Drunken Sexy Time

I've already admitted to a propensity to get rip-roaringly drunk and fuck my friends. The key word here is friends before any of you randos start getting any ideas. I've been asked repeatedly about Lucky Charms since mentioning him in conjunction with this so I'm going to do my best to piece together a night I have half forgotten and half denied for some time.

Lucky Charms and I were friends in college. In fact, I really didn't know him that well at first. All I knew of him could be summed up in this one sentence: he and my college roommate made out one time by a lake.

Slowly, after breaking up with The First, Lucky Charms and I began hanging out. During this time, we'd get incredibly fucked up and I would watch in amazement as he brought home A-Level talent to bang for as long as he like (a few one night stands, a few month-long flings). I mean here was a guy who weighed at least 15-20 lbs less than I did and was tall and gangly with angular features who was bringing home girls who were Playboy's local talent level caliber pieces of ass.

I began telling everyone that he had Lucky Charms in his pants for that was the only explanation I could think of. He was in a frat, got high and drunk every day and seemingly had no real aspirations beyond the next fuck.

Fast forward to 2009, he is living in Charleston with a solid job on the fast track to management. He'll have his pick of where he will go with his career. He's working out, has a sweet dog and is not quite the manwhore he once was. One of our mutual friends and I decided to go spend Valentine's Day weekend in Charleston for a visit and we have a blast. A few of our other friends happen to be in town as well and we just get drunk, act silly, cuddle and generally have a great time. No worries about makeup or clothes because there wasn't time for it.

He came into town a few months later and got royally pissed off when I refused to travel the hour to meet up with him. The day before he was set to leave, he called me and basically begged to see me. So i threw on some clothes and headed to Athens (scene of a majority of my drunken hookups). At the time I had no intention other than going to see some buddies I hadn't seen in a while.

The night took a dramatic turn for the weird, crazy,utterly fantastic sexual after a few shots.

You see Lucky Charms and I have always been pretty flirty. Touchy feely. People always assume we have had sex (an exact opposite of the assumptions about me and Dr. Pothead). At this point we hadn't but a long walk home in some dangerously high heels would change all that.

Somewhere along the hike we ended up way far behind the rest of the group. My memory is hazy but I think I had to stop and take off my slutty platform heels so I could actually walk at a pace faster than a crawl. The rest of the group kept going but Lucky Charms, gentleman that he is, stayed behind and even carried my shoes for me. We were joking around, acting silly and somehow ended up holding hands.

At some point, I must have teased him about how his lucky charms hadn't worked for that night because the next thing I know, he grins and says:

"That's what you think."

Before SLAMMING...I mean SLAMMING me into the wall and kissing the hell out of me. The kind of kiss they talk about in romance novels that you always wonder if they really happen? Yeah, that one. Just pushed me into the wall, dropped my shoes and ran his hands up and down my body.

Thinking about it now has me turned on.

We must have made out against that wall for at least 30 minutes. And, man oh man, it is still my top kissing moment ever (and I've had some crazy ones).

At some point, one of us (I'm assuming him) came to our senses and we headed back to the townhouse we were crashing at. Where the pals were nice enough to leave us the guest bedroom...

Where, I'm assuming we got it on (judging from my patent-pending sex test) because I woke up with no pants on at about 8 am.

And I flipped. I snuck out of there as quickly as I could find my shorts, shoes and purse (which took far longer than it should have). I was so lucky no one woke up to me leaving. I ended up texting him 30 minutes down the road and saying something came up at home.

To say he was pissed is putting it mildly. Looking back at it now, he was probably hurt. What kind of friend spends the night fucking you and then sneaks off like a thief in the night. Or maybe it's the romantic in me hoping that my slipping out without so much as a good bye broke his heart.

Which could be a direct result of his last visit and the ridiculous Christmas texts I have yet to share with you...

