Starting Over

Weight: 166.2

Workout: None

Food Diary:

Breakfast- two cups of coffee, slim fast optima bar

Snack: Fiber 1 bar

Lunch: Panera Chicken Cobb Salad

Snack #2: 1/2 slice of pepperoni pizza

Dinner: Turkey and Muenster cheese with mayo on whole wheat sliders (2)

Today I was going to work out but I had a ton of errands to do and then I made the mistake of looking up my grandmother's cancer diagnosis and spent a good hour crying. Suffice to say, today easily could have turned into a horrendous eating day but it didn't. I kept thinking I wanted fattening fast food for dinner but luckily my laziness prevented me from buying anything! So, today was not too bad except I need more fruits in my diet. Its so hard to squeeze them in without noticing ya know? I also bought the super market edition of Eat This Not That so I will be posting this week's grocery list tomorrow!

Getting It Out of My System

Sunday's weight: 164.2

Let's just say I fell of the wagon so hard, I decided sitting in the street would be good to do for a day before attempting to climb back on. Needless to say the idea of writing down everything I had Saturday and Sunday depresses me so much that I absolutely refuse to dwell on it. I believe I have now cleared the pantry of everything remotely bad for me though if that gives you an idea of how my weekend went. I am not starving myself in an attempt to get back to my lowest weight. I am so angry I broke the streak I had going of weighing below 164.

Email Fun with R and E

SoI get a good amount of GREAT emails from a friend of mine. I have decided I must share the entertainment with the world. Perhaps you will not find it as funny but whatever. I don't care.

From: E [mailto:hjhofhaioghin@hiahfioan.com]
Sent: Friday, February 15, 2008 9:35 AM
To: R, Store 6579
Subject:

YOU ICE SCULPT?!?!?!?! That's wayyyyy cooler than a cake with sprinkles

E

-----Original Message-----
From: R
To: E
Sent: Feb 15, 2008 09:59:49 AM
Subject: RE:


Yeah. I’m kind of like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day after he’s had like 100 days to refine his life. On another note, it is a pleasure to know that at ________, “your bottom line is people”.

From: E
Sent: Friday, February 15, 2008 10:18 AM
To: R- Store 6579
Subject: RE:

Thanks for the laugh...I'm having a terrible morning and I needed that.Don't be jealous because I have a sweet signature and you don't.

E

-----Original Message-----
From: R
To: E
Sent: Feb 15, 2008 10:25:07 AM
Subject: RE:


Actually, I have a very beautiful signature. I don’t put it on replies due to my utter professionalism.

From: E
Sent: Friday, February 15, 2008 10:30 AM
To: R Store 6579
Subject: RE:

well i guess you showed me :0 Mine automatically shows up on an email whether I like it or not. And I'm not allowed to put a sweet UGA football helmet on mine. You're just better than me in every way. You win. I might stay home tonight and eat quarts of ice cream and drink massive amounts of wine until I pass out or end up in the hospital. If no one hears from me over the weekend you might want to tell them to check my house....

-----Original Message-----
From: R
To: E
Sent: Feb 15, 2008 12:05:30 PM
Subject: RE:

Actually, I’m not going to lie to you. Had the UGA helmet on my email for about a year. Then, one day I had a deal that I was trying to get an exception on. Emailed my boss, who used to work in Florida. He then emailed his former boss, a regional vice president (big deal). This jerk proceeded to personally email me, telling me that personal logos are not allowed on the signature. I found out later that he was a Gayturd fan. But after writing this, I have decided to reassert my allegiance to the dawgs and add it back.

From: E
Sent: Friday, February 15, 2008 12:15 PM
To: R Store 6579
Subject: RE:

Wow you sound bitter. I don't think I've ever heard you so worked up or personally offended! Not even when I make fun of you have I heard such hurt... But you're showing him with that personal logo attached to your email. You rebel you.

You going to dinner with us tonight?

