Wedding Wednesday!

As promised, details of my weekend and the wedding I attended. Don't get too excited peeps, it's nothing to get fired up about.

• Helloooooooo Lake Lanier. I have never actually be inside Legacy at Lake Lanier so I made my way to our cabin with my mouth hanging open. Place is INCREDIBLE. I never really think of anythin being super gorgeous in Georgia. Probably because I am a broke-ass bitch who can't afford anything worth bragging about. Damnit lottery, where the fuck is my jackpot?
• Icing leaves no room for any other activities during the weekend. Christ, everything was centered around it. People were iced all damn weekend- my friend J was iced a total of 5 times and I'm sure the groom was iced almost as many times. Clutch icings: The groom and his father were iced together at the t box the day of the wedding. J was iced the morning after the wedding at 10 am. Our friend C stuck it in his waistband and mooned him making it appear that he shit the ice. J was still drunk and I thought he might vomit when he realized he had to do it. Thank god we were outside.
• "Hello! Welcome to our cabin. We'll be sleeping together." J upon my arrival at the cabin at 6 pm Friday night. True to his word we did sleep in the same bed both nights.
• Speaking of sleeping, night one consisted of musical beds. J and I started on the pullout couch (hahaha pull out), A and T were in a double bed in a room with K and W. Best man and groomsman were in a king size bed together. By morning, K had slept on two chairs pushed together, W had slept on the floor. Both ended up on the pullout couch. J and I moved to the double bed but only after J had it for a few hours to himself while W and I shared the pullout couch. The other four stayed in their respective beds. This is all because T was snoring.
• The groom and his sisters came back to the cabin to party with us post rehearsal dinner. Unfortunately, the bride was not too keen on that judging from the text I got telling me to stay away from her husband. Which is funny because he's cute but he's not my type. I don't go for the scratch golfing, paisley wearing, pink splashed, purse puppy toting law school type. Needless to say, I was less than pleased to see texts from her and the matron of honor (whose wedding I was in, surprise, surprise) chastising me about the groom.
• Drama, drama, drama. Night one it was A. Night two it was me.
• The wedding was outdoors. Which was BEAUTIFUL...but hot as hell. I might as well not have done my hair or make up. I looked like complete ass despite my size 6 dress and fuck me nude pumps.
• The ex...I know you're waiting for it...He and his fiance were there. I sat on the grooms side since I stayed in a cabin with his friends and didnt bring a date. He sat on the brides side across from me so that every time J and I conversed I had to see them. I'll be honest, they didn't look too happy to be there. They then got a table near ours and were in my direct line of sight through dinner. Fucking sweet. So, did we chat? Well...yes and no. He approached me after the champagne toast (when I was good and sloshed) to talk to me about (get this its fucking awesome) MY BANK ACCOUNT. Yes, we haven't actually conversed in months and his first topic of conversation. Not even a hello preceding it. No "Hey how are you?" "You look great for having lost 20 lbs" "Oh by the way, I got engaged" Asshole.
• Sunset Cove...redneck riveria. The Jersey Shore on a lake. That is all.
• Met Mike Smith. As in the Falcons Coach. He's younger than he actually looks.
• Don't put the mashed potato bar on one side of the reception and the food on the other. After eating my martini glass of mash I'm not getting back up for food. Booze, yes. Food, not so much.
• Cupid Shuffle. It's my jam.
• Loose Change. If you need a wedding band book them.
• The bartender gave me a double shot of Jose. I followed it up with double jack and diets. Or as the bartender put it "Would you like a sneeze in your drink as well?"
• Sister of the groom passes out upright in a chair. Dead to the goddamn world. Her friends proceed to tell me "It's normal". I'm sorry, passing out with your eyes rolled to the back of your head is NOT normal. I'm a drunk and I don't even do that shit. But apparently she does it on the reg. I had to carry her to a fucking shuttle. The next morning she woke our asses up at 9 am looking for her phone.
• Speaking of waking us up. K and I apparently went to sleep in the king size bed. At some point J joined us. So K and I are cuddling on one side and J is passed out on the other. I wake up to a loud thud and K is crossways over me yelling at him. J is facedown on the floor. K and I flip him over but he won't wake up. We say fuck it and go back to sleep. J gets up and uses the bathroom. When Kyle sees him, he is wrapped in a towel. I wake up at 7:30 am to use the bathroom and J is back in bed with us. I go to climb out of bed and J is FUCKING NAKED AS A JAYBIRD. According to K, he fell off the bed again while I was asleep and he covered himself with a pillow. After using the bathroom, he left the towel in there as K found it in there at 10 am. After I used the bathroom, I climbed back into bed and rolled to K. However, I couldn't help but think of J behind me, naked and humming in his sleep. When he finally woke up, I said, "J, do you think now would be an appropriate time to put some pants on?" Homeboy didn't even know he was pantsless. I had to go search the cabin for his fucking clothing.
• Lost my purse and fuck me shoes. Thatll teach me not to take them off. Thankfully A tracked my shit down and W drove me back to the resort to pick it up. Turns out when they cleaned my table they moved it and never moved it back. Fucking awesome.
• Apparently I had some great conversations with people that I don't remember. That should be fun to find out about.
• Soco and Cranberry, Michelob Ultra, Corona, Jack and Diet, Tequila, Margaritas, random as girly fruity drinks. These are a few of my favorite things.

