Monday Musings

• It's been a while. For that I apologize.
• Larry Munson, voice of the DAWGS, passed away from complications with Pneumonia. It's a sad day in the bulldog nation. I'm going to spend the day listening to his playcalling. You can read his favorite calls here.
• Software testing is the PITS. Nothing works and it is a lot of fucking work that takes away from doing your actual job. I can't recruit if I'm over here trying to figure out what the fuck is going on with our applicant tracking system in time for the rollout.
• The other day in the middle of the day a guy showed up and knocked on my door. I answered it. He said he had the wrong address and walked away. I just got an email from my landlord that the guy was there to move my shit out because he had been given the wrong address and thought the condo was under foreclosure. She had to assure me that her payments on the condo are up to date and I am not going anywhere. Imagine if I hadn't been home. I'd have come home to nothing in my condo and thought I'd been robbed. That is a scary thought.
• I have so much to do before the holiday. Like unpacking from the weekend and repacking for 5 days. And cleaning my apartment in case someone comes to move me out so they think I am not a slob.
• What the fuck is with people updating their fb statuses to tell me what they are thankful for? Look I don't give a shit. 90% of it is stupid shit. 5% doesn't make sense to anyone but you and your besties. 5% of it is valid. Therefore, I now think you are a vain and shallow person with no clue about the world around you. If that is what you are going for then CONGRATS! GREAT SUCCESS!
• This weekend I took my mom to the UGA football game. We played Kentucky and clinched the SEC East. Awesome right?  Except in the span of 5 minutes, I broke my new iPhone and she lost her new iPhone. Like mother, like daughter, eh? No one should be surprised by me but everyone will be shocked by my mom. That is the last time I take her to a college football game.
• I really wonder what some people do all damn day that they can send me 800+ emails when I have already said I will get the information to them when I get a chance. CHILL THE FUCK OUT MY DAMN OUT OF OFFICE IS ON.
• The only way for me to lose weight is to constantly eat the same damn thing. Every day. I am so bored. Then I flip out from boredom, go to Arbys and order the entire menu and weigh 10 lbs more than I did when I started. WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!
• Apparently the entire damn company is on vacation this week. Makes my job a little more difficult.
• Dear everyone, I think I am done with weddings after next year. DONE.
• Why the fuck am I watching Knight and Day? I cannot stand Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz is alternately the most annoying fucking actress ever and a slightly tolerable one.
• Why do people try to schedule conference calls for the very next day? I don't know about them but I have a damn job and I'm doing it. Why are people so surprised when I'm unable to speak due to my schedule?

Florida Pro Combat Unis

This has probably been passed around a million times but I just came across it and it made me laugh.

Gators wear jhorts!

27 Things About Me You May Not Already Know

In honor of turning the ripe old age of 27, Monday Musings will be about me. And 27 things you may or may not know about me after reading this blog. This is going to be tough, I just know it.