-----Original Message-----
From: R
To: E
Sent: Feb 15, 2008 01:11:11 PM
Subject: RE:

I am bitter. Gators are bad. And I like my bulldog helmet. I have tried to rebel before, and just delete it when emailing the boss, but I always blow it. We’ll see how it goes this time. Tonight I’m driving to South Carolina. I’ve got an engagement party. Basically none of us like this guy’s future wife, and he has been a pretty non-existent friend for about 2 years. I probably wouldn’t have gone to the wedding if I wasn’t in it. 2 of the guys have come up with bs excuses, so I basically have to go or he will have practically none of his wedding party there. Not very excited.

From: E
Sent: Friday, February 15, 2008 1:57 PM
To: R - Store 6579
Subject: RE:

Ewwwwwww. That sucks. You're such a good friend though. Way to take one for the team. How bad is this girl?!?!?! That sucks you wont be at dinner tonight- I've had a shitty day and it's only 2 and I could have used you to entertain me :)

From: R- Store 6579
Sent: Friday, February 15, 2008 2:34 PM
To: E
Subject: RE:

It’s great to know that you can send curse words over email. I hate emailing people when I have to sensor my language. We can send anything within the company, but I really despise getting blocked. I got censored for the word “n^de” the other day for God’s sake. Let’s see if this works- f^ck, @ss, sh^t, b^^b.

The girl is horrible. She controls absolutely everything he does, and he just takes it. She has pretty much banned him from friends, and really anything that doesn’t involve her. And this party, they sent out the invitations roughly a week ago, I called him to tell him I’m coming, hasn’t returned my call. He is like a ghost. It’s very sad. The old Z was a good guy.

Z before devil woman: Actually, I just looked at 400 something pictures on facebook, and there is not one left of Z before devil woman got to him.

Z after devil woman:
(Picture not included to protect the innocent)

-----Original Message-----
From: R
To: E
Sent: Feb 15, 2008 02:38:27 PM
Subject: FW:

They blocked me. Busch league

From: E
Sent: Friday, February 15, 2008 2:52 PM
To: R - Store 6579
Subject: RE:

Ohhhhh my gosh. I almost fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard. You are killing me. I'm so glad I have your email address now for my daily dose of mope. That is pretty Busch League that you just got blocked. AND if someone doesn't respond to your rsvp then you are free to skip said event. It's an etiquette thing. Or just bring a really horrendous drunk as a date who will ruin her night and be a complete...I guess I cant say what I want to or we'll get blocked again.... hahaha. It's like an ad lib. you just fill in what you want it to say! So I guess my point is unless your conscious would bother you then you should totally skip it and entertain me at dinner hahaha. Good luck- and don't do anything to ruin your friendship....;)

-----Original Message-----
From: R
To: E
Sent: Feb 15, 2008 03:27:57 PM
Subject: RE:

Apparently you can say absolutely anything to me, and I can say anything to a _________ _________ person, but God forbid I say something dirty to someone that doesn’t work for my company. My anger stems from last night when I was attempting to write an email to 20 guys regarding a bachelor party I’m planning. It took me a solid 30 minutes to figure out which word was getting blocked. Turns out, it was “n^de”. I mean of all the bad things I could say, “n^de”! And it wasn’t even my word, it was an Old School quote. I 100% agree on your stance on the rsvp. But I’ll go, like an idiot. I despise my conscience.

Late Night Snacking

So, I know I skipped a day. Now I can't remember what I ate either. I promise to, if nothing else, put the food diary up every day. Here is yesterday's.

Weight: 161.0

Workout: NONE. And I don't feel bad about it- I took an AMAZING nap and cleaned my apt.

Food Diary:

Breakfast: Multigrain Cheerios with strawberries

Snack: 2 servings of Quakes

Lunch: Pasta with meat sauce

Snack 2: Cream Cheese and Jalapeno bread bowls (4 are only 200 calories so I didn't feel tooooo bad)

Dinner: Damn Totino's pizza rolls again. 3 beers, 1 mixed drink and a shot. Which led to...

4th fucking meal: McDonald's Chicken sandwich and fries.

I know I know. Don't even say it. Just to see how disgusting it was and maybe deter me from ever doing it again, here is the nutritional information for my 1 am snack attack:

Premium Crispy Chicken Club Sandwich

Calories: 630 fucking calories.

