Welcome to Singlehood!

Last night a buddy of mine and his long-time girlfriend broke up. Not for the first time in recent weeks but the fights were getting repetitive and nothing was going to change. The gist? She wanted to settle down in a city and he is working for a company that has rotations. He's lived in Pennsylvania, Atlanta and, starting in January, California. He's given up opportunities to live in Illinois and a few other places to appease her and had one last rotation left. He went so far as to interview with companies in the city she lived in. A few nights ago we had a long talk and I had a feeling it was going to come to an end soon. Last night I got the text but was surprised to see SHE BROKE UP WITH ME HAHA pop up on my blackberry. I called him and we chatted for a bit- he seemed fine but I guess it was inevitable. Later that night the following text exchange occurred:

J: TV is way better with Sam Adams.

B: Most things are better with Sam Adams J.

J: True. Whoooaaa! HBO has porn now? It's only 11. This ain't cinemax!

J: Add in Sam Adams and good night.

J: The history of porn is on hahaha.

B: Wow hopping right into the single life. Ahhh the excitement of weeknight porn and brews.

J: Fanfuckintastic. I missed so much.

J: It's even in Spanish!

B: Wow bilingual porn. You're so worldly J.

J: Livin' the dream.

J: Cum apparently has vitamins in it?!?!?!?!

B: Yep. Sperm is good for me. It was all over the news years ago.

B: Makes hair shinier. Skin clearer. Teeth whiter.

J: hahahaha

J: Wow

B: Glad HBO and I could educate you.

B: There's your future. Bottle that shit up.

J: Wow little did I know every man's dream helped women be healthier.

B: hahaha ANNNNNND More attractive. Win win really.

J: Seriously, why do we not get daily blow jobs then?

B: Dating the wrong girls I suppose.

B: Some girls dislike giving them. Which just blows my mind.

J: Apparently!!!

J: i need one of these who looks out for her health and beauty!

J: I know this seems crazy to me. Oral both ways is awesome fun.

B: Haha well there are guys out there who don't agree with that sentiment. We should just round them up and ship them to an island.

J: Seclude them. They are obviously not human!

J: When blessed with regular BJs the world would be a better place. World problems would be solved.

B: Haha omg you could run for president on that platform. You'd be king of the world.

J: That and threesomes. I would own the world.

B: Except that one island.

Did I mention this guy is part of my gaggle? Totally ridiculous- good to know he's a typical male. I bet you're wondering how his ex is doing? Well according to him, she hasn't blocked him on facebook yet. "She has some bullshit, emo song lyric as her status. Woe is me". Just another example of how we all handle breakups differently- she'll OD on ice cream and he'll OD on porn. Welcome to singlehood!