Fun Fridays

Fridays are probably going to rotate because I have a bunch of alliterative fresh out of 8th grade titles for Fridays so I decided I'm going to put them to use. I might also cease editing my posts and allowing the grammar to fall where it may. Or not. Maybe just lose the commas. Anyway, fun Friday will consist of the best songs on my playlist for the day plus commentary on a specific topic. Today's topic comes courtesy of @pp1033 (follow him on Twitter) because he mentioned running his own business from home. Which led me to wonder what kind of business I would run from my own home. I mean I lack any business skills whatsoever, I hate sales people and I have no self-discipline but if a miracle could happen on ice in 1980 then dammit I can make my own miracle in my own apartment in my own good time. Without further ado, businesses I feel I could successfully run:

• A business full of life coaches. I am so fucking encouraging it is ridiculous. I can adjust according to the client of course. Ask Barbie about my words of encouragement during a 10K last September. Trust when I say that my screams about Nick Saban and Alabama football is all that kept her going in that 10K. And while my dealings with my idiot step father have been utter failings, I cannot ensure a 100% success rate unless the client actually wants to listen. So really, its his fault not mine. I bet I could get glowing reviews from both of them. Do as I say, not as I do, Bitches.
• Professional researchers. Ask me anything. If I don't know it, I'm likely to whip out my phone or hop on the nearest computer and google that shit. Or wiki that shit (Wikipedia that shit is too long I think). I read an eclectic mix of magazines ranging from Entreprenuer (why? I have no idea since I don't own my own business) to Fitness to Vanity Fair to People to Newsweek. I read a variety of online newspapers. And my personal blog roll has topics ranging from sex to fitness to sports to finance. I will find the answers to the questions you have. Especially if they are easily locatable on the internet. If I have to go to a library, we're screwed because I don't have a library card and I'm scared they will tell me I owe them eleventy billion dollars due to an overdue book from middle school.
• Professional Barflys. Bar looking a little empty today? Crowd feeling a little lethargic after a rough work week? Have no fear, me and my party animal posse of coworkers will liven the place up. Just set us on a stool and give us a drink or two and some bar food and watch as we become friends with anyone and everyone who comes in the bar. I can pretty much talk to anyone. And I'm well-versed in a variety of topics so that really helps. Plus, I will complain or make an ass of myself to put people at ease if need be. I have no problem giving advice or telling people what drinks to buy. Ask AllGood Lounge in Athens. I became friends with all their bartenders and would bring a swarm of drunks to descend upon the bar and spend money they didn't have to spend. Sometimes I would just sit out on the porch and grab random passerbys to come on in. They should have paid me.
• Cheer Captain. Bitch, please. Ask my little sister about my skills. Not only was I a cheerleader but I was Most Spirited of the Class of 2006. I will deck myself out in your (or your child's, boyfriend's, whatever) school or team colors. I'll make posters. And cheers. And I scream like no one else is there to see the team. If you are a parent who is veering dangerously into the parent no one wants at a game territory invite me to tag along. Believe me, I can be as awesome or obnoxious as you want. I taunt, I cheer, I curse and I pretty much always hate refs. Win-win-win-win-....and so on.
• Professional Wingwoman. Everyone knows groups of drunken guys in a bar can be intimidating. And when a guy decides to leave the heard to make an approach (generally after too many shots of some sort) it freaks a lot of females out. We tend to respond with a snide remark and a whisper to our group of friends. We're real good at bruising egos when we're scared. But a trio of guys with a gal in their midst shows that 1. the girl can hang but 2. the guys know how to treat females. Plus, I accidentally hook people up all the time. I'm not guaranteeing marriage or anything but I promise a good time and some numbers at the end of the night. Seriously, I do it all the time so I might as well get paid for it.
• Job Hunter. I can't find myself a job for the life of me but let me help you find a fucking job. I'll get you so damn prepped for the interview that the questions they lob at you will be like playing patty cake. I mean seriously, I'm going to test your skills at keeping a straight face and staying on topic. I'm like the Michael Scott of former recruiters. In fact, I might channel him for this job. But for realz, I was actually a pretty good recruiter and I'm the shit at resumes so long as they aren't mine.
• Professional Fuck Up. Maybe your wife or girlfriend has her panties in a wad because she thinks you are the bottom of the barrel. Your immaturity isn't going over so well anymore. It's not endearing to wake up in the neighbors lawn after a night of drinking. That's where I come in. Time to let her see what a really spiraling out of control lush looks like. My outspoken ways and ridiculous decision making skills will have her thinking she did all right when she settled for you.
  

Today's Playlist:

1. "boots & boys" by Ke$ha. This is what I would like my weekend to entail.
2. "Livin' in the Future" by Bruce Springsteen (everyone needs some Bruce in their life)
3. "Good Girls Go Bad" by Cobra Starship ft. Leighton Meester. Because I'd like to go bad this weekend. Real bad. Hot mess territory.
4. "Los Angeles" by Sugarcult. It's all about wants. And a lot of them are simply sinful.
5. "Blankest Year" by Nada Surf. From the guys who brought you dating advice comes a fun song about giving it up and just throwing a party already.
6. "Take Me Home Tonight" by Eddie Money. Classic. Must have.
7. "Be Somebody" by Kings of Leon. Because KOL is AWESOME and because you should be striving to be somebody at all times. Even if you don't know who that somebody is.
8. "Walk Tall" by Ziggy Marley ft. Paul Simon. I love Paul Simon. And Reggae. So I love this.
9. "4 Minutes to Save the World" by Madonna ft. Timbaland and Justin Timberlake. I don't have a reason. I just liked it today.
10. "Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice. Go online and find the clip of Vanilla Ice from that VH1 celebreality show where they all lived in the same house. I don't know what the fuck its called but the ladies of the house ask him to sing it in public. When he declines, they opt to karaoke it. Pure drunk bitchiness. Loves.
11. "Can't Go Back to Jersey" by G. Love. He's from Philly. IDK what the fuck he did to get banned from Jersey but it must have been pretty bad because I'm still allowed in the state.
12. "Last Name" by Carrie Underwood. Because this is how I hope my trip to Vegas goes. Also, I am fairly certain this is the only way I will end up married. But hopefully not with child.
13. "Ten Rounds with Jose Cuervo" by Tracy Byrd. Stop telling me that Tequila causes bad things to transpire. Any fucking booze you drink will give you a bad night a time or two. Especially when you overindulge in a bottle in shot form. Jesus. It isn't Tequila's fault. It's your own. That being said, it's my favorite liquor so I adore this song.
14. "Rude Boy" by Rihanna. I want one. If you're out there, get in my bed. Now.
15. "These Are My People" by Rodney Atkins. I cannot think of a song that celebrates red neck losers better. And those, my friends, are my people.
16. "How It's Gotta Be" by Wesley Cook. Saw him while I lived in Athens. Loved him. This anthem about fucking me over seems to go well with the events with my step father.