Fat: 28 g

Sodium: 1360 mg (can you live with this much salt swimming in your system?)

Carbs: 60 g

Protein: 35 grams

Medium Fries:

Calories: 380

Fat: 19g

Sodium: 270mg

Carbs: 48g

Protein: 4g

THANK GOD I DIDN'T DRINK THE DIET COKE I ORDERED WITH IT! Jeez. I feel like starving myself now!

If I win the lottery...

So apparently the megamillions is up to 325 million bucks. I have never played the lottery before. Why? Well, you know how you run into the gas station for a quick cup of coffee before you head to that job you hate? And how you have precious seconds and the entire world has decided today is the day they want coffee as well? Right at this very moment that you do. And there is that one asshole who decides today is also the day he is going to be the farm on the lottery and you end up waiting in line for 10 minutes for a cup of joe that cost you $1.17 and totally isn't worth it anymore. Well, I refuse to be that asshole. Imagine my surprise when I found out I can do it at Kroger without getting in anyone's way. Well you better believe I drove right over there and picked a crap ton of numbers (okay 5 dollars worth- which was HARD. Apparently, I cannot count and a few times I had less numbers than I should have). This got me to thinking, what if I did happen to win the lottery? What would I do with the money?

• Buy my old company and fire everyone. Okay, not really. After about two seconds of thought I realized I'd feel really bad about 10 minutes later and that would not be worth the satisfaction of seeing their faces when I fired them in the middle of a recession for something ridiculous. For example, I don't like your attitude about your job. I think you like it TOO much. So no matter how much it galls me that someone in that company is bad mouthing me to people both inside and out (and spreading shit that is none of their damn business) I will not be wasting my $325 million dollars penalizing everyone else.
• I would NOT buy house. I don't care if it is a buyers market, it's a good investment, and right now I am just throwing my money away at nothing by renting. Buying a house is a hell of a lot more than just plunking money down. There are mortgages and maintenance and upkeep and neighbors you don't particularly like who pop up at inopportune times and get all up in your business. For that matter, drug dealers move in and severely depreciate the value of your home. Who needs that?
• That being said, I will buy a gameday condo in Athens. How sweet would it be to walk from my condo to downtown and the game?
• Speaking of games- hefty donation to UGA and lifetime tickets. My uncle has that shit for NC State. He might be the coolest person ever- he'll never grow out of the college years with a link like that- no matter how many babies he has or hairs he loses.
• I'd like to make an alcohol. Not sure if I would brew beer or distill a liquor. So many choices. Of course with $325 fucking dollars I could do both. It would be sweet.
• Speaking of businesses and profit- I would open a dive bar where people like me before I made(made?bitch please, you got lucky) my millions could get some good grub at a decent price and listen to all the country and rock they want while playing flip cup and beer pong. Hopefully WAKA would add me to their rotation of awesome bars to head to after their games. That would be sweet(I really like this word apparently).
• Also, Yankees tickets. None of those posh tickets though. Classic tickets with middle America who won't mind if I drop an f-bomb.
• Okay, I changed my mind. I want a beach house at the SHORE. So I can make fun of guidos when I walk out into my front yard. Also, no grass. I would rather sift some fucking sand than mow a damn yard.
• Throw a "Fuck yeah, I won the fucking lottery!" pub crawl. In Ireland. If I win the lottery I will be able to afford a passport. I will bring my mommy with me. It was be glorious. Feckin' amazing.
• Buy shit. I like to shop. A lot.
• I would get a job. At Glory Glory. I would bribe the guy to let me go to the conventions and pick awesome UGA gear. I would have every Saturday off to use my lifetime tickets.
• I would bribe the (unbribable-is that a word?) very moral Tim Tebow to lose to UGA this year at GA-Florida. Ohhhh fuck bribing him- time for a mission trip Timmy, boy. The uncircumcised boys of the world need you!
• Probably I'd save some too. Just so that when I open my account I can get that "Holy shit, I have millions of dollars" feeling all over again.

I'm really craving a smoothie...