The Ex Files...Part 3

Sorry to have been so MIA lately. I've been kind of stressed about this wedding I have to go to this weekend. Add in that in two and half weeks I run a half marathon in Boston (and apparently my family is coming to watch), sunday my life was literally in shambles, I'm trying to move, find a new job and work enough overtime to actually have a life and well...blogging as not been at the forefront of my mind. Plus, I keep starting these posts only to stall out and decide their crap and I'm not going to write them. (I bet you are all wondering about Sunday...bahahaha).

Anyway, I want to have a Friday Freakout because well, I have this wedding to go to and there are a couple of issues with it. The most obvious one being referenced in the title of the blog but we'll work our way to that one.

1. I am staying in a cabin I cannot afford. The hotel rooms for one night were $100+ so when a friend offered to book a group of us a cabin we all jumped on it. For the weekend it is $90 bucks. A steal, you're thinking. Until you factor in that will have to feed myself while I'm there. And apparently, we're going the epic night before party route so I've got to booze myself before as well. Bank account denies me these options.
2. While we are discussing the cabin, WHERE THE FUCK IS IT!?!?! Oh I don't know. Because the guy who organized this whole thing simply sends us a link to the resort it is in. No directions on where to go when we are in the resort. Do i have to check in? Do I proceed with or without caution? What is the cabin number? These are some things I'd like to know before driving BY MYSELF up there.
3. How about attire? This is a 7 pm wedding. Outdoors. Obviously, a nice dress is required. Especially when you meet the girl getting married who is so put together all the time it makes me feel frumpy even on my best day. So I had a dress I felt confident about but then no shoes. I finally find a pair of shoes that KILL with it...they cost fucking $80 (down from $200 people) at DSW!
4. The whopper of the whole thing, Ex will be at said wedding with new fiance. How the hell do I act around these two? Do I continue with my stellar avoidance techniques that are so obvious they make them both uncomfortable? Do I have just, like the BEST time EVER, and laugh to myself that he is witnessing all of my shenanigans? Or, do I behave like a mature fucking adult, walk my happy ass over there in my cute dress and fuck me heels and say hello to the two of them...maybe inquire politely about their own impending nuptials and wish them well in their future together? Not one of these sounds like something I want to do. Can't they just fall into a black hole for the weekend? I don't want to wish ill on anyone but for serious, could something bad enough to keep them from attending occur? On the other hand, that stupid bitchy, girly part of me wants to judge them from the perch of my perfect 4 inch pumps. Damnit I hate weddings.