1. Whenever it is my birthday and people wish me happy birthday on facebook, I always make sure to thank them individually. So I end up feeling like my fingers will fall off because so many people want to wish you happy birthday on facebook. The worst is thanking someone you don't even really talk to. All you end up typing is Thanks but I like to think you took the time to say Happy Birthday so I ought to take the time to thank you for doing so.
2. I have lived in two states- New Jersey and Georgia. I consider myself the best of both worlds but honestly, I fit in more up north. You southern people just cannot handle my sarcasm or intolerance for stupidity.
3. I have been in 9 weddings. Only one of those have I been the Maid of Honor. And I still have at least one more that I will be in: Barbie in 2012. I am rallying for Groomsman since she got me a babysitter (aka Matron of Honor) but she's too "traditional" for that shit.
4. My apartment looks like Tailgater's Alley threw up UGA gear in it. My mom and I have a competition to see who can collect the most UGA shit but I'm clearly the winner and always will be. The front room will be my UGA room once I get a few more frames and get shit organized. What do I have? Here goes: the Florida-Georgia Rivalry Football Vault, the Georgia Football Vault, handpainted wine glass, handpainted pilsner glass, handpainted shot glass, handpainted martini glass, a rubiks cube, UGA hot sauce, UGA pasta salad, two UGA chips and dip trays, dozens of UGA ornaments, a UGA fan, Saturday Shrines (Sanford stadium is on the cover), UGA trivia book, the 1920 Varisty football team photo, UGA football wine glass accessories, 20 UGA shirts made into a UGA blanket, two UGA snuggies, a UGA football helmet painting (I painted it), two pairs of UGA sweat pants, UGA gloves, two UGA sweatshirts, 6 UGA t shirts I actually wear, a Knowshon Moreno jersey, two UGA pile ons, a UGA frog, an Athens dishtowel and a mini Hairy dog. That's just off the top of my head. I know there is more but the list is getting long.
5. I am an expert stalker. Via the internet. I figured out where Tony Gonzalez lives based on a photo he posted on twitter. I discovered the basic information of my gym crush using the internet (he does not have a facebook and has a very common name) and can now tell you the name of his wife and child, where he works, what he does and where he lives. Also, what kind of cars he drives. I am very observant. Combine that with the internet and you're fucked.
6. My favorite movie is Rudy. I wanted to be Rudy as a kid. I have a Notre Dame sweatshirt and up until I left for college they were my favorite team. I even went to the Notre Dame- USC game the year after I graduated college. It was at USC so my next goal is to go to a game at Notre Dame.
7. I have not had more than the 7 basic channels on my tv since my sophomore year of college. I have an extensive movie collection and pay to have Netflix. Hulu is my best friend when it comes to watching the shows I like.
8. My freezer currently contains patron, soco, jack daniels, vodka frozen peppers and onions and hash browns. Yes, I need someone to come cook for me. And yes, I may be an alcoholic.
9. I have two degrees. One in Literature and the other in Journalism. I am not using either degree for anything. And it shows in my blog postings. I settled on those degrees after realizing that I would not have to take any math courses in college to get these degrees due to the fact that I took college statistics in high school. Therefore, if you ask me to add, subtract, multiple or divide anything off the top of my head I will not be able to do it.
10. I subscribe to Interview magazine, Maxim, Fitness, Self, People, Shape, Entreprenuer and ESPN the magazine. I might even get more than that. And I love Playboy magazine for the articles. And that's not a lie.
11. The only glasses I have in my apartment are glasses I have stolen or won from bars. I have glasses for Laughing Skull Pilsner, Sweetwater Brewery, Flying Dog, MGD 64, Brooklyn Brewery and Shiner Bock to name a few. I also have a few other drinking related glasses from sorority events and how to make this drink glasses. 
12. I am slightly obsessed with taking pictures. My mac is not working at optimal speeds because it is run down with pictures. I'm having to delete any I've already printed (I have a scanner so I can scan them back in if I need to).
13. I am extremely lazy. I might get hungry and want to pick something up but if it requires more than one stop light or crossing over a high way or making a left turn to get in or out, I will probably not be picking it up. And I don't do delivery because it is more expensive since you have to tip the driver. Cheap and lazy.
14. I have WAYYYY too many friends. So many that sometimes I don't see them for months at a time because I am too busy. Someone is always getting married or having a birthday and I feel like I have to be at every one of these events.
15. Speaking of birthdays (and Christmas), I hate these things. Because I get super stressed about the gifts. I hate the idea of you buying me something cooler/more expensive/ more thoughtful than I did. On the flip side, I hate it more if I bought you gifts from the Loft and you bought me a iTunes giftcard and wine glasses. I would have gone cheaper had I known we were gonna be like that.
16. When I'm hung over I want two things: diet coke and chinese. Also sometimes chocolate milk and hashbrowns covered with a ham and cheese omelet.
17. I cannot cook. Okay, I can somewhat. I can make pasta, cook chicken in a skillet, make slice and bake cookies, make chicken teriyaki, omelets, and, as of this morning, french toast.
18. My mom took a scant 15 minutes to deliver me. I was two weeks late and almost born in the elevator. I was clearly impatient and ready to get wherever the fuck I was going. These traits have stuck with me- I am perpetually late and I'm always in a rush and impatient to get where I'm going. Sorry to Atlanta drivers who have encountered my wrath on the road. But seriously, stay to the right if you're slow.
19. I can't dance. I have no rhythm. But my favorite thing to do is have naked dance parties at my apartment. Of course, the mirrors are in the bathroom so I can't see it and the lights are off so the neighbors can't see my uncoordinated shadow.
20. Despite growing up at the beach, I cannot surf. I can lie out with the best of them though. And I can snowboard. My home town was great because I lived 5 blocks from the beach, an hour train ride into the city and a 3 hour drive to the nearest slopes for snowboarding. Now I live 6 hours from the beach, 6 hours from snowboarding and in a city that's a pain in the ass to get around. Damnit.
21. I hate hate hate cleaning. But I am the messiest person ever. Which means that even though I am social, I rarely have people over. I'd hate for them to see this shit.
22. My mom brags to people about me. Some of the funniest shit is when we go out together and a guy will approach us about having a drink with him and they'll try to show off how much they drink. My mom warns them (with a note of pride in her voice) that I can and will match them drink for drink and drink them under the table. They never listen. They regret it later when they are puking in a toilet while I take shots with the bartender.
23. I have not thrown up from drinking since I was 22. I also haven't had a serious hang over since I was 24. I drink more now in one weekend than I drank then in an entire week. I will die of liver/kidney failure. Or stumble into oncoming traffic one day.
24. My favorite food is wings. I can put down 20 wings without blinking. The hotter the better. The best wings are from Amici's in Athens- honey XXX. The heat hits you after the fact and it is a scorcher. 
25. I would love a job that let me work from anywhere. I would travel a lot if that were the case. I want to see new cities and hang out with my friends from other states more often than I do currently.
26. I love concerts. I went to my first concert (Music Midtown) as an 11 year old with my mom. Coincidentally, I also got high for the first time that same day. Second hand of course, my mom is not an idiot. I try to go to at least  3 a year. The best one was with my friend Dave- we went and saw Bruce Springsteen. It was like a religious experience. The crowd was electric. I couldn't even name all the concerts I have been to since I was 11. I usually buy my brother and sister tickets to a show for Christmas and/or their birthdays each year. I've also taken my mom to a concert for her birthday in the past as well.
27. My mom is awesome but she's probably wanted to murder me numerous times. For instance the time I went into school and drew a picture of my weekend. Which included going to dinner with my parents and brother. My parents split a pitcher of margaritas. I drew them drinking pitchers and pitchers of beer and told my teacher we were there for HOURS. Imagine stick figures sitting at a table with pitchers floating in the air above them. Cause that is what I drew. I ended up having to go to lunch time therapy sessions where I drew my feelings. Defax came to our house and did an investigation followed by two years of spot checks before anyone even realized I was 8 and had exaggerated the whole thing. I was a story teller even then. 

Christmas Came Early

A big Merry Fake Christmas from me to you!

My family and I celebrated "fake" Christmas yesterday (though with real presents and a real tree) because my mom, step-dad and little sister are heading north to New Jersey for the holiday. My brother and I will be left behind to attempt to make our own holiday tradition. Lest you feel sorry for me, my family is heading north to have a last Christmas with my grandmother (a repeat of last Christmas as everyone was convinced this was it). It's going to be tense and awkward and fraught with gossiping family that does nothing but fight in an effort to pretend they aren't devastated about my grandmother. So, really, when you put it in that perspective, my brother and I are the winners here. And just so you don't thin

k I really am a hugely crass asshole (which I am but not for this reason), I have already flown up there three times this year to spend time with my grandmother.

Now that you all are very saddened by the turn of events....let me reveal my Christmas present. Not my favorite one. My....third favorite one:

I got a Garmin! Whooo!

You are probably wondering why this is not my favorite gift? Well my mom had a blanket made out of a bunch of UGA shirts (some were mine from college and others belonged to various members of my family who will now have to buy new shirts for next football season). My second favorite was a UGA watch my brother bought me. I know, I might have a problem.

Things I Would Do if I Had a WEE Bit More Dough

So, I've discussed what I wanted for Christmas 2009 (none of which happened PS), what I would do if I won the lottery (which still hasn't happened...obviously), My Bucket List (none of which I have completed... actually I have no idea), Things that I'm Tired of Hearing About (of which I can add to. Por ejemplo, was it necessary for Kanye and Taylor Swift to sing about that stupid VMA incident a fucking year later? Methinks NO), and shows I would be absolutely AWESOME on (which has not led to me being on said shows. YET). Today, I want to list all the things I would do or buy if I had just a bit more money. Or just a bit less bills. Either way.

1. A dresser. Dude. Seriously. My fucking clothes are stacked up in a fucking pile against the wall. Granted I've divided them out into types (short sleeves shirts, tank tops, jeans, shorts, etc, etc.) but the room looks like a fucking 12 year old boys. Some days I pick things up and sniff them to ensure I'm able to even wear them in public. Yes, I should have been born a guy. I'm also fairly certain you will find me sleeping like so one of these days. Possibly on the side of the street but what the fuck ever.


2. Pole Dancing classes. Yes, I want to be a stripper. One day I want a boy to sing I'm in love with a stripper to me. Oh wait, someone has already done that. Whoops. Anyway, the girl who taught my class in Vegas had a BANGING body. Clearly I want to be her. But less trashy.


