Monday Musings

• What is it about rain that renders already shitty Atlanta drivers into completely incompetent Atlanta drivers? The best part is that they think they can drive when clearly they could not even navigate their own empty driveway if paid to do so.
• I hate the doors to the back of our office building. Every morning, I walk in feeling good and catch my reflection. Utter deflation. Today I looked like an oversized blackberry. Like the fruit, not the phone. Though I guess that works, too.
• I went to the gym at 5 am. No one was there to let me in. I waited 45 minutes. Still no one. I called. No voicemail. I went home, defeated. I should have listened to that instinct that warned me no when I heard thunder immediately after my alarm.
• What is it about Mondays that fucking sucks so bad?
• Is coffee good for you or bad? I’ve heard both. It really pisses me off how the world can’t make up its mind about that and egg yolk. Pick one and stick with it people.
• I just spilled water all over myself. Monday is so craptastic it’s ridiculous.
• Once again, I do apologize and this should NEVER happen again.
• Because in the pouring rain, I wanted to get out of my car to get that number. ASSHOLE.
• Here’s a thought, always have two people open the gym on Mondays so this doesn’t happen again. Hmmm. Why do I have to explain everything to these people? Your apology does not get me back 45 wasted minutes.
• I have become a cautionary tale. It makes me laugh. But also scares me that so much of your personal life and free time can affect your job. It’s complete and utter crap. It should be separate like church and state. Shit, that was a terrible example.
• How is it 10 am and I have accomplished NOTHING?
• I have two college degrees and my current assignment at work is to stuff envelops. Why do people go to college anymore?
• I meant to do a weekend wrap up blog yesterday but my blogger was fucked up. Fucked up is putting it mildly. It crashed Barbie’s computer and her blackberry. Anyway weekend: Friday- work. Bleh. Saturday- work. Run 8 miles. More work. Hooters. Boneless Wings. Beer Me. Patron. Jack and Diet. More beer. Hotel Motel Holiday Inn. Pass out. WOOOOOO. Sunday- hangover, grocery shopping, fundraiser, work. Bleh. Don’t you feel like you were there?
• The mail machine and I just got into a disagreement. It was a hostile standoff but I came out victorious. Damn you, mail machine, seal and stamp my envelopes. Bitch.
• Gold’s Gym, I just made you my bitch. Don’t fuck with my morning work out.
• The plastic on my TRC water bottle smells like shit. And here I was about to say at least I left that job with one good thing but even that is now tainted. Damn you, waterbottle, damn you.
• Why do people I have no interest in want to date me? Seriously. And how do I not notice until the point of no return and guaranteed awkwardness?
• I know I’m dieting but I want my fucking girl scout cookies. Bitches are outside Wal Mart selling them so I know they are available. Little girl, give them to me NOW.
• Can people really be this stupid? The answer is, why, yes, yes they can. The people I work with are either lazy, blind or lack the ability to follow directions and check their work.
• And I just spilled my water for the second time today. Excellent. It’s like there is a hole in my lip. Drip, drip, drip.
• Seriously, I am going to waste my day fixing someone else’s mistakes instead of doing the rest of my job.
• I know I should be more forgiving. But it’s a wasted exercise since I’m like a rubberband. I snap right back into bitch mode.
• Why the sudden rush of fucking birthdays?