Boston 13.1: done and DONE.

If you want a race report that reads like a race report, hit up a runner who writes like he runs (as in well...as in wayyyy better than I do!That is us at the finish line!). My scattered thoughts on my second half marathon, The Boston 13.1, are below:

The Good:

1. The course was BEAUTIFUL. Not actually in Boston but just outside of Boston in the suburbs of Quincy and Milton. Completely paved, a couple of out and back branches and a LOT OF Hills. This was definitely far more challenging than my run through wine country. They called these hills rolling. I call BULLSHIT. These hills were lethal and I train in Atlanta so trust when I say I. KNOW. HILLS.


2. Due to circumstances you'll find below, I completely abandoned any hope of running a PR and just settled in for some fun. I did NOT run the whole thing but it was not due to the inability to do so. Rather, I enjoyed stopping and encouraging Team Challenge runners/walkers as I passed them. I walked with a girl from Team Georgia named Amelia for a while because she looked tired and lonely. We chatted about her son, James, who just had his colon removed a month ago and was one of our honored teammates.


3. My dad drove up from Jersey to watch me run since I was doing the run in honor of him. What I didn't know was he signed up for a 5K that I didn't even know was occurring. He walked me to the starting line and cheered me through the first mile and then headed to his own start. When he finished his race, he showered and changed and came back to cheer me in the last mile.


4. I did actually PR. I'll tell you the time later. Unless you're smart enough to glance right over to the right and see the time. But trust that you want to keep reading.


5. I killed the last 100 meters or so. KILLED IT. I could see the clock from there and realized I was close to the goal I had told everyone about (but far from the goal I had secretly set for myself and trained hard for) so I just kicked it in. I sprinted the last 100 meters faster than I did the 100 meter dash in high school track. I heard Luau and my dad cheering for me as well as several Team Georgia people who had already finished.

The Bad:

1. The course was hilly. Some were rolling but the hill at miles 6/7 and miles 10.5-12 were HORRENDOUS. I wanted to die. At one point, I even yelled as loud as I could "Dear God, give me a downhill." From behind me I hear, "A-FUCKING-MEN SISTER." I look around to see who it is and some little old bag of bones lady is motoring up behind me and cackling at the shocked look on my face. Just when you thought it was give you a downhill, back up you went again. And the elevation map makes me look like a crybaby but if Luau agrees it was a challenge then I don't feel bad.


2. The calves were cramping. Barbie gave me KT Tape in my cute basket but it didn't have directions for calves...everywhere but! With no internet in the rooms and a video that didn't load on my blackberry, I left the KT tape behind and sucked it up.


3. Oh did you want cups with your water? I swear on all that is holy if there is a comment in here that says "You should have brought your own hydration" I will fucking block you from this blog. I absolutely hate when people do that. Seriously? I KNOW. That doesn't mean that if water is promised, it shouldn't be provided. With 10 water stops promised by the race director (who i spoke with at a dinner the night before) I figured I was covered. I haven't found a belt I like yet and last year my biggest complaint was the belt so I skipped it. Big mistake. By the third stop, no cups. And I was running 10 minute miles so its not like I was trudging along when this happened.

The Really, Really, Really, Disgustingly Ugly:

1. Why did I give up on my PR? Well, as I like to tell it, God thought it might be a good idea for me to know what I was running for. Why was I fundraising? I ended up stopping at the first 5 bathroom stops (where only one toilet was on hand...mind you the charity sponsored for the race was CCFA. Many runners have Crohn's or Colitis and could spend 45 minutes in the bathroom. The lines were horrible). My stomach and I could not come to an agreement and it really threw my rhythm. But it also made me appreciate how good I have it. People who suffer from these diseases have stomach and bathroom issues CONSTANTLY so I can't complain too much about having it for less than 3 hours during a race. But when I say disgusting...I mean....so gross I won't get into it on my blog. EMBARRASSING.

CLOCK TIME: 2:31.12

CHIP TIME: 2:29.30 (exactly 10 minutes faster than the last 1/2 I did)

WATCH TIME (chip time minus bathroom breaks): 2:19.30

26.2 Miles looks like nothing...

...especially compared with the EPIC tennis match that just concluded between John Isner and some guy named Mahut (french...who cares what his name is...)! Holy shit, every time I feel like I can't go on during my half this Sunday I'm going to think of this FIRST round match at Wimbledon between a number 23 seed and unseeded player.

Clearly exhausted, Isner powered through for the win!

John Isner went ot UGA and graduated a year behind me. If I could marry him, I probably would (in fact, I sometimes refer to him as my boyfriend). He served a record-breaking 112 aces and Mahut served 103. The previous record? A meager 78! The match lasted more than 10 hours and spanned 3 days due to darkness. If you care to read a play by play, the NY Times has a great rundown on its blog which you can find here.



This is Isner's first win at Wimbledon EVER and its going down in the history books. Both players and the chair umpire will be given commerative bowls with the details etched on them. The previous record for longest match was in 1968 at Wimbledon and clocked in at 6 hours and 33 minutes. The final set of this match ALONE broke that record. Both players were clearly evenly matched. So well matched that Betfair was taking bets on who would win the match and how (including an option where the umpire falls asleep). The scoring for the final set got so high, the scoreboard got stuck at 47-47 and had to be reprogrammed overnight by a guy from IBM (who promised so long as they didn't go above 99 games, the scoreboard would be fine!). Isner also set the record for most aces in a SINGLE set at 84 in the final set.



Isner, 25, is currently the number two men's player for the USA(behind Andy Roddick) and also sits behind Roddick for the fastest serve on record (Roddick clocks in at 155 mph, Isner served 143 during this match which is the fastest at the 2010 Wimbledon). It's been awesome watching him do big things after college and knowing that I went to school with him! Damn Good Dawg and an inspiration to us all!

LAST DAY!

Last chance to enter the I WON A PRIZE SO YOU SHOULD TOO! giveaway. And yes, I just named the giveaway on the last day. For those of you not in the know, that would be a $20 gift certificate to One More Mile. Hop on that with a quickness.

Also, tomorrow I head to Boston for a weekend with Team Challenge complete with a 13.1 mile run....YIKES.

And finally, I leave you with a question. This week has been a rough one for me in terms of getting my ass out of bed and working out. Luckily its been a taper week but it still concerns me that I've been so tired and sluggish even with the extra 2 hours of sleep I'm getting due to not hitting the gym. Yes, the question is coming. Anyway, I'm hoping some of you guys can help me out by telling me what you do to get a pick me up when sleep is NOT an option? How do you break a funk? I'm super concerned since next week I will be in a different locale AND coming off my half marathon. When I return home, will I still have the drive that carried me up until this week?

Where the Hell is Your Patriotism?

Patriotism: love and devotion to one’s country.

I am damn proud of the country I live in. I may be a body divided when it comes to choosing between Georgia and New Jersey (a fact no one can appreciate unless they too are transplanted elsewhere from Jersey) but when it comes to America… I LOVE AMERICA. And, honestly, you should, too.

Why am I choosing this for my WigOut Wednesday topic? Well, my dear 9 readers, unless you’ve been in a coma you should be aware that the World Cup is currently occurring in South Africa. I’m going to be completely blunt and say to you this: I don’t give a fuck about soccer. Unless you tell me America is playing some other country. Any other country. Even the Irish who I claim heritage from. Why? Because I am a goddamn American that’s why.

America is the best country in the whole world whether you agree with their actions or not. You are American; therefore, your country is the shit.* End of discussion. I shouldn’t even have to post about this.

I cannot fathom how anybody in the United States is rooting for any teams but AMERICA in the World Cup but my buddy Ellen over at Fired N Fabulous is boasting a picture of a girl (with no taste ps) wearing her England shit like its going out of style. Unless you got off the fucking boat (or plane as the case may be) to immigrate here, there is absolutely NO reason for you to be cheering for any country but your own. Just like those players play for club teams in other countries, they come back to the AMERICAN team for the World Cup. Why? Because they have citizenship in AMERICA therefore they are AMERICAN so they should play for said team. In my opinion, if thems the rules for the players, they ought to be the rules for the fans, too (Although, if I wanted to go off on a tangent I could say if you did come off the boat, plane, whatever to live here then you damn well can cheer for the team of the country you currently reside in. Because if your previous country is so damn great, why did you come here? With exceptions, of course, because there are always exceptions like your job relocated you here or whatever). It's cool if when America is not playing England you cheer for them (maybe you picked them in your pool to advance or some shit) but when America plays England if you're American you cheer for the Americans.

My motivation to cheer for all things America is simple: I want to live in a country that wins. You can tell me winning doesn’t matter all damn day and I’ll just smirk at you. Winning does matter. So does losing for that matter (develops character). But the fact is, I want to be from a nation that kicks ass and takes names in everything it does so I’m always going to root for my team.** And a country can’t be the best with a fanbase that shows indifference or even a lack of caring for its team. Sure, we will suck at some shit but if the team tries and shows improvement every year and the fans support them, then I love them.