Golden Showers

Tonight, I went to dinner with a member of my gaggle and some of his buddies from work. He was in town for a short layover and they work for a national company and used to be a part of his rotation. After he left for the airport, shit got STRANGE. His buddy started telling this story of which I will summarize:

G got fucked up and came home with his girlfriend, K. They went to bed in their bedroom but work up in the guest bedroom. He was naked. They talked for a few minutes and then he went to the bathroom and noticed a puddle on the floor. Thinking they had a leak in the sink, he opened the cabinet and realized it was actually pee on the floor. He comes back to the bed and tells K about the piss. Eventually they determine that they are in the guest room because the sheets are in the wash. Someone pissed the bed. That someone was him. THIS TIME. As in until she walked through the apt and stumbled across his wet underwear she THOUGHT THERE MIGHT BE A CHANCE IT WAS HER. In fact, after he confessed she admitted that she knew the whole time why they switched rooms because she woke them up and put the sheets in the dryer. She just wasn't sure whose fault this debacle was.

Which led to G telling us the story with "it happens with the one you love." Which led to me thinking about Golden Showers and this video:

I've never had someone wet the bed WITH ME IN IT. However, I have had a boyfriend, The First, piss all over my freshly washed clothes. At 4 am. It was a fucking nightmare. One of my friends has had a guy piss the bed- she woke up to him telling her they needed to move to another location for the duration of the night. Another friend told me her boyfriend pissed all over her brand new stereo system and tv.

I HAVE NEVER PISSED THE BED.

I HAVE NEVER PISSED IN A ROOM THAT WASN'T A BATHROOM (outside a bar or in the woods does not count).

What the hell is wrong with men that this occurs? And of course, this has made me think that I would like to hear your most FUCKED UP piss- related stories involving a hook up. Email them over to mylittleblackbook11@gmail.com. You have until 12/20/2010 at midnight to submit stories. I will post them on the site, we can vote and the winner will get a cool prize I have yet to determine. Boom. Time to make this site more fun. Who doesn't love winning shit?

The Ring Check

Soooo another one of my conquests has proposed to his girlfriend. I thought it was time to check in with the conquests and see who would still be up for a fuck if I dialed him now*.

1. The First- as far as I can tell, single. Last I heard, banging all his old conquests that are not currently engaged or married.
2. Penis Nano- just proposed to what I am assuming is Vagina Nano.
3. The Bartender- in a relationship. With a girl who shares my name.
4. Spring Break Guy- unknown.
5. Dr. Pothead- still in a relationship. Going on like 4 years. Told me last week he plans on proposing.
6. TrueLove- Engaged. Fiance moved from up north down to Atlanta to be with him and he popped the question.
7. The Whatever- Engaged. To a girl who apparently dislikes me despite never having spent more than 5 minutes with me.
8. Lucky Charms- single. And looking better than ever.
9. The Marine- MARRIED. Still. I know, I'm just as shocked as you are.
10. The Groomsman- Single.
11. Batboy- In a serious relationship.
12. Spring Fling- Engaged to be married in TWENTY FIVE DAYS!!!! (Babe! so says his fiance on his facebook page).
13. The Sleeper- unknown
14. The Cable Guy- unknown
15. TD Tommy- unknown

* I know, even with a ring on it they could feasibly be down to fuck.

Examining the Gaggle

The Girls over at WTF is UP with My Love Life (thanks Hot Mess for turning me onto them) are hotly debating Gaggles and Self-Justifying Players. Sidenote: I came into the discussion late and every time they said SJP I thought they meant Sarah Jessica Parker which made me think of Carrie from Sex and the City which actually isn't too far off base since after thinking about it she may be the female Self-Justifying Player. Anyway...they are discussing opening up your horizons by having a gaggle of guys who provide SOMETHING in your life. And also, that they should be able to shift from what they offer. SOOOO...I thought I should maybe look over my own gaggle (if I even have one!) First, WTF is a gaggle? Go there and find out.

