Thursday, July 8, 2010

Oh Shit! We Got a Situation...

Yes, I just quoted "The Situation"...as in that douchebag from MTV's Jersey Shore who thinks he can rap for some reason. Yes, I love his song. It is so damn ridiculous and so many people can't even make it through one listen that I find it obnoxiously entertaining. Hey, you have Miley...I have The Situation.

Dear readers, please don't hate me for this but when I say, "Gym Crush and I are going to cheat on his wife." I'm just being honest. The body wants what the body wants. And fuck if I'm going to tell it that it can't have that hot piece of ass in it's bed if it wants it. Or anywhere else for that matter. What's that saying about opportunity knocking again?

Why am I telling you this?

Well, I took a little hiatus (as you could tell by my lack of postings) to go deal with some family shit and upon my return Gym Crush has been getting on the machines right next to me for his cardio workout. The gym is damn near empty, there are 200+ machines and he gets right next to me. And I can feel him glance over at me. A lot. I even caught him once.

And then today...BAM!

He has begun laying the foundation all cheatin' spouses lay, brick by brick like they are building model homes. It never fails.

Ashley Judd gets played by Greg Kinnear in Someone Like You.

That's right, he mentioned his marriage and how tired he was and how he almost got a hotel room last night instead of going home. Insert huge gasp here. I flat out asked if he and his wife were fighting...and he didn't say yes, but he didn't say no either. Masterfully played, he left me thinking he was in an unhappy marriage but too respectful to flat out admit he wanted out. How sorry I should feel for him!

"Your so easy to talk to. Not like my new cow."

"I just try so hard and I'm sure she doesn't mean to be such a cold cow."
-Greg Kinnear as Ray in Someone Like You

As if all of that weren't enough... this might be moving at an accelerated pace soon.

I told Travis that I was relocating and may not come to the gym anymore depending on my contract. When I ran out to the car to grab him a business card for the guy who found me my apartment, he apparently told Gym Crush I was moving. I came back in and Travis yelled, "Gym crush is sad you're leaving too!" (Obviously, he didn't call him gym crush) I started laughing and asked if he would miss me and he said he definitely would. I was probably glowing and I don't give a damn. I love feeling loved. Especially by an attractive guy.

He continues to flirt with me in front of a solid 10 people standing at the counter making it glaringly apparent. Sexual tension is just whipping around. He asks me how I'm wearing long sleeves and tells me he's getting hot just looking at me. I laugh and tell him he doesn't have to make shit up to tell me I'm hot. I already know it. He winks at me and laughs. Oh man, I. AM. IN. TROUBLE.

Gym Crush then tells everyone I carry a pillow and blanket around in my car so I can crash anywhere. I mean fucking YELLS it. So what if it's true? And why does he know this? I go to push him when I tell him to shut up and touch solid pectoral muscle. The kind that would feel AHHHHHMAZING in bed. Damn, not too hard but not too soft and definitely there. I'm getting wet at work just thinking about it right now.

Of course, this wouldn't be fair if I didn't tease him back a little. So I proceed to tell him I didn't need it Friday night when I was having sex in a cop car. Just to show him I'm kinky, you know. Like a bat signal for cheating.

Thoughts? Judgements? Advice?

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