3. Attend GA/FL. Stay in a nice house for 4 days. Get hammered. Hang on the beach. Pay Florida to lose (I am only half kidding on that one). Basically enjoy myself without worrying about every last dollar I spend and how many hours of overtime it equals.
   
   
4. Cable TV. Its really shitty watching everything on Hulu (no offense since I'm grateful its around). In fact, I need DVR, HBO and Showtime. And if you don't know why, you don't stop by nearly enough so click here. While I'm at it, a new TV is probably necessary.


5. I would fly home to Jersey, take a weekend to Hilton Head, fly out to California. I would take trips. Vacations are a necessity in life damnit. How else can one get through dead-end jobs?
6. I would have a liquor cabinent in my apartment. Stocked with everything awesome. Wine, beer, bourbon, gin, vodka, rum...all of it. Hmmmm...yummmmm. God just thinking about it makes me thirsty.
7. I'd finally make my doctors appts- dentist, gyno and eye doctor. Yes, I know its horrible to be behind on this. No, I can't afford copays or my deductible. So my teeth are terrible, my hoo ha is empty (omg I half can't belive I just typed that) and my eyes need new contacts STAT.

There is a lot more shit but I'm thinking this needs to be part 1. Part 2 will come later.

What would you do if you had just a little more spare cash?

Thirsty Thursday

So, I'm a little behind on my ESPN the Magazine reading since moving. The whole I couldn't find several issues and then the whole the fucking USPS is taking TEN fucking years to give me a key to my mailbox thing is really a hinderance to the whole thing. But just in time for football season to start up, I read the August 9th issue (only to realize I hadn't read the issue immediately preceding it. Whoops). And thank god I did because living in the South and being the fan of an SEC I'm always at a loss of what to wear to football games. Never fear, dear ones, I bring to you...

Tailgate Couture.

You know the SEC gals like to look sharp at footballs games (guys too though no one gives a shit if they were the same damn outfit for 11 games in a row....or for that matter as many games as it fits and doesn't look like someone shit on the ensemble). Right now, I'm struggling with what to wear because I'm not in college anymore. Is the adorable red and black sundress with UGA flipflops still appropriate attire? Should I be more dressed up? Less dressed up? Personally, I'd be down with a jean skirt and jersey but my friends just haven't hit that point yet. Some of them even wear heels to the game which kills me.

Sometimes, I worry I won't look classy enough at these events. Because God knows, sippin on bourbon and throwin bean bags into a hole is the epitome of class. And you must look your best when participating in activities like chugging beer, scarfing down burgers, flipping cups, filling flasks, falling down drunk in a trash can, making out with randos, screaming at satellite tv when it goes on the fritz during an important rivalry game, dominating beer pong or whatever the fuck it is you people do at a tailgate. You never know, you might meet your future husband at one of these classy events (though its lost some of its lustre now that they banned fun from North Campus).

With dresses from Tailgate Couture, I can go from daytime tailgate drinking to nighttime shots at AllGood Lounge with ease. I'll look as though I went home to change between events (albeit with vomit stains down the front but it adds character, bitches). You have five dresses to choose from and can customize the colors any way you'd like.

For the classy, I-have-a-wedding-to-attend-post-noon-game kickoff, we have the Ashley Mini ($84). This dress can totally be worn again. In fact, why not make it your next bridesmaids dress?

For the I'm-still-totally-getting-where-Avril-is-coming-from seven pm game, we have the Jessica Ruffle dress (Also $84). Looks great with unkempt, I-didn't-have-time-to-shower-before stumbling-to-this-east-bumble-tailgate location hair.

For the I-drank-too-fucking-much-last-night-and-may-or-may-not-be-pregnant 3 pm game, we have the Cammy Tee dress (an affordable $76 bucks). Bitch for $10 bucks at Walmart you could buy a black tshirt and some ribbon and make a much cuter dress. If you were feeling broke and crafty. I'm just saying.

And why the fuck do these girls look miserable?

Monday Musings

• Moving is a bitch. No really, a bitch. Unpacking is the worst.
• My alma mater is the number one party school. Clearly the voters missed the Miley Cyrus ripoff orientation video in the previous post. WTF is that?
• Why is furniture so fucking expensive? How do poor people furnish their apartments?
• Apparently, if you hit enter in the wrong spot, this will post without being completed. So if you follow in google reader or something, check back for updates. Whoops.
• I can't get internet until fucking Friday. So this will be a boring week. Guess I could unpack all my shit.
• A company I sent my resume to a while back just sent me a job posting for a part time Account Coordinator. Which sounds like a cool gig except for that whole part time thing. Because the job posting says 75% travel. I can't live off a part time gig so I'd need a second job which would be IMPOSSIBLE if I was traveling. How the hell can anyone take a part time gig that involves 75% travel? It doesn't even make sense.
• I feel like I need to hit enter after each bullet so it updates in your reader. Thus elongating the process of posting. Which is already long since I have to wait for shit to come to me. The brain is not functioning today.
• Homeslice and Clearly. Two words I have been using entirely too much. Can't stop. Won't stop.
• I wish I had honed in on a marketable talent back in high school. So I could have put the hard work in on Mommy's tab as opposed to my own. Also, I wish life was like the movies and I could be Jenna Dewan in Step Up- girl has skillz and ends up with Channing Tatum. Wait, was this real life or a movie?
• I just thought of a funny story. But it seems like it should be put in its own blog post. So hopefully I remember that later otherwise, you'll never see it.
• Eric Church just emailed me. Okay, not him actually, but his people. He has a new video coming out. SAY WHAT!?!?!?! I will be tuning in Friday, homeslice. Don't you worry. If you don't know who Eric Church is...we're gonna have a problem being friends. Just so you know.
• I got accused of being on a Roid Rage Saturday night. Made more ironic by the fact that the person who made the accusation, is the one who started the events that unfolded. Also, funny is the fact that he absolutely refuses to acknowledge that the other person was in the wrong. Also, since when is ignoring someone who is blatantly talkin shit about you while you are standing right there a Roid Rage? And, while we're on the topic, stop trying to deflect everyone's interest onto me from the fact that you were holding hands with said person WHILE IN THE SAME ROOM AS YOUR GIRLFRIEND. Who was 10x more pissed off than I was. Roid Rant over.
• Why do I think it is more acceptable to blog at work than look for a new job at work?
• The bad thing about blogging at work is that work gets in the way plus I cannot link to anything since it's all blocked. So blogging this week will BLOW. Just skip on over to next week folks.

This...this right here...

might just demonstrate why my life is in shambles...

I Need a Drink..

It's only 8:29 am and despite my tweet claiming I was going to make this day a great one...I gotta tell you I made a big mistake logging onto AJC.com while the claims were printing.

As if I'm not embarrassed enough by Damon Evan's ridiculous behavior, now the NCAA has said they will be investigating my beloved DAWGS. Hot on the heels of a recruit at DAWG NIGHT being photographed by a blogger with one of our coaches, a party in Miami was allegedly attended by 45 college football players one of which TMZ and every sporting website out there is claiming was AJ Green.

I'm upset about the allegations being made in the first place but what is really grinding my gears are the comments under Tim Tucker's blog. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE? And by these people, I mean UGA fans, Tech fans, random people not affiliated with any team, Bama fans, Florida fans... So much negativity is spouted off. So many people acting like they know what the fuck they are talking about when they clearly haven't got a clue. So much finger pointing. The blame game on in full effect. And yet, not a single iota of proof of wrong doing has been found yet. They just want to question some of the players and have asked that coaches, players and athletic departments refrain from commenting at this time. But don't worry, anyone with access to the fucking internet will feel free to comment. Below, a few of my favorites:

Thomp July 21st, 20106:33 pm
AJ close all those checking accounts! Put the money under the mattress! Pay cash for everything!

GT79 July 21st, 20106:52 pm
Ha Ha Ha…..Rumor has it that many UGA athletes were carousing with agents with red panties on…..Georgia football is such a cesspool……Go Tech…..we will kick your leg humping butts in Athens this year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

makai July 21st, 20107:25 pm
Will someone give the Techsters their blog URL so maybe they will not be on ours. Wait—maybe there is no one on their blog so they have to go somewhere else. Maybe it is like high school or every Friday/Saturday night since college—4 lonely walls and a blow-up girl friend.

Alabama Communist July 21st, 20107:32 pm
More Breaking News On High Power NCAA 007 Investigation!
The Temp AD at UGA said today, it was not the NCAA that asked for access to the GA campus, but Homeland Security was the agency that inquire for access to the campus claiming that Muslin Agents were promising UGA players 77 Virgins if they sign with them……A Spokenperson with Homeland Security said if this was true, college football was funding the terrorism war by massive pep rallies and dumb supporters at the Southern Universities……..which flys into the face of Redneck Republican beliefs

Gail in Acworth July 21st, 20108:27 pm
Nothing that happens in Athens should surprise anyone. UGA is one big party school represented by semi-literate drunken thugs and goons, and the officials who work in the athletic office are no better.
The Cesspool of the South, a name that is richly deserved.

Ms. Chokesondick July 21st, 20108:34 pm
I seen all them Tech players at da pardie! It wudn’t hard to spots dem. Dey awl had calcalaters in der pocket pretectors and dey wuz talkin bout whut ordur dey wuz gunna use der condom in.

RobertHallGTsmackshos July 21st, 20109:45 pm
AJ was at the party!!!! several hos approached him and ROBERT HALL from GEORGIA TECH damn near beat the ho’s to death. Blood coming out of their mouths and nostrils. ROBERT HALL hasn’t been suspended yet. That’s OK, he doesn’t “RUN THIS STATE” and GEORGIA TECH players can really kick the crap out of women and fellow ACC competitors.

Jan Kemp July 21st, 20109:58 pm
They may never graduate, but we’ll make garbage men out of them. UGA, bringing in barely literate football recruits since 1970!

Micheals L.N.Y July 21st, 201010:08 pm
Where there is smoke, there is fire, red panties, and vodkatinis for all! I am amazed UGA can’t make it 1 week anymore without makingthe negative section of the national news…

GT79 July 21st, 201010:18 pm
You techies – you are the one that brought up penis envy……i am betting you can more than just imagine it……you pencil d*cked leg humper……your program is so pathetic. I cannot believe a half decent guy like CMR hangs around this cesspool of a school…….I am sure there are plenty of more Damon Evans types in your athletic program…..I am so glad to be a proud Tech alum and fan and not in possession of a piece of toilet paper with UGa printed on it.

BigCaliDawg July 21st, 201010:45 pm
I don’t know about the panties, but I bet Coach Johnson rocks a red bra.

GT for life July 21st, 201011:24 pm
I thought this was the convict blog-oh but it is-georgias most wanted

jim July 21st, 201011:39 pm
most asked question for uga players-whos the babys daddy

benny July 22nd, 20104:58 am
Well Gollllllllllllllly. Soopriise, soopriise, soopriise. Duh SEC roools agin. Dah pay em to play em SEC. I played at a major school and was thrilled to have a scholarship. The players are not victims. They are just greedy and the athletic departments are looking the other way. College fotball was once about sports. Now, it is like the NFL and not about sports. It is a business. The bottom line. Almost like wrasslin is a bidness and not sports. Must be Bush’s fault.

buzzforareason July 22nd, 20107:29 am
Hey did you hear the one where the Tech fan blew his head off after the latest UGA pounding? I did, it was hilarious. Bug parts everywhere.

buzzforareason July 22nd, 20107:30 am
Did you know the only panties a Tech man ever sees are his own moms?

Damon Evans July 22nd, 20107:52 am
why don’t we take em out drinking and hook em up with some white women…panty down…oops I mean party down

Joe Hamilton GT Great July 22nd, 20108:00 am
I hope no one brings up my DUI, hit & run, possession of marijuana convictions! And please don’t mention the GT athletes that have been arrested for rape and for physically assaulting women! Furthermore please don’t mention the fact that Georgia Tech recently came off NCAA probation for academic cheating involving 19 student athletes (11 starting football players) who had their grades raised so that they could remain academically eligible to play.
Please remember we don’t cheat at GT…LMAO

K-dawg July 22nd, 20108:22 am
lets clean up the program CMR! Kick AJ off the team and set the tone, send a message!.

I guess my main issue is we're living in America. Supposedly these posters live here and got some form of education (be it elementary, middle, high, ged, college...whatever). Last I checked, here in America we follow the ideal of INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY. And yet, checking this message board it sounds like not only does that not apply to college athletes but also that it automatically allows for every idiot with a keyboard to make fun of you and apply any shit that went down in your program to this situation. Don't get me wrong, there were some people pulling facts from other sources and calling for intelligent conversation about what should be done, who may or may not have been there and how this affects college football as a whole. Those same people weren't making nasty cracks at anyone. I don't understand why people get on someone's blog and make nasty comments having no relevance to the actual topic. It really gets me worked up!

Am I the only one completely turned off of blogs based on the commentary of it's readers? It stings A LOT when the blog is about something that negatively impacts my school but add in the negative comments and I get PISSED!

John Isner at the ESPYs

Awww my sometimes boyfriend (in my dreams) won an ESPY and is just a class act. Way to represent UGA Johnny boy.



And in case you missed it, how fucking cute is he on David Letterman?

