Nano

Pam Beasley: If he were an iPod, he'd be a shuffle!

So, I recently got a new iPod Nano and I'm pretty excited about it but I cannot think about it without thinking about my dear friend Beth who christened one of my...fucks... Penis Nano. I'm sure you can guess why but just for the utterly slow it's because his penis was small. Real Small. Small is actually being nice.

Of course, me being me, it took more than one time for me to come to the conclusion that his penis was smaller than a tube of lipstick. No, just like with Panera's lemonade which I know is disgusting but continue to try, I just had to go back for seconds and thirds to be sure. Thank god baseball season came around and he headed off for the farm league so I could stop making stupid decisions.

Have you ever had a small dick? I mean really had it. Given it a second shot. Tried a new position just to see if you could make it work?

Let me save you the trouble, it's not worth it.

If you think it's too small, it definitely is. And no amount of maneuvering is gonna make that thing blossom. Yes, it may seem shallow to you but it's not.

The first time Penis Nano and I had sex, we were hammered. It was a bad decision on my part but I just cannot resist a baseball player. I love them. It has actually taken incredible restraint not to throw a post a day up about my newest baseball crush. Anyway... So, I came over to the place of a friend of his and its about twenty guys and me. In typical early twenties I have no respect for myself and I'm hammered fashion, Penis Nano and I hit the bathroom up for some standing up hitting it from behind sex. Thank god he played with my magic button or I never would have finished. I was so drunk though I could not decide if the position was just bad or if his penis was that tiny.

A few weeks later, we met up at another friends place and tried again. On a couch. Me on top. I have never wanted to ask is it in yet in my life. I mean, imagine trying to impale yourself on...ehhh...your pinky maybe? That's how horrible it was. And how the fuck did he finish? It had to be like throwing his penis in a big, empty high school hallway. I mean, was it echoing down there?

Finally, I thought, third time is the charm. Great pick up lines like "You have great boobs" led to me going home with him. I was sober. Well, sober for 6 beers in 6 hours. This time we had a bed which was comfy. And that was about the only comfy thing about the encounter. I mean the kissing was nice...and the groping was...alright...and the stroking was relaxing. But the jack rabbiting "penis" he was thrusting into my seemingly large vagina was not fun. I have never wanted to ask someone if their penis was in me yet.

So, why did I keep going back to it? I suppose I like the idea of Penis Nano. 6'3", 195 lbs of bat swinging, ball-busting male. Unfortunately, the bat in his pants was of the little league variety and there was no salvaging that season. And so I leave you with someone who has felt my pain: