Only Life in Shambles

So, I'm kind of a shitty neighbor. Not in the I-make-tons-of-noise kind of way. Or the I-leave-trash-fucking-all-over-the-place kind of way. More like the IF-YOU-CANNOT-RESPECT-YOUR-NEIGHBORS-I-WILL-FLIP-MY-SHIT kind of way.

We should know this by now considering our previous posts on neighbors.

This story is a so ridiculous you cannot make this shit up.

So I moved to Atlanta into a cute one bedroom apartment. I love it. In fact, it no longer remotely resembles that shithole I showed you when I first moved in despite being the same place. I did this crazy thing called unpacking. Anyway...

Recently, several hispanic families moved into the building across the courtyard. By courtyard, I mean the drive that separates our buildings and has roses along it. Each building has covered parking spots. That building has alcoves in the covered parking with storage units. For the most part the hispanic families are good neighbors.

Except when they aren't.

For instance, does the whole fucking complex need to listen to your music while you work on your truck? Do you really need to rev your engine in the garage so we all hear it? Is it necessary to spend 25 minutes banging on a door when no one is obviously home?

I've kept my mouth shut about all this.

Until one of them decided it is in fact very necessary to crush hundreds of cans. A night. Every night. At the most random goddamn times.

In the past week, he has crushed cans at 4 am, 6 am, 3:30 am, 11:30 pm, midnight and 1 am. Always in the alcove by his storage unit. You know, so there is a nice echo. So nice, you hear it all through the complex. In your apartment, with the tv on and the windows closed.

I tried yelling stop out the window.

CRUSH.

CRUSH.CRUSH.CRUSH.CRUSH.CRUSH.CRUSH.CRUSH....AND ON AND ON AND ON.

I thought to myself, perhaps he does not speak English.

NO MAS I screamed out the window.

No dice.

This happens every night on top of the cat going bat shit and listening to everything my upstairs neighbor does (sidenote my next door neighbor hears his upstairs neighbors having sex so...good for them, I guess).

Anyway, tonight....I had it. I was done. What the fuck was wrong with this inconsiderate prick?I do not think this is courteous in any country. I storm out of my apartment in my pajamas barefoot (side note- holy shit the temperature dropped) and marched right over to the garage and started reading him the riot act.

He stared at my blankly. Shit, I thought, he really cannot speak English.

And so I tried some Spanish on him. And he seemed to get it. And I waited for an apology.

I got a grunt.

I spoke again. God only knows what I said at this point in Spanglish but suddenly he was pointing to his ear and grunting.

HE IS FUCKING DEAF.

Yeah, I'm the asshole now. He has no clue what it sounds like because he cannot fucking hear a can crushing. He was reading my lips and when I said no mas he finally got it. I'm so going to hell.

And now my upstairs neighbor has just arrived home so there goes getting any sleep tonight.

OHMYFUCKINGGODTHECOOLESTFUCKINGTHING!!!!

Are you a female?

Do you live in or around metro Atlanta?

Do you like to dish about sex and relationships?

Do you want to hang out with moi?

If you answered YES to all of those questions, then pay attention!!!!!

Are you sitting down?

Hot Mess and I spotted something so totally spectacular that we just had to apply and now share with all of you! You can thank us later. Anyway, fellow bloggers and possessors of rockin' gaggles, Jess and Becky ARE COMING TO ATLANTA. If you aren't reading their blog, WTF is up with My Love Life, you are missing out! You see Hot Mess and I read this post about their tour and Hot Mess immediately composed a stellar letter that went a little like this:

Hi Jess & Becky!

I was sooo excited to read about your WTF tour!!! That's awesome! I think you guys should definitely come to Atlanta (if you weren't already planning on it) because I've actually begun to educate people on the concept of the Gaggle down here (before you decided to go on tour) AND Atlanta is loaded with singles/non-dates/ambigudates.

I've commented a few times on your site and I absolutely LOVED the "don't be THAT girl" piece I read today. My friend Berryfine and I are both bloggers and have given shout-outs to your blog before because it's just so genius. Seriously. It is. I can't tell you how many times I've sat down with a couple girlfriends and a bottle of wine and over-analyzed that text message or that email or his behavior on a group date or whatever. And we run around in circles being like "i mean, he definitely likes you if he said/did THAT" and then we get fixated on him for a while, then another opportunity arises and we're trying to figure out how to balance it all. And we've never been able to come up with a name for it. Seriously. Gaggle = Genius.

Ok, enough ass-kissing I suppose. Berryfine and I are both up for being interviewed. And we have a lot of girlfriends in the Atlanta area that would gladly give you their 2 cents on their gaggles/love lives/non-dates. If you'd like a list of people, I'm sure I can come up with one early next week. Just let me know what you need from me to make a stop in Atlanta happen!

I've copied Erin on this so that's 2 of us already! (crossing fingers!)

Thanks!

So...a while has gone by, I've started a new job and I've just been beyond stressed (plus its football season peeps) so clearly I forgot about it. But I woke up this morning and was just dragging. After my 6 am walk, I sat down at my computer and JESS HAD EMAILED HOT MESS AND I BACK!!!!! To say it made my morning is an understatement!

Ladies!!!

I'm so sorry that we're just getting back to you now - as you might've seen on the site, I've been traveling for most of this month throughout Texas and California for interviews and I'm just now taking a moment to breathe and catch up on everything. Finally!

Thanks SO much for reaching out, and for being such fans of the site. Both Becky and I absolutely loved getting your email, and I can't wait to hear some of your stories! We're definitely planning on an Atlanta trip, so it's great to hear that you both would be up for being interviewed and might have other interested friends as well. We're still finalizing the dates, but it will probably be sometime in December. Hopefully you'll be in town then?

I'm going to put us all on a quick email to the rest of the WTF?! team - Becky, Loren and West - so that they can e-meet you and we can start getting psyched for Atlanta...

Really looking forward to meeting you ladies, and thanks again!!! Hope that all is going well with your gaggles - if not, we'll just have to dish about it soon instead ;)

xoxo,

Jess

So if this is something you'd be interested in participating- cocktails, sex talk and ladies- then hit us up. We're still getting details but we are super stoked and we want all of you involved as well!

Want to Understand Guys? Me Too. Kind of.

So Yahoo's front page today contained a story on getting to understand guys better and I thought I should bring it to the world. Maybe pepper it with some of my own experiences.

1. Guys have shitty memories. Of-fucking-course. Why did I need an article to explain that every time I talk to Hook Up I have to tell him for the ten millionth time what I do for a living. Or why The First had to be told repeatedly to do things I requested. Word on the street is guys have a smaller hippocampus than gals. By street, I mean science says so. Apparently it occupies a smaller percentage of their brains (you know, cause their brains are bigger. Duh). So you may have penis envy, but remember you have less chance of misremembering (to quote David Wells, a baseball player who forgot he took steroids) than your sweeties.
2. Guys are literally Captain Obvious. Which is why you have to circle all the things you want in a catalogue, leave it open on the counter with a note that reads "I want this for Christmas. Call 1800-VICKYS and order item #C86547 in red. Size 34B. Standard shipping. Do this before 11/7. Spring for gift wrapping, too. Place under tree with MY name on it. I will open on Christmas. Oh, we need milk. XOXO."
3. Guys don't like to talk. It's not you, it's them. Except maybe in the case of The Commercial Banker where he was clearly waiting for me to stuff a dick in it already. Apparently this goes back to the brain as well. The areas controlling conversation in the man's brain are smaller than in the female's. Explains, a lot doesn't it? Cue Tim The Toolguy Taylor grunt here.
4. Guys are naturally more upbeat than girls. In fact, less men are depressed than women. I cannot imagine why. Anyway, that could explain my recent convos with men who seem to be my biggest cheerleaders (including my recently axed compliance guy who called in today and sounded so genuinely happy that I was jealous. And homeboy just LOST HIS JOB). The First spent a lot of time rolling with the punches and only once did I ever see him truly frustrated for longer than a 24 hour period. They seem better able to get past hardships and see what is coming next while we want to focus on what went wrong and understand why. Perhaps we should learn to let go those things we can't change.
5. Guys don't see your past the way you do. Back to that damn brain thing again. Our brains compute differently than theirs. So while, 13 guys seems perfectly acceptable to you it may not be acceptable to him. Similarly, you may remember every detail about your first date- where you went, what you ate, what you both wore, how it felt to be with him, what time he kissed you at, how his hands felt, what movie you saw with the trailers (in the order you saw them) while he remembers that you went to a movie and he had a great time and ended it with an epic kiss. He also tends to remember things in order while we remember things in order of importance.

So tell me, do you agree with this list? Is there anything you would add or take away? Do you think knowing these things will aid you in your future (or current) dealings with men?

So sad...

Today I logged into facebook and noticed a large number of my little sisters friends had joined a particular group. They are all competitive swimmers; some in college and some in high school. S I checked the link out. Turns out Fran Crippen, a swimmer from a family of swimmers, passed away during a race today. He was only 26 years-old and had so much talent that will never be seen again. No reason has been given for his death as of yet, but some speculate that he wasn't feeling well and with the water temps in the 80s the two combined with tragic results. Please keep his family in your thoughts.

Boston Boys

Ummmm I love football. Seriously. I also love Boys. So that works out well when boys are cute and play football. For instance, Tom Brady.Then, I thought, why not see what else the Boston line up has to offer. So I bring you, the boys of Boston.

Even with his Beiber-esque locks, I'd bang him.

Julian Edelman, 24, also rocks the Bieber look. And is absolutely adorable doing it.

Kickers can get it between the uprights, take for instance Stephen Gostkowski.

Awww...

look, he's rocked the Bieber, too!

Rob Gronkowski does NOT rock a Bieberlook, instead opting for a mohawk. Because of this, I will forgive his choice of University of Florida as a college.

You'll have to forgive the ridiculous layout on this thing but I just started using the Mac to blog and clearly, I'm struggling. Doesn't matter, their still HOT.

From the Interwebs

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One More Mile Winner!

Well I used the old random number generator this time. It's definitely not as fun as my other methods but I'm kind of strapped for time due to my inability to drag myself out of bed lately (which could be a result of being so stressed out about my job). Anyway, there were 34 eligible entries in the contest (one comment was mine, the other that got disqualified was the person who put all entries in one comment indicating they did not read my directions. Sorry buddy). You don't care about that shit though so here ya go:

Courtney of I Can Do This come on down! Or shoot me an email (fromfat2fab2009@gmail.com) letting me know your email address so I can get you your gift certificate to One More Mile!

Dear Maxim

A little late on the thank you, but I laughed to the point of tears while reading the July issue of Maxim on vacation. I sat by the pool drinking and navigating the "Porn Dictionary" while my summer fling got an hour massage at the hotel spa. Despite the coolness of a chick getting buzzes while flippin' through a men's mag, he gave me the heave-ho after the trip. How lame is that? At least I can always count on you.

Megan

First off, I dig her. She's a cool chick and any guy would be lucky to have her. Second, you could do better for a summer fling Megan. Why the fuck was he getting a massage when you were getting off reading porn definitions and drinking booze? Clearly, this guy is gay because he missed out on a golden opportunity to fuck the hell out of you.

One More Mile Giveaway Extended

I am the queen of extending giveaways. Here's the deal- I'm heading to Athens for the weekend for UGAs homecoming (if we lose to Vandy the giveaway may be off due to death by alcohol poisoning. Ruled a suicide even without a note because it will be that obvious I did it on purpose to stop watching the downward spiral....). So the contest is going through Monday at midnight (thats 10/18/2010) for those of you who need dates. Be sure to head over here and follow the entries.

Also, if I were an unfair person, I'd just give it to Ms. Boyd who buttered me up with her sweet comment about me being the bright spot in her day. No pressure to me or anything. Thanks for reading :)

And finally, I'm going to be late to work because I stopped to write this. You're welcome.

Don't Forget!

