Monday Musings- Wedding Edition

• If I ever get married, the key word being if, I will have more than one hairdresser for the occasion. This way, we don’t have to be sitting around a fucking house from 9 am on while one person at a time gets ready when the wedding isn’t until 6 pm.


• David’s Bridal fucked up my shoes royally. See I always try a size up from what I wear when I buy heels. Especially of the peep toe variety. I knew my size was 9 and ordered accordingly. Well the dumb bitch at David’s thought to herself, “These shoes run large and I know better than the person ordering them so I’m going to fix that.” Did she mention that? Nope. And I had tried the shoes on so I KNEW I NEEDED A SIZE 9. I got a size 8.5. My feet want to cut her into pieces.


• Red shoe dye will rub off. Subsequent washings will not remove it.


• DREAMCRUSHER. That is my new nickname for myself. Some people crash weddings, I ruin dreams of gals in monogamous relationships hoping for a ring. Case in point: some poor girl (we’ll call her L) has been dating a friend of mine for years (we’ll call him M). L was front row, center. Patiently awaiting a toss of the sunflower bouquet. I come up, slice my hand across my throat. To which she pretends to joke back that I am going down. But she means it. The guys starting chanting L because they know M will be pissed if she catches it. She turns to say something to the girl to her left, bride throws bouquet. I reach my left arm out and snag the bouquet. The crowd is silenced. L turns around, dreams are dying as I race around the yard of the courthouse laughing that I have done this for a second time. I am evil.


• My red dress had pockets. It was clutch because then I didn’t have to worry about a purse through the entire thing. All bridesmaids dresses should include these.


• Outdoor wedding at the historic Lawrenceville courthouse- it was AMAZING. Definitely on my list of places to recommend to others.


• Mash potato bars are the jam. Everyone should have one at their wedding.


• Bottles of wine as the gift to the guest also a great idea. Unless your guests don’t drink. But if they don’t drink, why on earth did you invite them?


• If you are ever stuck on what to get a couple for a stock the bar shower (or even a kitchen shower), pick them up a nice collapsible cooler and have it monogrammed with their initials or last name. Include in it, two plastic champagne glasses and plastic knives, forks, spoons and plates. As well as linen napkins and anything else you might think of. Make sure they know this is for the night of the wedding, have the coordinator fill it that night with left over food for them to enjoy at their hotel. Trust me, they won’t have time to eat much during their reception.


• If you have UGA fans at your wedding, play Soulja Boy Tell’em "Crank That". Then watch white people try to superman dat ho for a good laugh.


• If you have bridesmaids coming to hang around all day, also consider having an attendant who can take some of the pressure of MOB. For instance, my friend AisforAwesome made a store run and an ATM run for me when I realized that I had forgotten cash to pay the woman who did our hair. She picked up booze and toilet paper as needed.


• Also, have games and shit. I asked the Jr. Bridesmaid to bring some from home and she came with Boutique Monopoly, Trouble and Apples to Apples. It helped alleviate the stress and boredom. It kept us entertained for a period as well. Also consider bringing a laptop and iPod as well.


• Cupcake Tower…BEST.IDEA.EVER.


• Grooms cake at the rehearsal dinner v. the wedding. Another fantastic idea.


• Pulling the flower girl in a wagon down the aisle is a great idea as well.


• Is it true that if it rains on your wedding day its good luck or is that just something we tell brides freaking the fuck out over drops of water?


• Add Trolley to your list of things that must be present at your wedding. It has a classic feel to it plus its fun. For everyone. And I have the feeling the pictures will be awesome.


• Speaking of pictures, if you are in the Atlanta area, book my friend Jess Fouts for your wedding photos (and any other photos). She does a fantastic job. You can check her out here.

Dreamcrusher and the Bride on the balcony of the historic Lawrenceville courthouse.