26.2 Miles looks like nothing...

...especially compared with the EPIC tennis match that just concluded between John Isner and some guy named Mahut (french...who cares what his name is...)! Holy shit, every time I feel like I can't go on during my half this Sunday I'm going to think of this FIRST round match at Wimbledon between a number 23 seed and unseeded player.

Clearly exhausted, Isner powered through for the win!

John Isner went ot UGA and graduated a year behind me. If I could marry him, I probably would (in fact, I sometimes refer to him as my boyfriend). He served a record-breaking 112 aces and Mahut served 103. The previous record? A meager 78! The match lasted more than 10 hours and spanned 3 days due to darkness. If you care to read a play by play, the NY Times has a great rundown on its blog which you can find here.



This is Isner's first win at Wimbledon EVER and its going down in the history books. Both players and the chair umpire will be given commerative bowls with the details etched on them. The previous record for longest match was in 1968 at Wimbledon and clocked in at 6 hours and 33 minutes. The final set of this match ALONE broke that record. Both players were clearly evenly matched. So well matched that Betfair was taking bets on who would win the match and how (including an option where the umpire falls asleep). The scoring for the final set got so high, the scoreboard got stuck at 47-47 and had to be reprogrammed overnight by a guy from IBM (who promised so long as they didn't go above 99 games, the scoreboard would be fine!). Isner also set the record for most aces in a SINGLE set at 84 in the final set.



Isner, 25, is currently the number two men's player for the USA(behind Andy Roddick) and also sits behind Roddick for the fastest serve on record (Roddick clocks in at 155 mph, Isner served 143 during this match which is the fastest at the 2010 Wimbledon). It's been awesome watching him do big things after college and knowing that I went to school with him! Damn Good Dawg and an inspiration to us all!

Versatility. I've got that in spades. In fact, I have so much versatility, I can't even figure out who I am. Which supposedly is a common afflicition in my generation and at 26 years old but I'm not going to lie, I feel like a loner in that respect. Anyway, Barbie of Barbie Runs graced me with this sweet Versatile Blogger Award that I've been watching the rest of you get. Finally, my turn! Whoo! Unfortunately, that means you've all gotten it by now so I am not sure who I can give it to. Way to make me feel like the last kid picked for the kickball team guys.

Apparently, you are supposed to learn seven random facts about me:

1. Pet Peeve #1: Abbrevs. Stupid. I absolutely hate people who totes speak in abbrevs. Especially people I know for a fact went to college. It's like basically you are just too lazy to speak in a grammatically correct and socially acceptable fashion. Abbrevs have lit become their own lang. So much so, that sometimes my friends use them and I haven't a clue what they are talking about. And seeing them spelled is hysterical. Ush does not equal usually people. Whatevs.

2. I'm from the Jersey Shore. I am not anything like those assholes you people watch on your reality television shows. Or the ones that appeared in The Sopranos. Or any other crap movie. I am from the same area as Bruce and Bon Jovi and I'm proud of it. But if I get asked some stupid question about where I am from or you make a smart ass comment to me I will get riled up. In fact, let me take care of it for you: I'm from Exit 98 Shore Points and yes I know the difference between a jersey girl and trash is that trash gets picked up. Yes, I have the Jersey Shore attitude. Do not mess with me.

3. I'm the oldest of three children. I'm the most competitive of the three in EVERYTHING I do. My brother(23) is the smartest of the three of us (though he's taking his time getting through undergrad). And my sister (14) has the beauty and talent. She's a competitive swimmer for Summit Swimming. Several colleges track her times and chat her up at meets. And she is the nicest, sweetest one of the three of us. I couldn't be prouder of her if she were my own kid. I really adore both of them and call them constantly to harrass them and hang out with them as much as I can. When I decided to move back to the ATL, they were my main reason.

4. Speaking of family, I have a large one. I wish I saw them more. Both sides of my family are devout Irish Carholics (my great uncle was a monsignor in the church). My mom has 10 brothers and sisters (who are all named Mary) and my dad has 6. I have like 30 cousins or something like that. My oldest cousin is 5 years older than me and my youngest cousin is 25 years younger than me. Which I think is pretty cool. Especially since the oldest cousin is expecting his first child! Most of them live in NJ but some of them live in California, Virginia, Pennsylvania, New Mexico and North Carolina. And don't even get me started on second and third cousins- cause I know most of them, too.

5. I went to college at UGA and love Athens (I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before). If I won the lottery, I would buy a house there. It's such a great town with a lot going for it. I graduated with a degree in Journalism and a second degree in Literature. I almost didn't get the second degree because I wrote a paper detailing why I shouldn't get the degree. I waited over a month for my degree to arrive in the mail and scared the crap out of my mom when I breathed a sigh of relief. I also am the only one who got an A in my capstone class entirely due to said paper. And yes, Soulja Boy's Crank That still gets me fired up- I know the dance and do it EVERYTIME it comes on. No shame.

6. I really want a job that requires travel because then maybe I could figure out where I want to live. I am getting the two year itch and contemplating trying out North Carolina next. Barbie is trying to get me to move to DC.

7. In high school, I played softball, ran track and managed the football team (aka water girl). I tried out for cheerleading but didn't make it. During this time, I weighed in at 95 lbs. By the time I graduated I was up to 105 and thought I was fat. Good Lord, high school girls really have a skewed vision of the world. I'm just starting to get back to my athletic roots and loving it. I really feel so much better about myself after a kickball or softball game!

And since I'm so generous, if you havent gotten this award yet (please let there be one of you), tell me so I can give it to you below :)

Next Race- Runnin' With the DAWGS!

A view of downtown Athens, GA. Home of the Dawgs!

Well, courtesy of my friend Leigh, I have found my next race! I love when I find out about races that are a little different than the ones I've run before. And this one is especially cool since it brings Leigh and I back to the great University of Georgia.

Running with the Dawgs 5K takes place in the streets of downtown Athens on May 31,2010 at 8 am. I have to tell you I am so stoked about this race. Yes, it's a holiday weekend. Yes, I would like to be in bed. But seriously, I love Athens and would love to live there so I'm happy with anything that brings me back there for a good time! And the race was pretty cheap in comparison to others I've done (ahem, Skirtchaser 5K). Methinks I will be getting a cotton shirt but whatever I am excited. Plus, this will be the first (and hopefully not the last) time Leigh and I run a race together!



Proceeds from the race are going to several charities supported by the Athens-Oconee Junior Women's Club. I LOVE how racing is so closely linked with charities. It just really adds something to the runners high!



So, tell me, what is your next race?