One More Mile Giveaway here. Ends on Friday!!!

Started my new job yesterday. If my blogging suffers, I'm sorry. This job is incredibly stressful and so far the only bright spot is the gym in Building D that I get to use for free.

Dear Dancing With the Stars...

I don't watch your show but last night I caught sight of this gentleman taking his shirt off. I will only continue to watch if he continues to do this every episode. Also, I dislike Bristol Palin intensely but will keep her around if it means watching this cutie pie every week. In fact, any way you can hook a sister up?

Even in a suit he's adorable. Love that smile.

And I would take up ballroom dancing if it meant rubbing myself like a cat against this body.

And he's only 24!

She-Cats

So I started getting Maxim out of nowhere one day so I decided it might be fun to read and share with you the insights men in the United States are getting from this classy magazine. Today's topic? Definitions of ladies...the cat version.

Cougar: An older woman who desires younger men.

House Cat: A senile old lady who hoards men and/or rotting fruit.

Bobcat: An amorous woman who is now an amorous man.

Saber-tooth Tiger: A horny prehistoric woman who has recently thawed out due to global warming.

Garfield: A woman who likes to do it in a pan of lasagna, except on Mondays.

Taxidermied Cat: A female zombie who is really into necrophilia.

Cat Stevens: A woman who converts to Islam during lovemaking.

Okay Maxim...that is really dumb. So many places you could have gone with this and you bombed it. On top of that do you think your readers really know who Cat Stevens is?

Today's Post Brought to You by POOP.

I know I have discussed poop before but seriously, todays run was HARD. And not just because I had calf pain as usual.

I really had to poop.

And it slowed me down. And I got to wondering if I'm the only one who has to poop on my runs or what. Apparently, I'm not the only one who wonders because I found this on my google search. It's so ridiculous to me that people are rude to others on message boards by the way (sidenote I know). So many people told this person it was just him/her and that he/she has a problem. Just because it doesn't happen to them. Anyway.

I'm wondering if it is what I'm eating at night... but I just don't know and I'm not disciplined enough to do a little experiment.

Of course, in searching this I have found a number of answers- metabolism, bouncing, squeezing of the muscles. Whatever.

In other news, during this search I came across TriFuel and I really like it. Check out the less sarcastic answers for some actual thoughts and helpful hints on their forums. Of course, I linked you right to the poop forum.

Life in Shambles Exit Letter*

Dear Human Resources,

Well, homeslice, I'm out. Like a fat kid in dodgeball. Except I'm kind of fat and it would take a while to get me out in dodgeball cause I'm quick and shit. Reflexes like a cat. Anyway...

This is long overdue. I heard a rumor about exit interviews but I'm too chicken-shit to do this in person and not bold enough to do this via email and whiteboard. Anyway, word on the street is that companies like to know why you are leaving your job, what you liked about it and what you disliked about it. So here goes.

Why am I leaving this awesome $13.50/hr job?

Money, bitches. I do a lot of work (sometimes. Okay like Tuesday and Thursday). For example, scanning people's work to them requires the patience of a saint as the scanner dislikes doing what it is supposed to do. I have to retrieve the work from the printer and then look it up on the spreadsheet and separate it according to who needs to do what. Then, I have to battle the scanner to get the people their work. Then I have to file it away in a drawer so that my supervisor can request I rescan things months later, multiple times. Because she deletes everything I send. Or because she can't figure out how to read mail that has already been opened. Either way.

Speaking of which, dealing with my supervisors is worth at least $15/hr without having any work at all. One of them is a control freak who thinks everyone is a mind reader. The other one, I swear doesn't work. And there is no way her degree really came from Cornell. Otherwise Andy Bernard truly exists and I'm working for Dunder Mifflin. Come to think of it...

Also, I'm bored. Truly bored. I work in the office by myself. I scan, I stuff, I write off, I reply to emails. The only bright spots in my day are speaking with patients about their insurance. I highly doubt this is their bright spot. Especially considering I spend 20 minutes bullshitting them because I have NO idea what happens with the information I gather for the client. Supposedly it resolves problems but best I can tell the client just calls the patient again and asks the same damn questions. Which really is slandering my good name. I wish I had thought to leave my supervisors name when I spoke with them so that when they complained they used her name instead of mine. Lesson learned.

What could you guys do better? Well, I doubt you care as you sold the company for a ton of money to the client. Which apparently you were required to do because they can't be your only client and you refuse to get more. Which doesn't make sense to me but whatever. Anyway, my job was pretty pointless. If you just assigned one of my tasks to each employee in the company, you could save $13.50/hr. It doesn't take THAT long. Some days, I stretch it out so you think I am busier than I am. In reality, I'm reading a lot of blogs. Sometimes that shitty paper AJC. Other times gossip over at NY Post. Speaking of which, thank you Google Reader for allowing me to read all those blocked sites!

Also, I'm pretty sure you're aware of the fact that I just took this job to stay off unemployment. I feel confident that you know I was never truly invested in this company's success other than the fact that my Mom would have been pissed if I didn't do well here since she, too, works here and my brother already fucked up her standing by lying on his time sheet.

And another thing! I am not too keen on your handling of the you paid me wrong situation. WTF was up with you trying to say I owed you money? I'm still not entirely sure you don't owe me more than you gave me, but damnit I'm tired of trying to work this out and the extra $1300 is better than nothing I suppose. Plus now I don't have to deal with contract taxes. Which I had to pay last year so that's bullshit. You really did screw me in every way possible.

Ummm I guess you're wondering about the good. Well, I had a job. So that was good. You paid for my internet and phone. So that was awesome. I got to work at home on Wednesdays which I will miss at my new job. Free coffee was a plus (I loved that Milky Way Swirl thing. Damn I need that machine at home). Sometimes I got free lunch during managers meetings just for being at work. So that was swell. I talked to my mom every day since no one else knew how to answer questions. I'm sure she appreciated that a lot (or not). I guess it was good that I could spend the day reading and pretending to work and you paid me. That's pretty sweet (perhaps I have found my calling. Anyone out there looking for a professional reader?).

