I have to. There are only so many ways I can ask for your hard-earned cash. And this year, not even bribing people with the chance to win gift certificates is working. Damnit.
• I applied for my first North Carolina job last night. A marketing assistant for a packaging company. 99% sure they will not call me since I have a Georgia address but I have a gameplan. I found a website that lists companies in Raleigh. So I am going to get in contact with every one of them and send a resume and coverletter to them stating my intention to move to Raleigh in August.
• Oh so Berryfine you are moving? Well, it depends on where I find a job first.
• Raleigh would be a good fit since it has been named the number 1 singles city in America. Bing, bang, boom.
• My dreams of nabbing a baseball beau are slowly dying.
• My favorite SNL skit from the season finale. Just because who hasn’t sat through an awards ceremony and thought it was bullshit. In our current EVERYONE’S A WINNER mode, kids grow up thinking it doesn’t matter what the fuck they do and how hard they try cause everyone is awesome at the end of the day.
• 99% of the time I think Sarah Palin is a blubbering idiot who has skated past on her looks (I’m sure in Alaska she’s the prettiest thing they’ve ever seen in person). But I can’t help but laugh at Gibbs getting pissed that she pointed out Obama received the most money from BP PACs and individuals. If this is in fact true, she didn’t say all oil companies, she just said BP. And the two of them sparring is entertaining as hell since she takes to her Twitter account to make clear her remarks. Stay Classy, Sarah.
• I obviously have no idea what my readers want judging from your lack of response to my 100th post and free Dick Towel. If you don’t like the Dick Towel, you might be reading the wrong blog. I’m not judging you, I’m just pointing out a fact you should be aware of.
• I gave Barbie a 1pm deadline to let me know about dinner. Part of me says, I don’t want to go. I’m broke, I have no gas, I want to go home and I ate poorly this weekend and today ain’t going much better. The other part of me says I want my fucking surprise and I want to give her hers. Prior to her birthday which is next month.
• My checkbook says $29. My bank account says after car insurance, credit card bill and donation to CCFA I will have $193. I really want to believe my bank. But I don’t want to overdraw my account.
• Dear Kenny Powers, COME BACK NOW. I have watched the dvd so much, it skips. I need new episodes in my life STAT. That is all.
• On a related note, here’s looking at you Justin Timberlake. I’m over listening to NSYNC and your last album on repeat. Give me new shit that is YOURS and not you helping a performer out. Por Favor.
• I need to set up a thing that tells me how much traffic this site gets. Click throughs are important too. Anyone know how I can get the ball rolling on that shit?
• While the rest of you fuckers are out of town for Memorial Day Weekend, I will be diligently working on work, my blogs and my novels. Probably calling you fuckers was a bad choice of wording. Whoops.
• I love the idea of actually going 10 Round with Jose Cuervo. Who wants to see if we can make this happen?
• Barbie cancelled. I'm making a sad face.

A Plea for Help

A plea for help to my 22 public followers and what I like to imagine are hundreds who follow me privately (if you haven't noticed I live in a dream world 99% of the time). Anyway, I am here to BEG YOU.

I.

WANT.

YOUR.

MONEY.

For those of you in the know, I am running the Boston 13.1 for the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America. This is my second half marathon. The first was also with CCFA. Click the link to read the details of how/why I got involved. Actually, you can see here how I signed up for the first one as well! Unfortunately, I am having some trouble fundraising which is why I need your help. I need another $500 bucks before June 16th or I don't get to fly to Boston to run in honor of my inspiring teammates (of who I have just decided I will spend this week highlighting! Hurray!).

Anyway, I don't have a concrete plan. But I'm thinking a contest is in order. Soooo, I am going to throw together a goody basket of surprises and give you until June 2,2010 to enter to win it. As the week goes on and I formulate exactly what this is, I will reveal details. Whoop whoop!
How to win:

1. Obviously, the first step would be to DONATE. Come back and let me know you did so. I will confirm with my site and then you will get THREE (count 'em 3) entries. I don't care if you donate a dollar, I will take it!
2. Become a follower of my blog. Let me know-new or old.
3. Tweet, facebook, link to your blog and let me know.
4. Got someone you know who suffers from Crohn's or Colitis? Let me know and I'll add them to my list of honored teammates (if you want to tell me about them to post to the website shoot me an email at erin dot grantham at gmail dot com).