I am American. My team is America. The end.

* In a similar vein, if you are South African then the same applies to you. Just sub South Africa for America. Voila!
**It’s kind of like cheering for all things Georgia. If Georgia had a chess club, I’d root for them to be the best. A club for staring contests? They better be the last one to blink. All the time.

Heads Up

Posting is going to be light in the next week and a half and here's why:

1. I'm looking for a new job while working 40 hours PLUS overtime AND contract at the job I currently hold.
2. I have three stories due to Blush Magazine and I haven't had a chance to start them yet.
3. I'm tapering for the Boston 13.1 this weekend.
4. I fly to Boston on Friday, run my race on Sunday and then hop in a car and drive to New Jersey on Sunday or Monday depending on my dad's plans.
5. My grandmother is battling lung cancer. She had been doing really well but two weeks ago dementia set in. She is now grinding up her pills and stuffing them into the couch. Also, she gets up to go to work at 5 am when she hasn't worked in over a decade. My mom has asked me to fly home to see her because she doesn't think my grandmother has much longer. So I am taking the lap top and going there to see her and work.
6. I'm hunting for an apartment. I have to be out of mine by August 8th. One bedrooms are hard to find. At least in my price range.
7. My apartment is a fucking mess. I hesitated to drop that f bomb but quite honestly, I think I had trouble sleeping last night because my apartment is such a mess that I thought there'd be roaches and all manner of disgusting creepy crawlies coming out to get me while I slept. I know. I'm fucking weird.

Anyway, just stumbled across this giveaway and I want them so here you go- enter to win some sweet Ryder sunglasses. When one of you wins and I don't, you can thank me on your blog. Or mine. Either way.

I'm also fairly certain my giveaway ends sometime this week so you should probably check that out if you haven't done so already. Something like a One More Mile gift certificate is up for grabs if you enter by June 24th. Scroll back to the post titled I Won! I Won! I Won! becuase I'm too lazy to link it.

And, what's a race report without a camera? I can't fathom how you people run and take photos but if you are one of them awesome people, enter here to win a Canon Powershot :)

A SURPRISE from BARBIE RUNS!!!

If you aren't following my fellow runner/former coworker Barbie, do so NOW. I'll wait while you click her name and follow :) Anyway, Barbie and I have run a few races together but mainly we've been encouraging each other through dailymile (which admittedly I've been bad about logging into recently!) and blogging about our races. So, last night Barbie and I met up for some Mexican (helloooo cheese dip and margaritas!) to catch up and exchange surprises. Her surprise for me was WAYYYYYY better than mine for her so I thought I would share it with you via photos because I don't include enough photos on my blog.

First, we have her very well put together gift basket. Check out those wrapping skills!

Next up we have the nicest little note that was tied to the basket. Talk about making me feel like a rockstar!

Check out the goods- everything out of the basket and all together!

We all know how important hydration is so Barbie thoughtfully included a coffee mug that says Gotta Run and a running bottle that reads Sweat Once a Day.With workout comes SWEATING so Barbie picked up my new favorite sports bra in a super fun color! And a words to sweat by towel that reads there will be no jiggle in my wiggle.

The essentials for softness- lotion for the nasty runners feet I strive so hard to prevent and EOS chapstick which I haven't yet tried! I am a chapstick junkie so this is very exciting for me :)Barbie has had nothing but fantastic things to say about KT Tape (coincidentally my rockstar swimmer sister uses it as well!). I have been having lower leg issues so Barbie was nice enough to include some in my favorite colors- RED AND BLACK (GO DAWGS!).

Last but not least, the running essentials. Some people need the water and the race and all manner of other things to run a half marathon. I need Sports Beans and good tunes. So Barbie made me an AWESOME mix CD of her go to running tunes and with the exception of Mileybird I dig it. I'm sorry Barbie but I am not on the Mileybird train nor do I have Beiber fever! Also, a cute one more mile sticker!

From the Web...Casual Encounters

I love Craig's List. I should have been searching for an apartment and a job but whatever...I got distracted and found some gems...so here we go(my favorite parts italicized)!

chubby gwm needs bj-44 (dunwoody/ss/your place)
big guy...gentle...discreet, ddf, brown hair, brown eyes, clean shaven face, hairy body, hoping to find a ddf buddy who likes to give a great bj...your place would be great....looking this afternoon?

horned up white gurl'- 37 (midtown)
sexy smooth total bottom gurl' needs ass hammered. Im into straight guys... young,hung,tatooed,aggressive,hairy are all a plus....as long as your into hammering my smooth bubblebutt....I can go a long time...but i also have no problem with a quick ,no chat,pound and go scene.

bj to completion for WM- 44 (Vinings/Cumberland)
Seeking Fit White masculine men between the ages of 24yo and 43yo who need to release some serious stress while they are running errands, or the wife is at the mall. Discreet, NSA, bi/married/gay all welcome. Prefer masculine, lightly haired or smooth, clean shaven, hung, uncut, slim, big/multiple loads. all negotiable. White men only please Bearish, masculine wm here. Love to suck and swallow every drop.

Don't reply if you're desperate- m4w- 24 (ATL)
I doubt this will work but, its worth a try. I'm an attractive guy, tattoos, average to ideal body weight - looking for an attractive girl with somewhat similar attributes, tattoos not necessary but not being fat or ugly is. Sounds mean but lets be honest here. I'm not desperate and neither should you be, just looking for something different to do today. Put "Im here" in the subject or I will assume it's just another website signup bot and a pic or I'll delete the email. We can get a drink or whatnot and go from there.

What You Want Between Your Legs- m4w- 25(Atlanta)
Looking for a nice lady with good conversation to please in what ever way she wishes. If you need a release with a good attractive young man that will make it his business to please you then by all means get in touch. All races and all sizes welcome, trust you wont be disappointed. I'm a blk male, intelligent, 5'ten" 17Olbs 8in. good stamina and very sensual. Hosting only at my own place, you must be disease free, feeling sexual, serious and ready to cum be licked and caressed. We can speak before we make any plans to feel each other out. Your pic gets mine so hit me up for an experience you will most definitely enjoy. XOXOXO...

MWM wants to lick, suck & eat some nice young college girl age pussy- 55 (atl)
55 year old Married white male wants to lick, suck, and eat some nice young college girl age pussy. I want to eat your pussy until you are begging and screaming for me to stop. Then I want to put my tongue into your pussy as far as it will go. I am a non-smoker and DDD free and you must be the same. Don't bother to reply if you want me to join your web site or verification service - not doing either one. Thanks.

I'm SOOOOOO Tired...-28 (Atlanta)
Of men that are full of shit! If you say youre going to do something then do it ....if youre BROKE say that too! If youre hard up for pussy say that instead expecting sex whenever you do something for a lady!! Me personally I have a low tolerance for the quality of men in Atlanta. Im looking for a understanding,giving,generous man who wants a FRIEND....someone fun,open minded and not all about a piece of ass. Im very spoiled and very selfish when it comes to my goodies....so just because we have drinks or go to eat or you give me money please DO NOT EXPECT THE DRAWS TO DROP CAUSE IT AINT HAPPENING...iF YOU ARE GENEROUS WITHOUT BEING SEXUAL HIT ME UP....NO GAMES,BS OR DRAMA WANTED! IM VERY VERY ATTRACTIVE AND GREAT TO GO OUT AND HAVE FUN!!

One Shithole Down...two more to go...

So, I got an offer that seemed too good to be true and in typical Berryfine fashion, I immediately began daydreaming about the wonderful life I would have in my new two bedroom apartment in the cute but vintage Avondale Estates. Of course, per usual, whenever I try to be positive about something I am inevitably disappointed.

When she said they had "landscapers", she meant they pay an illegal $5/hr to mow the lawn and pick up sticks. And the lawn ain't much to mow- except of course the one right outside the model building.

Hardwood floors- like "she told me" (ummm no she didn't)- are an upgrade. And by upgrade, she does actually mean an upgrade since the carpeting is circa 1980 and is reminiscent of my elementary school floor (which I was acquainted with during tornado drills).

The master bedroom that "fits a king size bed" does, in fact, fit a king size bed- if you plan on never seeing the floor and not being able to shut any doors.

The "roomy walk in closet" is just a long closet. My current closet is double the size and filled to the brim with clothing so that won't work.

The "vintage" bathroom is the size of a box. So that's what vintage means...

The woman told me the place is "always this quiet". Um probably because the neighbors are all in their 80s.

"People live here 10, 15, 20 years...they just don't leave!" Umm, because they cannot afford to?

And on another note, don't set a fucking appointment with me for 2:30 pm and then when I show up NOT BE THERE. So I called and got the answering service. So I knocked. Bitch, hey Suzy!, opens the blinds and mouths "were closed". As she goes to shut the blinds, I yell that I have an appointment at 2:30 which she thinks is a lie. She opens the door and tells me she'll be with me in a minute then shuts the door in my face! Not the best way to get future tenants.

