Football and Sex go together like...

Okay, I have a confession to make. I'm ashamed and embarrassed to admit it. But, here goes:

I drink,drank,drunk wayyyyyyyy too much.

Not tonight, mind you. Just in general starting at age 18 and, well, maybe still going. Though I have cut down, quite a bit. The fact is, all that drinking, as well as maybe a dose of WTF WERE YOU THINKING, has maybe led to me conveniently forgetting about certain sexual partners. And, well, I blocked so much out of this next guy that I am about to cop to, that I don't even remember his name(meaning he wasn't on my list, meaning my number is larger. FUCK). Nor do I have a cutesy nickname for him so I guess I will have to come up with one on the fly. Ummm, we'll call him TD Tommy. Tommy is in no way a reflection of his actual name but I was hammered the two times we had sex so...whatever, judge me. I don't care.

What does this have to do with Sex or football? Well, I'm not going to lie, aside from my affinity for baseball boys, nothing turns me on more than manly men bashing the shit out of each other while wearing tight pants. Oh man, so hot. And G Day is tomorrow, so this seems like a good point to tell this story since UGA football is on my mind.

So, a few years ago I moved back to the Atlanta area after a stint at the Jersey Shore (sans Snookie and MTV). It was football season and as a UGA grad I was thinking, "Man, it is nice to be home". And by home I meant, around for UGA football season. Almost a year of abstinence had made me understandably horny. And my friend Jen, bless her, had all of us to her parents tailgate. Which would be where I met TD Tommy. TD Tommy was not a UGA grad, he was a UGA grad student and I want to say he went to VA Tech for his undergrad. He was about 6'0" with blond hair and blue eyes. He was entertaining me and I liked that. Plus he was cute. Obviously, I was going to hit on him whether I was drunk or not. However, sober I would not have had sex with him. Not that you, or I, really believe that but whatever.

Anyway, at some point before the game (UGA dominated OK State PS) our friend Michael spilled some red, and I mean RED, shit all over TD Tommy's khaki pants. Of course, now he has a gaggle of gals recommending how to get the red out of his pants. But none so bold as Ms. Berryfine, who offers to walk with him across the parking lot to his apartment and help him out. Did I know I was going to be a hussy? If I did, I ignored it because after stripping him of his pants, I actually did stick them in water to soak. Then I just happened to realize I had a half naked man in an empty apartment who apparently found me equally as attractive or just easy as hell in my easy access dress and drunken state. Note to other hussies, strapless dresses are ideal for fucking on the fly. No joke, easy access below, plus ability to tug top down for fondling of breasts. The guy had a great body and it was a fun little tailgate diversion. Some people play cornhole and beer pong, I fuck on the fly. Everyone has their own idea of fun.

Well, sex for a drunk gal whose been abstinent is like cat nip. Just the idea of it gets us going. And afterward, TD Tommy and I returned back to the tailgate and continued on like some serious orgasms had not just occurred less than 100 feet from the place our friends were drinking Jack and Coke and downing Pimento cheese sandwiches. In fact, TD Tommy and I continued to flirt and have a great time with no one at the tailgate the wiser. The game started and he went back to his apartment for the VA Tech game and I headed to a bar with some friends to watch UGA.

But, I just could not stop myself from thinking it was utterly ridiculous to think I could not have sex and watch football at the same time. I mean, they are two of my most favorite things. Why not combine them? So, with UGA in the lead and halftime looming, I booty called my newfound fuck buddy. Heyo, he said, come on over. That was the plan, TD Tommy. I notified one friend (the less judgemental one) of whose place I was going to and swore her to secrecy. I promised her I'd be back before the end of the game and headed out on foot to TD Tommy's place.

TD Tommy had a drink waiting for me (and this would be where fantasies of happily ever after would be woven) and both games on separate TVs since he knew I wanted to watch the UGA game. 99% of the time, nothing can distract me from the actual game. Except a penis. A willing penis. So with UGA in the lead and VA Tech making a surge, I unzipped TD Tommy's pants and began to go down on him. Sometimes, I wonder why I'm single. I mean, what more could a guy ask for than football and a blow job simultaneously? Apparently, VA Tech was doing well enough that TD Tommy thought he might like to reciprocate and now I got to attempt to watch football while a guy goes down on me(it is harder than I thought). An hour and a half later, we had moved from living room couch to his bedroom and he was hitting it from behind. And suddenly.

"FUCK" he curse, stopping.

Ummmm, excuse me? Why are you stopping? Before I can even vocalize this thought, TD Tommy is cumming. All. Over. My. Back. Someone (okay two someones) forgot to put a condom on between the living room and the bedroom. Oh, but it gets better. You know how guys can't seem to piss in a toilet bowl? Well, that same lack of aim apparently applies to ejaculation because HE CAME IN MY HAIR.

So much for pretending I didn't just have sex when I return to the bar. Of course, I'm drunk but not so drunk that I'm not flipping out. I'm sorry but cum in the hair is messy and disgusting and a major pain in the ass when you are fucking on the fly without a blowdryer to fix your hair. Needless to say, the game ended and I was sitting on the couch drinking a beer and waiting for my hair to dry when Jen banged on the door. Which turned into a shit show because apparently she had been trying to hook up with TD Tommy (her neighbor) for some time. So while she flipped her shit, I snuck out and headed downtown for more booze to erase the memory of TD Tommy. Until now.

So, thoughts? Am I as big of a hussy as recounting this story makes me feel? Has anyone had a similar experience? How did you deal?