Monday Musings

• Would everyone please just shut the fuck up about this "Scam" Newton thing? (For those of you under a rock, Scam is what anyone outside of the Auburn fanbase has taken to calling Auburn quarterback Cam Newton) If nothing comes of this, you'll look like an ass. Which you already do since your team isn't as good and has a shittier record than Auburn. You just look like a fucking immature, sore loser. And if later on revelations lead to him being stripped of any awards he received this season and Auburn's record being tainted, then we can all have a nice little laugh and pat ourselves on the back for having been the bigger person at the time.
• Getting up in the morning is a lot harder than it used to be. Which I don't get since I now have a big girl job and something to live for. Or so I thought.
• My kitchen sink is clogged. I could have told you that was going to happen since my garbage disposal makes a weird noise and doesn't suck a damn thing down. That finally caught up to me. Unfortunately, that water is just going to hang out there until I clean the apartment because no one is getting past that door until my bras are put away.
• I really, really dislike the new employee in our office. Like I have no common ground and she's fucking dense. Also, asking me the same question over and over again is not going to get you a different answer. Actually, yes, my answer will change in that it will be a lot ruder (is that a fucking word?). I might throw a fucking or shit in there as well.
• Today I did nothing at work. And yet my boss thinks I'm a workaholic. I should have been an actress.
• This. Right. Here:

Make sure you listen for the That's What She Said Moment at around the 1:24 mark. If you go to You Tube watch their booze one too. Pretty classic. I actually really want to try it.

• I missed a deadline on my story. Which I guess I should work on right now. But reviewing educational software seems wayyyyy less fun than trolling the internet.
• I am the most unprofessional person. For instance, today I thought it might be a grand idea to share the link to this blog with one of my vendors (and my phone boyfriend...HIIIIIII TONY). This seems like a not very bright idea to everyone else but fuck it. Won't be the first time my internet shananigans get me into hot water.
• Blogger won't let me spell-check this. Whatever. I'll just spell everything wrong and see how much you enjoy reading it. Which is not possible actually as my degrees in journalism and literature prohibit me from purposefully posting something like that. However, if I speed through this and hit publish before I get a chance to review it mayyyyyybeeeee....

Fleeting Thought Friday

• My blackberry is going apeshit today. If it is internet related, my backberry refuses to do it. No facebook, no twitter, no email. NO BBM. How the hell can I get through my day without these things? Oh...right...work. Damnit.
• Speaking of work...life in shambles life is a little less in shambles as she got a new J-O-B. Which is why I have been M-I-A. Still the same old dork you know and love though. Clearly.
• Not to worry in the past two weeks I have thrown a bachelorette party and had an epic halloween. So, never fear my dears, I'm still getting hammered at every opportunity.
• This is going to sound racist but you know what? I don't care. Okay, I kind of care. But I have to tell someone. You know how you go into a Mexican restaurant and you hear the crazy-ass music playing? And on top of that, sometimes the mariachi band swings by? And you know how you think to yourself, "This cannot be what they listen to. It has to be over exaggerated for us." I'm here to tell you otherwise. It is in fact what they listen to as loudly as possible. The best is when they work on their monster diesel trucks with the music blaring over the sound of the engine. They get confused when you ask them to turn it down. Apparently, they are just sharing with me and I should be appreciative. Guess what? I'm NOT. End racist rant.
• I have a hole in my sock. The big toe is poking out. It is really annoying. How did I even get a hole in the toe in the first place?
• It took me all damn week to come up with these. Is this what they mean by getting old? They mean you are slow as fuck and lacking wit. Cause I don't want it.
• On accident this morning I blasted FUCK THA POLICE. Hope my bitch-ass neighbor enjoyed that. Especially since I am fairly certain she has a rocking chair above my bed. It's the only explanation I can come up with. Can't turn it off.
• The Randy Moss Remix video is my favorite video this week.
• Also, I went into facebook overdrive this morning after deciding 40 degrees is way to cold to run in. So I blasted the world with terrific videos. Sucks for you if we aren't facebook friends. You know you're jealous.
• I think I am going to take this weekend off from being me. Not quite sure how one does that but I'm giving it a shot.
• I will never NOT be an alcoholic (you are welcome). You see, everyone has these expectations of me. And when I don't perform then I feel guilty. So then I go into overdrive. I know for a fact several people have invited me to be in their weddings or come to their bachelorette parties because I'm the fun one. It's a lot of pressure. I have to be on point. Raunchy jokes have to roll off the tongue and the throat has to be open at all times for shots (of cum...zing. Christ I'm even performing here). Every time I start to sober up or say I'm the driver, I feel the collective internal sigh and then I have to take a drink. And tweet. And text. And call. And dance. God, I just have to dance.
• I love making tags for this shit and coming across the shit I picked last time. Or didn't think of and should have. Sometimes I really am an idiot.
• I also strongly believe if I got married I would break a lot of hearts. Not because I'm a slut. Or because guys want to bang me and I'd be off the market. But because could I be as funny talking about my hubs and how he wears his socks to bed, consistently misses the toilet, is balding and calls me MAMA in bed? Wait...that is kind of funny.
• Do you ever think things ONLY happen to you? Well, you're wrong. If it's shitty, it has happen to me. I can almost guarantee you that there are things that have only happened to me, though. So stop feeling sorry for yourself.
• I might be an asshole but I really think this bullying thing is getting out of hand. And before you assume berryfine was never made fun of me...well, I wore glasses and headgear to school in fifth grade. Trust me, bitches, I was made fun of. That's where the funny comes from. A dark place in my soul. This goes back to the everyone is a winner thing. Why is everyone on that bandwagon? These kids get out into reality and their worlds collapse inward at an alarming rate they aren't prepared for because Mommy and Daddy told them they were WINNERS and no one ever called them porker when they downed too much food at lunch. Which is why porker is now fat and lazy and only a winner at video games. I'm semi proof of this. I'm the fat and lazy part. I don't win video games. Or much else for that matter. And I'm doing stellar, just stellar, y'all.
• I think the thing that pisses me off is the bandwagon ohmygodsomeonegotbullied?metoo!iwassoprettyeveryonehatedme. Shut the fuck up you skinny, multi-millionaire bitch. And this it gets better campaign? you know what? I bet there are people out there that could contradict that in a fucking heartbeat. So you, on your high horse, doing your awesome things can stop telling us it does.
• Whew, I'm exhausted now.

