Is it better for the other person if you only cheat once or to carry on an affair?
Where is this coming from? Well, I watched Closer yesterday and in the film, Julia Robert's Anna carries on an affair with Jude Law's Dan. She is married to Clive Owen's Larry and Dan is dating Natalie Portman's Alice. Larry comes home from a business trip to NYC and reveals to Anna he fucked a hooker. Anna feels compelled to tell him about her affair and a shitstorm of a fight ignites.
Anna: We do everything that people who have sex do!
Larry: Do you enjoy sucking him off?
Anna: Yes!
Larry: You like his cock?
Anna: I love it!
Larry: You like him coming in your face?
Anna: Yes!
Larry: What does it taste like?
Anna: It tastes like you but sweeter!
Larry: That's the spirit. Thank you. Thank you for your honesty. Now fuck off and die, you fucked up slag.
I'm not sure how I feel about this. They both cheated on each other so staying together would be stupid unless they got to the root of the problem. Could they ever get to it?
On one hand, if it's a one off and it never happened again then its a mistake, right? At least that's what I told myself when The First did it to me.
But what about the addage once a cheater always a cheater?
And an affair implies there is an emotional bond, a relationship outside of your own on top of the sex. Not only was he or she not happy with you in bed, the unhappiness seeped into every facet of your relationship so he or she found someone else to supply it. And then you wonder why did they stay?
I'm conflicted on both accounts. I don't think my jealous nature would allow me to forgive someone for cheating on me ever again, long or short term affair. I would be like Larry and want to know every detail- where, when, how, how often, why. Which is worse to you?
2 comments:
I personally think people CAN change and if it's literally ONLY happened once, it doesn't mean it's definitely going to happen again. But if it did happen once, I think there's a reason and that perhaps the person who did the cheating is not really with the right person to begin with, which is why he/she cheated. But if the cheater enters a new relationship with someone it doesn't necessarily mean that because they cheated in the last relationship, that they'll cheat again in the new relationship. Everyone is faced with temptation when they're in a relationship and it's how you deal with that temptation that shows how much you care about the one you're with. I think I can forgive the person who cheated on me, but take them back into my life as my boyfriend/husband/whatev? I'm not sure I could do it.
I loved that movie. It was so raw, well-acted, strong and real. I have engaged in relationships with unavailable men in the past. I do think there's a difference between an casual purely physical short-term thing and an affair which blends the physical and emotional.
I don't think it's insurmountable to get past an affair, but both parties have to be willing to do a lot of work with a trained professional. Cheating is a symptom, not the problem.
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