You have until midnight June 2,2010 to do these things for neato prizes. Or, it could be a dud. No, I wouldn't do that to you....

My Weekend in Food

If this isn't enough to gross me out and whip my butt back in gear, then there is simply no hope. And by get my butt back in gear, I mean after Barbie and I have dinner tonight (unless she cancels).

Whey Protein Shakes*Poptarts*Bagel with cream cheese* Twice Fried Shrimp Tempura Sushi Roll* Satay* Eggs* Biscuits* Boneless Buffalo Wings* French Fries* Diet Coke* Chips and Salsa* Sal's Special* Wine* Milk and Cookies Ice Cream* Cheez-Its*Boca Burger* 1/2 of a chick-fil-a biscuit

Okay, so it's really not as bad as I thought. It's just a LOT of junk food. But I know for a fact I have had worse weekends. Just couple all this shit with not working out because I was at my sister's swim meet and well...it's gross.

To uplift my spirits: Contests! Whoo!

• Her Name is Rio & She Runs is giving cash toward a RoadID. If you don't already have one and you hit the pavement, GET ONE. Also remember to do as I say, not as I do because I don't have one yet. Whooops.
• I need what Running Diva Mom is giving away- it's so hot and humid in Atlanta that running is a REAL challenge. Especially as the sun comes out or right before it goes down or any time in between! These chill towels are where it's at. I'm broke so I entered. Silly me for telling you about it because I'm ruining my chances but whatever!
• The Making of a Runner is giving away a fun prize pack of knee socks, luna moons and an iTunes gift card! I want this because I have no style when I run (which may in fact be a style), I've never tried Luna Moons and I need new tunes!
• While we're talking food (and my piss-poor choices), head over to Team Giles and enter the Food Should Taste Good contest! I'm not telling you what flavor I picked ;)

When I Feel Most Attractive

I have been thinking about this a lot lately because whenever I meet up with friends for a night out on the town, I've been getting compliments on how great I look (not that its hard to look great when you used to weigh 170 lbs but you get my point). I was thinking about when I feel most confident and attractive and surprisingly it's not after spending all morning primping and preening in front of the mirror.

It's in my gym clothes. Hair pulled back. Little to no makeup (usually just whatever is left on). With a light sheen of sweat. I feel damn good. I don't know if it's the endorphines or what but in my gym clothes after a workout- good or bad- I feel like hot shit.

So, I thought to myself, why am I going all out. I gave it a test run this past weekend. After my Skirtchaser 5K, I headed over to Shannon's to get ready and opted to wear a black tank top and a jean skirt. Left the hair down with just a touch of makeup and added a pair of Jessica Simpson wedges to dress it up a little. I feel SO GOOD. My legs felt and looked strong under the denim and my arms are starting to get some definition.

I woke up Sunday and ran some errands. I threw my hair in a bun and went out in a t shirt and jeans. Not only did I feel great (man, how the hell did 170 lbs fit in these jeans?!?!?!) but I was more approachable to people as well. I got smiles and hellos everywhere I went.

So, in summation, my Nike Tempo shorts are the go to look for me! If only I could wear them to the EVERYWHERE. And to further hammer my point home, the most hit on I have ever been was walking the Vegas strip in my gym shorts and a tank top. The entire weekend of dressing up, slapping on gobs of makeup and spending an hour curling the hair into submission was a waste because the one day I didn't give a shit, I got four numbers!

What about you? When do you feel most attractive?

GIVEAWAYS!!!!! I Love 'Em!
Running Diva Mom is giving away lip balm. Check out her site for details on how to enter and be sure to hurry- contest ends May 23rd!