Twitter Tuesday.

I am bringing back an oldie that the real owner of this blog has not done recently {in her defense I don't think she has done much of anything unrelated to work lately}. I found this individual as I was laying in bed last night and I am a HUGE fan.  Allow me to introduce you to @cubicletweets and here are a few of my favorites....

• I would transfer you to her voicemail but then I have to press like two buttons and then talk to someone and I just don't want to do that.
• Since the water cooler is broken, I just might die of dehydration and lack of office gossip.
• I am only 2 hours into the 46 hour work week and I already want to shoot myself
• i think i just had a cubicle induced panic attack. that's grounds for going home right?
• my phone is about to die. they're are annoying people in costumes everywhere. i need a cigarette. i'm sick. i can't drink. i hate my life
• I'm using @foursquare for the first time and it says my office isn't showing up as a location. My search term is Hell. Can anyone help me?
• You know that urban legend about the dog in the microwave? Yeah that's what the microwave in our fucking office looks like.
•    My fucking desk is fucking stressing me out.
•    This office is a cesspool of disease and bad fashion.
• You have been talking about apple pie for 34 minutes. I've been timing you. Its been 34 fucking minutes. Now 35. 35 minutes
•    i don't want to hear about your vacation. actually, i don't even want to hear you talk.
• a bird just landed on a tree outside my window, looked at me and then took off and i thought to myself, "you lucky son of a bitch."
•    i really didn't think it was possible for me to hate something more than Monday, but Tuesday, you're really making progress
• The last 5 minutes of the work week has got to be similar to water boarding at Guantanamo Bay.

I really could go on for awhile, but I will stop.  And no, this in no way reflects how I feel about my job... I just found him/her to be entertaining

Life in Shambles Exit Letter*

Dear Human Resources,

Well, homeslice, I'm out. Like a fat kid in dodgeball. Except I'm kind of fat and it would take a while to get me out in dodgeball cause I'm quick and shit. Reflexes like a cat. Anyway...

This is long overdue. I heard a rumor about exit interviews but I'm too chicken-shit to do this in person and not bold enough to do this via email and whiteboard. Anyway, word on the street is that companies like to know why you are leaving your job, what you liked about it and what you disliked about it. So here goes.

Why am I leaving this awesome $13.50/hr job?