Anyway, I just wanted to say Thanks for the job. And for making it difficult as fuck to get paid. And I wanted to wish you luck as you merge with the client. I have a feeling it will be a disaster and lucky for me, I get to hear all about it without actually being there to further get fucked up the ass. But don't worry, I'm sure I'll be just as miserable as you as I attempt to navigate this road called life and learn to live with a broken dream of doing a job I enjoy.

All my best (and worst),
Life in Shambles

*Of course, I didn't really send this. I sent a nice email thanking them for the opportunity. Maybe I should post that as well. Just so you can laugh at how small my balls really are.

Which is Worse: Cheating Edition.

Question:

Is it better for the other person if you only cheat once or to carry on an affair?

Where is this coming from? Well, I watched Closer yesterday and in the film, Julia Robert's Anna carries on an affair with Jude Law's Dan. She is married to Clive Owen's Larry and Dan is dating Natalie Portman's Alice. Larry comes home from a business trip to NYC and reveals to Anna he fucked a hooker. Anna feels compelled to tell him about her affair and a shitstorm of a fight ignites.

Anna: We do everything that people who have sex do!
Larry: Do you enjoy sucking him off?
Anna: Yes!
Larry: You like his cock?
Anna: I love it!
Larry: You like him coming in your face?
Anna: Yes!
Larry: What does it taste like?
Anna: It tastes like you but sweeter!
Larry: That's the spirit. Thank you. Thank you for your honesty. Now fuck off and die, you fucked up slag.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. They both cheated on each other so staying together would be stupid unless they got to the root of the problem. Could they ever get to it?

On one hand, if it's a one off and it never happened again then its a mistake, right? At least that's what I told myself when The First did it to me.

But what about the addage once a cheater always a cheater?

And an affair implies there is an emotional bond, a relationship outside of your own on top of the sex. Not only was he or she not happy with you in bed, the unhappiness seeped into every facet of your relationship so he or she found someone else to supply it. And then you wonder why did they stay?

I'm conflicted on both accounts. I don't think my jealous nature would allow me to forgive someone for cheating on me ever again, long or short term affair. I would be like Larry and want to know every detail- where, when, how, how often, why. Which is worse to you?

R is for Running, Reviews and Ragnar!

R is for RUNNING

Yesterday, I ran my Virtual 10K so this morning I decided I would run a quick 5K. The alarm went off and I thought to myself, "Man this bed feels good. Barbie cancelled dinner. I'll run tonight". I reset the alarm for 6:15 and went to the bathroom. I lay in my bed for 10 minutes before getting up and putting on my running clothes. Seems like my motivation has officially arrived.

I chose a route with almost no hills, just a few tiny inclines, because yesterday had a LOT of hills. It was NICE out. The only problem was waiting til about 5:30 to head out meant there was more traffic which meant having to actually stop at red lights. Arrrgghhhh. It was about 50 degrees, no breeze and no humidity. Nice and dark (side note: I have no idea why but I prefer running at night or early morning as opposed to daytime. I like the darkness I guess). My calves were bothering me and I went without KT Tape today. Yesterday I had used the KT Tape on my shins. Today, I realized I don't have shin splints. The pain from my calves is radiating outward and making it seem like my shins hurt. A little listening to my body which notified me of the problem. Now I just have to find the solution (besides KT Tape).

Anyone else have calf problems? How have you dealt with them? Any good before and after run stretching you guys can give me?

Pace: 10:19

Time: 32.02

R is for REVIEWS

This morning I went for a run in some new clothing items I want to tell you about.

First, I hit Dick's Sporting Goods and found a pair of Under Armour tights for $24.99. Considering how expensive tights can be, I was stoked so I snapped them up. Unfortunately, I didn't really look them over as well as I should have or I probably wouldn't have bought them after all. Pros: Awesome "safety-green" stripes down the sides of the legs, capri length, extremely comfortable. I just looked on the website and they don't have them online so clearly they are last seasons model. Anyway, the only CON was they had no drawstring. No drawstring meant I spent the first 7 minutes pulling them up before finally saying Fuck it and letting them fall. Now, they did stay on without the drawstring but they sat LOW (dangerously low- almost crack revealing) so I was worried for a lot of my run about them sliding down if I sped up. I will probably save them for bike rides since lowriding won't be an issue.

Second, I picked up a nice long sleeved top from Target. I LOVE the top. I got it on sale for $19.99 which meant it was reasonably priced for my budget (I would have preferred under $15 but whatever). While I'm browsing the website, looks like a lot of their C9 stuff is on sale (tops for less than $5! $50 purchase will get you free shipping) so if you like Target's workout clothes, hit it up NOW. Anyway, back to my review...The shirt is 100% polyester and very LIGHT so its great for fall days- this mornings temps were a little higher than what I was looking for with the top but I wasn't uncomfortable just wearing it without a t underneath it. It is a half zip with THUMBHOLES which really should be a requirement on all running shirts in my opinion. It doesn't ride up and hits just about the waist. I would give it 4/5 stars because the only con was NO POCKETS! Also, if you are a heavy sweater this might not be the shirt for you. There is absolutely no wicking at all now that I'm thinking on it. But it's great for short runs or walks so I'm happy with the purchase.

R is for Ragnar

Somehow, I have signed up for the Ragnar Relays in Chicago in June of 2011 with a bunch of gals from Twitter (and of course, Barbie which totally explains the somehow). After running 8.56 miles on Friday, I know I can handle it. But of course, I am SUPER nervous and excited. I just know the 8 months will fly by and I know I will feel totally unprepared. It's a bit expensive but I'll be saving money up with each paycheck for it and paying for things as they come up so it shouldn't be a problem. PLUS, I have never been to Chicago. And now, I have a race to work toward. I thought about signing up for a Rock'n'Roll 1/2 but I've never done anything like this and it sounded fun so this will be my big race for 2011. I'll post more on it in a separate post since this is getting kind of long!

DON'T FORGET TO ENTER THE ONE MORE MILE GIVEAWAY WHICH ENDS ON FRIDAY!