Colorado Runner is doing a giveaway for Silver Maple Jewelry. I really would love to win a piece of jewelry that reflects me as a runner, how bout you?

Girl Get Strong is giving away a Shabby Apple Running skirt. With my newfound love of running skirts I obviously entered!

Without a Shirt...

Knew the title would grab you! I realize I haven't shared with you how I am looking these days. Unfortunately, I don't have a hubby or roommate to take a full length picture of me but here's a picture of me last night in my brand new, no cotton sports bra and my Nike tempo shorts (both of which I will review shortly). I am currently weighing in at 154.8 which is two lbs heavier than my low but I have added protein shakes and bread into the diet as well as weight training so I have a feeling I will gain some weight before losing it!

I am feeling better than I ever have-even when I was at my skinniest in high school I thought I was fat compared to other girls. Do I still dislike parts of myself? Sure. But I'm stronger and healthier than I have ever been. I'm more aware of my body and what I put in it and what I do for it. I am so greatful I have the opportunity to improve upon myself!

Twitter Tuesday

I have abandoned my search for all things boom-related and am instead focusing on people who like to drink as much if not more than I do. Probably they like it less but they actually tweet A LOT about it. Her bio is concise and doesn't answer any questions; rather, it leaves you wondering about her fabulous life (alledgedly- it is the internet. It could all be fake). Dirty. Rich. and Beautiful, Jenn's Drunk resides in someone's pants and lest you think she is famous she is NOT Amanda Bynes. Trust me when I say if you have seen Amanda's tweets, then you know this girl cannot possibly be even remotely related.

• My name sounds best said around 2am in your bed, so that's when ill tell it to you.
• What was twitter called before it existed? Oh that's right, stalking.
• Nothing gives me more anxiety than having to make unimportant decisions for other people.
• If I've said "that's awesome" more than three times in response to what you're saying I'm absolutely not listening.
• Asking the question "You're rich aren't you?" is such a poor person thing to do.
• Don't hate the player, hate the idiot that doesn't know how to play the game.
• if i had a radio show i would randomly yell HEY to make sure people dont fall asleep when theyre driving #humanitarian
• Well, why don't you tell me what you need first and then I'll let you know if I'm busy or not...
• technology makes it impossible to forget someone.
• I'm going to assume Orthodox Jewish couples can't titty fuck considering you're not supposed to mix meat and milk...
• I wish the mind came with a "delete" option.
• The worst thing a guy can do is come early and the worst thing a girl can do is be late. #realtalk
• If you're gonna make garbage music at least make original garbage. I'm lookin in ur general direction Katy Perry.
• Dear drunk girls eating pasta, keep talking about how u dont eat carbs while you shovel that angelhair in ur mouths. Stay gross. Love, robs

THANK YOU VANITY FAIR!

This arrived in my mailbox on Saturday.  I believe "HOLY SHIT!" were the words that came out of my mouth.  GO BUY THIS ISSUE!  I'm sure there are words that accompany these pictures but I don't know how to read them.  I always get distracted.  Can ya blame me??

Below is my favorite picture...well besides the cover.

Click here to head to Vanity Fair's website. They have video of the photo shoot.

Thank you Vanity Fair!  I will NEVER throw this issue away.

Next Race- Runnin' With the DAWGS!

A view of downtown Athens, GA. Home of the Dawgs!

Well, courtesy of my friend Leigh, I have found my next race! I love when I find out about races that are a little different than the ones I've run before. And this one is especially cool since it brings Leigh and I back to the great University of Georgia.

Running with the Dawgs 5K takes place in the streets of downtown Athens on May 31,2010 at 8 am. I have to tell you I am so stoked about this race. Yes, it's a holiday weekend. Yes, I would like to be in bed. But seriously, I love Athens and would love to live there so I'm happy with anything that brings me back there for a good time! And the race was pretty cheap in comparison to others I've done (ahem, Skirtchaser 5K). Methinks I will be getting a cotton shirt but whatever I am excited. Plus, this will be the first (and hopefully not the last) time Leigh and I run a race together!