Money, bitches. I do a lot of work (sometimes. Okay like Tuesday and Thursday). For example, scanning people's work to them requires the patience of a saint as the scanner dislikes doing what it is supposed to do. I have to retrieve the work from the printer and then look it up on the spreadsheet and separate it according to who needs to do what. Then, I have to battle the scanner to get the people their work. Then I have to file it away in a drawer so that my supervisor can request I rescan things months later, multiple times. Because she deletes everything I send. Or because she can't figure out how to read mail that has already been opened. Either way.

Speaking of which, dealing with my supervisors is worth at least $15/hr without having any work at all. One of them is a control freak who thinks everyone is a mind reader. The other one, I swear doesn't work. And there is no way her degree really came from Cornell. Otherwise Andy Bernard truly exists and I'm working for Dunder Mifflin. Come to think of it...

Also, I'm bored. Truly bored. I work in the office by myself. I scan, I stuff, I write off, I reply to emails. The only bright spots in my day are speaking with patients about their insurance. I highly doubt this is their bright spot. Especially considering I spend 20 minutes bullshitting them because I have NO idea what happens with the information I gather for the client. Supposedly it resolves problems but best I can tell the client just calls the patient again and asks the same damn questions. Which really is slandering my good name. I wish I had thought to leave my supervisors name when I spoke with them so that when they complained they used her name instead of mine. Lesson learned.

What could you guys do better? Well, I doubt you care as you sold the company for a ton of money to the client. Which apparently you were required to do because they can't be your only client and you refuse to get more. Which doesn't make sense to me but whatever. Anyway, my job was pretty pointless. If you just assigned one of my tasks to each employee in the company, you could save $13.50/hr. It doesn't take THAT long. Some days, I stretch it out so you think I am busier than I am. In reality, I'm reading a lot of blogs. Sometimes that shitty paper AJC. Other times gossip over at NY Post. Speaking of which, thank you Google Reader for allowing me to read all those blocked sites!

Also, I'm pretty sure you're aware of the fact that I just took this job to stay off unemployment. I feel confident that you know I was never truly invested in this company's success other than the fact that my Mom would have been pissed if I didn't do well here since she, too, works here and my brother already fucked up her standing by lying on his time sheet.

And another thing! I am not too keen on your handling of the you paid me wrong situation. WTF was up with you trying to say I owed you money? I'm still not entirely sure you don't owe me more than you gave me, but damnit I'm tired of trying to work this out and the extra $1300 is better than nothing I suppose. Plus now I don't have to deal with contract taxes. Which I had to pay last year so that's bullshit. You really did screw me in every way possible.

Ummm I guess you're wondering about the good. Well, I had a job. So that was good. You paid for my internet and phone. So that was awesome. I got to work at home on Wednesdays which I will miss at my new job. Free coffee was a plus (I loved that Milky Way Swirl thing. Damn I need that machine at home). Sometimes I got free lunch during managers meetings just for being at work. So that was swell. I talked to my mom every day since no one else knew how to answer questions. I'm sure she appreciated that a lot (or not). I guess it was good that I could spend the day reading and pretending to work and you paid me. That's pretty sweet (perhaps I have found my calling. Anyone out there looking for a professional reader?).

Anyway, I just wanted to say Thanks for the job. And for making it difficult as fuck to get paid. And I wanted to wish you luck as you merge with the client. I have a feeling it will be a disaster and lucky for me, I get to hear all about it without actually being there to further get fucked up the ass. But don't worry, I'm sure I'll be just as miserable as you as I attempt to navigate this road called life and learn to live with a broken dream of doing a job I enjoy.

All my best (and worst),
Life in Shambles

*Of course, I didn't really send this. I sent a nice email thanking them for the opportunity. Maybe I should post that as well. Just so you can laugh at how small my balls really are.

When it rains it pours...

Which is not good for an indecisive person such as myself. And especially when I have made a move toward one thing and immediately after, something shinier comes up. Currently, I have "accepted" a job offer from a company and pending the credit and background check will be starting October 12. Which means I had to put my notice in for my current job.

NO GOING BACK NOW.

Meanwhile, a friend of mine has an excellent opportunity that could really give me some experience in a field I am seriously interested in. It is part time. Flexible in terms of hours and the pay is good for some spending money. But I don't know if I can do it while doing this new job since the new job is in an industry I know nothing about (and the new boss gave me three HUGE binders to read and learn before I start). I want it though. I want it bad. I would be fucking awesome for it (I'd have to edit my fucks though haha). I would learn a ton. And it could be what I need to get into the industries I'm interested in doing something I am actually GOOD at (versus this job which I know nothing about and have a feeling I will be terrible at no matter what the Wonderlic says about me). I want to be able to say yes to this SO BAD (she is being nice enough to give me a quick minute to think about it. Which is because I want to be sure I could handle it and my new job- she's sticking her neck out to give me the opportunity. And my performance would reflect back on her. That matters a lot to me).