The past two days I have been having some pretty strong cravings (and no I'm not pregnant, I don't think!) For example, I really wanted coffee yesterday morning. And chips in the afternoon. It's hard ignoring them. I heard if you want something for 15 minutes then you really want it. If you ignore it for 15 minutes, then the craving goes away. I call bullshit. Soooo....I woke up this morning and set my alarm clock for another thirty minutes of sleep and now I am online looking up smoothie recipes. I just stumbled across a great site and rather than wait until tonight, I thought I would post it NOW so if you too are craving a smoothie, you know where to go.

http://www.smoothieweb.com

They have everything from healthy, diet smoothies to decadent smoothies. I am working on the healthy part right now. Hopefully, I have all the ingredients because a 6:30 am Kroger run is not in my future!

Of course, I opt to not go with a single one of these smoothies based on ingredients so here is what I made:

• 1/2 vanilla yogurt
• 1 banana
• 1/2 strawberries
• 1 scoop of Aria vanilla protein powder
• Splash of OJ

Today did not go as planned...plus, cardio playlist!

Weight: 163.8

Workout: 30 minute bike, 30 minute walk

Food Diary:

Breakfast: Multigrain cheerios with starwberries

Snack: 2 servings of Quakes and Crystal Light lemonade

Lunch: Lean Cuisine pasta of some sort

Snack: Baked Lays- 2 servings (shit is addictive)

Dinner: 6 Totino's pizza rolls and salad with tomato, cucumber, feta and ranch

Okay- I made the mistake of stopping at the grocery store while I was hungry for a snack so I fell off the wagon if you will. The good news is...I wanted the entire bag of chips and every pizza roll but contented myself with 2 servings of chips and 6 pizza rolls. Plus, I decided I didn't want to work out but forced myself to head to the gym and ride the bike (where I could get some reading in as well.) I'm working overtime tonight so right now before I head back, I am planning a new cardio playlist. After work, I will go walk 30 minutes.

Cardio Playlist

• "Jerk It"- Thunderheist
• "Boom"- Anjulie
• "We Made You"- Eminem
• "LoveGame"- Lady Gaga
• "Ghetto Love"- Spinerette
• "Public Enemy"- Mapei
• "That's Not My Name"- The Ting Tings
• "Make Her Say"- Kid Cudi
• "Rock & Roll"- Eric Hutchinson
• "Bad Things"- Jace Everett
• "Whyyawannabringmedown"- Kelly Clarkson
• "Show Me the Money"- Petey Pablo
• "Step Up"- Samantha Jade
• "Like a Boy"- Ciara
• "Swagga Like Us"- Jay-Z & T.I.

The Planned Parenthood Experience

This is a story from right after college.... since we were on the topic of life altering consequences I thought it was appropriate.