Also, I don't generally follow apartment reviews because the only people that do them are people who hate them but the reviews for this complex seem to be pretty fucking on target. I will NOT be moving into Avondale Station any time soon (unless I can't find something else by August 8th!)

random things running thru my mind.

today as i was ranting in no so cohesive thoughts about diet pills and Atlanta radio promoting unhealthy habits i realized that i really do not vent my thoughts as much as i had planned to.  god i suck so here i go.

• the gym next to my apartment is doing some running bootcamp. i am excited to see people wanting to work to lose weight, but it really is making it hard to walk my dog. my dog just wants to jump on them and bark at them and quite possibly bite their knees.
• speaking of dog walks. i sometimes wonder if my dog wants to know why we torture him so or what he did in a past life to have this punishment. it’s 90+ degrees and he is black and his tongue drags on the pavement. him and i sat under a tree drinking water today, me outta water bottle, him out of his travel doggie bowl.
• i have an unhealthy obsession with the beibs. i am 26, not 16. but something about his new song with usher makes me really happy.
• my branch manager (and friend) bought me a book of witty comebacks that i think is holding my branch together. it is real rough right now…
• i want someone.anyone to explain netflix to me. why is my queue always on a very long wait when i am in GA.  When i go home to VA it all is immediately available. WTH?!
• this oil spill sucks. but i am kinda tired hearing about it. i know, it is devastating, but until they figure out a solution oil is gonna keep gushing. how many months can we report on gushing oil?!  sometimes i wonder if obama sits in his big oval office and wonders how he can blame it on bush. ohh i just offended people probably.
• do i or do i not want to run a half marathon in december with team in training? life decisions.
• i want to do sips & strokes. someone volunteer to go with me please.
• i am thinking about doing hot yoga on friday. yoga in a room that is 104 degrees. yes, i may have lost my mind.
• TLC has a show called “mall cops” … are they aware that Mall Cops are like rent-a-cops? They are having to crack down on a guy playing the mall piano. woah fighting tough crime. and I quote “it is not his so i had to tell him to stop”
• my boyfriend has SERIOUS trust issues that kill me.  I cheated on him 3 years ago, 8 months into our relationship. He made out with my BEST FRIEND last fall, 3 years into our relationship and he cannot get over it.  I dropped it, why can’t he.  I told him yesterday that if he can’t trust me it won’t work.  I feel like him and I need to go on VH1s Tough Love Couple and see how Steve Ward handles us.  Would he break us up?  Would we get engaged?
• We got new neighbors below us. They were moving in today. I walked by and the girl coughed on me and it smelled like black & mild. I wanted to ask her if she passed kindergarten and didn’t learn the lesson to cover her mouth when she coughed.
• my haircut is so fucking short. today i thought i should be casted in the movie the newsies (remember that shit).  I got hit on by a lesbian when I was home in DC, my childhood friend was asked if she was my girlfriend. FML. I think I am gonna start taking prenatal vitamins. stat.
• there is so much drama in my life currently. retarded drama. i want it to end.
• even though i love love love miley i am so tired of hearing about her. is she or isn't she with her super tall bf? was she or was she not wearing underwear? is she or is she not a skank?
• a co-worker of mine once talked to a candidate with the name of “La-A” … she didn’t know how to say it so she butchered it of course…. the candidate snapped by “it’s LaDasha. The dash ain’t silent” … true story, I couldn't make that shit up.
• I have a real addiction to reality television. The Real Housewives especially.  Do you follow me on twitter? I’m surprised if you still do. #realhousewives 24.7.365

This...right...here...is...MY NEW JAM.

On repeat at Casa de Berryfine RIGHT NOW.

The Other Woman

That would be me...so this song seems pretty appropriate for today.




Apparently, someone I hooked up with had a girlfriend...and they just broke up. Whoops.

From the Text Files

So today I get the most awesome text convo ever and thought I should share it with you:

Friend: Did I tell you what I am doing tomorrow?
Me: Ummmm no?
Me: Blogging on XXX XXXX XXXXX?
Me: Leaving your boyfriend for Robert Pattinson?
Me: Relocating to France?
Friend: Participating in a 5K
Me: WHAT?!?!?!?!
Friend: You'd kill me in my sleep if I didn't pass on R Patz along.
Friend: Yup. 7:30 am
Me: I thought for sure I'd be let down by your response after my awesome guesses but NO! You still managed to make me spit my coffee. Well done.

Is there anything cooler than having someone tell you about something you love that they are participating in? Especially when they say they are pumped up about it?

FreakOut Friday

I know, I know…I’m doing this all wrong. It’s supposed to be Wednesday Wigout and Fun Friday or Fuck up Friday or something equally as entertaining and oh so fun. Unfortunately, in my world the stress level has hit epic proportions. There’s all kinds of personal shit going on in my life that will remain personal. I mean the public followers are pretty much my friends but I know there are some sneaky people who won’t admit to reading my blog so you don’t deserve to stalk me further. So, since Wednesday was Wedding Wednesday today shall become FreakOut Friday (obviously, it was the title of the post).

So, I’m hunting for a job (this blog I’m sure is not helping). It fucking blows (for instance that comment right there). Add in the fact that I have until August 8th to find a new place because I hate the hellhole I live in right now and my life is literally below shambles. It’s like BPs oil leak is in my apartment. I’m drowning in oil (I can’t wait for someone to jump on me for comparing my life to that of the BP Oil Spill. It’s not quite the same level- I get it. Back off). My days are consumed with work, overtime work, gym, applying for jobs I’m never going to get and emailing apartment complexes only to find out 700 square feet (usually less) is going for minimum $1000 in Atlanta. Seriously, the only thing worse than apartment hunting is job hunting and putting the two together is like the worst form of hell. Actually, the worst form of hell would be having to do all of this in a bathing suit surrounded by Victoria’s Secret models.

There are a lot of things standing in the way of me getting a job. The largest one being that I’m me…and not someone cooler, more edumacated, in the know, whatever.

• My resume BLOWS. You would think, me having been a recruiter, I would know how to write a damn good resume. Not so my friend. I used to joke around with people and say I got my job as a recruiter because I had a lot of trouble finding myself a job and no trouble finding others a job. That holds true to this day. It is hard to list everything you do in a day in an intelligent manner (log into work, check email, print claims, write blog, stuff envelopes, write another blog, print patient claims, read other peoples blogs, run mail, get coffee, gchat, write third blog, lab billing, read ny post, patient write offs, wash dishes, check facebook, bbm with Amanda, call patients, log out. Shit, I'm half way there!)
• My interviewing attire is ATROCIOUS. Actually so is my work attire in general.Here’s the issue, I dropped 22 lbs. But when I weighed a lot, I just squeezed my size 16 ass into the size 12. So obviously, now the size 12 is stretched to a 16 but I don’t fit in an actual size 12 either. I also don’t fit in a size 10. I’m pretty much fucked. And if I keep losing weight there is no reason to waste money on pants. I don’t care how rich I am, I will not waste money on clothing I LOVE to not be able to wear it at a later date. It’s stupid.
• I have a tattoo ON MY FOOT. There is no getting around this big ass saying that covers the entire top of my foot. Meaning that I cannot wear the one suit that fits me. It’s a skirt suit and not only is this tattoo unprofessional in general but also what if the person interviewing me has some creepy foot fetish? I don’t want to draw more attention to this entire ordeal.
• How do you tell someone why you were FIRED? If someone was fired from a job, as a recruiter, I refused to hire him (or her, being political correct sucks balls). Especially if the reason had something to do with their general attitude. Now, how the hell do I explain that I was fired because one day I had a terrible, no-good, very bad day which could entirely be attributed to work because I was leaving for vacation that day so I logged into facebook and typed the following “I hate my job. No joke.” I’ll explain more on this later. It’s a post in itself. Anyway, what kind of explanation do you give? And how do you make anyone realize you have learned from your stupid behavior?

This post is getting long (as is my freakout for that matter) so part dos will have to come at a later date. Wait for it. I mean I guess I could sum it up like this “Without a new job and better salary, I cannot get another apartment. The end.” Post posted. Bing bang boom.

Atlanta radio loves diet pills...

I know I do not make a debut on this blog as often as I should and when I do I vent or talk about something that irks me and well... here is another one. Atlanta radio and their promotion of a diet pill called Healthee Trim. For God's sake, Healthy isn't even spelled right.

But lets talk about this real fast. I have boycotted The Bert Show. Not because of their love for the diet pills but because they are obnoxiously annoying. And after 2 weeks of not hearing them and getting to try out other stations I have found that they all have 1 thing in common. Healthy Trim. They all promote it and praise it and talk about how they have lost 35 lbs on it and that they recommend it to all their friends and their wives are on it ... blah blah blah. What ever happened to promoting an active lifestyle and eating well. Yes, working out and changing your diet is a hard change and the results come at a slower pace, but don't you want to take care of your body. Sure, you can weigh 114 lbs but if you eat McDonalds every stinking day YOU ARE NOT HEALTHY! Why are we letting the world and the younger generations continue to be lazy and unhealthy?

