Thursday, September 23, 2010

Thirsty Thursday- Malt Beverage Edition

If it hasn't been made glaringly apparent yet, I like alcohol. A lot.

Also, I like college football. A lot.
Combine the two, and well...I'm a shit show, win or lose.

This past weekend, my friend Kelly and I headed to Athens for the UGA- Arkansas game and decided since our week had been so horrendous, we would get some crazy shit to drink. And now I'm going to share my thoughts with you on said crazy shit. You see, I have some very diverse groups of friends back home at the Jersey Shore and here in Atlanta. I absolutely cannot imagine how anyone of them would compare to the others and what would happen if they all got together but sometimes it is fun to bring an activity that one does to the other and see how it goes (see Get Amongst It). Friday was one of those times.


Joose is a premium malt beverage with 9-12% alcohol content. The guy in BP looked stunned I was buying it (and also whispered to the other guy as I was walking out "I've never seen a white girl purchase that"). According to its packaging, Joose contains caffeine, taurine, ginseng, and certified colors. Joose is available in 23.5 oz cans and are very classy looking (see picture below for evidence of that). Last year they had to prove they were safe and since they're still selling like hotcakes to people who are not white girls, I'm assuming they either did so or they paid a lot of money to pretend they did so. Flavors for the 12% alcohol include fruit punch, green apple, watermelon, raspberry lemonade and wicked lemon tea. I gotta tell you, the shit definitely helped fuck me up. BUT it tasted like ass (I went for Green Apple). I would not recommend to anyone purchasing it unless you're trying to get dressed up for a not white girl party and look the part.




Four Loko is also a premium malt beverage (hence the comparison). Google the shit- apparently people google it quite a bit in conjunction with the word banned. Methinks it might be dangerous but let me read on before I share that with you. It's an alcoholic energy drink available in the same size cans as Joose and in 8 flavors (grape, fruit punch, orange, watermelon, blue raspberry, lemonade, cranberry and cranberry lemonade). I don't know what the hell is going on at Ohio State University but some awesome shit comes out of that school in regards to drinking so maybe I picked the wrong college. Its name is derived from its four other ingredients, caffeine, taurine, guarana, and wormwood, an active ingredient in absinthe. Also, apparently if you are in Indiana it only has 6% alcohol content (fuck going to those schools!). I tried two of the flavors last weekend and I have to tell you one of them(fruit punch) tasted like the worst kind of cough syrup you could buy. Like maybe expired from Walmart brand. Mixed with a vodka tonic though...christ I am really an alcoholic. The grape flavor tastes like cough syrup as well; however, it is tolerable. So if you like sippin on some syzzurp then this is your thing.


Both made me bounce off the walls and behave in ways only the Jackass crowd would be proud of so I would try this out in the comfort of your own home first. Don't go drinking it in public and then being surprised when you're tossed in the slammer. You have been warned.

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