One of the downfalls to not having my life together in any way, shape, or form is that since I don't have a steady gig...I don't have health insurance. Which I gotta tell you pisses me off beyond belief when some fucking illegal can waltz right into a hospital and be seen before me and get more coverage than I can from the great USA. Thanks, Uncle Sam. Way to stick it to the one who was born here. But that's another rant and I really need to do some more research on my politics before I wade into the ring on that one.
Anyway, in the interest of protecting the world from dozens of little me's waltzing around and in the interest of protecting my vagina from immense amounts of pain, not to mention stretching, I decided, after 8 mths of being in the City that a trip to the Planned Parenthood was in order. Of course, before I came to that conclusion, I had to have sex with the guy with the small penis and the older guy numerous times. Not to mention have a couple of scares and take a stab at the Morning After Pill- which is a whole nother story for another time. Anyway, making the appointment was surprisingly easy. They asked for my birthdate and name and I could make the appt 24 hours prior. Which is clutch when you have a job who's schedule is not set. Plus they charge you based on a sliding scale that is set by the amount of money you make so points for them.
So I stroll into my appt, still unsure as to whether or not I'm pregnant, and really dreading the idea of discussing my options with the doctor. They hand me some stuff to fill out and some pamphlets about privacy, testing, and options. Blah blah blah. Gimme the damn pregnancy test and end this torture. She has me pee in the cup and sends me back out to wait. Ten minutes later, she emerges to tell me I'm NOT pregnant. Oh thank you sweet 8 lb 6 oz baby jesus. The day just got brighter. Now I just have to get through the STD tests and the Pap Smear. Noooo problem.
She leaves me to put on my awesome paper gown and I'm feeling pretty damn good. And that's when shit goes from good to....weird. Not bad really. Just strange. As usual, she explains to me how the breast exam works, demonstrates what I need to do when I'm checking for lumps monthly (take a guess as to whether or not I do this), and then she starts to check my boobs out herself. And then she says, as she rubs my boob in a circular motion, "You have really great breasts." Awkward pause. Lonnnnnng awkward pause. "I mean, you don't have lumpy breasts which makes it easy to check them out." Another long awkward pause. "You know, medically, it's easy to spot a problem." Exhale long breath. Silence as she massages the other one. "Okayyy...well, everything looks alright up here."
Now is the super fun part. Spread 'em, stick 'em in some stirrups, and... get down to business. Inside me. Ohhh fun times. This has the making of a great porn. This, I have to tell you, is the fastest Pap Smear I have ever had. And I was a little concerned about the lack of a witness. At a normal Drs. office, someone else has to be present to make sure nothing bad happens (for example, the above exchange, or even the one that follows). So she sticks that crazy plastic thing up there and the uncomfortable clicks happen in rapid succession. Kind of painful but oh well, what can you do? She swabs me out real quick and then lubes her fingers up. And then as she is investigating my vagina she says, "You have a really great cervix." Ummmm, what? I'm sorry, are you in between my legs, discussing my vagina with me as you probe around in it with your hand? I mean, could this conversation wait until after you've allowed me some semblance of normalcy, maybe the convenience of being clothed and sitting upright as you casually discuss the pros of my cervix. God only knows what she babbled about after that. I was so shocked that she was pretty much fingering me and discussing how great I felt and how easy it was to find my cervix that I had kind of tuned her out. UNCOMFORTABLE.
FINALLY, she walks out and allows me to get dressed. I threw my clothes on as quickly as I could. No way in hell was she walking in on me in any state of undress. I don't think she was hitting on me, but I don't think she could have made me more uncomfortable if she had tried really, really hard. She sweeps back into the room and opens my chart, studying it intently. I'm thinking we are about to discuss my birth control options when she looks up with a funny look on her face. "When did you say your last period was?" About two months ago but my pregnancy test came back negative sooo...and I was really irregular before I was put on birth control...and I've lost weight...and I've run out of excuses. "You can't start birth control until you get your period. You'll have to come back in two weeks if you haven't had it by then. We'll have to do another pregnancy test and maybe an ultrasound. Just to be sure." Wait a minute, you're hands were IN me and you couldn't feel a UTERUS BEARING A BABY while you were in there? WTF? What is going on? And what do you mean I can't start my birth control yet? My baseball player leaves in two weeks to play baseball and I can't fuck him before he leaves? This my friends is the UGLY. Now, my bubble has been burst and I just want to get the hell out of here.
Of course, she spots my comment on the morning after pill and starts questioning me about that. Then she asks how many people Ive slept with. Now I know it's not a large number, but I want to make sure I'm truthful, so I start running through them all in my head. And there was that other baseball player in DC. Did we have drunk sex or do everything but? Better count him just in case. Oh yeah and don't forget that best friend of yours you had a wild and crazy night of sex that included absolutely no sleep but so many orgasms you lost count. Now she is looking at me like I'm a whore. "7." I say positive I've gotten them all. "7." She repeats like some fucking parrot waiting for a prize. She frowns, looks at my chart and frowns at me again. Wait a minute, I thought this was a safe place? Why the fuck is she judging me? I thought she was here to assist me in making safe choices, not making me feel bad for any decisions I have made in the past. I mean why do I feel dirty now? (Consequently, I did go home and shower immediately after). She lectures me on abstinence (too late my friend.), condoms (god those things are a necessary evil- they totally kill sex though), and my options should I become pregnant (this answer seems obvious as should I become pregnant I probably won't realize it for a few months and will have consumed enough alcohol for an entire nation in that time period, plus taken two months worth of birthcontrol. If it is possible, the kid would come out more fucked up than me.I digress.) She hands me a brown bag full of wonderous things- birth control, condoms and fun, colorful pamphlets basically telling me I'm a whore! YESSSSSSS! This is the best and worst day of my life.
And it cost me the extremely cheap $120 bucks! STEAL!
My best friend pretty much put it best when she told me she wasn't ready to start shopping at baby gap yet so I better play by the rules. So true, my friend, so true.