Why not tell people to eat from the outside of the grocery store? Recommend taking a bike ride with their child? Walk the dog for 30 minutes rather than just put the dog out back to play and roam on their own. Tell the people to get off their ass and get active. Don't recommend a pill that says "eat what you want and drop the pounds".

And they say it is healthy? Well, it isn't healthy to drop that much weight that quickly. And I am pretty sure other diet pills claimed to be "healthy" and "better than the others for you" when they first came out but it takes months sometimes year to see the real effects. So do we have to wait till people start talking about peeing neon yellow and liver problems and kidney failure before the FDA steps in?! I mean Hydroxycut advertised that it was healthy for you and it has been recalled. The whole idea of taking a cure all pill just is dumb. Cardio & working out is what builds and strengthens your heart and makes you both look younger and live longer ... a pill cannot and will not do that.

I just think the whole thing is utterly disgusting and I am tired of hearing everyone rant & rave about how great it is and how you should get on it if you want to be high school skinny. I so badly want to send a mass email to ALL the radio stations to ask WHY they want to promote the product so so so much. I know it is advertising dollars, but we live in a lazy world of video games and diet pills, why do we want to pass that onto our children?! What happened to playing outside all day long and having to be dragged inside by our parents?!

...But for now, I will get off my soap box.

Damn Girrrrrl

Someone just posted this picture of me, and I can't help but notice how hot I look...minus the tan lines. Whoops forgot the sunscreen when I was at the pool/lake (sorry Adam, guess I should have entered your giveaway). So, I had to post the picture. Check out that cupid shuffle, bitches. Don't be jealous but its kind of my jam.

I am the chick in the blue floral dress. Yes, I am that hott.

In other news, I have a giveaway that I know is ending at some point soon. So you should probably hit that up here. (Heather, your stuff is in the process of all being ordered and delivered to me. Then I will package them up and ship them to you! Patience, little winner).

Just stumbled on this website...and there is a giveaway. So check, check, check that out. The jewelry she is giving away is in honor of her training and cute as can be. I want running jewelry damnit.

And I think I've made it clear that I would like to win a RoadID. So clear, in fact, that my girl over at My Reason to Run posted a giveaway. Okay it probably had nothing to do with me but I'm working on my self-esteem here people. Why oh why won't I just order the damn thing myself? Your guess is as good as mine.

Email Fun with Hot Baseball Boy

True email conversation that occured after our softball team came from behind to win. Yes, I said came from behind. Isn't it great how sexually charged conversations about sports can be?

From: Berryfine
To: Hot Baseball Boy
date: Thu, Jun 10, 2010 at 1:07 PM
subjectRe: Nothing InCommon Pulls Out 10-8 Win!

I can't believe no one mentioned the fact that james used the term "pull out" in the subject line... I thought for sure one of you would.

As for depetrios, he's easy. I prefer more of a challenge.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

From: Hot Baseball Boy
To: Berryfine
date:Thu, Jun 10, 2010 at 1:05 PM
subject Re: Nothing InCommon Pulls Out 10-8 Win!

What does "pull out" mean?

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

From: Berryfine
To: Hot Baseball Boy
date: Thu, Jun 10, 2010 at 1:10 PM
subjectRe: Nothing InCommon Pulls Out 10-8 Win!

You have got to be kidding me right now

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

From: Hot Baseball Boy
To: Berryfine
dateThu, Jun 10, 2010 at 1:12 PM
subjectRe: Nothing InCommon Pulls Out 10-8 Win!

Not at all

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

From: Berryfine
To: Hot Baseball Boy
dateThu, Jun 10, 2010 at 1:21 PM
subjectRe: Nothing InCommon Pulls Out 10-8 Win!

Guess you've followed the Boy Scout motto of always being prepared you're whole life...

From: Hot Baseball Boy
To: Berryfine
dateThu, Jun 10, 2010 at 1:21 PM
subjectRe: Nothing InCommon Pulls Out 10-8 Win!

I don't get where this is going...

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

From: Berryfine
To: Hot Baseball Boy
dateThu, Jun 10, 2010 at 1:26 PM
subjectRe: Nothing InCommon Pulls Out 10-8 Win!

I feel like I'm about to have to give you an anatomyy/sex ed lesson and I'm not sure I feel up to the challenge...

From: Hot Baseball Boy
To: Berryfine
dateThu, Jun 10, 2010 at 1:24 PM
subjectRe: Nothing InCommon Pulls Out 10-8 Win!

Hey go for it! Lessons are always a good way to learn!

From: Berryfine
To: Hot Baseball Boy
dateThu, Jun 10, 2010 at 1:33 PM
subjectRe: Nothing InCommon Pulls Out 10-8 Win!

i think you just want to get a good laugh out of me attempting to explain this to you...

From: Hot Baseball Boy
To: Berryfine
dateThu, Jun 10, 2010 at 2:09 PM
subjectRe: Nothing InCommon Pulls Out 10-8 Win!

Please, proceed

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

From: Berryfine
To: Hot Baseball Boy
dateThu, Jun 10, 2010 at 2:30 PM
subjectRe: Nothing InCommon Pulls Out 10-8 Win!

Okay so I know we're kind of older...but if you can please remember back to your college days. If not yours, then those of perhaps your drunk baseball teammates. I'll give you a minute to be nostalgic.

Now you know in college guys and gals like to do this thing called "sex" ,"nookie" ,"getting some ass", "getting laid", "getting busy" or whatever you would like to call it(like tab b goes into slot a- if you need me to break it down farther please let me know. I don't want you to be confused). And often times, this occured when maybe some people weren't prepared for this event to happen. He thought she'd have something to cover his tool, and she thought he'd be bringing his own. Isn't it nice that he didn't just assume she'd be an easy lay?

Are you following so far? Do you need a minute to process?

Okay then, when they realized they didn't have the necessary protective goods (you know, they frantically knocked on all the neighbors doors or whatever to be sure or they just said f it and proceeded) they decided to do it anyway. Who needs latex when a guy can just "pull out" before the little guys can swim to the egg. As for where the little guys end up, that's between the guy and the girl. I don't judge.

Do we get it now? I swear to god if you make fun of this explanation, I will probably swing a bat at you. And considering that I swing at anything, I'll probably hit you, too. It's a lot harder to be "delicate" about this topic than I thought.

And that concludes our PBS special on protective measures aka pullng out.

From: Hot Baseball Boy
To: Berryfine
dateThu, Jun 10, 2010 at 2:39 PM
subjectRe: Nothing InCommon Pulls Out 10-8 Win!

Nice, I do appreciate the breakdown. I do conclude that if you dont "pull out" in time, that both you and the girl will both have a "scare", assuming you both arent serious about having children at that particular time of sexual activity. Am I correct here?

From: Berryfine
To: Hot Baseball Boy
dateThu, Jun 10, 2010 at 2:45 PM
subjectRe: Nothing InCommon Pulls Out 10-8 Win!
You are indeed correct, young man. Gold star on your homework for today!

Now, as with most rules there are always exceptions. For instance, she may not have her "scare" until "that time of the month" mysteriously never comes. And then she's got to figure out who she has to call to have a "talk" with. Which may or may not lead to one of them asking the other if they should "take care of the situation". And then things may get real ugly. Unfortunately, I don't have the time or the skills to draw you a flow chart detailing various scenarios while I'm working.

For those of you keeping track, yes this is the MARRIED guy on my softball team. What the fuck is with me?!?!?!

Why Didn't I Think of This?!?!?! Thirsty Thursday

Move over, ONE-A-DAY! There is a new vitamin in town and I am pissed as hell I didn't think of this. In my defense, who follows through on great drunken ideas when they sober up? Damn, you probably do. I am not only a drunk, but also a lazy sober person so apparently all my great ideas will be failed.


Anyway, check out this shit. According to their site, Drinkwel is for healthy people who drink. Well, I don't know how healthy I currently am but I know how healthy I'd like to BE. And I think that is close enough to warrent me trying this out. This vitamin is jam-packed with shit that I can't pronounce that supposedly helps you to be a healthier drunk. It promotes liver health, processes alcohol-related toxins (is there such a thing?), neutralizes free-radicals (no idea what the fuck that means), aids in metabolism and boosts energy, supports your immune system and provides hangover relief. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. I usually just cure a hangover with a bloody mary but this seems like a more socially acceptable way to handle that situation.

Unfortunately, this vitamin does not have the power to keep you from stuffing your face with 3 am pizza and drunk dialing whatever ass you can get ahold of.

I'm pretty sure this is a private company but if its public, we're gonna need to invest in it. Those college kids will gobble it up like candy.

Wedding Wednesday!

As promised, details of my weekend and the wedding I attended. Don't get too excited peeps, it's nothing to get fired up about.

