WTF?!?!?! I'm not a Capricorn?

Blah blah blah, some bullshit...blah blah blah the sign you were born under isn't correct. WHAT?!?!?! Ummm rewind. According to bunches of news sources, some astrologer is telling us we aren't what we think we are. I, for one, am upset. This is worse than finding out Pluto isn't a planet anymore (which, coincidentally, is up for debate).

So previously, I was under the impression that I was a Capricorn. Strangely enough Wikipedia doesn't have any section devoted to the qualities. WTF?
You are a tireless worker, to the point of self-martyrdom. You'll do any and all work assigned to you, so that you can impress your superiors and gradually move up the ladder. You will eventually gain more and more status and wealth, but it takes a long time. That's okay with you, though—you've always understood this.

Chances are, you come from a poor background—like the baby Jesus—and you decided early on that you would work as hard as you could to improve your standing for your family. In fact, you have an innate fear of poverty, so much so that once you've achieved a rank or two in the world you will fight to the death to keep it.

This is also in keeping with your far-thinking approach to life, as determined by the slow-moving Saturn. You plan, plan, plan. You save, save, save. One would think you a dour person for all this work, but you have your moments of joy— after all, the words saturnalia and bacchanalia apply to you, and both define wild abandon.

You probably already know a lot about sacrifice. You were the one who stayed up caring for a sick relative when you were a kid, instead of playing with your friends. You're the one who keeps the family together, in fact, when members drift off. You're the glue, the controlling force in this world. Without you, it would simply fall apart.

Similarly, you have a great sense of tradition. You respect what you've inherited, and you believe in cherishing it and handing it down in the same state or better. Be it a grandparent's locket or the oral history of the family, it's safe with you.

Like your neighboring signs, Sagittarius and Aquarius, you are proudly intellectual. But you're not as argumentative as a Sagittarius. Yours is a quieter wisdom—if you know you're right, you don't believe you have to get into an all-out war just for the show of it. The truth will win out.

For this reason, you make an excellent teacher. In fact, you see the world as very structured, and as you gain rank in the system, you believe in teaching those below you. If you are a teacher, you're probably very strict. It's not due to malevolence, just a strong sense of tradition, of wisdom, of right and wrong, of the merits of hard work. 


Now, according to the new dates(Dec 17-Jan 20), I am actually a Sagittarius. And here is the description:

Sagittarius is the sign of the zodiac mainly concerned with philosophy, higher education and global thinking. It is ruled by Jupiter, the planet of expansion, benevolence and luck/fortune. Individuals who have a strong Sagittarian influence are typically interested in expanding their horizons through traveling abroad, learning foreign languages, or immersing themselves in unique cultures. These individuals thrive on higher education; once they find a subject(s) they’re passionate about, they will search relentlessly for more answers and more information to build on what they know. They are also fond of ethics, as it appeals to their philosophical nature and is a subject that is so contextually dependent that they’re skilled at being flexible in applying sound philosophical observations to complex situations.

Because Sagittarius is a mutable sign, they are generally very adaptable philosophically because they seek to understand the world from a higher perspective and are perspicacious in finding higher meanings through their varied encounters. They tend to be optimistic and have a great capacity for faith, as it is this good-natured faith that usually plays into their fortunate endeavors. They are not usually known for their reliability (unless they also have a significant Capricorn influence) because their attentions have a tendency to be scattered.

Sagittarius is a fire sign, which imparts a fiery enthusiasm that shows through their (blunt) sincerity, honest convictions and drive for independence. They enjoy adventures and are partial to the great outdoors.

Can I be honest here? I actually don't think I like either description now that I looked at it. So fuck it, don't ask me my sign on a date because you will not like the rant that ensues.