Monday Musings

• American Family Insurance has a new billboard that reads “Family Doesn’t Let You Down.” Is that some kind of joke? Because in my world family might be there most of the time but there is always that one time that it really counted and you never forget that they let you down. I mean, take the Spelling Family. I’m pretty sure Aaron feels a little let down that is spoiled brat children suck hard core and his wife is a complete witch. Even from up above. And the Lohan’s. I mean they all have screws loose and I’m pretty sure we can safely say Dina and Michael “let their kids down” in the grand scheme of things. So, stupid slogan.
• Process: before scanning work to employees, bold the assignments on the spreadsheet so they know the assignment has arrived and will be coming to them shortly. Question from the boss who put this process in place: “I notice the assignments for 5/6 are bolded- does this mean you scanned them to the employees? I just changed them.” Is this some kind of joke? Did I miss something? Am I being punked? Oh, no, my boss is just utterly ridiculous.
• I really want a cinnamon bun right now. I’m struggling not to do it but damnit I’m tired, hungry and sore from a 9 mile run on Saturday.
• Last week something went wrong EVERY day. Looking like this week will be the same. Fucking spectacular.
• My brother gave me the greatest gift of all last night: Quarters. Now, I can do my laundry. Whooo!
• I gave in and ingested 440 calories of bread and sugar and absolute awesomeness. Guess I need to do a second workout tonight while the laundry is going.
• Just contacted to potential employers in Atlanta who reached out to me after coming across my resume. I don’t really want to stay here but it would be easier than relocating.
• The guy here to fix the scanner is Asian. No fucking clue what he is saying. I just keep nodding my head. Good news is he can’t seem to understand a damn thing I’m saying either!
• Someone messaged me yesterday and said they were in Athens and heard my name thrown around a lot. I don’t know what this means. Yes, my drunken antics are fairly well known in my college town but I graduated 4 years a go Friday. And I have no idea who this guy was hanging out with in Athens to even take a stab at what was said. Of course, the message ends with details to follow. It has now been 17 hours and no details have emerged. It’s driving me nuts.
• I literally almost just fell in the toilet trying to flush it with my foot. Can you imagine walking back into my office and explaining that one?
• I’m so tired my eyeballs hurt. Glasses will need to be put on the minute I get home from the office.
• Said friend is now messaging me about my drunk stories in Athens since he didn’t know me in college. Good lord, I can’t remember the shit I did!
• The sweater I am wearing right now cost $4.98 at Target. But not my Target. In my Target, the clearance section never has anything less than $11.98 because in my mind Clearance is less than $10. PLUS, it’s Target. When the fuck did it become acceptable for this store to have anything that costs more than $25? Why are shoes priced at $21.99 considered sales there? At this point, they are no longer competing with Walmart and they are breaking my little piggy bank into shards of unhappiness. Go back to cheap shit damnit!
• I’m so lazy that when I say No Big Deal I just drop the Deal section of it. It’s implied like when you read the newspaper and they do [this]. Plus No Big sounds cool. That’s right peeps, I abbrev statements not words. Okay, some words. So that was a lie.
• I can’t wait to get paid so I can send @centripetal his damn book.
• I love email flirting. I love flirting with guys. Even taken guys. Sue me.

Exercise-Drug Relapse Connection?

I've long been of the thought that exercise is a very, very necessary evil. It's something I don't wake up thinking, man, I can't wait to do that but the benefits of it keep me trying to stay on a schedule. I say trying because last year I didn't do so great. Anyway, we all know about a lot of different benefits including a more positive outlook and better physical fitness in turn leading to better health.

Today, I stumbled across and article that combined those two benefits and takes exercise a step further. UGA and Emory University have been awarded a grant allowing them to study the link between exercise and the chance of a drug relapse. Basically, they are looking to see if people who work out are less likely to relapse. Because drug use is so closely linked to stress and exercise is so often considered THE way to destress, it makes sense for them to look into it. The most challenging aspect of treating someone with an addiction is to try to prevent a relapse and stress tends to send many people who are otherwise beating their addiction right back into its waiting arms.

I'm really hoping that this turns out to be something simply because I have dealt with addiction in my own family. Both my father and my step father are alcoholics. I believe much of the research into drugs could also be applied to alcohol addiction. My father has not had a drink in 21 years and spends a great deal of time doing physical activities like running, hitting the gym, playing in a softball league, bowling and playing wall ball. My step father has not gone more than 6 months without a drink in the past 10 years. He rarely exercises and has high blood pressure. Add that to not eating in a healthy fashion and it seems like he is destined to continue repeating this pattern. Imagine if I could back up what I have been saying for years with scientific research?

The researchers have been granted 1.9 million dollars over the course of the next 5 years and will begin their study with rats.

Did Hell Freeze Over or Did Tebow Go in The First Round?

I think, despite the low number of posts involving him, I’ve made my dislike to Tim Tebow pretty apparent. While I would say 20% of the dislike stems from the fact that he was and always will be a Florida Gator. As a Bulldog fan, I have been trained to dislike anything Florida upon learning of the association. In fact, I once named a pesky roach after Urban Meyer after their douchebag coach. The hatred has spread to South Carolina simply due to the fact that they hired that asshat (assvisor?) Head Ball Coach who apparently is giving himself more of a workout than his players so he can be harder on them thus driving them to success. Dude, let it go, they are the gamecocks for God’s sake.

Anyway, back to Tebow. Yesterday there was some chatter on facebook, specifically my friend Chris’ page about Tebow and the draft. Involving references to tears and eye black and general ridiculousness that surrounds him and including my very own, on the fly, Tebow drinking game. I was wondering the other day when the hell Jesus is planning on gracing us with his presence (third times the charm?) and how bad things will have to be for this to happen. Then I realized Tim Tebow IS Jesus. I mean things are pretty bad in the world right now and here’s Timmy boy giving small boys something to hope for by snipping at their manhood, making anti-abortion ads in which he divebombs his own Mother (shit, what is her name- Mary? Nope Pam) and, oh yeah, parting the red sea of football with his half-assed arm. I know, blasphemy you are thinking but whatever. My life is in shambles, I think it’s safe to say I have a long wait at the pearly gates so I might as well enjoy what I’m saying down here. What if Tim Tebow is our savior in a modern day sense? Suicide is frowned upon in Catholicism but if I have to drink Saint Timmy blood and eat his bread…whoa boy. I won’t make it.

Enough about Jesus. Another miracle (whoops) occurred last night in a sense that Timmy boy went in the first round. I had boldly predicted there might finally be some justice in this world and he’d go in the third round but NOOOO…Saint Timmy must have circumcised some extra boys and asked God for a favor while he had his ear because Denver used the 25th pick to snap up the former Florida Gator. Or perhaps, Denver knew they were his only option considering his Wonderlic score proved he doesn’t learn new things quickly so he needs a team with the same color scheme or he’s doomed for failure. Way to take one for the NFL Denver. Poor Knowshon. Luckily he’s a class act and will probably have nothing but accolades to heap upon his new teammate. I on the otherhand will be praying for Timmy’s mortality to be revealed so ESPN can find a new GREATEST COLLEGE PLAYER OF ALL TIME. With my luck, Denver will make use of him or he’ll be praised for making the team more cohesive and doing a bang up job holding a clipboard (“Do you see the way he wears those headphones? With authority. This team would be lost without him!” exclaims Joe Buck as he stares into Troy Aikman’s eyes). Jesus being his homeboy, they probably win the Superbowl, too.