10/10/10 Jog for Joubert Virtual 10K

Today, I woke up with a massive headache that persisted throughout the day. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, I had signed up for Laura B's 10x10 Jog for Joubert Virtual 10K. I spent the day hydrating (originally I had planned to run in the morning but I decided to wait and see if the headache took a hike. It didn't and still hasn't) and at 4 pm I took a nap. I woke up feeling slightly better but still dreading this run. Which makes me sad.

First, what is Joubert Syndrome? Why am I running for it? From the website, http://www.joubertfoundation.com/:

Joubert Syndrome is a rare genetic disorder characterized by decreased muscle tone, difficulties with coordination, abnormal eye movements, abnormal breathing pattern and cognitive impairment. These issues are due to abnormal brain development, resulting in decreased size of the cerebellar vermis and other brain abnormalities that appear as the "molar tooth sign" on a brain MRI. Although rare, several hundred individuals with Joubert Syndrome have been reported in the medical literature. Mutations in at least 10 genes cause Joubert Syndrome, accounting for ~50% of patients. Subsets of individuals with Joubert Syndrome can also have polydactyly (extra fingers or toes), as well as retinal, kidney and liver disease requiring medical intervention.

Joubert Syndrome is one of a growing group of disorders called "ciliopathies," caused by dysfunction of a part of the cell called the cilium. The cilium functions as an antenna for many cell types, allowing cells to communicate with each other and sense their environment during the development and function of many organs. In fact, cilia are required to sense light in the eye, odors in the nose and fluid flow in the kidneys and liver. Disruption of cilium function likely explains the incidence of eye, kidney and liver problems in individuals with Joubert Syndrome.

Personally, I don't know anyone who suffers from this disease (although a cousin of mine has a disease similar in nature to it) but Laura has an excellent blog and is a very supportive gal in the running community. I haven't been able to afford race entry fees and I haven't been running so I decided I would donate $10 (in keeping with the theme) and hit the pavement.

I have no pictures because all of them turned out funny since I live by myself (go ahead, feel sorry for me. Or jealous. Either way) and my printer ran out of ink while printing my race bib so no one even knew why I was running. Sigh. I knew, you know and I guess that will have to do for now.

First, I had to map a course. I opted for one in my hood which meant LOTS of hills. And traffic so a good number of stops at red lights but whatever. I threw on my UGA gear (heyyyyy we finally got a win yesterday and I could wear it with pride!) and turned on my running mix and I was ready to go. The weather was great for the run- the sun was just starting to dip, it was not humid, slight breeze and temps in the high 60s.

Unfortunately, my calves were not as ready as I was. I ran the first mile before thinking I will finish the 10K but there will have to be walk breaks. I don't have a garmin or a stop watch so I tend to use the song method. I run the length of a song or two or three then walk the length of ONE song. So that is what I did. The whole time I had to remind myself that children who suffer from Joubert's can't go out and run every day like I can. It pushed me to finish with a less than stellar time but my headache had dissapated and I felt good for doing this. It was an awesome end to my weekend!

Be sure to check out Laura's blog and the Joubert Foundation. Laura's archives have some GREAT posts about kids who suffer from the illness and they are simply adorable kids. If you have the money to donate, definitely consider doing so!

Final time: 1:10.47

Life In Shambles Gets Pulled Over

I have ridiculous stories involving cops and one day I will have to share them all but lets start with Mondays and go backwards.

Monday, I'm driving from my office to my parentals house where I will begin caring for my 15 year old sister (you can read that account here). I am blasting the radio, sitting at a red light and tweeting while driving. Yes, it is illegal. No, I didn't care at the time. So the light changes, and mid-tweet I make the left turn onto the road my neighborhood is on. I'm accelerating down the road when suddenly the asshat in front of me starts slowing down and getting over.

"Use a blinker, dickhead." I mutter to myself as I brake.

I happened to glance in the mirror and notice blue lights flashing and ah ha! The cop must be trying to get by so I, too, get over on the side of the road. Which really just means, half in the road, half in the grass.

And then the cop pulls up BEHIND ME.

Well, shit. Am I about to be the first Gwinnettian to get a ticket for texting while driving?

"Driver, pull into the driveway to your right please."

Damnit.

I pull in, turn the car off, the music down and dig out my brand new license with my brand spanking new address. Which happens to be in Fulton County and my tag says Gwinnett so I'm gonna need to hop on that real quick like.

The cop swaggers up to my car and takes my license.

"This your current address?"

"Yes, sir. I just relocated and got that one in the mail."

"Okay, well..." he studies it. Then he looks up at me. "You've got a brake light out so this should take no time to handle."

Oh shit. It's been out since August and I keep spending my money on booze instead of dropping 5.99 on brake lights. Damnit. What a stupid fucking ticket.

"It is? I live by myself and there is no indicator in my car so I wouldn't have known without you telling me," I feign surprise.

"Well, only those German cars have indicators so don't worry about it."

He moseys on back to his car, runs my name and is back in about 2 minutes.

A brake light offense doesn't go on your record by the way. I just googled it. Offense 40-8-23 (defective or no taillights) or 40-8-25 an 40-8-26 (Brake light/turn signal violation) only go on commercial driving records. I suppose they pull you over to notify you, make a note on your record in case you get pulled over again and that's the end of it.

"Here you go," he hands me my license. "So you live in Fulton but you do laundry in Gwinnett?"

What a dickhead. Does he commentate on everyones belongings? If so, I gotta clean my car out more often.

"Actually, my mom is in New Jersey caring for my dying grandmother and I am taking care of my sister. Just didn't have time to do my laundry before coming over," I reply. What the fuck is his deal?

"What part of Jersey are you from?"

"Monmouth county- Jersey Shore basically," I reply, thinking that all he knows about Jersey could probably be summed up in a 30 minute television show about "Italian" skanks living in a summer rental.

"You know, I'm from North Jersey and I never got around to visiting that area," he laughs. "Well, just whenever you can, take care of that brake light."

"Oh I'll pick one up on my way to my sister's swim practice," I reply.

