Monday Musings

• Apparently, even after parsing through my clothes 8 billion times I still have too many clothes. So here I am again, on a Monday night, cleaning out my clothes again. Seriously, bitch, you're never gonna be that skinny again so chuck the fucking skank clothes already. One of these days that will work. Today is not that day.
• Why don't I wear sweat pants more often? Seriously, it's the most comfortable shit out there and yet I never wear them. I miss living in Jersey where it was perfectly acceptable to go to the bar in sweats at least once a week.
• Why is it no matter how hard I try, my fucking room is a disaster. My apartment is a metaphor for my life. A MESS. And the more I try to get my act together, the messier the apartment gets. It's like all the effort I put into growing up sucks the energy right out of me. By the time the work day ends, it's over.
• This visualize success thing is crap. If it did ANYTHING, I would be famous, successful, married and HAPPY. As it is, no one knows me, I'm not successful, I'm single and I'm only seemingly happy until the booze wears off. But it is definitely not for lack of trying as I spend a majority of my life envisioning something completely different than my reality. Starting with being skinny. And toned. And not sitting at a desk filing paperwork all damn day.
• For those of you unaware, I have two tattoos. One is in my pants and the other in my shoe. One my mom knows about, the other she does not. One I love and the other I regret whenever I want to wear my suit skirt or have to try to figure out how I'm hiding it from my mom when I go over the her house. What a stupid idea. And a drunken one at that.
• I need to make another change. But I'm not sure what. My hair? My weight (fat chance)? My job (a month in and I'm already contemplating)? My friends? My charity work? My locale? All things I have been thinking about recently. Things that need adjusting. Whew I'm exhausted just listing them.
• I think I need to make a 2011 bucket list. Not sure what will go in said bucket but I need some things to aspire to.
• Scrooge Moment: I know it's the holidays and it's all about giving but JESUS CHRIST YOU ASSHOLES I AM BROKE. Not to mention, not one of you donated to my race in the summer so I'm a little confused as to why you think I NEED TO DONATE TO YOUR CAUSE. Giving is a year round thing and not just a oh look booze with a cause! thing. That being said, I will attend some charity events this Christmas but don't be offended if yours is not one of them. Be happy that other people are attending and content yourself with the fact that I donate to causes all year and am tapped out by December.
• Statistics are the stupidest thing in sports. For instance, today I saw on someone's facebook status, "The top 5 SEC West teams are 34-1 against everyone but themselves." Ummmmmmm....what the fuck does that even mean? You basically took out ONE FUCKING team that probably dragged that stat down. Stats don't mean shit if you're randomly leaving things out. There are 12 teams in the SEC, 6 in the SEC West. You took the shitty team out so that you could inflate your ego. Fucking retarded. Anyone can manipulate stats to reflect what they are looking for. Also, like Verizon and AT&T both being number one. Number one in what? One of them is in coverage and the other in speed. But just to let you know how great AT&T's coverage is, they tell you in a commercial that they cover 97% of Americans. You might think this means 97% of America is on AT&T and think to yourself, holy shit! But no, friends. It means they can offer coverage in 97% of the United States.
• Why do people gush about their significant others on facebook? I don't give a fuck how blissfully happy you are. In fact, you're just asking for me to root for you to fail. And my guess is, you aren't happy. You just want everyone else to think you are.
• I'm still obsessed with the Randy Moss One Clap video. Mo this Mo that Mo this Mo that.
• Dear everyone, I'm broke. Stop asking me to do things that cost money. Dear self, stop fucking spending it on pointless shit.
• I love Victoria's Secret. Even fat people feel sexier in it.
• I need a coat rack.
• I need to go to more sporting events. Even when I don't like the teams, I like the games. Maybe I need to pick a city and like all the teams in the city. That might be helpful. Apparently, living in Atlanta and being a Pats and Yankees fan is not helping. Though I am close to hoping on the Falcons wagon- so much energy and excitement. Not to mention Samuel L Jackson.
• I could clothe a small village and yet I have nothing to wear. Ever. Even I don't understand how that works.
• I'm a really big bitch. Especially right now. I don't know what it is but I have no patience for stupidity. Or comparisons. I am not like anyone you know. I'm not like you. Stop pretending I am. Where is that coming from!?!?!?! Even I hate myself when I'm bitchy.
• Sometimes I wonder what kind of person I would be if I had gone to church on Sundays. Boring. But maybe married. And happy with the lot life gave me because it's in God's plans or some shit. Sigh.
• I'm going to drink a glass of wine and pretend a very attractive guy is on his way over. This seems to temporarily cure what ales me.