Fleeting Thought Friday

• My blackberry is going apeshit today. If it is internet related, my backberry refuses to do it. No facebook, no twitter, no email. NO BBM. How the hell can I get through my day without these things? Oh...right...work. Damnit.
• Speaking of work...life in shambles life is a little less in shambles as she got a new J-O-B. Which is why I have been M-I-A. Still the same old dork you know and love though. Clearly.
• Not to worry in the past two weeks I have thrown a bachelorette party and had an epic halloween. So, never fear my dears, I'm still getting hammered at every opportunity.
• This is going to sound racist but you know what? I don't care. Okay, I kind of care. But I have to tell someone. You know how you go into a Mexican restaurant and you hear the crazy-ass music playing? And on top of that, sometimes the mariachi band swings by? And you know how you think to yourself, "This cannot be what they listen to. It has to be over exaggerated for us." I'm here to tell you otherwise. It is in fact what they listen to as loudly as possible. The best is when they work on their monster diesel trucks with the music blaring over the sound of the engine. They get confused when you ask them to turn it down. Apparently, they are just sharing with me and I should be appreciative. Guess what? I'm NOT. End racist rant.
• I have a hole in my sock. The big toe is poking out. It is really annoying. How did I even get a hole in the toe in the first place?
• It took me all damn week to come up with these. Is this what they mean by getting old? They mean you are slow as fuck and lacking wit. Cause I don't want it.
• On accident this morning I blasted FUCK THA POLICE. Hope my bitch-ass neighbor enjoyed that. Especially since I am fairly certain she has a rocking chair above my bed. It's the only explanation I can come up with. Can't turn it off.
• The Randy Moss Remix video is my favorite video this week.
• Also, I went into facebook overdrive this morning after deciding 40 degrees is way to cold to run in. So I blasted the world with terrific videos. Sucks for you if we aren't facebook friends. You know you're jealous.
• I think I am going to take this weekend off from being me. Not quite sure how one does that but I'm giving it a shot.
• I will never NOT be an alcoholic (you are welcome). You see, everyone has these expectations of me. And when I don't perform then I feel guilty. So then I go into overdrive. I know for a fact several people have invited me to be in their weddings or come to their bachelorette parties because I'm the fun one. It's a lot of pressure. I have to be on point. Raunchy jokes have to roll off the tongue and the throat has to be open at all times for shots (of cum...zing. Christ I'm even performing here). Every time I start to sober up or say I'm the driver, I feel the collective internal sigh and then I have to take a drink. And tweet. And text. And call. And dance. God, I just have to dance.
• I love making tags for this shit and coming across the shit I picked last time. Or didn't think of and should have. Sometimes I really am an idiot.
• I also strongly believe if I got married I would break a lot of hearts. Not because I'm a slut. Or because guys want to bang me and I'd be off the market. But because could I be as funny talking about my hubs and how he wears his socks to bed, consistently misses the toilet, is balding and calls me MAMA in bed? Wait...that is kind of funny.
• Do you ever think things ONLY happen to you? Well, you're wrong. If it's shitty, it has happen to me. I can almost guarantee you that there are things that have only happened to me, though. So stop feeling sorry for yourself.
• I might be an asshole but I really think this bullying thing is getting out of hand. And before you assume berryfine was never made fun of me...well, I wore glasses and headgear to school in fifth grade. Trust me, bitches, I was made fun of. That's where the funny comes from. A dark place in my soul. This goes back to the everyone is a winner thing. Why is everyone on that bandwagon? These kids get out into reality and their worlds collapse inward at an alarming rate they aren't prepared for because Mommy and Daddy told them they were WINNERS and no one ever called them porker when they downed too much food at lunch. Which is why porker is now fat and lazy and only a winner at video games. I'm semi proof of this. I'm the fat and lazy part. I don't win video games. Or much else for that matter. And I'm doing stellar, just stellar, y'all.
• I think the thing that pisses me off is the bandwagon ohmygodsomeonegotbullied?metoo!iwassoprettyeveryonehatedme. Shut the fuck up you skinny, multi-millionaire bitch. And this it gets better campaign? you know what? I bet there are people out there that could contradict that in a fucking heartbeat. So you, on your high horse, doing your awesome things can stop telling us it does.
• Whew, I'm exhausted now.