Not so armed and dangerous...

Weight: 163.4

Workout: 30 minutes on the bike, arm workout

Food Diary:

Breakfast- 2 scrambled eggs with feta cheese, strawberries and oj

Snack: 1 serving of quakes

Lunch: Slimfast Optima bar and cucumber, tomato and feta in balsalmic vinaigrette and oil

Snack: banana

Dinner: 1 grilled chicken breast over romaine with feta and tomato with ranch dressing

Today I realized I absolutely hate my arms. Hate them. Probably because they look larger than normal in pictures. I figure its a good place to focus on my transformation since that is most of what you see in a picture. So I went through my old fitness magazines and found this workout which I will try out this week and let you know how it goes....

Tone your Arms in 20 minutes (from Fitness November/December 2008)

Four sets of each move.

• 15 pushups (do as many as you can in the traditional pose; then, if necessary, switch to the modified pose. How many did I do? exactly 1 pushup. It's been a while. baby steps.)
• 15 triceps dips (use a stationary chair as a makeshift bench. This was harder than I thought but easier to get through than the pushups)
• 15 isometric contractions (press your palms in together in front of you. Hold for 10 seconds, then release)
• 15 biceps lifts (reach under a desk, table or counter, palms against the underside, and pretend you're lifting it off the floor. Hold for 10 counts.)

My arms actually did look a little better after doing the workout which is what it promised. Apparently this is a quick pre-party workout but if you do it over the long haul, you will see results. I added some biceps curls, overhead presses and triceps kickbacks to be on the safe side. Only a few short weeks until football in Athens and I want my arms to start to look kickass in photos!

Terrible decisions...

Some people go out of town and behave; others go out of town and behave...BADLY. I am apparently a part of the others. What is it about going out of town that loosens the inhibitions so that you'll talk to anyone, steal anything and even slut it up? The answer is simple really...alcohol. Alcohol really encourages you to do just about anything. It's like your ID comes out in full force and no one and nothing is going to stop it from doing, saying and getting what it wants. It's absolutely ridiculous to think you can consume a twelve pack of beer and shots of liquor and not be affected in some way. It's just been a while since I've been affected enough to make an absolutely horrendous decision and then spend time pondering that decision. The best part is the not remembering part which I know is fun in its own right (cause if you can't remember it, it could not have happened!) but that is also the part that more than likely is indicative of a problem. But I'd rather ignore that problem and commence worrying about the possible consequences of my bad decision. Will it have far reaching effects? Or just a case of good old Catholic guilt (which in itself could be far reaching)? I think when people witness you spiraling of control they figure you just don't give a fuck. Which is true of the moment but never of the aftermath. The fact of the matter is that having a life in shambles can be just as terrible as it sounds. And up until now, I've always lived by the motto of not regretting my decisions but learning from them. But how much have I really learned if years after college I have begun making the same mistakes over again? Is it an endless cycle? Or at some point will I finally get off the merry go round and onto solid ground?

Fun with WebMD

Weight: 164.2 (jesus this is ridiculous!)

Workout: 30 minutes on the elliptical and 35 minutes on the bike

Food Diary:

Breakfast- multigrain cheerios with a banana and skim milk

Snack: 1 serving of Quakes (sorry Amanda, I have 10 bags of them to get through!)

