Wig Out Wednesday: Taxes

Okay, so I missed Tuesday so its unveiling will have to be next week. Sorry kids, sometimes life outside the internet gets in the way of blogging. I know it's shocking that someone with three blogs, a twitter, two facebooks, a brand new blackberry and god knows what else out there in the world wide web would have a life outside the internet but if I didn't what the hell would I be talking about?

Anyway, Wednesdays shall commence being my very own version of Peter Griffin's What Really Grinds My Gears. If you know me, you know I like to bitch. It doesn't matter if it's valid or not. It pisses me off. And a lot pisses me off. For example, this paragraph is not going as planned. Why am I writing like a fucking 10 year old. An.y.way.

Last night I had the misfortune of doing my taxes. Yes, I do my taxes myself. And boy are they annoying as fuck. How can something seemingly so simple be so damn complicated? The government wants my money, they take it. Then at the end of the year, they throw in all these loopholes (which by the way I do no qualify for) and then add in a 28 page booklet of language no one fucking understands. Then when you turn them in incorrectly, they are all up on your ass. Letters, phone calls, more letters. Suddenly, it's like you murdered small children and followed it up with kicking puppies as opposed to missing page 6, line 11, schedule 2. On top of that, how can you get a refund from your federal taxes but owe money for your state taxes. I listed the same number of exemptions on both forms and had additional fucking money taken out to avoid this exact scenario and yet you still screwed me. In the ass. Without lube. As if my $13/hr paycheck didn't do that enough. Okay that might have been slightly graphic. This whole grinding of gears is new to me. I promise it will be better next time.

While complaining to my mother about this (who is smart and does not do her own taxes) it was discovered that my boss truly fucked me over with the failing to take medical insurance out of my paycheck. Apparently, that made my taxable income higher than it actually was meaning my federal refund is smaller than it should be and my state refund no longer exists and is instead negative. So, now, not only do I owe the money for the medical insurance she failed to take out, I also have to pay the government for said mistake. FUCK ME.

And before you say I should have been checking my paystubs let me say it for you: I SHOULD HAVE BEEN CHECKING MY PAYSTUBS. But if she had done her damn job correctly would this have been an issue? No, not at all. And now I have to find a way to discuss this with her and her boss. I know there is nothing they can do but she needs to learn to fix this shit so people who make WAY less money and could use the fucking tax refund don't have to deal with her incompetence. Taxes are hard enough without this kind of crap.

So, back to my original gripe, Taxes Blow. And Bite. I filed my federal taxes online (thanks federal government for getting a goddamn clue about that- so good for the environment and my piece of mind). Now, Georgia can we jump on the online train without charging me $17.95 to do it? What kind of bullshit is this? You already get money. I don't get anything out of paying my taxes (that I can see anyway. Seems to me you spend your time arguing, passing bills and then making huge loopholes into those bills to make your pockets fatter and mine emptier. It's like they cut a hole in my pocket or something. I digress). So I still have my state taxes in hand because where the fuck am I getting $180 bucks from.

Anyone, have any tax advice or horror stories that will make me feel better?