And then its done. He scared the living shit out of me over a fucking brake light.

Is it fixed? Of course not. Life in Shambles doesn't roll that way.

Oh Clive Owen...

How is it I always forget how fucking hot you are? I'm obsessed with the accent, the brooding looks...the way his body moves. Yum yum give me some.

I don't normally go for older guys (especially ones who are a scant 4 years younger than my parents) but DAMN I would let him have his way with me. I don't even care that he's married with two children....

Fun Friday

Bullet style, y'all.

• Still looking for suggestions on what to buy with the money I have in my account. Yes, I will pay some of my bills but once I start this new job I'll really be buckling down with the money so I figure I should enjoy some of this before I can't have any fun.
• Speaking of the new job, the hours are 8:30-5:30 and I'm thinking this will mean I can bump morning runs to 6 am which makes me happy since lately I have been struggling to get up at 5 am (though that might be due to "adopting" a kid for a week).
• My stomach has been bothering me a lot lately in the mornings. Like the food isn't digested yet (another reason I'm ditching morning runs this week). So next week, I'm going to try eating earlier and maybe going for an evening spin on my bike and see how that works out.
• I Am Boring sent me my prize for winning a giveaway. Which actually his wife sent but whatever, The Bobs don't have time for mail when they've got to consult and shit. Anyway, look for a post on that. Just gotta get a long run in. Hmmmm.
• I'm running a virtual 10K this weekend. On 10/10/10 I will run 6.2 miles for Jog for Joubert (which I need to donate to NOW. whoops). You can still sign up so go here and DOOOOOO ITTTTTTT.
• On 10/10/10 I am also contemplating signing up for Rock'N'Roll Savannah (run in November 2011). I am still on the fence about this one. Barbie really wants me to do it. And it could be the kick in the ass I need to get back on the workout express (all aboooooaaarrrddddd. Yes, I really just did that). Anyway between 10 and 10 on 10/10/10 you can receive $20 off any rock'n'roll you sign up for. I think I would do the half marathon. I know, I know I've done 2 and I should give the full a try but I gotta tell you the idea of running for 4 fucking hours makes me want to kill myself. Everyone should just be happy I'm even considering signing up for another half.
• Last, but most importantly! I am going to do a giveaway. I'm thinking I owe, you my loyal readers who have not been commenting enough fyi, a prize for sticking with me. All 69 of you. And yes, I just wanted to type 69 while I still had 69 readers. Now it's like a game. How many times can I type 69 in this paragraph about my 69 readers? Okay, I'll seriously stop typing 69 now. I swear*. Anyway.....the giveaway. Hold on, I'm thinking on the fly right now....ummm, what should I give away...This is tougher than I thought. Okay, how about a gift certificate to One More Mile because I love that place. And maybe they can motivate you. Settled, a $20 gift certificate to One More Mile is up for grabs. Bam. Now...the details.

Giveaway ends on 10/15/2010 at midnight. Winner will be announced Saturday. Or Sunday. Or Monday. Cause I don't like to make promises I can't keep and I just don't know how hungover I'll be over the course of the weekend. To Enter you can opt to do one or all of the following things (but each entry must be a separate comment. Anyone who can't follow that direction is disqualified. Boom. Just like being in school).

1. Follow my blog and let me know you do so. Current followers just give me the heads up again that you follow.
2. Like me on facebook. Cause I like getting the thumbs up yo.
3. Head over to One More Mile and tell me what you'd spend your bucks (or mine) on!
4. Like One More Mile on facebook. Cause I'm sure they like the thumbs up as well.
5. Follow One More Mile on Twitter. I'm sure they have important things to tweet. So important, I'm adding them to my own feed....NOW.
6. And lastly (that is not a word, is it?) follow my raunchy, running ass on twitter.

SIX (that's 6 for those of you who don't read good) opportunities to win people. Hop on it! Also, tell One More Mile I sent you so maybe they give me stuff to give away. Hosting your own giveaway is expensive yo. But I love you and you deserve it. Boom- have a good weekend!

What to Buy?

Recently I came into a little extra cash.

I'm broke.

I should pay some credit card bills.

I plan on it, I swear.

But, and this is a big BUT, I need some motivation.

And I'm thinking buying something neat to get me going will help A TON.

So I turn to you, my bloggy pals, and ask, WHAT SHOULD I SPLURGE ON?!?!?!

How the Hell DO You Do It?

Parents!

Good Lord, I am caring for my 15-year-old sister this week while my mom is in New Jersey caring for my sick grandmother. I have to tell you, this whole week has been a lesson in why I am NOT having children!

My alarm is set for 5 am.

Which would be fine if I were going running but I'm not digging the dip in temps. I don't mind it during the day but going from 80+ at 5 am to 30 degrees in the blink of an eye is NOT working for me. Anyway, I wake up at 5 am so I can shuffle my way down the hall to my sister's room because SHE needs to be up at 5 am.

Why on earth am I doing this?

Sweetie pie broke her damn phone this week. I certainly don't have the money to buy her a new one and apparently she sleeps right through her alarm despite it waking the entire house up. So I wake her up at 5 am because SHE NEEDS TO DO HER HAIR.

I have to tell you, it can't take more than 10 minutes to do but whatever.

At 6 am, I drag my sleepy self out of bed and hop into the shower. By 6:30 am, I am out the door to DRIVE her to school because GOD FORBID sweetie pie ride the BUS.

"I need to be there by 6:45 am so I can look over my notes."

Right. I wasn't born yesterday. She wants to be there early enough to canoodle with her boyfriend.

Then I head to work and...well, work. At 1 pm, I head home to work the last 2-3 hours of my day from home (perk of the current job which ends on Monday). I have to CRAM the hours in because promptly at 4 pm, we have to climb into my sister's car (which really is just the car that sits unused in the driveway) so she can MOSEY over to swim team. Then I RUSH back home to spend an hour and a half doing my freelance assignments/blogging. Then I hop back into her POS car and drive back to her swim team practice location and she drives us home.