1. The ExWhatever: He may be engaged but until a ring is on his finger I consider him an option. Even though I have contented myself with a really shitty friendship with him (courtesy of his fiance throwing walls up between us). Even if a ring is on his finger, I'll secretly be hoping their marriage fails and I'm there when it crumbles. Currently, he is the measuring stick I use to evaluate all other prospects though I had found someone I thought was an even better prospect, he is currently on my shitlist. I will still make sure I look damn good any time there is a chance the ExWhatever could cross my path (which admittedly since relocating is not often).
2. The Ex: THE Ex, The guy who stole my virginity from me. Lets be honest, no matter how many times I pretend to be over him, he'll always be a prospect I consider going back to. The last time I spoke to him, I ditched him in a bar and never saw him again but I know if I cross his path again, it will be hard to pretend I don't care what he's up to or who he is fucking. Like the ExWhatever, he is a measuring stick for the men in my life- the measuring stick of what not to be!
3. The Gym Crush: currently taking applications for this role (also, if you're any good jacking photos from websites, hit me up. I finally found the original gym crush online and would love for you all to see him). Since I can't go to my gym anymore, I don't see him but I hold out hope I'll unexpectedly bump into his tattooed self. He's not a viable candidate for romance (wife and kid and all that) but for a hookup (I know I'm a horrible person but would you rather me spend my life wondering). He's the motivation in my morning and I sorely need it back.
4. The 70s Throwback: I might care a little too much what people think about this guy to go the distance (at least if I stay in Atlanta) but he's the most intelligent guy I've spoken to in a long time. Once you look past his polyester shirts, afro and awesome 70s porn star stache, he's witty and funny and actually cute in a totally different I love me some hippies (who shower) kind of way. I spend most of my days texting back and forth with him (drunk and sober) and entertaining myself with his humor.
5. The Family Guy: He's in our circle of friends and ideally he is the kind of guy I hope to one day meet and settle down with (no matter how many times I tell you guys I'm not getting married). He's college educated, hard working and successful in his chosen career, loves sports and is very close with his family (who are all also awesome). Currently in his man-whore phase so I'm steering clear. I don't see or talk to him often but if I ever need anything he drops everything for me which is great. He's the first one to notice if something is wrong and ask about it.
6. The Hookup: Currently single (for now) the hookup is a player, player but great in bed. When he calls and I'm busy, it has the power to ruin my night. I find myself trying to find ways to get out of whatever is really important that I am attending to so I can run off and let him pleasure me. Problem at this junction would be that I don't know a whole lot about him. Is he intelligent? Does he have goals? Will he ever settle down? That might be part of the allure. I'd hate to blow it off and miss out on all those things happening with me benefitting from it.
7. The Friend: Who is actually a friend of The Ex (post breakup). Solid job, solid family, solid friends, just all around a solid person. Right now, he's one of my favorite people (our post weekend recap phone calls are absolutely the high light of my Mondays). We've always just been friends so I've never thought about crossing that line but you never know.
8. The IT Guy: The guy at work who handles IT for me (literally the only one I will go to for help) also happens to now be a friend. He has tried to ask me on dates and I always wiggle my way out of it. The weird thing is I cannot see myself dating him (I do not find him sexually attractive) but when he has a girlfriend, I get annoyed by it. Maybe I just want to attention to be centered on me. Or maybe, deep down in a place I refuse to acknowedge I am interested in him (we'll never know since this refusal wall is up and made of steel).
9. The Long Distance Friend: Has a girlfriend. Texts and emails and calls me constantly. When we hang out, people always think he's my boyfriend. But that pesky girlfriend thing is in the way.

Clearly, my gaggle needs to be expanded. What are your thoughts on the gaggle mentality? Is your gaggle in need of improvement?

Are There Naked Pictures Of You Floating Around?

With the "release" of Kendra's sex tape (who leaked that? gee...I wonder), I got to thinking about all these young stars (I'm looking at you Vanessa Hudgens and Miley Cyrus) who have pictures of themselves in various states of undress floating around. You know it's one thing when an adult does this, but come on girls! You are in high school. Anyway, I completely digress from the topic I am heading toward.

Have you taken naked photos or shot a amateur porn?

I haven't had the pleasure of making my own video of sexual escapades and I'm not sure I would want to. I have a feeling the way I think I look during sex is probably not how I actually look during sex. What, strike that. I have a feeling all the insecurities I have during sex will appear on tape and turn me into a nun before I've even seen anything remotely sexual.

But in my misspent youth, aka the college years, I had a boyfriend, The First. The First was the lucky recipient of a couple of firsts...my first time actually doing the deed, my first real blow job, my first time having a guy go down on me, AND THE FIRST NAKED PICTURES OF ME. You see, Valentine's Day and our Anniversary fell very close to each other so it was always tough to decide what kind of gift to get the other person. Factor in our small bank accounts, and the gifts tended to be less than exciting. However, that year The First and I really stepped our game up (isn't it amazing how right before the breakup things are great?). He went to the store and bought me tulips (gentleman, my FAVORITE) and tons of Victoria's Secret goodies and made me a cute card complete with professions of love and a poem. I made him a scrapbook of our times together, ordered pizza and picked up his favorite beer and ice cream from Cold Stone AND...bought a disposable polaroid camera. With which I managed to use half the role of film taking pictures of myself for him: Naked with hearts over my nipples and vagina proclaiming Happy Valentine's Day!