Vomit.

Monday Musings

Okay this week I decided Monday Musings would be a little different. Still random shit that pops into my head, but with a theme. But how random can it be when I have a theme? Well, friends, we are about to find out. You know how old people always lament about things they wish they had done? They even made that Morgan Freeman-Jack Nicholson movie about it. And, I’m sorry; I could believe Morgan Freeman dying but Jack Nicholson? Shit, that man won’t be laid up in no stinkin’ hospital bed. I bet he croaks banging a hot young chick. And Mandy Moore had one in that movie where she dies of cancer. Hers was stupid though because her life was not in shambles and she was an 18 year old daughter of a minister who never did anything wrong. I digress. Anyway, rather than a Bucket List (where did that name come from?) and keeping in tradition of my favorite literary device, the alliteration, I bring you Monday Must-Dos. MUST-DOS. MUST.

1. I want to ride a motorcycle. Someone else will actually have to drive it. I just want to hold on for dear life and head somewhere. And I think I want to do it around sunset so I can say I’ve ridden off into the sunset as well. And I want to have a banging body when this happens so I look super hot doing it.
2. I want to spend a summer hitting EVERY major league stadium in the United States. Every one of them. Maybe I can meet a hot baseball player and make him fall in love with me thus making it easier to complete this list.
3. A pub tour of Ireland. I will eat fish and chips (and promptly vomit), dance an Irish jig, NOT request Danny Boy like every other American who heads there, bike and walk everywhere and of course drink more whiskey and Guinness than I ever thought possible. I may never come home.
4. Get published in ESPN the magazine. It has been a dream of mine to work for them after visiting their offices in NYC senior year of college. The magazine is biweekly which means it is more laid back than a weekly but faster-paced than a monthly. Plus, it’s sports all the time. And they look for people with all kinds of backgrounds to work for them.
5. Mud wrestle. I think this would be utterly disgusting but also super awesome at the same time. Banging body is a requirement. Also, maybe learning how to wrestle though I have a feeling any guys watching wouldn’t give a shit so long as someone’s hair got pulled and a boob popped out of a bikini.
6. Watch a UGA football game from the sidelines. I’d probably have to be sober for this to occur which makes the feasibility of this slim to none; but, I’m thinking if someone said I’ll trade you a sideline pass to watch the DAWGS for all your booze, I’d say YES. Without hesitation. Plus, how classy would it be to puke and rally in the second quarter anyway? Suddenly, this seems much more doable than I previously thought.
7. Guest star on Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Actually, be a regular would be the ultimate dream but one episode would leave me content. I want to booze it up in Paddy’s Pub damnit! If you aren’t watching this show, you don’t know what you are missing. Talk about a life (or lives) in shambles.
8. Write a novel. Not just write it. Have it published and have people actually read it. And like it. And maybe be asked to write another.
9. Live somewhere that I could bike everywhere. Which is probably impossible because what if it rains? Riding a bike in a thunderstorm doesn’t seem like a smart idea. I guess if I become a writer who works from home, I could just stay in when it rains. Something to mull over.
10. Win an award aside from my community service sorority’s designation of Most Likely to Get Arrested (3 years running bitches). And, oh yeah, Most Spirited in high school. I guess I could go to my high school reunion and get the Biggest Disappointment award. That would be worth framing.
11. Milk a cow. Like sit on a bucket and milk a cow. I know, I know. I have no idea where it comes from. Samantha somehow made it look sexy for 5 seconds on Sex and the City. But I just think it would be awesome to tell people I milked a fucking cow.
12. Waitress late night at Waffle House. I have been saying I wanted to wait tables at the WaHo since I was a kid. I think it is just fascinating and I could get a lot of awesome stories from it.
13. Hang out with Bruce in Jersey for a day. If you don’t know who I’m talking about and where then just ignore this bullet.
14. Drive cross-country and do all the touristy shit along the way. Document with photos. Create book. The end.
15. Take snowboarding lessons from Shaun White. In awesome attire. I dig the plaid coat, matching solid pants combo myself. I see it at Roxy in Times Square every year but just cannot bring myself to spend the money. Damn.
16. Be a race car passenger. I don’t want to drive the shit dude. I don’t have a death wish!
17. Have a song written and recorded ABOUT ME. Someone else has to decide to do it. And I don’t care if it’s a song calling me a bitch and saying how amazing I am. Just so long as we all know it’s me this person/band is singing about.
18. Attend a movie premiere. A fucking awesome one. Not only for a movie I like but with people I want to meet in attendance. I want to walk the red carpet and everything. In an expensive ass dress and Christian Loubitains.
19. Distill liquor. And sell that shit. I’ve already had a drink named after me in Athens so no reason for another drink (though world wide would be clutch) when you can have the base liquor named after you!
20. Work for a pro football team. Doing something like PR and community events. Stupid that I have to prove myself elsewhere before I can do this. I would not even know where to start. Maybe meeting people would be a good place. It’s all about who you know.
    

Okay, that’s it for now. Mainly because it’s getting ridiculously long. Ridic. What things are one you Bucket (bleh) List? Anything you think I’m missing that needs to be added? Any advice on how to get started on my list- where, when, how, who can help?