• Helloooooooo Lake Lanier. I have never actually be inside Legacy at Lake Lanier so I made my way to our cabin with my mouth hanging open. Place is INCREDIBLE. I never really think of anythin being super gorgeous in Georgia. Probably because I am a broke-ass bitch who can't afford anything worth bragging about. Damnit lottery, where the fuck is my jackpot?
• Icing leaves no room for any other activities during the weekend. Christ, everything was centered around it. People were iced all damn weekend- my friend J was iced a total of 5 times and I'm sure the groom was iced almost as many times. Clutch icings: The groom and his father were iced together at the t box the day of the wedding. J was iced the morning after the wedding at 10 am. Our friend C stuck it in his waistband and mooned him making it appear that he shit the ice. J was still drunk and I thought he might vomit when he realized he had to do it. Thank god we were outside.
• "Hello! Welcome to our cabin. We'll be sleeping together." J upon my arrival at the cabin at 6 pm Friday night. True to his word we did sleep in the same bed both nights.
• Speaking of sleeping, night one consisted of musical beds. J and I started on the pullout couch (hahaha pull out), A and T were in a double bed in a room with K and W. Best man and groomsman were in a king size bed together. By morning, K had slept on two chairs pushed together, W had slept on the floor. Both ended up on the pullout couch. J and I moved to the double bed but only after J had it for a few hours to himself while W and I shared the pullout couch. The other four stayed in their respective beds. This is all because T was snoring.
• The groom and his sisters came back to the cabin to party with us post rehearsal dinner. Unfortunately, the bride was not too keen on that judging from the text I got telling me to stay away from her husband. Which is funny because he's cute but he's not my type. I don't go for the scratch golfing, paisley wearing, pink splashed, purse puppy toting law school type. Needless to say, I was less than pleased to see texts from her and the matron of honor (whose wedding I was in, surprise, surprise) chastising me about the groom.
• Drama, drama, drama. Night one it was A. Night two it was me.
• The wedding was outdoors. Which was BEAUTIFUL...but hot as hell. I might as well not have done my hair or make up. I looked like complete ass despite my size 6 dress and fuck me nude pumps.
• The ex...I know you're waiting for it...He and his fiance were there. I sat on the grooms side since I stayed in a cabin with his friends and didnt bring a date. He sat on the brides side across from me so that every time J and I conversed I had to see them. I'll be honest, they didn't look too happy to be there. They then got a table near ours and were in my direct line of sight through dinner. Fucking sweet. So, did we chat? Well...yes and no. He approached me after the champagne toast (when I was good and sloshed) to talk to me about (get this its fucking awesome) MY BANK ACCOUNT. Yes, we haven't actually conversed in months and his first topic of conversation. Not even a hello preceding it. No "Hey how are you?" "You look great for having lost 20 lbs" "Oh by the way, I got engaged" Asshole.
• Sunset Cove...redneck riveria. The Jersey Shore on a lake. That is all.
• Met Mike Smith. As in the Falcons Coach. He's younger than he actually looks.
• Don't put the mashed potato bar on one side of the reception and the food on the other. After eating my martini glass of mash I'm not getting back up for food. Booze, yes. Food, not so much.
• Cupid Shuffle. It's my jam.
• Loose Change. If you need a wedding band book them.
• The bartender gave me a double shot of Jose. I followed it up with double jack and diets. Or as the bartender put it "Would you like a sneeze in your drink as well?"
• Sister of the groom passes out upright in a chair. Dead to the goddamn world. Her friends proceed to tell me "It's normal". I'm sorry, passing out with your eyes rolled to the back of your head is NOT normal. I'm a drunk and I don't even do that shit. But apparently she does it on the reg. I had to carry her to a fucking shuttle. The next morning she woke our asses up at 9 am looking for her phone.
• Speaking of waking us up. K and I apparently went to sleep in the king size bed. At some point J joined us. So K and I are cuddling on one side and J is passed out on the other. I wake up to a loud thud and K is crossways over me yelling at him. J is facedown on the floor. K and I flip him over but he won't wake up. We say fuck it and go back to sleep. J gets up and uses the bathroom. When Kyle sees him, he is wrapped in a towel. I wake up at 7:30 am to use the bathroom and J is back in bed with us. I go to climb out of bed and J is FUCKING NAKED AS A JAYBIRD. According to K, he fell off the bed again while I was asleep and he covered himself with a pillow. After using the bathroom, he left the towel in there as K found it in there at 10 am. After I used the bathroom, I climbed back into bed and rolled to K. However, I couldn't help but think of J behind me, naked and humming in his sleep. When he finally woke up, I said, "J, do you think now would be an appropriate time to put some pants on?" Homeboy didn't even know he was pantsless. I had to go search the cabin for his fucking clothing.
• Lost my purse and fuck me shoes. Thatll teach me not to take them off. Thankfully A tracked my shit down and W drove me back to the resort to pick it up. Turns out when they cleaned my table they moved it and never moved it back. Fucking awesome.
• Apparently I had some great conversations with people that I don't remember. That should be fun to find out about.
• Soco and Cranberry, Michelob Ultra, Corona, Jack and Diet, Tequila, Margaritas, random as girly fruity drinks. These are a few of my favorite things.

I have the BEST family

I know I've talked a lot about my Dad on here since I am running my Team Challenge in his honor but seriously, he's great. He is so supportive of everything I do and calls me out on my bullshit (frequently) and listens to my complaints about other family members( even more frequently which is ironic considering the title of this post). Anyway, I thought, real quick, I'd let you know why my family is so awesome to me.

• My mom is my best friend 90% of the time. The other 10% of the time I think we both question how on earth we are related. She tends to care about what other people think of our family and be very private whereas I am very open and honest about things people could care less about. But when it comes down to it, woman has my back. My boyfriend in college broke my heart; in 45 minutes she was in Athens cleaning up my apt, bringing me presents and taking me out to eat. I'm trying to find a job? She is telling everyone she knows how awesome I am and passing out my resume to people she doesn't know. I'm running a race and need to fundraise? She's texting my aunt and uncle to remind them to donate and then throwing her own $200 in the pot.
• My sister is a badass. Children of divorce, like myself, are often forced to grow up way to fast and take on a lot of responsibility. When my mom remarried and had Evan, it was like I got to relive my childhood. I credit her with making me a more fun person than I once was. And she is the first person to beg to go for a run with me or do workout videos (the yoga one was utterly ridiculous and would have been a youtube sensation had we thought to tape ourselves). She is a year round swimmer and just hardworking, dedicated and talented. On top of all that, she's genuinely one of the nicest people I know.
• My brother is a genius. No, really. He doesn't act like it sometimes (hello, 6 years in college) but he is. He's also broke but he still threw together $50 bucks to donate to my race. He also joined dailymile and gives me encouragement on my workouts.
• My dad's family is the most ridiculous family ever. I'd swear 1/2 the time they hate each other but you say one bad thing about one of them and you answer to all of them. They got together and collected $500 to donate in my dad's name so his company would match the donation for my run. On top of that, my Aunt Shelly and her family are coming to Boston with my dad to watch me cross the finish line which is the coolest feeling ever.
• The only family that I think could top my dad's would be my mom's. My grandparents are devout Irish-Catholics and had 11 kids(Cathy, Colleen, Thomas, Timothy, Kelly, Eileen, Sean, Patrick, Nora, Erin and Ryan). Factor in their spouses and children and then throw in the extended family and we could populate a small town. They are constantly in each other's business and giving their two cents. They personify the saying "It takes a village to raise a child". No joke. We all fall down a lot in life and someone is always there to rally around you. My aunt Nora and I have both been working to lose weight and I get periodic texts from her as encouragement. My uncle Ryan used to send me money and now listens to all my gripes and is helping me look for work. My cousins and I talk about once a week now that they are all getting older. It's an ever shifting dynamic that just amazes me.

What are your favorite things about your family? I think it's important sometimes to write it all down because we tend to forget how incredibly amazing our families are. Even when they are completely whacked out, they provide a lesson in life for us. Good or bad, they are the foundation that we build upon- where we go from there is up to us.

Monday Musings

Today I would like to leave you with a list of things I'm so fucking tired of hearing about. In other words, the I don't give a shit list.