I'm not going to lie and say I'm not great at gift giving because honestly, I rock at it. For example, today for my gym buddy Travis' 23rd birthday I gave him a 40 oz Miller Lite and a box of condoms. The only gift better would have been sex. Seriously.

Anyway, The First LOVED the gifts. Though he destroyed the scrap book after we broke up in a fit of rage after a screaming match over STDs. Like I said, our relationship was fucked up enough that we should have been on Jerry Springer. However, at the time I showed I was sentimental (scrapbook), thoughtful (his favorites, the night before an exam too!) and horny (hello sexy, naked pictures and disposable camera!). Obviously, The First took a couple of study breaks to make use of his camera and from what I remember managed to capture a few pictures of us having sex, me posing in my new Victoria's Secret products and me giving him a blowjob.

STUPID STUPID STUPID....any thoughts of being famous should now be flushed down the toilet because if my mother saw those I wouldn't have a chance to die from sheer mortification. My very Catholic family would murder me the minute the pictures hit the tabloids. I've talked to The First once since we graduated college (and it did not go well) and he claims to have destroyed anything having to do with me when he and his next girlfriend got together but I still have to wonder if that's the truth. Would grainy, polaroids of me in various states of undress pop up should my name become well-known?

What about you guys? Have you done naked, sexy photos with or for your guy? Did you get them back after the break up? Would you ever do that in the future?

From Around the Web

Since I am LITERALLY blowing ass at posting my own stuff, I thought I would point you to some stuff I am coming across while reading...instead of working. Good Lord, I'm going to get myself fired again. Anyway...

• My Girl, Leigh, does a great post on her site about Internet Pornography trafficking (as in how many clicks a site is getting people. Not selling others into internet porn rings.)
• My old boss, Ellen, has a fantastic blog about how young is too young to encourage young girls to have boyfriends.
• If you are too lazy to click on her site, definitely click here to see what inspired her post. God, I was so BEHIND! I didn't do the dirty deed until I was 19! And happy about a pregnancy? Christ, kids, I'm 26 and I would be PISSED to find out I was pregnant! This is not 90210, peeps.
• Access Hollywood is discussing a Sex and the City PREQUEL. I have refused to see this movie in theatres in large part because of the bad reviews. Also, I caught some of the first one a week or so ago and didn't remember any of it! But considering how bad the reviews were, is this really necessary. And I know Candace Bushnell just came out with the Carrie Diaries but wouldn't this be a difficult movie to make? Straddling the line of keeping the older viewers intrigued without crossing the line with the younger viewers (or more accurately their parents?)
• Same-Sex partners are allowed to get the same benefits as married couples when it comes to their kiddos. And a bunch of other stuff that doesn't currently affect me so I didn't read it. Don't judge.
• Cameron Diaz and how she stays young. Sweetie, you have been looking a little rough lately. Check a mirror. Without your pots of makeup applied please.
• Sex Tape anyone? God, I wish I was famous. I'd make one in a heartbeat. Sorry, mom.

Updated Sexual Conquest List

Sighhhh... Unlucky 13. I better fuck someone soon so I can get off that number.

1. The First
2. The Bartender
3. Spring Break Guy
4. Dr. Pothead
5. TrueLove
6. Penis Nano
7. The Whatever
8. TrueLove
9. The Spring Fling
10. The Marine
11. The Groomsman
12. The Sleeper
13. Touchdown Tommy

I'm in LOOOVVVEEEE...

Okay, not really so don't get all excited and start picking out china designs for me! Instead, I wanted to talk about a common occurrence (from what I understand) of how love and sex get twisted around.