Proceeds from the race are going to several charities supported by the Athens-Oconee Junior Women's Club. I LOVE how racing is so closely linked with charities. It just really adds something to the runners high!



So, tell me, what is your next race?

Me v. My Boss- Breakfast Edition

Meal: Yogurt with All Bran Cereal Bk Breakfast Bowl

and an apple

Calories: 335 540

Fat: 3g 42g

Sodium: 312mg 1020mg

Carbohydrates: 73g 17g

Protein: 10g 24g

Dude, her breakfast smells absolutely delicious. I might hate her in this moment in time. The fat and sodium are a wee bit high (okay a lot bit high) but her protein is on target for what I need and her carbs are less than mine. Obviously, I need to plan better. Maybe make a breakfast sandwich at home and reheat it here? Do eggs reheat well. Shit. And this is breakfast # 2 for me as I had a protein shake and banana before meeting my trainer. So lesson learned, I need to look for things with a better carb to protein ratio. Also, I fell short of my protein intake by 5 grams :(

Whatever, I FEEL like my breakfast is healthier and it is a STEP in the right direction.

Monday Musings

• I really don’t understand the lack of common sense in others sometimes. I work in a company where everyone telecommutes but me. This leaves me responsible for disseminating information to said employees. Generally this occurs through use of a scanner. I scan assignments, records and anything else our clients deem necessary for our employees to have in order to effectively do their jobs. Our clients know we work from home and they know this is the procedure. Yet every damn one of them sends over paperwork through the courier with STAPLES in it. PEOPLE! Come on, it takes me double the time it should to get people their shit when you staple it because (and I bet you didn’t know this) STAPLES CAN’T GO THROUGH THE SCANNER! I know, I was floored when I made that discovery as well. However, since I have explained this to you multiple times in ways like email, phone call and face-to-face interaction I think you should get over your utter disbelief over this phenomenon and just use paperclips already.
• I have got to get the shit to break into my own car and carry it on my persons at all times. In other news, I now have a new friend- Oren who is my new favorite locksmith. He is here from Israel and during his time here he hopes to live in EVERY state before heading back to his country. I thought that was pretty cool. Plus, after hearing my story about Run Local Locksmith (don’t use them) he charged me the minimum. Still pretty expensive but cheaper than the ultimate outcome of my fight with the other company.
• I am not digging my yogurt this morning.
• Added a new section. Why I think you care what I like and dislike I don’t know, but here it is!
• This weekend I went to a graduation party. That shit ain’t what it used to be. WOW. I wish I could redo my graduation party. Homegirl had it catered (Mexican. I may or may not have simply decided it was easiest to sit at the outdoor bar and gorge myself on chips and cheese dip). Parents have a wine cellar in their basement- chock filled with booze. Indoor and outdoor bars complete with minifridges STOCKED with liquors and beer. Pool. Flip cup. Beer pong. Ping pong. Hot tub. Shuffle board. That arcade basketball game. Tennis courts. Volleyball on one side of the yard. Cornhole on the other. Did I mention this was a high school graduation?!?!?!
• Hallmark Fresh Ink. The cards are the jam. Dear Kroger, please add them back to your lineup. Thanks a bunch.
• Finally mailed off @centripetal’s book. I’m going to get better at this giveaway shit, I swear. But only if you people promise to enter. For instance, no one wants a dick towel? I call bullshit on that. In the words of Gwen Stefani, “Take a chance you stupid ho!”
• Gave up on my yogurt. Switching to a Granny Smith apple. Tangy.
• Nancy Pelosi SUPPOSEDLY said that creative people should quit their jobs and focus on being creative. Because that was the point of the Healthcare bill. Jigga what crazy lady? I am NOT paying someone’s health insurance who is physically able to work but unwilling because they are chasing their dream of becoming a c-list actress, a tone deaf singer or an out of work writer. Trust me, I know it’s hard to find a job that complements your creative skills and leaves you with any time to hone those skills (hello?!?!?!) but I got a fucking job and so can you. Or, you can not have health insurance. Your call. Welcome to the real world.
• Mani/Pedi is a must today. I will DIM. As in Do it myself. Get it? Stupid.
• Forgot to pack my protein for my first lunch today. Freaking awesome. I hate trying to be healthy.
• Why am I so messy? I want to be a clean freak, I really do. I try pretty hard but it is so draining. It takes way to much effort and I have way too much shit. And when I clean out the apt more shit just steps up to take the old shits place. It really is ridiculous that at 26 my room resembles exactly what it looked like at 16.
• Reason number 99 I love Progressive: Reimbursement for my lockout yesterday. Fuck yeah. I adore them!
• I really don’t understand this BP oil thing. Someone sum it up for me. On Fox and Friends this morning they said there was a blowout argument about the rig the same day it busted and started spewing shit into our oceans. Apparently, BP won that argument so I’m thinking if the argument was in any way related to the spill then this is BP’s fault. On the otherhand, if the other guy thought he was right, why didn’t he exercise his right to go above the guy from BP? Either way, we got plenty of oil…just in the fucking ocean and of no use to us at all currently.
• Left my iPod in the car. Too lazy to get it. No music today. Eerily quiet in here
• Must eat PROTEIN. Gets me every time.
• At this point, I'm not even writing anything of merit. Time to log off.

