Drunk Texting with Tray

Well everyone...I have not gotten laid since the last blog I wrote.  I believe we're at three weeks.  Could be longer.  Let's not think about numbers.  I've been chatting about this on and off with my best guy friend Tray and last night it became a drunk text conversation.  I spent the evening at an open bar engagement party.  Old men kept offering me drinks.  Post part we all went to the bar.  I definitely had shame face this morning when he reminded me how wasted I was.  I had a slight clue when the hangover hit me at 7 am and I chugged from the x large Taco Bell cup next to the bed but nothing explained my evening like the conversation below.  I didn't edit anything.  Took it straight from my phone...enjoy!


AE: Open bar engagement party...OH MY
TH: Oh my indeed
AE: Now were headed to the bar.  D is driving
TH: So he did go.  That's awesome
AE:  Yea it's an even bigger deal that he agreed to go out.  Will I get sex...NO
TH: Well
AE:  Well what?  I. Want. Sex!
TH:  Lmao I didn't know what to say
AE:  Lol well there's not much to say
TH:  Well
AE:  Well stop it
TH:  Lol my b
TH:  My cousin just told me that he is "turned on" by girls with slightly turn up noses.  WTF that's the shit I'm dealing with.  LOL
AE:  Lol ahahahahha that's crazy!  I know a cougar he can get.
AE:  D is literally standing in a corner right now while I drink with friends.
TH:  Oh
TH:  I'm bored as fuck.  I didn't want to go to wet willies with the rest of them.
AE:  Come to Macon.  D Sucks.
TH:  Lmao u can't say that about D.
AE:  I haven't gotten laid and he came out but won't talk to anyone.  Yes the fuck I can.  He didn't just win the super bowl.  He's a damn college frat boy that he's to step off his high horse.
TH:  Whoa.  Ummmmmm what to say lol ummmmmmm
AE:  What that it's true?!?!?!
TH:  Yea.  Lol so harsh but true.
TH:  U got pissed?
AE:  Not really.  It's true but nothing to get me pissed about.  I've kinda accepted that hrs lame.
TH:  Lmao can that personality trait be fixed?
AE:  Nope!!
TH:  So sad.  I used to think I was lame.  Not so much
TH:  Sooooo u think I'm lame?
AE: No no no!! Sorry I was on the bathroom and the then we left and got in an argument
TH:  That sucks
AE:  Yup :'(
AE:  Well...I asked.  Apparently we're not having sex because we haven't wanted it at the same time.
TH:  Well
AE:  Look.  I'll be honest.  I don't buy that shit.  My ass and boobs are at a ridiculous size.  Things should be slapped and jiggled like a music video.  What. The.  FUCK?!?!?!
TH:  ROTFLMAO what do u think it is?
AE:  I don't know.  I don't care anymore.  I just want a real answer so I can go get plowed by the guy from Sept.  He wanted me to come see him tonight
TH:  Whoa.  R yall splitting up?
AE:  IF I CANT GET SEX THEN WE MIGHT NEED TO
TH:  I'm pretty sure make up sex is the best.
AE:  Well then you turn him on for some make up sex.  I'll be laying naked with my legs open for him to slide home.
TH:  WTF. Whoa
TH:  I know it's not funny but I can't stop laughing
AE:   Hey you do what you can.
TH:  R u good?
AE:  Hey I laugh to keep from crying
AE:  No I'm not good!  I could get more sex OUT of a relationship!!!
TH:  Well
AE:  Well you know it's true
TH:  Yeah
AE:  I could be speaking in tongues.  Barking like a dog.  A big dog.  Small dog.  Dog with a lisp.
TH:  Lmao pure comedy
AE:  I masterbated twice before 3 pm today
TH:  TMI my friend TMI
AE:  Sorry...sorry.  My bad
TH:  LMAO
AE:  I mean what else should I do?! I could be really mean of I didn't find another way
TH:  IDK
TH:  We need to write a screenplay or TV treatment
TH: Or book series
AE:  I'm okay with it.
TH:  Ok with what?
AE:  Screenplay or tv
AE:  If I don't text you back it's bc I'm throwing up taco bell or Im asleep
TH:  Lol aight we will just call it a nite.
AE:  Ok...night!!!

I may need to go through the conversations on my phone and see if I've had any other drunk conversations like this.