Yesterday, while working, I had on the first season of Samantha Who? and my favorite episode came on. Okay, maybe not my absolute favorite because I adored that show but the commentary on this episode is particularly funny and appropriate for this blog so I thought I would share and then maybe add my scattered thoughts to the mix. Samantha has sex for the first time since she has developed amnesia due to a hit on the head (its more involved than that but if you want to know more, rent the show on DVD and find out). She comes running into work to confide in her best friend that SHE.IS.IN.LOVE. LOVE. After a few weeks of dating and one week of sex. The reason I love this episode so much? Because it admits that even us "adult" women fall prey to this same phenomenon that we indulged in as "kids". But the best part of the episode, and possibly the most truthful part, comes courtesy of my favorite character Andrea.

"It is just biology! You have sex, your face gets flushed, you feel all warm and wonderful. It seems like LOVE but its actually just nature's way of telling you to stick your panties in your purse and RUN."

I love everything about Andrea- I want to be her!

Don't lie. We've all been here. We have fantastic sex and suddenly we're weaving fantasies about happily ever after. Very few times have we just approached sex in the logical, "Well that's done and it was fun" manner. For God's sake, The First and I had sex THEN started dating. Basically because we were having sex. Which is all well and good when you are in college, but as a grown-up? Not so much. Thinking back, I think every guy I've slept with has had a nice little love fantasy weaved about him. Except Penis Nano. Because who wants to be stuck with Penis Nano?

The First and I were going to move to NYC and live in a nice apt for a while. Then move to the suburbs and have a house with a wrap-around porch and rocking chairs. He'd work in PR and I would work for a magazine. And...well, how that fantasy died is for another day. Suffice to say, last I heard The First is living in bumfuck, GA after dropping out of law school and I'm working as a medical biller and living in metro-Atlanta.

Sometimes, we don't even have to have sex for me to fantasize about happily ever after. Let's face it, when you're single and jonesin' for someone you just can't help it. Sometimes, I pretend gym crush isn't in a relationship with a baby (or covered in tattoos) and imagine us dating...after he throws me into a shower and has sex with me of course. Got to wash off that grime.

What is it about sex for women that is directly linked to love? We obviously don't have to BE in love to have it (see my number of partners for evidence of this) but often times after having it, everything is so perfect and wonderful. It's easy to slip on the rose colored glasses and imagine that awesomeness just continuing in a neverending loop with that same person who just made you cum three times in a row. Ahhh pheromones.

What are your thoughts on this topic? Am I alone in fancying myself in Love (or very strong like) after sleeping with a guy?

Berryfine's Reasons Why Not

Anyone remember that show Emily's Reasons Why Not? Yeah, me neither. Sorry, Heather Graham. But I did read the book it was based on and I thought of it today when my boss and I were talking about wedding announcements.

Boss: Are you excited for your trip to Vegas?
Berryfine: Well, if I actually get there and have any money when I get there then YES! Speaking of which the couple's wedding announcement is in the paper today. [I show it to her]
Boss: Oh, I love the picture.
Berryfine: The announcements are so boring though. It's like they exist simply so people's grandparents and parents can be mentioned in 8 pt font. [Boss laughs] Unless you're famous. Then they tell the story of how you met...

I launch into this story I found while stalking one of my one night stands via facebook which just made me realize...FUCK...he's not on the list so my number is actually 13. God. Damnit. WTF. So I guess I'll be amending that list soon. Anyway, read the story but the gist is this couple just kept missing each other and then timing and blah blah blah. Which lead to my boss saying this:

The man you are going to marry could be right under your nose!

To which, I responded without hesitation:

Good Lord! I hope not!

Which lead me to ponder why these guys wouldn't work out....sooo, here you go, for your enjoyment:

1. The First: Ummm, short or long version? Basically, the kid is a fuck up. Seriously, straight out of Rome, GA with the common sense of an ant (which is actually kind of an insult to the ant). Incredibly smart but ADHD and with no sense of right or wrong in that it applies to him, The First and I were way too volatile. You know how they say sometimes love isn't enough? Well, in this case love drove us both absolutely crazy. We literally brought out the worst in each other (not to mention we were straight off Jerry Springer). But the sex was great. If I could get past my mental qualms I'd probably go back for seconds. That and he'd have to lose some weight.
2. The Bartender: Monogamy occurred with Tony and my friend Krista. Who I hooked up after he and I finished having sex. I wanted a relationship, he needed a distraction from the break up. And now we are friends.
3. Spring Break Guy: Well, obviously, I have no clue what this guy's name is so that is problem number one. Number two would be that he had a girlfriend back home waiting on him to finish banging me in a bathroom. I know, epitome of class right here.
4. Dr. Pothead: Good Lord, ask my friend Shannon, this has got to be the biggest dick my vagina has ever encountered. I'm not sure my vagina could handle it. Not to mention he is super smart but kind of a space cadet due to massive quantities of weed inhaled.
5. TrueLove: Ohhhh TrueLove. He was the kind of guy who would throw you into a wall in public and just make out. With your entire face. And he has ex-girlfriend issues.
6. Penis Nano: I call him penis nano for a reason.
7. The Whatever: Well...we're best friends now. Everyone has a one that got away. This is that guy. He's bought a house with his current girlfriend so I'm sure marriage is on the horizon.
8. Lucky Charms: I used to joke this guy had lucky charms in his pants. It's not a joke. And I'm pretty sure this is the second and hopefully last guy Krista and I have both slept with.
9. The Spring Fling: Well, Matt was needy. Christ, we slept together on the beach on spring break and when we got back to school one time. He followed me around like a puppy. Which is nice on days you feel fat but on other days it is just obnoxious. If only I could take him out like a toy and play with him.
10. The Marine: Married. That would be a problem. And he had this obsession with not finishing during sex but waiting until after I fell asleep to go to the shower. WTF? Apparently, that less than one percent chance of pregnancy scared the fuck out of him but we both hated condoms. I'm sorry this will never work. And, as Vanessa can attest to, he was kind of dumb as a brick.
11. The Groomsman: My friend Brittany's fiance told me I could do better. On my birthday. Immediately prior to me ditching my friends to go get birthday sex with him. He is a great fuck buddy but lacks the common courtesy skills to be a boyfriend. Like, if something comes up and you aren't coming to pick them up, hello? CALL THEM. Jesus.
12. The Sleeper: Well, obviously, this guy will have sex anywhere and while I'm on the public places train I'm not okay with sex when other people are across the twin bed from me. Plus, we just met. Weirdo.
13. Batboy: Idk how I forgot this guy. I hiked home in the snow two miles to my friend Lexi's place after we had sex. The foreplay was great, the sex...so, so. All could be forgiven since he plays guitar except that he lives a fabulous life working for MLB, living in NYC and dating a gorgeous girl.

So, what are your dealbreakers? Could a guy you have already dated be the one? Would you be okay with that?

Updated Sexual Conquest List

Sigh, here it is. The Big 12:

1. The First
2. The Bartender
3. Spring Break Guy
4. Dr. Pothead
5. TrueLove
6. Penis Nano
7. The Whatever
8. Lucky Charms
9. The Spring Fling
10. The Marine
11. The Groomsman
12. The Sleeper

Sex On The Beach

For a sex blog, this blog has had a lack of sexual escapades. This is due to two things: 1. I'm not having it so writing about it is painful. It makes me all itchy and restless. 2. I was looking for something that I thought was imperative to the site. I still think it is but I can't wait forever for the damn thing to appear. So, I thought, I would write about sex on the beach. It's not just a drink you know. I've had two trysts in the sand but tonight I will just focus on the first one.

So, The First and I had been dating a little over a year when his dad invited both of us to the beach for a week vacation with his brothers. I have never gone on a family vacation with a boyfriend (in fact, to this day he is still the only one I have done this with) so I was a little nervous. I have no idea why- his dad OBVIOUSLY knew we were having sex and had no problem with us sharing a bed not only in his own home but while on vacation with the whole family. However, he challenged us on this vacation by putting The First and I on the pullout couch so that at any given time someone could walk in on us having sex. Suffice to say, there was a lot of teasing but not much sex.

After four days of this, we were understandbly cranky. I mean you can only take so much of sleeping in the same bed and seeing each other in next to nothing on the beach before one, or both of you, explodes. So that night, after a family dinner and time on the boardwalk, The First and I grabbed a blanket and went to watch the fireworks. Sounds nice and romantical, right? Well, it could have been had I not been dying to get his damn clothes off. And of course, all the families in the damn town are out on the beach watching fireworks. I don't want to be watching them, I want to be making them.

