Monday Musings: Bachelorette Party Edition

• Can't bake but need something sweet for your festivities? Make a Donut Dick! Cream filled with brown sprinkles for the balls and creamfilled for the tip :)
• I love pasta salad. Making pasta salad with dick shaped pasta is the coolest thing ever.
• I hate the silly games you have to play at showers. Unless it involves being a kid again and playing with Play Dough. Each girl gets a different color. They have one minute to construct a dick with the play dough behind their backs. It's pretty entertaining.
• Pin the Junk on the Hunk. A must have for any bachelorette party. Mine is the huge one going straight for his mouth. I'm so funny...even blindfolded!
• Why the HELL do the over the top Christians sit out in the rain on a Saturday night yelling how we are all horrible people? You aren't making me want to convert to your way of thinking by insulting me there buddy. Especially when I'm drunk. In fact, you may be proof that God really isn't paying attention when he makes us. Also, do I come into your place of worship and force my beliefs (sex and booze) down your throats mid prayer? Oh, no? Well, then how bout you stay the fuck away from my good time. There is a time and a place to discuss our beliefs and on the corner of Lumpkin and Clayton is not it, buddy.
• I've still got it! I may have graduated 4 years ago but I'm still in the know in Athens, GA. We hit up a bar and I happened to know someone who worked there but wasn't there that night. Shot him a text and he text me back that he was in Chicago but had me run down and say hello to a different bartender. Who proceeded to dish out 15 shots and drinks before telling me, it's on the first guy's tab. Let the booing begin!
• Dick Shot glass? Check. Dick Straw? Check. Using both in combination? Just plain weird.
• I am only invited to bachelorette parties because I make lewd comments. I swear I bring the party to the level required. I should look into being a professional bachelorette party attendee.
• Gumby's closed?!??! I want my pokey sticks damnit.
• If you are throwing your bachelorette or bachelor party in Athens, go for the Gameday Condos. It is where it's at.
• Penis guns are always a fun time. I enjoy pissing people off so maybe that's why I get a kick out of squirting them with water from across the room. More fun was filling them with liquor and then watching everyone suck on it. HAHAHHA.
• Still have yet to go to a bachelorette party involving strippers. Boooo.
• Fun game: Have a list of words involving the groom and tell the bride she can't say them. Every time she does, give her a shitty shot.