Now, for this week's twerson(? maybe? I feel like I can add tw to a lot of shit and make it into a twitter friendly word but I guess I'm wrong). This week, I'd like you to follow a woman after my own heart. Currently my favorite description of myself is sarcastic and my favorite word to use during a road rage rant is cunt (I know, I know). Put them together and you get: @sarkastickunt! Reasons I like her: she is a social drunk, a flirt and her background is bottles of pills spilling everywhere. This bitch has her priorities straight. Now, in her own 140 characters, I give you @sarkastickunt:
- My daughter just told me she is breathing through her ears. Maybe I should have stopped celebrating 4/20 sooner than I did.
- Apparently the more tit you show on your wedding day, the more serious you are about your wedding vows.
- If "thinking" is code word for masturbation, I think so much I have carpal tunnel.
- I'm laying in bed trying to find my motivation. So far, it's not at the bottom of two bags of chips or three bowls of cereal. I'm stumped.
- My kids remind me everyday to be a better person and how important birth control is.
- Real men don't cry. Unless you sleep with all their friends.
- Chocolate is my anti-drug. Unless I'm doing actual drugs.
- If at any time you find yourself singing a Justin Bieber song, find the nearest store that sells poison and pour yourself a glass.
- In my room getting ready to do dirty things to the hotel bar.
- Happy people are assholes.
- If potato chips were vodka I'd be fall down drunk right now.
- I love him more than I did yesterday. It still isn't enough to be faithful, but I'm working on it.
- "thinking about deleting my account"
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