It's now 7 pm. WHAT THE FUCK IS FOR DINNER?

Did I mention I can't cook?

So, we eat whatever I come up with (chicken nuggets and tots). And then I have to digest for a bit and help her with her homework. PLUS I have to catch up on all the gossip from her school (Brent refuses to go to Carraba's for dinner for Homecoming so now we are trying to decide between Red Lobster and Texas Roadhouse. I mean, seriously? Hannah is having everyone over afterwards and NO ONE wants to go. Meredith said she is going to drink at Hannah's because it's the only way she'll get through it without ripping Hannah's hair out. Tori told India and India is a Baptist so she won't speak to Meredith because clearly Meredith isn't a good christian if she is going to drink. So Meredith posted a facebook status about it and India told her she needed to be more mature and not air everything out on facebook. Now the group wants to go to Bonefish. Which Nick and I cannot do because Nick is paying for everything with the money he made this summer. What should I do? Elaina and Madelyn aren't talking anymore which is good for me since Elaina and I are in PEAK together and now Elaina talks to me. Meredith, Ali and Bo didn't make it but only Bo really deserves it...and on and on and on and on).

I'm exhausted. I can't even drag my ass out of the chair to go for a run anymore. I do some crunches while she tries on all the possible combinations of outfits she has picked out from both her and my mothers closet. By the time she's finished, I'm half asleep and its 9 pm.

Another run missed.

The Gaggle Moves in a New Direction

Well, this came out of left field.

I don't think I've made it clear but I have a penchant for getting completely hammered and fucking my friends. Which is great for them I'm sure. It really explains why the guys are always wanting to hang out with me since I can't imagine my drinking them under a table on a regular basis holds much appeal without the result of the open legs. Who really wins that competition? I'd like to say its me but I have a feeling somehow I just lost.

Any.Way.

One such friend fuck was my pal Lucky Charms. Who I haven't even explained yet and I feel bad about but the Gaggle wants what the gaggle wants. I'll have to retrace the path to Lucky Charms at a later date (though I imagine you can picture what happened right about the second paragraph above).

So, Lucky Charms lives in Baltimore and I haven't seen him since the last time. Which he brings up quite a bit with little provocation from me. Clearly, I made an impression.

He came into town last week on Wednesday and had to fly back Saturday. Kind of shitty with the work schedule but better than nothing. Wednesday night, after a killer softball game (where the hottie on my team finally realized as the season drew to an end how fucking funny I am) I met up with Lucky Charms, his brother and his brother's girlfriend for drinks. We had a good time catching up and then I went home to my lonely apartment and he went back to his brothers.

And then the texting began.

How much he's missed spending time with me. How uncomfortable the couch he is currently sleeping on is. Will I go to dinner with him tomorrow? Blah blah blah.

Thursday rolls around a bridal crisis pops up so I miss dinner with him but he ends up calling me afterwards just to "talk."

Friday I get a text that reads "You're coming to dinner with me. No excuses."

So we go to dinner and drinks and meet up with all our old college buddies. He's flirty and always touching me in some way when we're near each other. We hug a lot in all manner of ways (the side arm, the front to front, the from behind). In general, we behave the way a couple who has been together for a while behaves. Really just absentminded touching that I didn't even think about until reflecting back on the weekend.

He ended up getting his stuff from his brothers and staying at my place. We kissed for a while and I seriously considered having sex with him (again) but I was sober and for some reason it seemed really important not to fuck this up so I stopped him. I joked he was too hot to sleep in my bed which led to him sleeping on the couch (doh!) which led to me getting up when the alarm went off and crawling onto the couch with him for thirty minutes of quality cuddling.

And then, I had to drop him off at the airport.

And there was really nothing to say. It was a really great three days and now he's off to Baltimore and back to his life. But I realized he's changed a lot- in great ways- and suddenly he's back on the radar. He's a member of the gaggle. He has potential.

His last words as he started into the terminal?

"Get a damn ticket to Baltimore."

The Ring Check

Soooo another one of my conquests has proposed to his girlfriend. I thought it was time to check in with the conquests and see who would still be up for a fuck if I dialed him now*.

1. The First- as far as I can tell, single. Last I heard, banging all his old conquests that are not currently engaged or married.
2. Penis Nano- just proposed to what I am assuming is Vagina Nano.
3. The Bartender- in a relationship. With a girl who shares my name.
4. Spring Break Guy- unknown.
5. Dr. Pothead- still in a relationship. Going on like 4 years. Told me last week he plans on proposing.
6. TrueLove- Engaged. Fiance moved from up north down to Atlanta to be with him and he popped the question.
7. The Whatever- Engaged. To a girl who apparently dislikes me despite never having spent more than 5 minutes with me.
8. Lucky Charms- single. And looking better than ever.
9. The Marine- MARRIED. Still. I know, I'm just as shocked as you are.
10. The Groomsman- Single.
11. Batboy- In a serious relationship.
12. Spring Fling- Engaged to be married in TWENTY FIVE DAYS!!!! (Babe! so says his fiance on his facebook page).
13. The Sleeper- unknown
14. The Cable Guy- unknown
15. TD Tommy- unknown

* I know, even with a ring on it they could feasibly be down to fuck.

Influence of the Blog World

My darling friend and former editor, Ellen of Fired N Fabulous, is a faithful reader of a healthy living blog. That blog was featured in Marie Claire along with five others collectively known as the "Big 6" of healthy living blogs. They hosted a Healthy Living Summit and out of it came an article focusing on the negative aspects of these blogs.

In it, the writer claimed the blogs were full of pictures of emaciated women who ran miles upon miles to end their days claiming to be "so hungry".

As you can imagine there was quite an uproar when their loyal followers heard about this (because they featured the article on their blogs with rebuttals).

I bring this up because the article implies (sometimes flat out states) that because these women detail their workouts, food intake and other "healthy" aspects of their lives on a public forum like a blog that they have eating disorders. That food sabotaging is a problem (hell, I should do it more often in my humble opinion) and these sites are breeding grounds for eating disorders.