Then, I get a phone call from a darling friend (whom you all know and love as well) with an opportunity she is DYING to submit me for. Awesome pay. Awesome job. I had actually considered applying for it but didn't think I had the skill level they wanted and then things started rolling with the job I just got offered so I stopped applying to jobs altogether.

I hate to accept a job and then interview for another one and possibly get it but at the same time, I'm sure this is how other people get ahead. We might call them bitches and assholes for being so selfish but, in fact, they are saavy and are doing better with their careers than my nice guy approach. Since the first opportunity is through a friend of a friend, I called my mom for advice about what to do. She told me to go for the third opportunity because I need to look out for me.

The third opportunity sounds golden- travel (around the state), using my background, with a company I enjoy as I use their products on the reg and the difference in pay between opportunity one (which by the way is with someone I can learn a TON from as she is ranked #1 in Atlanta in what she does) and this opportunity is $13K. I know, INSANE not to take it.

So I submitted my resume. I might even head to church so I can pray to God I get the third opportunity. I want it so bad! Cross your fingers and your toes for me. And leave me some love or hate about my decision!

Yo! You talking about me?

Hahaha. It's like the person who wrote this knows me or something.

"Confessionals
You may hate your job; lie on your taxes; or be a recreational user of illicit drugs, but this is no place to confess. Employers commonly peruse social networking sites to determine who to hire — and, sometimes, who to fire. Need proof? In just the past few weeks, an emergency dispatcher was fired in Wisconsin for revealing drug use; a waitress got canned for complaining about customers and the Pittsburgh Pirate's mascot was dumped for bashing the team on Facebook. One study done last year estimated that 8% of companies fired someone for "misuse" of social media."

Thanks Yahoo finance for calling my shit out.

Troublesome Thursday

Today is not going well for a number of reasons all of which involve my job. This is like a Wednesday Wigout but on Thursday and y'all know how I love my alliterations.

The important reason is this:

I work for an hourly wage of $13.50 for a company. Sometimes, they give me overtime but for the most part they don't. However, they will allow me to work extra hours as a contract employee for $12/hr. Would I like overtime? Hell yes. Can I afford to turn down work for $12/hr? Hell no. So I did it. For a total of 629 hours.

Well, they sold the company and we merge in a few months. In the meantime, they cease to allow me to do the extra work. Then approach me last week to tell me that they actually OWE me money for the work I have done.

One would ASSUME that in order for them to owe me money, they must have been doing something illegal. In order to cover their butts, they would need to pay me the difference in what they should have paid me and what they actually paid me. Which was 8. Which puts the total amount owed around $5000.

Then, suddenly, I'm being told they will pay me half time plus a dollar.

NOW, as of today, I SOMEHOW OWE THEM MONEY FOR WORK I DID.

Riddle me how this is even remotely possible? Someone explain it to me because I'm not getting it.

Another Job Slips Through the Cracks...

I hate when I see a job posting but I don't have the required skills...

DEA seeks Ebonics experts to help with cases.


Ummmm, seriously? Can I Rosetta Stone that shit?

Wig Out Wednesday

As my few readers know, I am currently on the job hunt. While I am employed, the job is pretty deadend not to mention…nevermind. Don’t speak ill of a job you currently hold. Or even one you used to work in for that matter. Looks bad.

Let’s start over, shall we? I currently work in a job that I love but has no room for advancement. Because this is an issue for me as I am looking for a career and not just a job, I am currently putting feelers out there for a new opportunity. I have interviewed with a few places and every time I get the following response (and I mean, EVERY time people)…

“We love, love, love your personality and enthusiasm. You have great energy. Unfortunately, you don’t have the experience we’re looking for at this time.”

Really?

Look, I used to be a recruiter. I understand sometimes you need to ask clarifying questions but can you not do those things over the phone? I really don’t make a ton of money and it’s not a lot of fun to think up excuses to leave work and drive 30 minutes to a job interview that I never had a shot at anyway. You have my resume in front of you so you know what I have done in the past. Why waste my time, and more importantly yours, when you could be interviewing one of the 10 % of the unemployed population of Atlanta. Someone who has the experience clearly listed on their resume?

