Only Life in Shambles

So, I'm kind of a shitty neighbor. Not in the I-make-tons-of-noise kind of way. Or the I-leave-trash-fucking-all-over-the-place kind of way. More like the IF-YOU-CANNOT-RESPECT-YOUR-NEIGHBORS-I-WILL-FLIP-MY-SHIT kind of way.

We should know this by now considering our previous posts on neighbors.

This story is a so ridiculous you cannot make this shit up.

So I moved to Atlanta into a cute one bedroom apartment. I love it. In fact, it no longer remotely resembles that shithole I showed you when I first moved in despite being the same place. I did this crazy thing called unpacking. Anyway...

Recently, several hispanic families moved into the building across the courtyard. By courtyard, I mean the drive that separates our buildings and has roses along it. Each building has covered parking spots. That building has alcoves in the covered parking with storage units. For the most part the hispanic families are good neighbors.

Except when they aren't.

For instance, does the whole fucking complex need to listen to your music while you work on your truck? Do you really need to rev your engine in the garage so we all hear it? Is it necessary to spend 25 minutes banging on a door when no one is obviously home?

I've kept my mouth shut about all this.

Until one of them decided it is in fact very necessary to crush hundreds of cans. A night. Every night. At the most random goddamn times.

In the past week, he has crushed cans at 4 am, 6 am, 3:30 am, 11:30 pm, midnight and 1 am. Always in the alcove by his storage unit. You know, so there is a nice echo. So nice, you hear it all through the complex. In your apartment, with the tv on and the windows closed.

I tried yelling stop out the window.

CRUSH.

CRUSH.CRUSH.CRUSH.CRUSH.CRUSH.CRUSH.CRUSH....AND ON AND ON AND ON.

I thought to myself, perhaps he does not speak English.

NO MAS I screamed out the window.

No dice.

This happens every night on top of the cat going bat shit and listening to everything my upstairs neighbor does (sidenote my next door neighbor hears his upstairs neighbors having sex so...good for them, I guess).

Anyway, tonight....I had it. I was done. What the fuck was wrong with this inconsiderate prick?I do not think this is courteous in any country. I storm out of my apartment in my pajamas barefoot (side note- holy shit the temperature dropped) and marched right over to the garage and started reading him the riot act.

He stared at my blankly. Shit, I thought, he really cannot speak English.

And so I tried some Spanish on him. And he seemed to get it. And I waited for an apology.

I got a grunt.

I spoke again. God only knows what I said at this point in Spanglish but suddenly he was pointing to his ear and grunting.

HE IS FUCKING DEAF.

Yeah, I'm the asshole now. He has no clue what it sounds like because he cannot fucking hear a can crushing. He was reading my lips and when I said no mas he finally got it. I'm so going to hell.

And now my upstairs neighbor has just arrived home so there goes getting any sleep tonight.