What does it take?

What does it for someone to get you naked?  For you to go from 0 to 90 and get it on ASAP?  Must he or she whisper sweet nothings into your ear?  Rub you in all the right places?  Talk dirty?  A sext message or two?  Hey!  Don't act like you've never done it!  If you haven't then find that dirty sexy little someone and try it out.  I sure have one and boy is he FUN.  ;)  Great form of safe sex that won't get ya preggers.  That's another post though.  I'll write about that another time.  Remind me Berryfine!  If this person messes up in their attempt to get you naked, do they get another try that night?

I've written about my drought.  About all the times I wished I was having sex with my boyfriend instead of becoming more familiar with my sex toys.  After another two or three week wait the time had arrived!  He wanted to have sex!  Let me set the scene for you...

The lights are off and the two of use have been laying in bed for a little under an hour.  The only light in the room is from that episode of Law and Order he put on tv.  (Nothing like the "doink, doink" and a SVU crime to get you in the mood.)  We have new pillows and soft organic cotton sheets so I'm in comfy bed heaven.  I'm right at the line of being asleep and awake when poke, poke (with his finger, NOT his penis) "I think we should have sex."

You think we should have sex?  Did that just happen?  Did he just poke me as if we're in line at Kroger together and it's time to check out?  Dammit!  Where did the sexy pick up moves go?  Where's the game?  This made me wonder for just a sec how he ever got me in bed in the first place.  Then I remembered...I was 21, drunk, and there was panty dropping music* playing.  They practically jumped off my body.  Could he at least have felt me up instead of POKING me in the arm?  At least a poke with his penis would have been playful and fun!  Still lets keep my arm out of it though.  UGH MY ARM!  When is that ever a good way to get someone out of their clothes?  Especially during a drought.  I can get going quickly but really?  Really?!  Couldn't think of something sexy to say?  Fine.  Don't say anything at all.  Just touch me.  He knows, or used to know the parts where I like to be touched.  Guess what...they haven't changed!  In fact they're kinda lonely.  Touch them.  Just one?

Sadly for him and for my vagina, he did not get another try.  That poke pissed me the fuck off.  In fact I told him to leave me the hell alone.  Just because I'm horny and we don't do it on the regular anymore doesn't mean that you should half ass shit.  You don't half ass anything else.  Don't half ass my lovin'.

So Little Black Book readers...what does it take?

*I posted this blog after work with a glass of wine.  After the wine and a little panty dropping music I'm ready.   Poke, poke.  Shit!  Damn you Aunt Flo!  I'm going to drink more.