Furthermore, how the hell does one gain experience in an industry if none of you people are willing to give the inexperienced a chance? If I only did jobs I have experience in, then I would be stuck applying for jobs interviewing teen celebrities, organizing closets, making sandwiches, ringing up orders, routing products and counting shit, booking appointments, recruiting temporary staff or medical billing. If I liked doing those things, I’d probably be applying to Twist, Panera, Quizno’s, STA, Phillips Wellness Center, TRC or Trillium Group…oh wait, there’s my resume. Guess that won’t work.

The last interview I had consisted of a woman asking questions from a steno pad. Afterwards she told me “You’re awesome.”

A week later she called to tell me they went with another candidate and that “You should really just drop the professional job and look into doing standup or something along those lines.”

Well, if that was so damn easy, wouldn’t I be doing that by now?

Thirsty Thursday aka Why Do I Drink?

1. I am going gray. See previous post for my feelings on this newest development.
2. I have 2 months to find a new job and a new place to live.
3. I am single. Per usual.
4. My ex is engaged. See reason # 3.
5. My life is in shambles.
6. I am broke (probably from drinking).
7. My friends live farther away than I would like.
8. Gas is expensive.
9. Shit, life is expensive.
10. I hate my job (probably get fired again for saying it again. Some lessons just can't be taught).
11. A little girl I babysat is getting married. What the hell is that? Shouldn't she still be in diapers or something?
12. I have issues. Lots of issues. Anxiety, abandonment, daddy...you name it, I've got it.
13. Life is an utter disappointment whether I try or not.
14. I like booze. No seriously, I like it. A LOT.
15. People are shitty drivers. This puts me in a bad mood.
16. No one has entered my dicktowel giveaway. I'll show you people. All current followers are now entered. Blaire I hope you win a dick towel and don't know what to do with it.
17. My neighbors suck. Except one of them has an entire liquor store in her apt.
18. I have bad luck with cars (that will be a whole nother post my friends).
19. The quarter life crisis neither begins nor ends at 25. Therefore, I'm currently residing in this state of my life.
20. I miss home.
21. I am overweight.
22. I have high blood pressure. Alcohol lowers blood pressure. Dr. Write me a prescription!
23. It's fun.
24. It's Thursday?
25. Telemarketers keep calling my apt looking for David and Jennifer Monter. Who, oddly enough, I actually know as David used to be my employee.
26. Miley Cyrus. Do I need to say anything more?
27. I haven't had sex in quite sometime. No that is not an invitation for one of you to offer your services. I'm just saying, its enough to drive you to drink. Because well, its depressing and because you might lower your standards and get laid.
28. I like bars. And patios. And college football games. And Yankees games. And concerts. And all of these things are more awesomer with booze. Seriously.
29. Because I want to.
30. Because this blog would be better if I were hammered.

Mondays Musings (not by Berryfine)

Since Berryfine is out in Vegas I have decided to take on the task of her infamous Monday's Musings. I think she is like in LA somewhere now or she is still sitting at a slot machine. Where ever the hell she is tops where I am right now (and probably where you are too). It may not be as entertaining, but it can and may be just as angry. You see, Berryfine and I may be two different people but we both have attitude problems, cannot stand retarded people, have a very low patience level and get worked up over things pretty easily. So with that introduction let me begin.

