If I win the lottery...

So apparently the megamillions is up to 325 million bucks. I have never played the lottery before. Why? Well, you know how you run into the gas station for a quick cup of coffee before you head to that job you hate? And how you have precious seconds and the entire world has decided today is the day they want coffee as well? Right at this very moment that you do. And there is that one asshole who decides today is also the day he is going to be the farm on the lottery and you end up waiting in line for 10 minutes for a cup of joe that cost you $1.17 and totally isn't worth it anymore. Well, I refuse to be that asshole. Imagine my surprise when I found out I can do it at Kroger without getting in anyone's way. Well you better believe I drove right over there and picked a crap ton of numbers (okay 5 dollars worth- which was HARD. Apparently, I cannot count and a few times I had less numbers than I should have). This got me to thinking, what if I did happen to win the lottery? What would I do with the money?

• Buy my old company and fire everyone. Okay, not really. After about two seconds of thought I realized I'd feel really bad about 10 minutes later and that would not be worth the satisfaction of seeing their faces when I fired them in the middle of a recession for something ridiculous. For example, I don't like your attitude about your job. I think you like it TOO much. So no matter how much it galls me that someone in that company is bad mouthing me to people both inside and out (and spreading shit that is none of their damn business) I will not be wasting my $325 million dollars penalizing everyone else.
• I would NOT buy house. I don't care if it is a buyers market, it's a good investment, and right now I am just throwing my money away at nothing by renting. Buying a house is a hell of a lot more than just plunking money down. There are mortgages and maintenance and upkeep and neighbors you don't particularly like who pop up at inopportune times and get all up in your business. For that matter, drug dealers move in and severely depreciate the value of your home. Who needs that?
• That being said, I will buy a gameday condo in Athens. How sweet would it be to walk from my condo to downtown and the game?
• Speaking of games- hefty donation to UGA and lifetime tickets. My uncle has that shit for NC State. He might be the coolest person ever- he'll never grow out of the college years with a link like that- no matter how many babies he has or hairs he loses.
• I'd like to make an alcohol. Not sure if I would brew beer or distill a liquor. So many choices. Of course with $325 fucking dollars I could do both. It would be sweet.
• Speaking of businesses and profit- I would open a dive bar where people like me before I made(made?bitch please, you got lucky) my millions could get some good grub at a decent price and listen to all the country and rock they want while playing flip cup and beer pong. Hopefully WAKA would add me to their rotation of awesome bars to head to after their games. That would be sweet(I really like this word apparently).
• Also, Yankees tickets. None of those posh tickets though. Classic tickets with middle America who won't mind if I drop an f-bomb.
• Okay, I changed my mind. I want a beach house at the SHORE. So I can make fun of guidos when I walk out into my front yard. Also, no grass. I would rather sift some fucking sand than mow a damn yard.
• Throw a "Fuck yeah, I won the fucking lottery!" pub crawl. In Ireland. If I win the lottery I will be able to afford a passport. I will bring my mommy with me. It was be glorious. Feckin' amazing.
• Buy shit. I like to shop. A lot.
• I would get a job. At Glory Glory. I would bribe the guy to let me go to the conventions and pick awesome UGA gear. I would have every Saturday off to use my lifetime tickets.
• I would bribe the (unbribable-is that a word?) very moral Tim Tebow to lose to UGA this year at GA-Florida. Ohhhh fuck bribing him- time for a mission trip Timmy, boy. The uncircumcised boys of the world need you!
• Probably I'd save some too. Just so that when I open my account I can get that "Holy shit, I have millions of dollars" feeling all over again.