Where there is a will there is a way. I don't know a guy who is going to pass up sex when his girlfriend is like a damn bitch in heat. The First drags me down the beach, under the pier (which is just covered in families milling about now that the light show is over) and takes me against the pole (is that what you would call it?). I mean, takes me. Ravages me. I wish I felt more comfortable talking in detail about it but well, not yet. This was by far the most animalistic sex he and I ever had and it was all the better because at any moment someone would wander under the pier and see us going at it. It felt great to rid ourselves of some sexual frustration and doing it under a pier is the way to go. There was no sand in our shorts afterwards! Wait, I'm too smart for that, I was wearing a skirt with no panties. It was inevitable that I was going to get him to have sex with me!

So, tell me, have you had sex on the beach? How was it? Would you do it again?

Have You Lied to a Guy in Bed?

Okay...completely ridiculous question, I know. If you said no, I say you've never been in a guy's bed. Not in the biblical sense, anyway. I'm actually thinking of a specific incident which looking back on I laugh about.

When I was dating The First, we had about six months of sex anytime we could get it. Not very sophisticated, we tended to get it done pretty quickly. While there was a decent amount of foreplay on his part, there was absolutely NONE on my part. Sorry, I just wasn't interested and as luck would have it he was so eager to get it in that it didn't matter. Until it did.

One morning, lying on my twin mattress in my new apt, The First broached the subject of a blow job. I had never offered one and apparently he figured he'd just ask for it or die waiting. He figured right. He just came right out and casually asked me about it. I was so shocked and panicked that I told him I had never given one before. Looking back, this was probably the only acceptable excuse a 20-year-old male would accept. Since he was my first, he didn't really question it. Instead, he shrugged and let it drop. For a while, he slowly poked and prodded and finally I gave in and allowed him to teach me how to give a blowjob. I think it was actually a boost to his ego to be the guy who taught me how to behave in bed so it all worked out in the end.

Now, saying I had never given one was a 1/2 truth. Back in high school, I found out my boy of the moment had hooked up with another girl who I hated while he and I were hooking up. I was inconsolable given the copious amounts of vodka my friend Emily had helped me ingest. There were ten girls at my house and I sat downstairs crying on the phone to him. He finally agreed to let me come over and I snuck out of my house and walked up the street to see him (yes, he was my neighbor. Which is something I will never do again!). I got up to his house and we sat in the back yard and talked. At that moment, I came to the drunken (and extremely misguided) conclusion that in order to keep him, I would have to do more than let him grope me. So I decided it was time to kiss the snake. Unfortunately for me, what was already a tragic and ridiculous situation for me became worse. Unbeknownst to me, he had the basketball team over and they were in his basement watching us. The minute my mouth met his member, his teammates came rushing out to high five him.

You read right: THEY HIGH FIVED HIM IN THE MIDDLE OF A BLOW JOB.

Understandably, the ten second BJ heard round the hood was conveniently forgotten when The First brought the idea up a year later. And that is how a lie was born...

So what have you lied in bed about? Was it worth it? Would you do it again?

My first pregnancy scare...

Totally random to be posting about this since I haven't done the dirty deed in months but it doesn't matter. Pregnancy scares are the WORST! I still remember my first ever and the second, third and fourth. Miserable experiences ALL. Of course, I can't bring them up without sharing!

first time for everything...
I was a freshman in college. Ughhh. I had just started dating The First which meant having sex on the regular at any time we could squeeze it in- you know how that goes. I started not feeling too well a month or two into our relationship. I was tired all the time and felt sick to my stomach constantly. One night I even passed out on my way to the bathroom. After that occurred I crawled into my loft and just thought about dying. The First came by to visit and crawled into the loft with me. It was nice to have someone cuddle with me and rub my back but as I told him what was wrong I could see him growing pale. Suddenly the loft was too hot and he was too close.

"I think you might be pregnant."

Oh shit, shit, shit. Of course this would happen right before my first gyno appointment. I know we should have been more careful since I wasn't on birth control at the time but we were 19 and horny and crazy. The worst part about the entire ordeal was that he whipped out his cell phone and called HIS MOM! His mom. Who I had never met. I was mortified but she was a nurse so it made sense to call her. I sure as shit was NOT calling my mom!

His mom did not say a damn thing to make me feel better. In fact, the longer we stayed on the phone with her the more convinced I was that I was pregnant and my life was over. I got so upset that the minute The First hung the phone up I kicked him out of the room. All night he imed me and called my cell trying to check on me. I refused to answer (like by not talking to him this would magically go away).