• My car CD player is dysfunctional. Disc 1 plays smoothly and great. Disc 3 and 6, not so much. I have not yet tried out 2,4,or 5 so I will report back.
• Why is it that slow people must drive in the left hand lane. I want to get out of my car at red lights, knock on their window, and ask them why they believe they belong in the fast lane. 40 in a 45 is not what I call FAST.
• You're 28 years old yet you cannot chew with your mouth closed and you smack your food. You're southern. How did your Mama not smack you around for eating like a total pig? How did she not teach you some manners? I find it revolting.
• I hate when things just fall in people's laps. Why can't I have that sort of luck. No I have to work hard and stress all the time to just maybe do well. It is a crock of shit if you ask me. Even worse: then they're praised as "awesome" ... I call them lucky. Sheer luck.
• How is it already 12:30 PM? Where the hell did the day go.
• Berryfine is in Vegas drinking, gambling, and laying by the pool. She is a bitch for it. Yes Berryfine I did just call you a bitch on your own blog. What now?
• Ricky Martin came out of the closet today. He admitted he is a gay man. I am cool with it. I will always love Livin' Da Vida Loca.
• I took my dog to the vet this past weekend and it cost me $236 and some change to get him up to date on his shots - that seems like robbery. I am never having kids.
• Speaking of never having kids. It is true. This chick I follow on Twitter was in labor for 20 hours, broke her tailbone, and then had to have a C-Section. Fuck That.
• A note to moms everywhere. I think it is okay to post pics of your kids on facebook ... but if they're ugly, limit the uploading of pictures please. Also, I do not care about their fever, their vomiting, or their diarrhea. No, I do not have a quick fix for your 2 year old's pesky cough or how to make the newborn quit crying through the night. You signed up for ALL THAT when you opened your legs and said ohh I want a child.
• I am in a helluva mood today - I feel like everyone should watch out and I should just close my office door.
• I have a weird obsession with teenie bopper music. I was jamming out to Justin Beiber this morning and then realized I was singing "Shawty is an Eenie Meenie Minee Mo Lova" -- kill me now. Awful. Catchy. But Awful.
• I use the birthday reminder on Facebook to defriend people. ...I have been meaning to do it, you just reminded me on your day.oh.birth. :o)
• I hate when I defriend someone and they call me out for it. Why can't they just take a hint. Most importantly, why do they care? We have not spoken since your wedding, since graduation, since college. If I want you to know what is going on in my life I will BBM or text you.
• Why can't you understand "I do not give a fuck if it does not pertain to me"? I feel like that is pretty clear English.
• Serious Question: If the government cannot run the post office how are they supposed to run healthcare?
• I just love doing other people's jobs and not doing mine. I also love making other people their to do list for the day. What is wrong with this picture?
• Upside, Inside Out - Livin Da Vida Loca
• There is a guy in our office currently who talks so fucking loudly that I can hear him word for word. He is in the conference room, there is a kitchen between us, and I can still hear him. Really? Must you talk so loud?! ...15 minutes later, he is still talking or should I call it screaming.
• Sometimes when I think about Northern VA I die inside. Other times the fact that I am moving back cannot come soon enough.
• My boyfriend hangs up his gym clothes. The teeshirt and the work out shorts on one hanger. He says he has to coordinate or some of the shirts are too small. I do not really know, it is just weird to me.
• I want to make a facebook group in which all I do is call people out on their dumb looking facebook pictures. Example 1 is here
• Everyone go to the store and pick up a Sunchips Bag. You don't have to buy it. Just listen to it. It sounds AWFUL. Like tinfoil. Nothing like crunch crunch as you try to sneak chips.
• My boyfriend and I decided this weekend we would always have beer in our house. It is like my "I hate the world" medicine.
• I need some sunshine in my life.
• I am not in the mood to work today.
• On my run today I spotted my dream wedding dress. Now, Kyle just needs to pop the damn question. I say yes already.
• I am embarrassed for every person on the Tool Academy, but I thank them for the mindless entertainment.
• Courtesy of Texts From Last Night - made me think of Berryfine while in Vegas .... (907) I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
• My coworker's husband calls her like 10 times per day. She answers every single time. I swear she would be more productive if she didn't talk to him EVERY TIME he calls. Plus, doesn't he have a job? Why does he call so much. If Kyle wanted to talk to me that much, I would kill myself.
• I went to REI this weekend to spend my dividend *wahoo for free money* and found myself judging people. I am going to leave it at that, because it is real bitchy and I will be hated if I say it.
• Why does everyone think that I can find them a job?! Better yet - why do people think I want to find them a job?!
• Dailymile just told me I had an "awesome" training week. They lie. Awesome is not 3.15 miles - that is pathetic. Just be truthful Dailymile.
• I am pretty sure this whole blog entry breaches my company's social media policy. Whoops?
• The lights in the bathroom on my floor can and will cause a seizure. Promise it. I will blog about it when it happens.
• I think I have a sprained ankle. Who cares, I am gonna go run to take a breather from this place.

Okay. I am done. I promise I am not always a total bitch. 95% of the time, yes I am but in that strange 5% of the time I am actually nice. I think. Welcome to the thoughts of Berryfine's random friend who makes guest appearances.

Forecast...Mostly Sunny with a few Storm Clouds on the Horizon

So my life may actually not be spiraling out of control as much as I think it is. As I said in the first post, I work as a recruiter for a staffing firm out of Atlanta. At the moment, I am 2nd from the bottom of the totem pole. I've been in my position for over a year and in my humble opinion, I do a fairly good job. While I was at another location, I was consistently in the top 5 in terms of placing people on assignment. I was transferred to a location with less volume but more difficult positions to fill. It has been a totally different experience for a number of reasons...