The Hair Below

Okay ladies, our first ANONYMOUS emailed story that I absolutely had to share. Especially, since lately I've been considering a Brazilian myself. Though on further consideration, I don't make much money and have plenty of bills AND what's the point if you have no prospects. Anyway, without further ado- A Brazilian Story for you!

I’m pretty good about my general hygiene down there. I tend to keep it trimmed and shaved to an appropriate level. It’s not that I have anything particularly against the completely shaved look; it’s just too much for me to keep up with on a regular basis. Every now and then, though, my boyfriend will ask me if all the hair can go. It’s usually around a big party, anniversary or birthday so I try to oblige. I’ve tried shaving and I’ve tried Nair and I can’t seem to get the job completely done.

I’m at the tanning bed the other day and they have some pamphlets for businesses around them. I see one that’s advertising a Brazilian wax for $35 and I started thinking. I mean, how bad can it be? There are women that do it all the time and the waxer must have some type of certification or training. So, after consulting my good friend Google about what to expect, in I went.

The first clue should have been when I told her it was my first time and she kind of chuckled. She walks me to my room and tells me to take off “all the bottoms” and she’ll be right back. My first thought is, “All the bottoms? And just lay there? Like, no drape or anything? …. Okay….” I don’t know what I was expecting, maybe dinner first? Anyways, there I am in all my glory and she comes back in. I see her pour steaming hot wax into a Dixie cup and the doubts start, “What was I thinking?” So I ask her if it hurts.

“You first time… Ah… Ha… Yes. It get better each time. I try to do smaller sections at a time for you.”

Fantastic.

This wax was hot. And she starts spreading it all over me. After the first rip and her sympathetic/amused glance to see how I reacted I was thinking, “How bad does it look? Can I leave and finish it on my own?” After deciding I would power through it, the torture only got worse. I don’t know what else I was expecting, but the woman literally went down into the vag area with the wax. I don’t think there is a scarier feeling than realizing your inner most sacred hoohoo area is about to be RIPPED TO PIECES and you don’t know when she’s going to do it. Let me just say – OUCH! I figure the worst HAS to be done. Then I feel it. She’s putting steaming hot wax on my clit. For all that is good and sacred, who in the world first thought that this would be a good idea?? If I had known I would have asked for the “Brazilian without the clit service” or something. She was putting wax parts and then going back a little bit later to pull it off, so I laid there in complete terror until I felt it. There are no words.

After the torture, she put some kind of lotion on that immediately took away the burning. And I have to say, I think she did everything she could to minimize the pain. So at this point I’m figuring I’m finished.

