FUCKKKKKKK...no one has tweeted boom recently. What the fuck is up with that? I love that word. Conveys a lot of emotion and I see it nowhere. So I'm going to tweet it now. And then pick another word. Like...booze. Zero. Beer. Zero. I find it hard to believe no one is tweeting my favorite b words. Fuck you and your search Twitter.
Phew, found someone awesome. And here we go. To match my angry mood, add @angryoldcoot to your tweeps. Why? Shotgun, rocking chair...anger...need I really say more? Yes, well, I'll let his tweets do the talking:
- Always play Soundgarden for your kindergarten age girls. This parenting tip brought to you by two days of Miley Cyrus.
- I'm getting a contact high from my kid's markers. This is dangerous. I will have to take them. To work with me.
- My Drunk Life Coach ran over my Spirit Animal with his Toyota while masterbating to Bacon Porn on his Double-Downed stained iPad.
- After being with me through college and grad school you'd think my ass would have a bigger vocabulary.
- In bizarro-world, if I were buying milk I'd say "extracting semen from my penis." Anyway, BRB. I'm "buying milk."
- I need to take a shower and do some thinking and maybe when I'm done I'll tell you why Daddy was wearing the balloon.
- I heard my first Justin Bieber song today. On NPR. It's like I locked myself in a safe room, then, BOOM: Freddy Krueger.
ANNNNDDDDD I love this guy even more for his use of the word BOOM! I wasn't even trying to find that on his page. If he didn't have kids and an insane love for bacon blow jobs, I'd be proposing to him on Twitter right now.
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