The next day, I floated through classes. I barely ate. I wore jeans and a huge sweatshirt even though it was a warm spring day. When my roommate disappeared for a few hours, I cried. When The First knocked on the door (okay pounded) for 10 mintes, I pretended I wasn't there. Anything not to face the fact that there was a bun in my oven. Eventually, I sat down in front of my lap top and began working on homework. A friend of mine ended up iming me randomly from upstairs in my dorm and I just let her know exactly what I was going through. She told me to come upstairs IMMEDIATELY. When I got there she had a pregnancy test and a shoulder to lean on. I couldn't get over my embarrassment so I stuffed the test in my pocket and ran back down to my room.

Eventually I took the test. I will never forget sitting in the community bathroom in a stall just waiting. Counting the minutes between the time I peed and the time it said I should know. Praying that I was not a complete idiot. I screamed bloody murder when the test came back positive- scaring half the dorm into coming to check on me. How does one explain the relief of not being pregnant? I ran back to my room and typed the words to my friend and then just sat there with a grin on my face.

Of course, being a girl I let The First sweat it out before finally telling him the next day that we were not going to be parents at the tender age of 19.

Tell me about your pregnancy scares or test experiences! Email your stories to mylittleblackbook11@gmail.com!

My First Time

Man, oh man, where would we be without our first time? Honestly, why would we even want to do it after that first time? Don't even pretend like it was good. Even with the passage of years, and faded edges, the memory still isn't your greatest sexual moment.

I was 19. A late bloomer compared to most of my friends- though not nearly as late as some of my others. It was February 17th and his name was The First. The First, in my opinion, was the cutest guy in Creswell dorm and I had been smitten with him since the first day of classes when he drunkenly stumbled down our hallway introducing himself to all the girls in 5D (and probably the rest of the dorm. Little did I know, he was...well, a womanizer).

The First had decided that night he was going to quit smoking and I was going to have to help distract him. What better way than sex? That was not planned, of course. We just sort of fell into it as these things generally happen. We had been friends for a little over a month as I would come sit outside and hang around with the smokers as they inhaled butt after butt and told dirty jokes and lies about everything from sex to drugs to rock 'n' roll. At midnight, The First crushed his last cigarette and walked away from the smokers table. We went inside and turned on MTV and just sat on his futon laughing and talking. As the night got later, we moved closer and suddenly he was tickling me (I am INSANELY ticklish though I try to pretend I am not). And just as suddenly I was semi-lying down and The First was staring at me like he had never seen me before. It was one of those moments women dream about: guy finally really LOOKS at girl and it is like he sees into her soul. Slowly, he bent to kiss me. And hours of kissing turned into everything else.

While I have blocked out the actual act, I do remember a few things.
1. His roommate was obviously gone and a few times I wondered if he would walk in on us and what he would do.
2. It was completely dark except for the glow of the TV.
3. MTV still played music videos at this point. Audioslave's new video for Like a Stone was playing for the 3 minutes of thrusting.
4. Afterward, The First stood up and with the glow of the tv behind him, looked like a young girl's fantasy of a Greek God.
5. The First grabbed a papertowel so I could clean up which might have been the most embarrassing moment of my life. Also, probably one of the sweetest.

Sometimes, I wonder what I was thinking. How had I come to the conclusion that he was the one? Why not Cole? Or Sam? Or any of the other guys who had come before him? And what of the things I remember made me continue to have sex with The First?

Was your first time better? Funnier? Send your story to mylittleblackbook11@gmail.com!

How It Started

It all started with a list and some beers while watching some football at an Atlanta bar. Three hot mamas sat down and on bar napkins wrote down every guy (good or bad) she'd been with. Names were forgotten, guys were left off the list and hilarity ensued. From this list, came an idea for this blog- my own little black book with some fantastic stories from friends thrown in!

To start, here is my personal list as of today (9/30/2009). If it changes, I will obviously update it.

1. The First
2. Tony
3. Spring Break Guy
4. Lucian
5. Michael
6. Lance
7. Ryan
8. Chris
9. Matt
10. Christian
11. Scott

And don't worry, a few missteps along the way that weren't consumated will be included as well!