Woman: “Okay, turn over. You want the back, too, right?”
Me: (Oh great, it’s an escape!) “Oh, umm… No, you know, I think I’m good.”
Woman: “It doesn’t hurt, you’ll be okay.” And she basically stands over me until I turn over. Between the hot wax and the sheer terror, I have sweat profusely at this point and the paper is sticking to me. I fumble for a second and then decide, “What the fuck. The worst has got to be over, just go ahead and take it on home. Grow a pair.” So, over I flip as gracefully as possible with paper stuck to my ass. I had no idea what she was going to do.

THE BITCH PUT WAX ON MY BUTT HOLE. You can’t make this stuff up. I’m lying there, literally holding my ass cheeks apart for her. There’s music playing and that obnoxious Firefly song is on. The lyric is: “Leave my door open just a CRACK.” It honestly was all I could do not to collapse in laughter. I mean, what else are you gonna do? I’ve had wax in my most privates of privates; I guess you might as well laugh about it.

All I have to say is the boyfriend better appreciate it. It’s something I am glad I did because now I at least know what it really is. It was definitely an experience… But please, wax lady: leave my clit and inner region alone next time. Just the visible area will be fine. And, no, I will not turn over.

So, how bout it ladies? Any other horror stories or tips and advice for novices like myself? What are your thoughts on the completely bare vs the forest below?

Skirtchaser 5K Recap!

Yesterday, I ran the inaugural Skirtchaser Atlanta 5K. I wanted to do a race recap but since I've never really done one and my thoughts are all kind of jumbled, I thought I would just post things as they came to me as well as some pictures!

• The race was at 5:30 pm. It makes sense in some respect given they do a block party afterwards and its geared toward singles who want to mingle. But in Atlanta in May it is a HORRENDOUS choice. It was hot and humid and miserable. I would NEVER recommend an afternoon race in Atlanta in the late spring/summer months. Maybe a late race or an early race but not anytime between 10 am and 7 pm.


• The water stations. Oh, wait, there was only one. At the 1.5 mile mark. I know you should be prepared and bring your own but at the same time, as a race series I feel like you should be able to supply water more frequently. Especially in an area like Atlanta where the weather was so disgusting. I had cotton mouth even after spending a day hydrating for the race.


• The course had far more hills than I thought but was BEAUTIFUL. I don't think they could have picked a better place in Atlanta. Candler Park is such a cute little area- I would kill to live there! The hills were rolling but were ass kickers.


• Don't start at the front. I didn't want to but kind of ended up there. I came out of the first mile WAYYYYY too fast and ended up having to take a walk break. I was not alone in this. Most of the guys who passed me ended up getting passed by me later in the race when they had to stop for air.


• I wish I had friends who signed up for the race with me. I was one of the few who came by themselves. Unfortunately, the block party isn't as fun if you don't know anyone.


• Not to toot my own horn but I get hit on only by guys I am not attracted to. So, while I thought the idea of all the single people wearing skirt chaser stickers on their bums, I did not participate. The other thing is, I was sweating like...well I was covered in sweat so I wasn't feeling up to flirting with anyone.


• I ran for the first time in a running skirt. I always kind of secretly laughed at people who wore these but LADIES, I HAVE BEEN CONVERTED. I wish I could give one of these bad boys away to you peeps, that's how much I liked it. Unfortunately, they are kind of pricey for my $13.50/hr paycheck :( I can't even buy one for myself- thank god they gave me one before the race to run in (get it? Skirtchaser?) Check out the site if you are interested in buying one! The built in shorts didn't ride up so NO CHAFING which is a serious issue for thighs like mine. Plus the skirt looked cute. Though I did get asked if I was hitting the tennis courts when I stopped at the gas station! Plus the one they gave me had a built in pocket to stash my id and stuff which was clutch since they had to id me for my post-run beers!


