What does it take?

What does it for someone to get you naked?  For you to go from 0 to 90 and get it on ASAP?  Must he or she whisper sweet nothings into your ear?  Rub you in all the right places?  Talk dirty?  A sext message or two?  Hey!  Don't act like you've never done it!  If you haven't then find that dirty sexy little someone and try it out.  I sure have one and boy is he FUN.  ;)  Great form of safe sex that won't get ya preggers.  That's another post though.  I'll write about that another time.  Remind me Berryfine!  If this person messes up in their attempt to get you naked, do they get another try that night?

I've written about my drought.  About all the times I wished I was having sex with my boyfriend instead of becoming more familiar with my sex toys.  After another two or three week wait the time had arrived!  He wanted to have sex!  Let me set the scene for you...

The lights are off and the two of use have been laying in bed for a little under an hour.  The only light in the room is from that episode of Law and Order he put on tv.  (Nothing like the "doink, doink" and a SVU crime to get you in the mood.)  We have new pillows and soft organic cotton sheets so I'm in comfy bed heaven.  I'm right at the line of being asleep and awake when poke, poke (with his finger, NOT his penis) "I think we should have sex."

You think we should have sex?  Did that just happen?  Did he just poke me as if we're in line at Kroger together and it's time to check out?  Dammit!  Where did the sexy pick up moves go?  Where's the game?  This made me wonder for just a sec how he ever got me in bed in the first place.  Then I remembered...I was 21, drunk, and there was panty dropping music* playing.  They practically jumped off my body.  Could he at least have felt me up instead of POKING me in the arm?  At least a poke with his penis would have been playful and fun!  Still lets keep my arm out of it though.  UGH MY ARM!  When is that ever a good way to get someone out of their clothes?  Especially during a drought.  I can get going quickly but really?  Really?!  Couldn't think of something sexy to say?  Fine.  Don't say anything at all.  Just touch me.  He knows, or used to know the parts where I like to be touched.  Guess what...they haven't changed!  In fact they're kinda lonely.  Touch them.  Just one?

Sadly for him and for my vagina, he did not get another try.  That poke pissed me the fuck off.  In fact I told him to leave me the hell alone.  Just because I'm horny and we don't do it on the regular anymore doesn't mean that you should half ass shit.  You don't half ass anything else.  Don't half ass my lovin'.

So Little Black Book readers...what does it take?

*I posted this blog after work with a glass of wine.  After the wine and a little panty dropping music I'm ready.   Poke, poke.  Shit!  Damn you Aunt Flo!  I'm going to drink more.

Do you like bad boys?

Okay, so typically, I do not post from work but this morning I have got to talk about this guy at the gym. I'm the kind of girl who digs a surfer guy or a preppy guy. Jim was kind of in between- though he did have a period of long glorious locks and two eyebrow piercings. He always ended up in Polo shirts and khakis for a night out. Last I saw this was not the case and- WHY THE FUCK ARE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT HIM!?!?!

AN.Y.WAY.

This morning I was working out at the gym at 5 am. Usually, there is NO ONE attractive there (this includes me) but today as I was getting off the treadmill, after 35 minutes of running, I noticed this guy four treadmills over chatting with a woman next to him while he warmed up. He wore a hat so I have no idea if he had a full head of hair(isn't it weird how some guys are hot with hats and some aren't. And some take them off and you're like OH MY GOD. Put it back on!). He had diamond studs. He was bulky. Long sleeved, fitted workout t and pair of warm up pants. He looked good. And as I wandered over to do some ab work and stretch I kept kicking myself for my black leggings, green I Ate A Pie Barefoot Ball shirt. Who the hell would want to pick me up in a gym?

You may be asking why I would want to be picked up in a gym. Let me tell you. As I was doing crunches, I noticed the guy start a training session with his buddy and a personal trainer. No joke, I'm sweating in places I'd rather not discuss so I have no idea why but I was feeling incredibly sexual (hellooooo 5 month drought). Watching this guy lift weights was such a fucking turn on. Just thinking about it right now has me going. Then...

HE TOOK HIS SHIRT OFF.

Oh. My. Jesus. I was complaining a few weeks ago about the lack of eye candy at the gym but no more. This guy had a beautiful body. Typically, I like a guy with nice arms and I'm okay with a less than stellar body (hey, it would be hypocritical of me to request a perfect speciman). Generally, I am not attracted to bulky guys. But something about this guy was making me wish he'd take me to the shower and give it to me. Hard. He was the kind of guy who made you feel feminine all over and who would just dominate you.I mean his body was muscled all over and I kind of wanted to lick it all over. Bulky but not power lifter I-Think-I'm-the-Next-Arnold big. And he had this tattoo. And suddenly, I wanted a BAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDD Boy. Badly.

I believe the Tuesday morning 5 am workout session may just become a regular thing!