13 days into September and the month already sucks ass. I am depressed after an embarrassing loss to South Carolina by my beloved Dawgs (who admittedly fought hard and showed signs of a great team to come), a fruitless job search, a frustrating ordeal with my company and bombing a Wonderlic test (I am fairly certain even Tim Tebow scored higher). I am in the throes of the quarter life crisis. And I'm clearly late to that as well as the its time to grow the fuck up party.
The job search really has me incredibly stressed out and the current job is not helping that situation. I'm starting to feel a do or die pressure to get the next job but I'm not sure what that job should be. I've had offers of help and some have panned out into things like resume critiques and introductions (and I'm incredibly grateful for each of those- seriously.). But really I have not gotten a step closer to figuring out what is next. Somebody told me to do what I love and the money will follow. Well, when you're in debt and you've got to pay the bills you don't always have that luxury. Sometimes you have to take something shitty just to stay afloat. I'd like to get out of debt but again with my current job situation and the stress and issues they are having with my checks I'm back up to maxed out credit cards again.
And just when I think a light might be at the end of the tunnel...well, it turns out it was a candle and the asshole who got to the end of the tunnel blew it out first.
This job search thing is depressing. Maybe I shouldn't let it get to me but being told I should abandon the professional ranks really rattled me. Add to that the utter ridiculous showing on the wonderlic and the stupid personality test that followed for the most recent interview and my self-esteem is at an all-time low. I feel fat, tired, stupid, ugly, unprofessional, lazy and have started questioning every decision I've made since the first time my mother let me pick out my own outift (which coincidentally included every article of clothing I owned. Clearly I have a decision-making problem). I literally am kicking myself while I'm down. In a mental sense.
I know I'm not the only one who is (or has gone) going through this right now but let's be honest, when someone says that to you is it of any comfort? Cause to me, it's not. That does not help me solve my immediate problem. And that saying that misery loves company is only true in the sense that you would prefer not to be jealous of all your friends' awesomeness.
Mini-meltdown complete.
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