My First Trip to Home Depot

Okay, I know you are anxiously awaiting Wig Out Wednesday (Barbie, I'm talking to you) but I had a ridiculous three hours dealing with some...carpentry...that I have just got to share with you. Trust, if you know me, you know that the Home Depot is not my milieu.

AT.ALL.

I admit, I can be a bit overambitious. With everything. I am an idea person with absolutely NO FOLLOW THROUGH whatsoever. Especially with my artistic ability, which is my own not so humble opinion is stellar and only rivaled by my writing skills. I've taken art lessons but got burned out. I love scrap booking for other people. I did a couple of paintings for my apartment and now...I'm undertaking a HUGE task in just 4 very, very short days.

As I mentioned in a Table Topic Thursday post, I am often asked to be in weddings. I have no idea why. Seriously, ladies, what do you see in me that says I'm your girl? Anyway... my friend Sam asked me to be in her wedding and immediately I started wondering what the wedding gift should be (though, hello? me being in the wedding ought to be the damn gift) and came up with a brilliant idea. You see, Sam's fiancee Matt is always bitching when we play drinking games about beer on the table and running around with a rag cleaning. So, I decided it would be a great idea to make a a cover for the table. So we could play beer pong without the flip out.

It's actually harder than I thought. Damn. Figures. And more expensive than I had hoped.

So, today, I headed to Home Depot for the first time ever. I called my mom, borrowed her Jeep Cherokee, and headed back toward my apartment. Of course, it would be raining on this day that I needed to purchase wood for a beer pong table cover. The first guy I bumped into inside was Indian and I'm not trying to be racist but I couldn't understand a fucking word that came out of his mouth. And he kept trying to sell me shit I don't need. "I don't own a house," I must have repeated a 1/2 dozen times. Finally, I find the lumber section and I just stand there helplessly. Finally, I spotted a guy and explained what I was looking for which was...well, I had no idea. So he started talking to me about shellacking (what the fuck is that? here you go.) and asking me how it would be constructed and suddenly I felt overwhelmed. He convinced me to steer clear of plywood because if I wasn't nailing it down, it would bow up. So, now that he picked out my wood (omg I'm dying for having typed that) I had to figure out how the fuck we were getting this thing home.

It took some guy 45 minutes to wrap it in plastic, tape it and mount it onto my mom's car. Thankfully, I only had to cut through the parking lot and into my apartment complex. Then the fun began. I cut all the strings and yanked 100 lbs of wood off the Jeep. In the pouring rain. Ten minutes later I had flipped it over and against a pole. Ten minutes after that I had it half way up the stairs (by the way I live on the 3rd floor) when it slid all the way back down. My arms were SCREAMING and I was cursing my prior enthusiasm for this project.

And then my own personal hero came walking through the rain and helped me carry the damn thing up the stairs and into my shithole apartment (a shithole because I'm too busy to clean). Three hours of my life, gone. But I learned a couple of things:

1. I need friends with trucks. Who live nearby. And like to help me.
2. Home Depot is filled creepy hispanics. But also with some sexy contractors who come by to pick up supplies (and is blue the universal color of their uniform?). I'm 26 and single so that might be my new lunch time hangout.
3. I do have a couple of nice neighbors.

But I also came away with a dilemma...or two. One, where am I getting the time to finish painting this shit? And how the fuck am I getting it to the Stock the Bar party? Shiiiittt....what a terrible idea. Next time, a bottle of wine will have to do.

***Check out some of these AWESOME beer pong tables that were made by people wayyy more talented than I!