When I was dating The First, we had about six months of sex anytime we could get it. Not very sophisticated, we tended to get it done pretty quickly. While there was a decent amount of foreplay on his part, there was absolutely NONE on my part. Sorry, I just wasn't interested and as luck would have it he was so eager to get it in that it didn't matter. Until it did.
One morning, lying on my twin mattress in my new apt, The First broached the subject of a blow job. I had never offered one and apparently he figured he'd just ask for it or die waiting. He figured right. He just came right out and casually asked me about it. I was so shocked and panicked that I told him I had never given one before. Looking back, this was probably the only acceptable excuse a 20-year-old male would accept. Since he was my first, he didn't really question it. Instead, he shrugged and let it drop. For a while, he slowly poked and prodded and finally I gave in and allowed him to teach me how to give a blowjob. I think it was actually a boost to his ego to be the guy who taught me how to behave in bed so it all worked out in the end.
Now, saying I had never given one was a 1/2 truth. Back in high school, I found out my boy of the moment had hooked up with another girl who I hated while he and I were hooking up. I was inconsolable given the copious amounts of vodka my friend Emily had helped me ingest. There were ten girls at my house and I sat downstairs crying on the phone to him. He finally agreed to let me come over and I snuck out of my house and walked up the street to see him (yes, he was my neighbor. Which is something I will never do again!). I got up to his house and we sat in the back yard and talked. At that moment, I came to the drunken (and extremely misguided) conclusion that in order to keep him, I would have to do more than let him grope me. So I decided it was time to kiss the snake. Unfortunately for me, what was already a tragic and ridiculous situation for me became worse. Unbeknownst to me, he had the basketball team over and they were in his basement watching us. The minute my mouth met his member, his teammates came rushing out to high five him.
You read right: THEY HIGH FIVED HIM IN THE MIDDLE OF A BLOW JOB.
Understandably, the ten second BJ heard round the hood was conveniently forgotten when The First brought the idea up a year later. And that is how a lie was born...
So what have you lied in bed about? Was it worth it? Would you do it again?
4 comments:
OH.MY.GOD.....How did I miss this story in High School?? Was my brother or cousin a teammate who gave him the high five?! Girl...I would have told the same damn lie! And also...every woman has once lied in bed, and by lie I mean faked her orgasm so that he could just go already and then you could get a measly four hours of sleep before going to work or school in the morning!
I have actually NEVER faked an orgasm. That is another topic for another day. And no, your bro was not there. Otherwise, I would never have been able to hang out at your house again!
guess that is what happens when you sleep with a guy who is bad in bed....aka the worst mistake of my life...hahahaha!
No I am just honest with them. Sometimes, it just doesn't happen. For them or you. Why lie about it?
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