Monday Musings

Okay this week I decided Monday Musings would be a little different. Still random shit that pops into my head, but with a theme. But how random can it be when I have a theme? Well, friends, we are about to find out. You know how old people always lament about things they wish they had done? They even made that Morgan Freeman-Jack Nicholson movie about it. And, I’m sorry; I could believe Morgan Freeman dying but Jack Nicholson? Shit, that man won’t be laid up in no stinkin’ hospital bed. I bet he croaks banging a hot young chick. And Mandy Moore had one in that movie where she dies of cancer. Hers was stupid though because her life was not in shambles and she was an 18 year old daughter of a minister who never did anything wrong. I digress. Anyway, rather than a Bucket List (where did that name come from?) and keeping in tradition of my favorite literary device, the alliteration, I bring you Monday Must-Dos. MUST-DOS. MUST.

1. I want to ride a motorcycle. Someone else will actually have to drive it. I just want to hold on for dear life and head somewhere. And I think I want to do it around sunset so I can say I’ve ridden off into the sunset as well. And I want to have a banging body when this happens so I look super hot doing it.
2. I want to spend a summer hitting EVERY major league stadium in the United States. Every one of them. Maybe I can meet a hot baseball player and make him fall in love with me thus making it easier to complete this list.
3. A pub tour of Ireland. I will eat fish and chips (and promptly vomit), dance an Irish jig, NOT request Danny Boy like every other American who heads there, bike and walk everywhere and of course drink more whiskey and Guinness than I ever thought possible. I may never come home.
4. Get published in ESPN the magazine. It has been a dream of mine to work for them after visiting their offices in NYC senior year of college. The magazine is biweekly which means it is more laid back than a weekly but faster-paced than a monthly. Plus, it’s sports all the time. And they look for people with all kinds of backgrounds to work for them.
5. Mud wrestle. I think this would be utterly disgusting but also super awesome at the same time. Banging body is a requirement. Also, maybe learning how to wrestle though I have a feeling any guys watching wouldn’t give a shit so long as someone’s hair got pulled and a boob popped out of a bikini.
6. Watch a UGA football game from the sidelines. I’d probably have to be sober for this to occur which makes the feasibility of this slim to none; but, I’m thinking if someone said I’ll trade you a sideline pass to watch the DAWGS for all your booze, I’d say YES. Without hesitation. Plus, how classy would it be to puke and rally in the second quarter anyway? Suddenly, this seems much more doable than I previously thought.
7. Guest star on Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Actually, be a regular would be the ultimate dream but one episode would leave me content. I want to booze it up in Paddy’s Pub damnit! If you aren’t watching this show, you don’t know what you are missing. Talk about a life (or lives) in shambles.
8. Write a novel. Not just write it. Have it published and have people actually read it. And like it. And maybe be asked to write another.
9. Live somewhere that I could bike everywhere. Which is probably impossible because what if it rains? Riding a bike in a thunderstorm doesn’t seem like a smart idea. I guess if I become a writer who works from home, I could just stay in when it rains. Something to mull over.
10. Win an award aside from my community service sorority’s designation of Most Likely to Get Arrested (3 years running bitches). And, oh yeah, Most Spirited in high school. I guess I could go to my high school reunion and get the Biggest Disappointment award. That would be worth framing.
11. Milk a cow. Like sit on a bucket and milk a cow. I know, I know. I have no idea where it comes from. Samantha somehow made it look sexy for 5 seconds on Sex and the City. But I just think it would be awesome to tell people I milked a fucking cow.
12. Waitress late night at Waffle House. I have been saying I wanted to wait tables at the WaHo since I was a kid. I think it is just fascinating and I could get a lot of awesome stories from it.
13. Hang out with Bruce in Jersey for a day. If you don’t know who I’m talking about and where then just ignore this bullet.
14. Drive cross-country and do all the touristy shit along the way. Document with photos. Create book. The end.
15. Take snowboarding lessons from Shaun White. In awesome attire. I dig the plaid coat, matching solid pants combo myself. I see it at Roxy in Times Square every year but just cannot bring myself to spend the money. Damn.
16. Be a race car passenger. I don’t want to drive the shit dude. I don’t have a death wish!
17. Have a song written and recorded ABOUT ME. Someone else has to decide to do it. And I don’t care if it’s a song calling me a bitch and saying how amazing I am. Just so long as we all know it’s me this person/band is singing about.
18. Attend a movie premiere. A fucking awesome one. Not only for a movie I like but with people I want to meet in attendance. I want to walk the red carpet and everything. In an expensive ass dress and Christian Loubitains.
19. Distill liquor. And sell that shit. I’ve already had a drink named after me in Athens so no reason for another drink (though world wide would be clutch) when you can have the base liquor named after you!
20. Work for a pro football team. Doing something like PR and community events. Stupid that I have to prove myself elsewhere before I can do this. I would not even know where to start. Maybe meeting people would be a good place. It’s all about who you know.
    

Okay, that’s it for now. Mainly because it’s getting ridiculously long. Ridic. What things are one you Bucket (bleh) List? Anything you think I’m missing that needs to be added? Any advice on how to get started on my list- where, when, how, who can help?