• Chick-fil-a's NEW spicy chicken sandwich. I know you all tried it FOR FREE. I don't want to see every fucking status on facebook about it. Imagine people who have no Chick-fil-a's. I bet they are sick of it too. It's a sandwich with hot sauce people. It's like christmas in June for the South. It should not take hours to pick up your sandwich because thousands are stopping in to try it. Traffic should not be stopped on my street for a chicken sandwich. Call me when you create a sandwich that tastes better than any other and helps me LOSE weight. Then I might be giddy.
• SEC Expansion? Will it or won't it happen? Look I'm a huge DAWGS fan and I want what's best for my conference but I don't want to read your take on who might go where. You live in the suburbs, you work a dead-end job, probably you dislike your children 40% of the time, and you never played football nor do you have any connections to any of said football programs other than the fact that you attend or watch every game. And even you so-called in-the-know guys and gals (I'm looking at you Tony Barnhart) don't know jack shit. So cut the speculation and let's just wait for the shit to be ironed out.
• Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber. Do I even need to go into detail on this one?
• Obama. Love him or hate him? I don't give a shit. Your ideas of what he shoulda/coulda/woulda don't mean jack diddly so stop tweeting them, blogging them and facebook statusing them.
• Your children. Oh good lord- I don't care if they pooped, raised their head, discovered a new planet at age 3. Your children are not entertaining in the slightest and to be honest you're immediate family is the only one who cares. Try creating a people who think my baby is cute google group and send out mass emails to those people.
• Weddings. I don't like attending them. I don't want to hear about the planning process unless I ask you directly. Even then, I'm just trying to be polite. And for those of you wondering, I will recap this weekend's festivities at some point.
• The World Cup. Be honest, you don't care either except you could maybe bet some money. You don't watch soccer on the reg so don't act like you do.
• Your stupid ass car decals announcing your initials. You know what you actually just announced to me? You just let me know you care more about how your car looks driving down the highway than actually how it drives down the highway. Also, you are a shitty driver. Let's just clear that up right now. You cut people off, drive too slow, think blinkers are a waste of time and generally just do anything but pay attention to the road or anyone who might have somewhere to fucking be. So thanks for the heads up there, cupcake. That goes double for you, stick figure family waving cheekily at me as I sit in traffic cursing my luck.
• BP and the Oil Spill. Okay, I get it. Animals and the ecosystem are at stake because those greedy bastards at British Petroleum made a decision that would (if all had gone as planned) save them millions. I know, it appears they don't give a shit. They only sent 7 men to start the cleanup in Florida! For christ's sake, it happened and now we need to deal with it. What I don't need to deal with is an obnoxious commentator telling me that Obama appears to not give a shit because it took him 40+ days to fly down there AND he showed up in dress slacks, a button down and tie. How insensitive of him. Rather than wasting my time and your breaths critiquing stupid shit, let's focus on getting this mess under control already. BP isn't getting the damn thing done so someone else step the fuck in and let them foot the bill. I don't mean to sound callous but seriously people, you are focusing on the wrong things.
• Ballers behaving badly. Don't hate the playa, hate the game. Fuck that. What is it with these people thinking they are entitled to behave any way they want and suffer no consequences? They do drugs, cheat on their spouses, assault girls (alledgedly), run dog fighting rings and beat the ever living shit out of people in public. They have absolutely no regard for anyone but themselves. And why is this? Because we let them get away with it. Listen shithead, you make millions of dollars to do something you love and excel at. Part of the job description requires that you keep your ass in line. So get with the fucking program already.

The Coolest Thing Ever

Okay, maybe some of you won't feel like it's the coolest thing ever but I thought it was pretty damn amazing. This past weekend a group of us got a cabin at a lake resort so we could crash there while attending a wedding. Last minute we had two late additions whom I had never met. As I'm sure you probably have guessed, I think new people are AWESOME (time out and thanks to my newest followers- holy shit we're at 44!). ANYWAY...

The couple comes into our cabin after we had been drinking for a bit and before I can do more than introduce myself, girlfriend is telling me SHE READS MY BLOG. Tell me that isn't the coolest thing EVER. Apparently, she told her boyfriend she didn't want me to feel like she was stalking me since she knows a bit about me through the blog but I wasn't creeped out. I was so damn excited. I wanted to call random people and be like I JUST MET A READER OF MY BLOG. SOMEONE I'M NOT FRIENDS WITH (though that has quickly changed- Kristin I plan on hanging out with you a lot now! Sorry Carolyn). The cool part was Kristin told me her sister was jealous of her because she got to meet me. I felt like such a freaking rock star. Carolyn was nice enough to share her protein powder concotion and website with me a while back and Kristin discovered me through that.

Bonus round: Kristin told me she thought I would be FAT when she met me. Yes, the title of the blog is from fat to fab. Yes, I am OVERWEIGHT (my BMI is so close to being average though I cannot stand it. And I hate when people say but you're not fat. Well kiddykins, that's not what I'm saying- healthwise I am considered fat so don't tell me otherwise). But Kristin made my night by telling me not only was a fitter than she thought from reading the blog, but that she even read my blog! So Kristin, thanks for that :)

Guess I need to work a bit on the ole self-esteem. Or just post more pictures. Either way.

Why Google is Bad for One Night Stands

In 5 minutes patrolling the internet, I discovered the following about a guy I hooked up with:

1. He has a girlfriend (well no wonder he knew what to do with his tongue. If it were appropriate, I would send her a thank you card).
2. He is on a site called Woooo Me (now whether that's old or not, it's the first thing that popped up when I typed his name in. Also, of note, body shape doesn't matter to this guy. What a sweetie).
3. He went to my high school (cue it's a small world after all).
4. ANNNDDD I used to hang out with his older brother (thank god I can safely say I have not hooked up with him).
5. He graduated with MY BROTHER making him 2 years younger than me (and forcing me to break one of my own policies about sexual partners).
6. He is a pothead (I mean I like to relax too but if every damn picture of you has your eyes completely closed while open then we might have an issue)
7. He dated a friend of a friend (awww damn, its like six degrees of separation. Now we hooked up too!)

Now, let's say I google someone else I dated or hooked up with...here's what I might discover:

1. He's married
2. He's engaged
3. He has a girlfriend
4. He has a horrific disease
5. He is on a sex site...jacking off
6. He was busted as a drug dealer
7. He lives with his mom

I mean, I could keep going, but let's be honest it only gets worse from there. With the advent of internet, it may seem like no one can get away with anything anymore but only if you are smart about how you do your "stalking". And a good sexual escapade can be ruined by your snooping but if the information is all out there why would you not check it out? Especially with our habit of falling in love with those we fuck (I say fuck because seriously ladies if you have sex the night you meet chances are its not a relationship. Trust me, I keep trying and it doesn't work). While you may think you owe it to yourself to find out everything you can about a potential hookup, maybe you are ruining your chances of anything developing. Not to mention cutting short that delicious I just had awesome sex afterglow that could last for days. And, while we're on it, snooping into his background could be the excuse he needs to dump you before you've even dated or, in an extreme case, murder you.

So tell me, what have you discovered when snooping on someone you've hooked up with? Would you google a hottie to find out deets or wait to find them out from him?

The Ex Files...Part 3

Sorry to have been so MIA lately. I've been kind of stressed about this wedding I have to go to this weekend. Add in that in two and half weeks I run a half marathon in Boston (and apparently my family is coming to watch), sunday my life was literally in shambles, I'm trying to move, find a new job and work enough overtime to actually have a life and well...blogging as not been at the forefront of my mind. Plus, I keep starting these posts only to stall out and decide their crap and I'm not going to write them. (I bet you are all wondering about Sunday...bahahaha).

Anyway, I want to have a Friday Freakout because well, I have this wedding to go to and there are a couple of issues with it. The most obvious one being referenced in the title of the blog but we'll work our way to that one.

1. I am staying in a cabin I cannot afford. The hotel rooms for one night were $100+ so when a friend offered to book a group of us a cabin we all jumped on it. For the weekend it is $90 bucks. A steal, you're thinking. Until you factor in that will have to feed myself while I'm there. And apparently, we're going the epic night before party route so I've got to booze myself before as well. Bank account denies me these options.
2. While we are discussing the cabin, WHERE THE FUCK IS IT!?!?! Oh I don't know. Because the guy who organized this whole thing simply sends us a link to the resort it is in. No directions on where to go when we are in the resort. Do i have to check in? Do I proceed with or without caution? What is the cabin number? These are some things I'd like to know before driving BY MYSELF up there.
3. How about attire? This is a 7 pm wedding. Outdoors. Obviously, a nice dress is required. Especially when you meet the girl getting married who is so put together all the time it makes me feel frumpy even on my best day. So I had a dress I felt confident about but then no shoes. I finally find a pair of shoes that KILL with it...they cost fucking $80 (down from $200 people) at DSW!
4. The whopper of the whole thing, Ex will be at said wedding with new fiance. How the hell do I act around these two? Do I continue with my stellar avoidance techniques that are so obvious they make them both uncomfortable? Do I have just, like the BEST time EVER, and laugh to myself that he is witnessing all of my shenanigans? Or, do I behave like a mature fucking adult, walk my happy ass over there in my cute dress and fuck me heels and say hello to the two of them...maybe inquire politely about their own impending nuptials and wish them well in their future together? Not one of these sounds like something I want to do. Can't they just fall into a black hole for the weekend? I don't want to wish ill on anyone but for serious, could something bad enough to keep them from attending occur? On the other hand, that stupid bitchy, girly part of me wants to judge them from the perch of my perfect 4 inch pumps. Damnit I hate weddings.

Are There Naked Pictures Of You Floating Around?

