Start following @bitterpuss NOW (go ahead I will wait while you click on over and add her) and be prepared for wet your fucking pants, holy shit did she just say that commentary in 140 characters or less. From what I can gather this tweeter is a 48 year old female who is married, catholic and possibly teaches. Or is super involved in her kids life. Either way she likes to drink, screw and make rude commentary on society. Her take on school dances is classic. Some may seem obvious but some of the obvious is things you haven't thought of before. Some of my favorites so far:
- Bend over Grab your ankles Bite your lip Congress is about to screw you hard up the ass Without a smile a care or lube
- Since when did anal sex become acceptable high school dancing
- Found out that the pimples on my ass spell out unflattering things about myself. Related: I am never dating a braille reading blind guy again.
- I put the "Fuck You" in "Your attitude needs to improve"
- Carbs don't just make you fat, turns out they're also the only thing that makes you not contemplate murder. Who knew? Who fucking knew?
- I never look a woman in the eye when she's only buying tampons and chocolates, because I've killed for less. I've. Killed. For. Less.
- I dare you to look me in the eye and tell me it tastes like chicken.
- The problem with kissing ass is you get used to it.
- Everything tastes better glazed. Everything.
- I came. I saw. Now I have to paint that wall.
- Whoever coined the term "Good Morning" was a lying, sadistic asshole.
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