I'd Go a Consolation Round with These Guys!

So, I know the Olympics have been over for two days now but the fact is I've been busy and have not been able to properly digest the fact that our own Mini Miracle on Ice did not actually occur. It pisses me off that America's hat won both the men and women's Gold in Hockey. I know it's a sport they invented...okay, seriously, I'll stop because this is not a sports site. It's a sex site. Without any sex. I'm so full of contradictions it's ridiculous. An.y.way.

My friend dates a hockey player who she claims have the BEST BUTTS. I've been forced to take her word on it of late but I am more than willing to check out the asses on these hotties (sans clothing of course):

Ryan Miller

I might just be interested in him because I think consoling the guy who didn't block Sidney Crosby's shot would be fun but I also think he's cute in an offbeat way. Miller played the Goalie of the Olympics (seriously, he kicked ass) and is currently playing with the Buffalo Sabres. Miller, 29, is 6'2" which in my opinion is the optimal height for...well, everything. His family is a bit of hockey royalty with a brother playing for the Red Wings and three cousins who are all former NHL players. Plus, there is nothing like banging the MVP to make you feel on top of the world. As if this wasn't enough to make your drop your panties in consolation, Miller and his dad started the Steadfast Foundation to help cancer patients.

Ryan Suter

First, I just really like the name Ryan. Yes, I've already hit that (a Ryan that is) but whatever, its going to be easier to remember his name. Like this guy needs any help. Suter, 25, plays for the Nashville predators and was the alternate captain for the 2010 Olympic Team. His dad was part of the 1980 Miracle on Ice so you know he is extra bummed. The 2008-2009 season kicked off Suters $14 million contract with the predators so you should find him and help him spend all that money. On kinky stuff of course.

Tim Gleason

Tim looks ridiculously intense in every picture I pulled up of him and I like to imagine that he would look at me with the same intensity during our session in the sack. Yes, I might just start fantasizing about the 27 year-old now and ditch the rest of this blog. Tim clocks in at 6' and 217 lbs and looks like he could throw me around like a sack of potatoes. Which is sexier than it sounds. Currently, he is on the Hurricanes roster and his Wikipedia is sadly lacking. No matter, the less I know is probably better for both of us.

Zach Parise

I might just be partial to this guy because he plays for the NJ Devils and I'm from Jersey but whatever. He is extremely clean cut and looks like the kind of guy you could kick back with on a lazy Sunday afternoon. And nothing is more relaxing than lazy Sunday afternoon sex. The number 3 scorer in the 2008-2009 season, Parise was an obvious addition to the team. He's average height (which isn't MY cup of tea but might be yours) and he scored both goals in our quarterfinal win over Switzerland. Yum.

David Backes

Married. Enough said. But just for your torture, check out the picture of him and his also attractive wife. I have no idea if the others are married but the first image result was this guys wedding picture. Busch league.

Ryan Kesler

Aside from my love for his name, the guy looks kind of like Jim from The Office. So he gets my vote. Ryan's height is perfecto and his nickname of Bull is oh so manly. He likes Golf and Cars so he's a pretty typical male. Unfortunately, unless he comes to Atlanta soon, you'll be treking to Vancouver to see him and try to charm him into your bed. I quote his Wikipedia "one of the league's most grating and cocksure players". I like. I like a lot. Word on the street is he is taken and has a child but if your bag is home wreckin' this guy is your man.

Ryan Malone

Christ, there are a lot of Ryan's on the team. Malone, 31, is the oldest of the guys I was attracted to and if you like tattoos you will adore this guy. He's got great looking teeth which is always nice for a hockey player though they could be caps considering he's been playing as long as he has. Travel down to sunny Tampa, FL to canoodle with this hockey hunk. God, I sound like I'm writing a mail-order groom catalog. Ryan is a delicious 6'4" and is, of course, married. But a girl can certainly fantasize.

Ryan Bobby

Oh, look, another Ryan! Now, they say you can't trust a man with 2 last names but I don't see why you can't enjoy some hanky panky with him... Drafted behind Sidney Crosby, Ryan was largely forgotten but who cares about that hockey information? He is also from New Jersey but is a little too young for me; however, if you are feeling cougarish he's a lovely 22. Which is legal but still fun for all the immaturity. He's playing out in California which means blue skies and afternoon delights in my book. Dial him up and ask to be a part of his flying vee.

Seriously, I could have named this post Ryans I'd Like to Fuck. Ridiculous.