• I PRed! I ran a 29.21 according to their clock. However, when I checked the results page I didn't see my name or bib number anywhere so my timing chip must have been busted :( I'm pretty bummed about that since my favorite thing is finding my name in the list. Plus I have no idea where I finished in the grand scheme of things!


• I will definitely sign up for this race again but I want to have a group of friends do it with me so it's not so intimidating. There were a lot of singles, families and couples out there so not a lot of people approached me or appreciated my approaches!

Here are some of the quick pics I snapped on my Blackberry. Unfortunately, the pro pics won't go up until Wednesday so if those are any good I will post those as well!

I got there early enough to see some of the race organizers setting up the block party! Love their Skirt Sports skirts!

Proceeds from the race went to Atlanta's Rally Foundation to cure Childhood Cancers. This girl has been in remission for 10 years and officially kicked our race off after telling us her story. Which had me almost in tears!

With my first beer, post race! Celebrating my fastest, sweatiest and hardest 5K!

Weekly Wrap Up, Edition 1.

SO. Erin does her Monday Musings with random thoughts blah blah blah you know. I love the idea, I stepped in and did it for her when she was in Vegas. I feel like I should do it more often but I need 1 rant page per day. ...So I am making the weekly wrap up. This week's wrap up ain't so great because I kept forgetting about it and wouldn't have the blog up all the time at work. I will aim to be better next week.

• Do you know what is worse than having to walk your dog when you're not in the mood? Having to walk him in the rain. The cold rain at that.
• I started this once already. It didn't save. I was really annoyed.
  
• Today was my 1st Monday at my new desk, it kinda sucked. My ADD was real bad.
  
• We have this girl in our office who is moving offices and she had to job shadow in 3 locations last week. Today she was telling me how she found someone for a job in branch A and also people for jobs in branches B and C. That's all well and good, but you had a hard ass time finding people for our branch and our branch's jobs.
  
• This past weekend I picked up the EOS chapstick at Walgreens. It comes in a ball. It is the chapstick for lazy people and I love it. With 2 quick swipes across your lips they're smooth. Rock.On.
  
• I feel like WGCL did not predict this rain today, I feel like they pretty much failed..
  
• I listen to the Bert Show in the morning and I really need to stop. Jenn Hobby annoys the hell out of me and if I ever saw Wendy out, I think I would deck her. ...not that I actually hit people. Never have in my life.
• Word of the month: Bizarre. I am over using it.
  
• I talk a big game but don't back it up. Just remember that.
  
• I really do not understand why people fight for close to the door parking spots at the gym. aren't you headed there to work out? would it kill you to add a 5 minute walk to the start and finish of your work out?
• I do not know why, but every time I take my car to get the emissions done, I freak out. I do not even drive a clunker so I have no real genuine reason to panic. I just do.
  
• I have to drive 20 miles in one direction to order (not pick up, order) a bridesmaid dress. Ever heard of supporting your local businesses?!
  
• I get sucked into Operation Repo. Trashy people at it's finest. Love.It.
  
• It absolutely kills me when people say Reesies Piecies -It's Reese's Pieces. It already rhymes, It already rhymes.
• If you do not know how to do someone else's job, just do not do it. You're only going to make that other person's job (ahem, mine) 10 times harder than it needs to be.
  
• Holy Humidity Atlanta.
• Jill Zarin from the Real Housewives of NYC finds me entertaining enough to follow in Twitter. That is like the highlight of my week, now I want her to invite me to lunch. I can talk shit about Ramona & Bethenny with the best of them. CALL ME JILL!
• Speaking of Twitter - this week I was called "feisty" and "sassy" by 3 of my followers and I loved it.
• And continuing the Twitter topic: do you remember AOL instant messenger and how when you would "go away" you would put up an away message. Twitter SO reminds me of AIM Away Messages. Hit the Cell. LOL.
  
• Evidently, last weekend there was a shooting in the courtyard of my apartment complex (the battery at chamblee station -- do not live here). If that isn't a sign that we should move the hell out, I do not know what is.
• Every morning I watch Good Morning America. Recently, it has gotten better. But why do they feel the need to give everyone their 15 minutes of fame.
• Speaking of news, let me wrap up how 5pm newscasts go in the A - shooting, stabbing, home invasion, apartment fire, shooting, shooting, kidnapping, building fire, stabbing, robbery. YIKES Atlanta YIKES.
• Another great word of the month: Yikes.
• The other day I told this bia bia to keep my name out of her mouth. Rather impolite, but this is me not caring. Feisty. :)
  
• I have to take by boyfriend to see Iron Man 2 tonight, I would much rather jump off a cliff into a pool of hungry alligators. Fandago, can you make that happen?
• Do you know who the sketchiest people in the world are? Unemployed people. Odd, I know. But these unemployed people "really want to work", yet they cancel interviews for PERM jobs at the last minute. I think they love Oprah and collecting unemployment.
• I just tried to purchase Fandango ticket to Iron Man & something went wrong. They charged my card but did not give me tickets to print. I am now on hold trying to get a Fandango rep. FML and F Iron Man 2!
• I ran a 5k this morning and cannot wait to say how poorly organized it was on my blog.
  
• Really. My blackberry dropped the call when I was on hold with Fandango. <>
  
• Sometimes I wish I was a badass. Too bad my lacoste polos and sperry boat shoes do not make me intimidating.
• I need to schedule dinner with Erin, I have a little gifty gift for her. (Gifty Gift. What? Another reason I am not a badass).
• Lenox Grill at Lenox Mall = Mecca of hot boys. Go there during lunch, you won't want to go back to the office.
  

I am out of here. I got too much stuff to do. But, this will be better for edition 2, I promise!

All the Single Ladies...

So last night I logged into facebook to discover all these people had written “CONGRATS” all over my friend Mallory’s wall. Anytime I see that word on the wall of someone who isn’t married yet I just KNOW that means they got engaged. Which of course means I skip right over to their page to stalk. I want pictures, details and to see who is genuinely happy for the couple and who is not.

In Mallory’s case, I am genuinely happy for her. Her neighbors used to babysit me when I was a kid. They had three kids who I used to babysit when I was in middle and high school. Which in turn led to me babysitting Mallory and her three younger sisters. We both attended UGA for college and crossed paths and I remember thinking how strange it was to see this girl I used to babysit funneling beers and downing shots. She went on to medical school and became a nurse and now is engaged. Some people are better at this shit than I am.

Since my mom is good friends with Mallory’s, I text her to tell her the news. A simple “Mallory got engaged about an hour ago.” By the time I went to bed I still hadn’t heard from her. Figuring she was made at me for some unknown slight, I crashed and didn’t worry about it. Then this morning I woke up to the following texts from my mother:

“That is cool. Good for love you much.” (ummm sidenote- are you drunk Mom?)
“Cool. I guess if you let yourself out there and you too can get engaged. I love you.”

Is it annoying to see people younger than me getting engaged? Kind of. But do I want to be engaged right now? Hell to the fucking no. I’m only 26 years old for God’s sake. Yes, I know I should be on the path to happiness and figuring my shit out but I’m not. I’m a late bloomer in all things love and happiness related. Why is my mother feeling a need to point this out to me (extra side note for those of you who don’t read Life in Shambles- my ex got engaged last week which she knows about)? Suddenly it seems to matter that I’m not married/engaged/at least in a long term relationship/ going on dates on a regular basis. It’s like her biological clock is ticking for me!

Plus, I know so many people who tied the knot young only to get divorced a year or two or five down the road. I want FOREVER and I’m damn sure gonna get it whether it’s with a man or myself. I don’t want to have it all figured out now because where is the fun in that?

So, tell me, are you feeling left out of the Bridal Brigade? Does it annoy you to see people tying the knot or could you care less?

** Big Thanks to Beyonce for that stupid Single Ladies Anthem. If I have to catch a bridal bouquet to that song one more time...

***Yes, I shamelessly plugged one of my other blogs above. I'm a whore like that.