My Tennessee Neighbors.

I am a pretty judgmental bitch. Normally I am judging you from afar and before I even meet you. It is crappy, I know, but it is how I work. I do however give you the chance to prove my judgments wrong and I have been wrong. But there are these two boys who live in my ghetto apartment complex who are Tennessee Grads. Strike one. But these two boys (who are brothers mind you) are the biggest douchebags to grace Miller Drive and The Battery at Chamblee Station … ever. Where to even begin … I will do this in bullet form.

• Tennessee Grads. I hate Tennessee. I hate orange. I hate Fat Phil even though he does not coach there. And I hate most people who come from Knoxville, but these boys oh they radiate orange and it makes me want to vomit crimson and white all over them. In our lease it clearly states we cannot have flags hanging on our balcony. They don’t care. They went to Tennessee and want everyone to know it. Not only did they go to Tennessee, but they were Alpha Tau Omega’s at Tennessee. Do you know how I know this? They have matching ATO stickers on their trucks … the “T” though … it is a Tennessee Orange T. They cut out the “A” and the “O” from the ATO sticker and replaced the “T” with a gay Tennessee orange T. Barf.
• Speaking of their trucks. They are matching white GMC Z71s. Okay, yeah you’re twins … do you really have to have matching trucks. I thought it was twin girls who wanted to look and be alike not twin boys. They always park them side by side and in the back, they’re both collecting empty Coors Light boxes. Why would you collect those in the back of your truck? Cool – you drink. Why do you think all of ATL wants to know you love the little Blue Mountains that let you know when the beer is at its coldest?!
• On the topic of the bed of their trucks. They also both rescued two boxadors (mix between boxer and lab). But I just learned they got them because they wanted to have a dog in the back of their truck. Talk about the worst reason on why to adopt a dog ever. Where is PETA when you need them?!
• Let’s rewind and focus on the flags on the balconies again. Not only do they LOVE Tennessee, but they love Nascar races. I guess there is a race this weekend because they sure are flying their Jeff Gordon Nascar fan flag high. …Now I do not know for sure that it is Jeffy Gordon but there is a Nascar on their balcony that screams redneck.

I do not know why but these brothers grate my nerves. I do not even know their names or their stories - nor do I really care. I am sure they are perfectly nice young men. They may even be huge momma's boys. I have no real reason to hate them other than the fact that they went to Tennessee, but every time I pass them I want to scream out a big Roll Tide or make fun of Lane Kiffin. Who even is Tennessee’s football coach now? Ugh I hate orange.