With the "release" of Kendra's sex tape (who leaked that? gee...I wonder), I got to thinking about all these young stars (I'm looking at you Vanessa Hudgens and Miley Cyrus) who have pictures of themselves in various states of undress floating around. You know it's one thing when an adult does this, but come on girls! You are in high school. Anyway, I completely digress from the topic I am heading toward.

Have you taken naked photos or shot a amateur porn?

I haven't had the pleasure of making my own video of sexual escapades and I'm not sure I would want to. I have a feeling the way I think I look during sex is probably not how I actually look during sex. What, strike that. I have a feeling all the insecurities I have during sex will appear on tape and turn me into a nun before I've even seen anything remotely sexual.

But in my misspent youth, aka the college years, I had a boyfriend, The First. The First was the lucky recipient of a couple of firsts...my first time actually doing the deed, my first real blow job, my first time having a guy go down on me, AND THE FIRST NAKED PICTURES OF ME. You see, Valentine's Day and our Anniversary fell very close to each other so it was always tough to decide what kind of gift to get the other person. Factor in our small bank accounts, and the gifts tended to be less than exciting. However, that year The First and I really stepped our game up (isn't it amazing how right before the breakup things are great?). He went to the store and bought me tulips (gentleman, my FAVORITE) and tons of Victoria's Secret goodies and made me a cute card complete with professions of love and a poem. I made him a scrapbook of our times together, ordered pizza and picked up his favorite beer and ice cream from Cold Stone AND...bought a disposable polaroid camera. With which I managed to use half the role of film taking pictures of myself for him: Naked with hearts over my nipples and vagina proclaiming Happy Valentine's Day!

I'm not going to lie and say I'm not great at gift giving because honestly, I rock at it. For example, today for my gym buddy Travis' 23rd birthday I gave him a 40 oz Miller Lite and a box of condoms. The only gift better would have been sex. Seriously.

Anyway, The First LOVED the gifts. Though he destroyed the scrap book after we broke up in a fit of rage after a screaming match over STDs. Like I said, our relationship was fucked up enough that we should have been on Jerry Springer. However, at the time I showed I was sentimental (scrapbook), thoughtful (his favorites, the night before an exam too!) and horny (hello sexy, naked pictures and disposable camera!). Obviously, The First took a couple of study breaks to make use of his camera and from what I remember managed to capture a few pictures of us having sex, me posing in my new Victoria's Secret products and me giving him a blowjob.

STUPID STUPID STUPID....any thoughts of being famous should now be flushed down the toilet because if my mother saw those I wouldn't have a chance to die from sheer mortification. My very Catholic family would murder me the minute the pictures hit the tabloids. I've talked to The First once since we graduated college (and it did not go well) and he claims to have destroyed anything having to do with me when he and his next girlfriend got together but I still have to wonder if that's the truth. Would grainy, polaroids of me in various states of undress pop up should my name become well-known?

What about you guys? Have you done naked, sexy photos with or for your guy? Did you get them back after the break up? Would you ever do that in the future?

I May Be a Slacker...

But other people are just a blogging away!

• Sticky Fingerprints is giving away some of my most favorite gear ever- a Skirt Sports running skirt. I've reviewed both the SkirtChaser 5K and the skirt I ran in so you know I entered!
• Endurance Isn't Only Physical is giving away a Road ID and damnit I want it! I know, I'm not the safest runner out there but money can be spent on more "fun" things like...running clothing, booze, UGA attire...
• MORE Running skirts courtesy of Run Momma, Run! Gosh, there sure are a lot of you Mom's out there.
• More Sticky Fingerprints and More Road ID!

Also, since I'm here...can I just say I bought a sports bra for $16.99 at Target yesterday and LOVE IT. I bought it because I am out of quarters to do laundry and needed a sports bra for this morning (I know, it really makes no sense to me either. Don't try to figure out my logic, just go with it). It is the BEST sports bra I own. I would kill for a Nike sports bra because I love their products but my measly budget won't cover that want. Target has a great 30% off section, that I bought my Train Like a Girl sports bra (featured in the first ever topless photo post) for a cheap $10. So I will slowly inch away from my cotton bras by perusing this section whenever I get the opportunity and buy whatever cotton-free sports bras they have in my size. Sadly yesterday, the white with crisscrossing hot pink stripes one I had been coveting only came in a size XL and I am officially a size medium! Back to the bra I bought though, it fits like a dream and definitely wicks moisture. I felt totally dry by the time I hit the locker room. And the color was extremely feminine and looked great peeking out of my black tank- what a confidence booster. Absolutely no chafing, no weird twisting or movement and adjustable straps. I give it 5 stars!

Yes, that is a 40oz of Miller Lite with my brand new awesome sports bra.

From the Dating Site Mailbag...

So I joined a dating site (or three) for an article I wrote for a magazine and I'm still on there. Occasionally, I log in and check out what the "men" are writing to me. I think I have maybe responded to three guys total. But I've decided I should share some of the ones that make me laugh. So...here goes...

WOOOOOOOOW !!!!!!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW BEAUTIFUL AND GORGEOUSLY LOVELY YOU ARE SWEETIE........SOOOOOOOOO AMAZINGLY FLAWLESS, SO CUTE AND SOOOOOO D@M SEXY.....LOL....I BET IF THE WORLD WOKE UP TO A FACE LIKE YOURS EVERY MORNING, WE'D FINALLY HAVE PEACE ON EARTH AND END WORLD HUNGER(LOL) ....YOU'RE JUST THAT FINE TO ME!!!!!!! MY NAME IS FRISCO, I'M KINDA NEW IN TOWN AND CAME ACROSS YOUR PAGE AND NOW FIND MYSELF HELPLESSLY CAPTIVATED BY YOUR IRRESISTIBLE BEAUTY AND WAS WONDERING WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME A WONDERFUL GUY TOOK YOU OUT AND PAMPERED YOU LIKE THE PRINCESS AND BEAUTIFUL QUEEN YOU ARE??? WELL IF IT'S BEEN AWHILE AND YOU'D LOVE A MAGICAL NIGHT OUT ON THE TOWN THEN PLEASE GIVE ME A CALL,CAUSE NOTHING ON EARTH WOULD PLEASE ME MORE THAN GIVE THAT GORGEOUS FACE OF YOURS A NEVER ENDING SMILE FOR ONE BLISSFUL NIGHT.....AND POSSIBLY MORE IF I'M LUCKY!!**FRISCO***(XXX)XXX-XXXX
PS......YOU JUST GOTTA EXCUSE ME BUT.........DAYYYUUUUMMMMMM UR FINE GIRL!!!!!!! LOL !!

Make Out...Hook Up...Sex

Okay, I'd like to start a discussion here because I always wonder what people's thoughts are on this topic. I'll go first.

Make Out- This seems very obvious. More than one or two long, intense kisses shared between two individuals. Some above the clothing stroking and petting can occur during this interlude. Generally takes place on a couch, in a movie theatre, in a car or anywhere else people aren't completely comfortable getting it on.

Hook Up- Clothing is coming off, but full on sex is NOT occuring. Fingering, blow jobs, going down on and just general foreplay happen here. Anywhere semi-private will do. Or if you're drunk or horny enough, anywhere at all.

Sex- Hello tab B, meet slot A. Includes vaginal and anal sex.

Why did this thought come to me? Well, I recently "hooked up" with a guy I've met a few times through friends. And by hook up, I mean exactly what I said above. There was some intense making out both on a boat and in my car and some serious fondling, licking and sucking. At no point, did sex occur. And yet, when other people discuss it amongst themselves I know they will term it hooking up and others will think we had sex. It doesn't bother me overly much except that sex is sex in my opinion and there is no need to call it hooking up.

What are your thoughts? Do you use other terminology for sex talk or do you call a spade a spade?

APOLOGIES!

I am SO SO SO SO BEHIND...on everything. I haven't yet welcomed my new followers (hello #39!) or congratulated RunMom for being #35 (though she has already emailed me her most excellent choice!). In my defense, I injured my shin, I maybe drank and made a bad decision on Sunday, Gym Crush and I are talking more,I'm busy with work, I'm job AND apartment hunting, contemplating relocating into the heart of Atlanta or up to Raleigh and trying to just get through each day. So huge huge huge apologies for not blogging. I'm going to try to get some great things going tonight, after I kick ass at softball :)

I AM the Other Woman...

And I don't feel bad about it AT ALL.

I know, all of you will hate me now. You think I'm a hussy, a skank, a whore and whatever other clever names you can come up with. But the sad truth is, the woman didn't even factor into my mind when I was doing it. It wasn't until later that I even thought to myself, "Holy shit, he just cheated on his girlfriend with me!"

Even now, I don't really feel bad about it. Like Berryfine, I think as I've gotten older I've started thinking in terms of cheating with a married man versus cheating on a girlfriend. As she puts it, when you cheat with a married man you ruin multiple lives, careers, reputations and so much more. The magnitude of it seems that much bigger. Maybe I'm thinking like a guy in that unless there's a ring on it, you ain't committed. Though I suppose that doesn't stop some people. Maybe if I had a gym crush, I wouldn't let a little thing like a missing ring stop me.