Monday Musings

• I added a new blogger to the site. I don't know why since I only have two public readers and she is one of them. But one day when this site takes off, she'll be so grateful for the opportunity I provided her. Or not. But whatever.
• I'm reading Google Blogger for Dummies. Hopefully, this improves the quality of the site. But probably not.
• My friend Kyle got me a Table Topics gift for my birthday. Why am I bringing this up now? Well, he just gave it to me last night. Hellooooo, belated. But then, I have been pretty MIA with that group of friends lately. Anyway, it would be great for when I have people over but I’m thinking of drawing one card a week or whenever I feel like it and blogging the responses. Then you will REALLLLLYYYYY get to know how boring I am. Thoughts?
• Tim Tebow commercial. Thoughts? When it came on last night, everyone rushed to the table to grab more food because we thought it would be some commercial no one gave a shit about. Imagine our surprise when Saint Timmy tackled his mom. Had I not been wedged between the wall and the couch with no ability to move, I would have missed it. As it was, I had tuned out whatever his mom said. So her pro-life commercial turned into a pro-abortion commercial with that dive bomb. I mean why raise a kid if he’s just going to tackle you on television?
• I am feeling particularly blank today. Empty almost.
• Where the hell was Miller Lite last night? Am I the only one who noticed they had ZERO commercials? Or maybe I just missed them… Bud Light and Doritos single handedly funded the Super Bowl broadcast with their commercials. And they were the best.
• While we are on the subject of super bowl ads… there is a new e*trade baby in town and I do not like him. At all. ANNND godaddy.com needs to hire a new marketing/ad firm stat. Does anyone ever actually go to the site to see the girls? As my friend Alex put it last night, “Unless I’m seeing some nipple, it’s not worth my time.”
• When someone emails me that they just got back from church or are reading proverbs I want to immediately say something that will send me straight to hell. It’s like I’m trying to balance out their goodness with my evilness.
• This. I want to do this. Except to the industrial scanner in my office that thinks it’s funny to claim I have misfed the paper randomly and intermittently while I’m trying to send people their work. 500 pages of work should not take an hour to scan to email.
• Dear body, when I overindulge on the weekends you will be properly punished on Monday. As in, you can complain about how hungry you are all you want but I’m not putting anything in you. Except water. A banana. And oatmeal. And I will workout for 3 hours. You should really have a conversation with the alcoholic side of me and find out how to remedy this.
• I wish someone would buy me everything on the It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia website. And the UGA Playbook which should be coming out this summer. I’d like to outfit my home.
• I lied. I just drank decaf coffee. Strangely, my hunger pangs are gone. New diet?
  With insurance companies, a doctor’s office may bill $21,000 worth of services. $12,000 of it ends up written off and the insurance company pays out $9,000. I don’t understand the math of that. Apparently, insurance companies only ALLOW you to bill so much per service and then has the right to say of that service how much they will pay. I work with insurance and I still don’t get it. No wonder obama wants to change it.
• I don't know why I think you would care about the above bullet. But I'm too lazy to delete it.
• Getting your shit together is an overwhelming task. I don’t even know where to start taking baby steps.
• Why does my blackberry think that curse words are just misspelled? They aren’t. I fucking like them and wish you would stop making me ignore the dashed lines below them. I know what the hell I’m writing and I’m okay with it. Damnit.
• I want chocolate.....in my mouth....NOW.

Silly LIS, Blackberries are for Adults!

Today has got to be the WORST day ever for me not to have a smart phone. Todd Grantham was announced as UGAs new Defensive Coordinator. I literally sat through work all damn day refreshing a google search on Todd Grantham to wait for the announcement. Every five minutes- refresh. No dice. For the 40 minutes that I actually completed work yesterday, he made the announcement via a UGA press release.

DAMN.

And in that time, my friend logged into his iPhone to check Joe Schad's tweets. Nearly 40 minutes before the official announcement, Joe tweeted the deets. It's not enough to be able to text my tweet to the site, I needed to be able to read Joe's and David's tweets to see what was going on and respond accordingly.

So, I suppose, I will bite the bullet and buy a damn smart phone so I can safely accomplish my play with my work and not spend an entire morning fretting about what I'm missing. And don't you dare tell me I'm too reliant on the internet- I already know that and I don't care.

If I win the lottery...

So apparently the megamillions is up to 325 million bucks. I have never played the lottery before. Why? Well, you know how you run into the gas station for a quick cup of coffee before you head to that job you hate? And how you have precious seconds and the entire world has decided today is the day they want coffee as well? Right at this very moment that you do. And there is that one asshole who decides today is also the day he is going to be the farm on the lottery and you end up waiting in line for 10 minutes for a cup of joe that cost you $1.17 and totally isn't worth it anymore. Well, I refuse to be that asshole. Imagine my surprise when I found out I can do it at Kroger without getting in anyone's way. Well you better believe I drove right over there and picked a crap ton of numbers (okay 5 dollars worth- which was HARD. Apparently, I cannot count and a few times I had less numbers than I should have). This got me to thinking, what if I did happen to win the lottery? What would I do with the money?

• Buy my old company and fire everyone. Okay, not really. After about two seconds of thought I realized I'd feel really bad about 10 minutes later and that would not be worth the satisfaction of seeing their faces when I fired them in the middle of a recession for something ridiculous. For example, I don't like your attitude about your job. I think you like it TOO much. So no matter how much it galls me that someone in that company is bad mouthing me to people both inside and out (and spreading shit that is none of their damn business) I will not be wasting my $325 million dollars penalizing everyone else.
• I would NOT buy house. I don't care if it is a buyers market, it's a good investment, and right now I am just throwing my money away at nothing by renting. Buying a house is a hell of a lot more than just plunking money down. There are mortgages and maintenance and upkeep and neighbors you don't particularly like who pop up at inopportune times and get all up in your business. For that matter, drug dealers move in and severely depreciate the value of your home. Who needs that?
• That being said, I will buy a gameday condo in Athens. How sweet would it be to walk from my condo to downtown and the game?
• Speaking of games- hefty donation to UGA and lifetime tickets. My uncle has that shit for NC State. He might be the coolest person ever- he'll never grow out of the college years with a link like that- no matter how many babies he has or hairs he loses.
• I'd like to make an alcohol. Not sure if I would brew beer or distill a liquor. So many choices. Of course with $325 fucking dollars I could do both. It would be sweet.
• Speaking of businesses and profit- I would open a dive bar where people like me before I made(made?bitch please, you got lucky) my millions could get some good grub at a decent price and listen to all the country and rock they want while playing flip cup and beer pong. Hopefully WAKA would add me to their rotation of awesome bars to head to after their games. That would be sweet(I really like this word apparently).
• Also, Yankees tickets. None of those posh tickets though. Classic tickets with middle America who won't mind if I drop an f-bomb.
• Okay, I changed my mind. I want a beach house at the SHORE. So I can make fun of guidos when I walk out into my front yard. Also, no grass. I would rather sift some fucking sand than mow a damn yard.
• Throw a "Fuck yeah, I won the fucking lottery!" pub crawl. In Ireland. If I win the lottery I will be able to afford a passport. I will bring my mommy with me. It was be glorious. Feckin' amazing.
• Buy shit. I like to shop. A lot.
• I would get a job. At Glory Glory. I would bribe the guy to let me go to the conventions and pick awesome UGA gear. I would have every Saturday off to use my lifetime tickets.
• I would bribe the (unbribable-is that a word?) very moral Tim Tebow to lose to UGA this year at GA-Florida. Ohhhh fuck bribing him- time for a mission trip Timmy, boy. The uncircumcised boys of the world need you!
• Probably I'd save some too. Just so that when I open my account I can get that "Holy shit, I have millions of dollars" feeling all over again.