At the old office, I was constantly stressed. A personality clash had me feeling completely uncomfortable. I began doubting my own skills as a recruiter. A new hire who was touted as the greatest thing since sliced bread really set me on edge. I began picking up bad habits of those around me and making less than stellar choices regarding my job. As these things built up, I was less than pleasant to work with or live with as my mom will tell you. In short, I almost lost my job because I lost my focus.

With the help of my mom and dad, I began to logically consider my situation. My boss had told me to consider finding another job and all but fired me in less than so many words. I agreed to consider alternate employment because she requested it and at the time I could no longer do my job in a way that would be beneficial to myself or my company. Unfortunately, my company can be a bit of a web of gossip and soon the situation had spun out of control. Despite requesting help from superiors, I was not granted that help. Nor was I even granted the opportunity to have my say. In taking the high road, I had effectively rendered myself unable to direct my own position within the company. I was unable to communicate which for a journalism major is the end of the world.

Finally, I reached out to HR. I was scared because she is such a serious lady but with the economy in a downturn and less than a year at the job, I was afraid I was being pushed out the door with no hope of getting unemployment while I looked for my next position. A serious of ridiculous events led to me eventually being transferred to my current branch. It's made all the difference in the world.

I have two great co-workers who are technically my bosses but we all function as a piece of the pie. Without the others, we are unable to get the job done in a manner that satisfies us all. Recently, my Ops Manager received a promotion into sales. You might think this would open the door for a promotion for myself. While I have the support of the staff I work with, I do not have corporate support. Despite over a year of experience in my current position, I may not get the opportunity to take the next step. Rather, I would take on the role of my former boss as well as my own duties with no promotion or raise. As always there is conflict that is making our jobs more stressful and the ideas of how to handle them are not there anymore. At times, it is virtually impossible to behave in a professional manner with certain people. Backstabbing, manipulation,  and lying are the norm for some people within my company. To me it is not a healthy environment and it snuffs out success. These are the storm clouds I speak of. My hope is that the sun shines on through and everything works itself out.

This has me feeling kind of low but also revved. It is an opportunity in itself to show the people who don't think I can rise to the challenge that I am worthy of the promotion. That I care enough about my job to continue to strive for more. I work in an office of talented people and love my clients, my candidates and my coworkers. I get the opportunity to work on jobs ranging from the mundane receptionist to the HVAC installer. I deal with clients via email, phone calls and lunches. I get to work with cool technology in the form of video interviewing and interactive newsletters that track what my clients are clicking on. All-in-all it's an excellent position I find myself in.  

Why I Hate My Job

1. I am convinced it will make me racist. I feel bad even putting this down but I really feel a need to be honest here. Some of the people I have met in this field are the most judgemental people ever despite promises to never discriminate. And clients tend to be the worst!





2. Hang ups. What happened to ending a conversation with Good Bye. Just because you consider the conversation over and happen to be in a pissy mood does not mean you need to hang the phone up without saying a goodbye or even a thanks. Also, when you slam the phone down I CAN HEAR IT...and in case you were wondering... IT HURTS. Also, when you call somewhere and the person you want to talk to doesn't answer or its the wrong number, why don't you a. ask for the person you are looking for or b. say, "Wrong number. Sorry!" and then hang up. If the phone rings one more time, and I hear a click as I'm running through my thanks for calling.... this is... how may I help you?" I'm going to throw the phone through the glass that is currently encasing my desk.





3. What is with the inability to listen? You ask a question, I answer. Don't ask the same question again. For example, today a guy called in asking if we were accepting applications. I explained to him that we accept applications online only and proceeded to give him the web address. He then said, "So you don't take applications in the office?" I believe I just covered that. Even after I said, "As I stated before, we take applications online only" and again gave him the web address he thought maybe the third time might be the charm.





4. Stupidity of the ridiclous kind. The same guy then proceeded to ask me if I had the number of the location that did take applications in person. I asked him if he knew what location he was interested in. He said, "The one closest to me." Oh really? The one closest to you? Well, just out of curiousity, where the hell are you? Because you know when I pick up the phone it lists your EXACT location with a map so I can pinpoint the location you are closest to. And by the way the conversation literally started with the question- no hello or greeting of any sort. Why not try identifying yourself at the start of a conversation. In fact, in case you need some help:


Hi my name is Sally Stupid and I am currently looking for a job in the Atlanta area.


Can you tell me how I would go about doing so with your agency?


Honestly, how fucking hard is that? Then of course, you would have to listen to my answer and respond appropriately.





4. Constant reminders of how to do my job. I love getting calls from candidates wanting to remind me to do something for them.


Hi this is Debbie Dumbo and I just wanted to remind you to check my references!


In case you were wondering, my job is not to cater to specific candidates. My job is actually to find the best candidate for my client in a way that benefits both the client and the candidate. Also, I have all manner of things to complete before I can place you. Paperwork, testing and references included. Trust me, I am working on it but when a job comes in that has to be filled, well your request is no longer a priority. I will get to it. I promise. I don't need you calling 10 times a day to remind me to do so.





5. I hate the phone. I have just learned this. I don't even really enjoy talking to my friends on the phone anymore due to the amount of time I am on the phone with candidates and clients. I don't return calls or answer the phone after hours unless I'm planning to meet up with you or you are my mom. Sorry my bad experiences with the phone at work have ruined it for me. I cannot stand the sound of the phone ringing and now understand why my stepdad wouldn't allow phone calls at home when I was growing up.





6. Inability to follow directions. Why, when I send you an email DETAILING information, must you call me to ask what it means? I'm pretty sure it means exactly what I typed out otherwise I would not have wasted 30 minutes typing it to send you. It's not like I was doing it just to keep my words per minute up in case I lose my job! Try actually reading the email a time or two before calling me. 90% of the time, the answer to your question is in the email. Part B of 6 would be that if I email you asking you to call me or vice versa DO IT. If you don't, then I will not put you to work. If you can't follow my simple instructions, then you will not impress my client. It's like that quiz (which coincidently I failed 1 time before learning from my mistake) where if you had read the directions you would not have written a word on the paper. Yeah, that one you probably failed every year.





7. Payroll. I cannot stand payroll. I will never be an HR generalist for this simple fact. For one thing, candidates never get their time card in on time. For another, if it isn't in their hand the minute we said it would be, they FLIP. That being said, don't tell me I don't know what it's like to live paycheck to paycheck. Trust me, I'm doing it right now just like the rest of the world buddy. No reason for you to be rude to me when your check is screwed up. It happens to everyone and I'm more likely to help you if you aren't a dick about it.





8. ASAPS. Look I'm not calling you at 5:30 the night before a job starts just to have fun with you. Nor am I waking your ass up at 8 am to send you to work as a prank. I hate these and probably more than you do. I hate calling ungrateful people and begging them to take an assignment but it's part of my job. If I can get past it so can you. And contrary to popular belief, a lot of the recruiters in my office started out as temps so take down the you don't understand where I am coming from a notch.



9. Sob Stories. Everyone's got one. I honestly don't care. I care about whether or not you sound professional on the phone, can wear a suit when needed, and will work harder than anyone else on an assignment. What I don't care about is how your bills have all gone to collections, your dad died, you were in a horrific wreck, you are dying of cancer or any other sob story you tell me. Trust me every person that calls in tells me one. I feel for your plight but seriously everyone has got something going on that makes them desperate for work.



10. Last minute cancellations. Unless you have contracted a fatal or contagious disease, a family member has died or you were in a horrific car accident, there is absolutely no reason to call me 20 minutes after you were supposed to be at work to tell me another sob story detailing why you can't be at work. My dog ate my homework takes on a whole new life when you are dealing with temps. How can you possibly be that desperate for work and then cancel when I offer you an assignment? My favorite excuse to date is a woman who called me from inside her garage to tell me that she had locked herself in. I have no idea how she did it or why she couldn't get out but I would have made something up. Anything she had made up would have been better than telling me she is the dumbest fucker in Atlanta.



11. Inability to Read a Job Description. If my job post says you will be paid $12 an hour, trust me that ain't gonna change. If I get one more resume listing their salary requirement at $200,000 on a temp to hire $12/hr position, I am going to probably have to quit my job before I get fired for screaming at the person who sent it. Why would I hire you when you obviously cannot read?!?!?! You saying what you want, isn't gonne make it happen buddy. There was a reason I included the job description- so that you wouldn't apply and waste my time. I don't have enough of it as it is and when I get 200 resumes the last thing I want to see is a salary request that does not match what we are looking to pay.



12. Unemployment Hearings. For your sake, I won't go into too much detail. Suffice to say, even if you fuck up, the state will probably pay you unemployment. Awesome for you, shitty for me.



13. Clients, Candidates and any other PEOPLE I may come into contact with. I think that one says it all.

I'm sure one day I will be able to tell you all the reasons I love my job but lets be honest a reason why I hate my job is much more enjoyable. When things are going well, what's there to write about?