I don't personally read the sites though I have added them to my google reader so I can check them out but it got me to thinking about my own blog. Am I both narcissistic and suffering from a low self-esteem because I let you in on my own trials and tribulations while on my weight loss quest? Do I promote unhealthy habits? Am I creating little women with eating disorders because after indulging I think to myself, I'm going to regret that when I get on the scale tomorrow?

My personal opinion is no. I struggle daily with my weight. But I want to get healthy for the right reasons- 1. I want to be healthy for a long time 2. I want to feel great about myself. Do I think I will have a better life if I am skinnier? No. I believe that by getting healthy I will be more focused, have a more positive outlook, be able to do more things and generally just enjoy life more. 3. Yes, I want to feel good about myself. Yes, I think if I lost some weight I would enjoy wearing my clothing (or not) a little more. No, I don't think this is bad.I think overall my goals combine into just being a better version of myself.

And, if when you read my blog you take the wrong thing from it...well, I think that's on you. If something I say triggers a negative reaction in you than it is up to you to remove the temptation (well, I'll miss you as a reader if the case is that you can't read this anymore) and cope with it in a healthy way. Your actions after you read my blog are not my (or any other bloggers) responsibility. However, this article really got my thinking so I want to clear a few things up:

1. My BMI is overweight. My weight is "above average" (not in a good way).You might not think it is fat, but my doctor and I agree it is. Deal with it.
2. I'm not a doctor. A trainer. A dietician. A nutritionist. I can only share with you what is working or not working for me. I can only share with you things I read that spoke to me (or didn't). It's up to you what you make of it.
3. I condone loving yourself and being the best YOU. I hope that I help you in some way.I do not condone eating disorders. I do not condone over exercising. I do not condone feeling badly about yourself because you are too fat, too thin, too whatever for the rest of the world. If I don't then I hope you have a good laugh at me (with me since I'm laughing at myself 90% of the time).

What is your opinion of blogs out there? Have you ever read someone's blog and thought they've gone overboard? How have you reacted to that? Do you ever read something that you wrote and think, gosh I sound like I have a problem (my daily weigh-in to some people leads them to think I am obsessed with my weight more so than is healthy). This article and rebuttal really got me thinking and I would love to know all your thoughts. I think its an important conversation to have!

*The blog in question is Healthy Tipping Point. The rebuttal in question can be found here along with the article it responds to. Check them out and let me know what you think!

When it rains it pours...

Which is not good for an indecisive person such as myself. And especially when I have made a move toward one thing and immediately after, something shinier comes up. Currently, I have "accepted" a job offer from a company and pending the credit and background check will be starting October 12. Which means I had to put my notice in for my current job.

NO GOING BACK NOW.

Meanwhile, a friend of mine has an excellent opportunity that could really give me some experience in a field I am seriously interested in. It is part time. Flexible in terms of hours and the pay is good for some spending money. But I don't know if I can do it while doing this new job since the new job is in an industry I know nothing about (and the new boss gave me three HUGE binders to read and learn before I start). I want it though. I want it bad. I would be fucking awesome for it (I'd have to edit my fucks though haha). I would learn a ton. And it could be what I need to get into the industries I'm interested in doing something I am actually GOOD at (versus this job which I know nothing about and have a feeling I will be terrible at no matter what the Wonderlic says about me). I want to be able to say yes to this SO BAD (she is being nice enough to give me a quick minute to think about it. Which is because I want to be sure I could handle it and my new job- she's sticking her neck out to give me the opportunity. And my performance would reflect back on her. That matters a lot to me).

Then, I get a phone call from a darling friend (whom you all know and love as well) with an opportunity she is DYING to submit me for. Awesome pay. Awesome job. I had actually considered applying for it but didn't think I had the skill level they wanted and then things started rolling with the job I just got offered so I stopped applying to jobs altogether.

I hate to accept a job and then interview for another one and possibly get it but at the same time, I'm sure this is how other people get ahead. We might call them bitches and assholes for being so selfish but, in fact, they are saavy and are doing better with their careers than my nice guy approach. Since the first opportunity is through a friend of a friend, I called my mom for advice about what to do. She told me to go for the third opportunity because I need to look out for me.

The third opportunity sounds golden- travel (around the state), using my background, with a company I enjoy as I use their products on the reg and the difference in pay between opportunity one (which by the way is with someone I can learn a TON from as she is ranked #1 in Atlanta in what she does) and this opportunity is $13K. I know, INSANE not to take it.

So I submitted my resume. I might even head to church so I can pray to God I get the third opportunity. I want it so bad! Cross your fingers and your toes for me. And leave me some love or hate about my decision!

Couldn't Have Said It Better

" Through our brains, our bodies tell us almost everything we need to know to maximize our performance as runners."

~Matt Fitzgerald, "Run: The Mind-Body Method of Running by Feel"

Another gem from the book I won :) Of which I am still only on the first chapter. Things have been a little hectic lately. I've been interviewing and taking classes and fingerprinting and handling Maid of Honor duties for an upcoming wedding and entertaining a college friend who is in town from Baltimore and did I mention it is football season? Some other cool things he mentions in this chapter to back up his theory:

• A University of Cape Town, South Africa study has shown that perception of effort is a better indicator of how quickly you will fatigue in exercise than heart rate, blood lactate level, oxygen consumption or muscle fuel depletion.
• Studies show there is a strong correlation between exercise enjoyment, exercise adherence, self-efficacy and endurance fitness. The more people enjoy exercise, the fitter it makes them (well, I guess we've found my problem).
• A study at the University of Exeter, England found that subjects who raced blindly (not knowing the distance beforehand) against those who did not averaged the same time and pace in 4 time trials.
• Benno Nigg performed a study that found that runners are less likely to suffer injuries if they choose shoes by how they feel.
• According to a study at The University of Birmingham, England cyclists who simply rinsed their mouth with a sports drink performed better in a time trial because the carbs activated the reward center in the brain that made the effort feel easier.

What do you think? I totally agree with a lot of this just through my own workout routines. I need a lot of mind games to get through it!