I've always wondered what makes a girl participate in a sexual relationship with a man she knows is off the market. I started doing a little research online about this and came up with the following: BECAUSE WE CAN. Because we need validation, sex, the idea of the forbidden. Because he's attractive and we don't want to look back later and wonder how it could have been. Apparently, I'm not the only one wondering about the grey areas of cheating either, if answerbag is any indication.

You're probably wondering how it all came about. Well, I guess I can thank liquor for lowering my inhibitions. And apparently blocking out all sense of right and wrong and allowing my id to take over. I wanted him and I could tell he wanted me as the night went on. I didn't make the first move, I've reasoned with myself. He kissed me and then we were going at it. I can't help it if he throws himself and some of the best sex I've ever had at me right off the bat. How was I to say no?

The worst part about it is that even though I KNOW in my head I should feel bad about this, I actually don't. In fact, I've been talking to him regularly since then- flirty texts, emails and phone calls. Though I know this can't go anywhere it's fun and I figure I deserve some fun in my life. I don't expect him to cheat on her again with me. Nor do I expect him to leave her for me.

Your Mom is At Da Club...

I just peed my pants a little. Go here. NOW.

Well This is Interesting...

Apparently, Friends with Benefits (FOBs) are biologically engineered so it really cannot be blamed on us. I can't help it if evolutionarily guys are going to want to have sex with their female friends at some point. It also makes me wonder which of my guy friends has thought about sex with me...and why have they ultimately not tried to make it happen?

Where did I get this information? Well, a blogger at How Stuff Works has been delving into the Friends with Benefits topic as it relates to When Harry Met Sally. Can men and women really just be friends? Check out her take and then come back here and let me know your thoughts!

Rough Sex is Fun....Until You End Up With a Bruised Nipple

Seriously, Lora Leigh has me thinking the ONLY way to go at sex is rough. Slaps to the ass. Bite marks. Scratches. It sounds so damn hot. I crave it. It must happen.


Hard. Fast. Harder.


It is absolutely great to have rough sex. In fact, I recommend getting a little wilder than normal at least once a week. Cause changing shit up is important in a sexual relationship.


Here is my issue: a bruised and slightly battered vagina is one thing. It reminds you that you had damn good sex at some point. A bruised nipple? Not so much. The thing is a bruised nipple kind of sneaks up on you. It's not like he caught your nipple in his teeth and you thought, "Ouch" and then later it was purple and hurt. No a bruised nipple just suddenly happens. One moment you are loving the attention your man is laving on your nipple, and the next you want him to be anywhere but at your breast. And, of course, being a man, he wants to be at your nipple. And your vagina. Simultaneously if possible.

But then, after all that hardcore, hair-pulling, biting, scratching sex...your nipple HURTS. It's purplish and always distended. You'd have to pad your bra with a pillow to hide the fact so its almost like your nipple is in a constant state of arousal and the world knows it. Everything that touches it hurts- ice, water, silk sheets. And your thoughts center on your nipple. Much like the thoughts of a man center on his penis. It's like a broken record is spinning in your head "Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouuuuuucchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

And then I start to wonder, was the rough sex really worth it? Well, if I left bloody scratch marks on his back that are driving him crazy the day after then yes, yes it was totally worth it.

Sex Song of the Week

So, this just came on my iPod and made me think of Block. And made me wonder why the FUCK I have this song on my computer at all?!?!?!



You can thank me later. What a gem!

Could Not Have Said It Better

Hello New Followers! I think I will notice every time I add even one follower to my stable :) I don't care if I have 1000 and I get 1001, I will notice! Anyway, for you newbies, I have a guy at the gym who really motivates me and he does so just by being so freaking hot. I haul my ass out of bed every morning when the alarm goes off at 4:40 am just so I can hit the gym and watch him work out. Oh Lord...whew!

Why is this a could not have said it better moment? Well, after working out and showering, we were both up at the smoothie bar having our protein shakes made and Travis, the guy who makes them for us, asked me if I was ready for today. What is today, you ask? Well, I have a job interview! My first in THREE years and to be honest, I've always gotten my job through knowing someone so I'm not really sure how well I interview. Suffice to say I'm pretty nervous about it and when I said as much these fine words of wisdom came from my gym crush:

"What's there to be nervous about? All you can do is be you. If they like you, they like you. If they don't, well, they don't deserve to have you at their company."

What a great way to look at it! It's hard to remember something like this when the economy sucks THIS BAD but I have a job right now. Do I love it? No. Can I afford to be a bit picky about where I work? Yes. So, I just need to hope it's the right fit for both of us.

So then we were talking about the company and such and it turns out my Gym Crush is one of their vendors! He's pretty familiar with the company. So Travis jokes and says I have a reference in him. And the following is Gym Crush's response:

"Yeah, I see her at the gym every morning at 5 am and she does work. Any girl willing to get up at 5 am with no incentive and work out is someone you want to hire. That is dedication."

Well.... not NO incentive ;)


***In other news, I want to throw together a virtual race. What are your thoughts? Any tips or advice?

Are All the Good Ones Taken?

So, I play on a softball team and as we all know, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the baseball players. LOVE (see my crush on Josh Beckett, my continued fucking of Penis Nano, my relationship with The Whatever and my one night stand with Batboy...). So obviously, playing co-ed softball is pretty much heaven on earth for me. Baseball players and incompetent buffoons who think they can play. Some hot, some not. But man put a bat in their hands and I'd do just about anything for them. It's a wonder that I'm able to keep my cleats on during the game!

Of course, this wouldn't matter if there weren't one absolutely ADORABLE guy on my team. Oh man, I thought he was cute at first but after watching him play a few games and chatting him up I was definitely HOT for the guy. Homeruns should be his middle name. Diving catches out of NOWHERE were a regular occurance for him. And lately, my regular activity has been STARING at him and taking it all in.

So, imagine my surprise, when, after a CRUSHING defeat in which I laid it all out there and did big things, I overheard this conversation.

Teammate One: You almost felt bad for her, thinking you were a lefty.
Hot Baseball Player: Yeah, I almost pretended to be one for her. And the first baseman told everyone I hit a homer before that.
Teammate One: Hell of a homer it was.
Teammate Two: Imagine her surprise when you dinged a weak hit to short.
Hot Baseball Player: Yeah she was real impressed. She told me she likes weak bats-
Teammate One: I got a weak bat for her.
Hot Baseball Player: She even touched my leg!
Teammate Two: What's your wife going to say about that?

Okay, look past the ridiculous commentary on two average looking girls who were impressed by my man's skills (oh wait, he's not mine) hone in on the last line. EXCUSE ME?!?!?! WIFE?

What the fuckity fuck fuck fuck is that shit? Why are you married?WHY WHY WHY WHY IS EVERY DAMN GUY I MEET MARRIED OR ON HIS WAY DOWN THE AISLE? Have I really reached the age at which every guy is going to be gay, married or come with the baggage of divorce and children? I'm not bringing little monsters, wedding bands or fetish for the same sex so why can't they be equally as perfect?!?!

Do You Have a Type?

I do. I definitely have a type- not the oh he has to be tall, dark, handsome, white, black, purple, short, fat, funny, smart...blah blah blah. But I am as predictable as...well, really that's a stupid fucking saying because the sunrise really isn't all that predictable is it? Anyway...I have a type. And that type is...ATHLETIC. Oh man I love sweaty, atheletic, smelly MEN. Yummy.

One of these days, I might even share my dream proposal with you. Shocking, I know, that a single gal like myself who hates weddings has one but the fact is I DO.

I should really be more specific about my type. Despite dating a basketball player, football player, tennis player and hockey player...anyone who knows me knows I like a guy who rides the bench. Or more accurately who swings for the fences.

I ADORE BASEBALL PLAYERS*.

So, when a friend of mine mentioned the Macon Pinetoppers were staying on campus nearby for the summer months, I couldn't have been more excited. And immediately let down upon finding out how young they all are. Whatever, age doesn't matter when they are sliding into home, does it? I mean with some exceptions you pervs. I still plan on catching them so I'm scoping the website now to see what the roster has to offer.

First, I want the t-shirt on the home page. Second, there is no roster. Or photos. WTF is that?

So, instead, I've scoured the internet for my favs from the top team in the world! Whoop, whoop, you can thank me later!

Phil Hughes-

Pitcher

6'5"

240 lbs

6/24/1986

Kevin Russo-

Second Base

5'11"

190 lbs

7/8/1984

Attended Baylor College

Robinson Cano-

Second Base

6'0"

205 lbs

10/22/1982

He's Domincan and look.at.that.tongue.

Bret Gardner-

Center Field

5'10"

185lbs

8/24/1983

Attended College of Charleston

And then there is the obvious Derek Jeter, who is just the sweetest, most professional. And Jorge Posado who is just a hustler. And my favorite, Andy Petitte. All of whom may just be cute because they play baseball!

*Please see Penis Nano, The Whatever and Batboy for confirmation.