Lunch: Lean Cuisine 5 Cheese Rigatoni

Snack: Skinny Cow Dippers

Dinner: Turkey, Muenster cheese, tomato and honey mustard on wheat sliders (2) and tater tots

with a glass of milk

I know I am in no way eating enough of anything but this whole changing my diet thing is HARD (I should know, I've tried it a hundred times) so I figure baby steps. Becoming aware is probably the first step. I might dwell on that one for a good bit of time so be patient! Since, I am having an issue with my knee but don't have my health insurance all set up yet, I thought we might try diagnosing it ourselves using one of my favorite websites, WebMD. WebMD has to be used as a possible tool to narrow down issues or to learn what symptoms to look for. It is by no means a doctor and most people forget that. The last time I was seriously ill this website told me I was HIV Positive (or diabetic. Either way). So let the games begin. My favorite part of WebMD is the voodoo looking doll that you track your symptoms on so I will now document that for you....

• Click on the symptom checker (that thing got tiny! I wonder if someone complained. It used to be so prominent!)
• Click start now. Directions for dummies. Sweet.
• Tell them about yourself: Female, 25-34 years old, 30043 (hmmm...) and I know better than to give them my email.
• Click on the part of the body that is having the symptom. Leg.
• You may now narrow down your search to a specific part of the leg. Knee.
• 19 possible symptoms.
• Joint instability- two possible conditions: ACL or PCL injury
• Joint Pain- does it move around? Is it the same on both sides? None of the above.
• How would you describe your joint pain? Dull and Achy. (Ask me more? Yes, please)
• How severe is your joint pain? Moderate. (ask me more? Of course!)
• On which side of your body is the joint pain located? Left. (Ask me more? I'm tried of answering this...)
• Joint pain brought on by: Or made worse by exercise or physical activity, or made worse by daily activities and or made worse by rest or inactivity. (Of course it wants to ask me more)
• Joint pain...now it is asking me if anything makes it feel better. Not fucking walking on it is apparently not an option. It is better with Ice though so I will put that.
• Joint pain associated with: None of the above (something about recent injury and history of issues...neither of which apply. Actually maybe I injured it and am unaware. I'm not exactly in tune with my body).
• Joint pain onset: sudden (it can't be gradual because I just all the sudden noticed it!)
• All those questions lead to 20 possible conditions. Ready? Fuck, I can't spell half of them and I have a feeling copying and pasting them all will ruin this page somehow. I'm always hindered by technology. Suffice to say they all sound like problems associated with being old. And FAT. Weird.
• I pick weakness as a symptom and once again still have 20 conditions. I should have just stuck with the first symptom and never gone on.
• I pick popping and snapping sounds from knee as a symptom. It asks me if it was associated with an injury. Nope.
• Still TWENTY conditions. This is not as fun as I had hoped.
• Here are the twenty conditions ( I want to kill myself as I type): ACL injury, Tendonitis, PCL injury, some form of arthritis that starts with pr and fades into oblivion as I read, gout, bursistis(definitely an old person disease), Patellofemoral pain syndrome, Chrondomalacia patella, sickle cell crisis, knee meniscus tear, dislocated knee, septic arthritis, osteochondritis dessicans, fibromyalia, repetitive motion injuries, pseudogout, knee strain, lupus, lyme disease, obesity. Wow these run the gamut.

This is not as fun as I thought. I might have to try each disease on for size and get back to you with a diagnosis and prognosis. Some of these things sound like I might die! I'm leaning toward the obesity issue which we are currently working on so there is nothing new to be done there except maybe a cleansing diet or liposuction. Neither of which appeal to me at the moment.

Booze does a body good...

Weight: 162.2
Workout: Walking 30 minutes
Food Diary:
Breakfast: Egg and Cheese on a bagel, hashbrowns
Snack: Crackers with cheese and pepperoni
Lunch: Chips and salsa and cheese dip with Empanadas and a salad from On the Border
Desert: Skinny Cow dipper

So apparently the obscene amount of drinking I did in Athens somehow allowed me to lose about a lb. I am not sure how this works except that the lesson I learned was the more I drink the less I weigh. Which I'm pretty sure is not correct, nor is it the lesson I should have taken away from this. Though now that I think about it, the skinniest I was in college was senior year when I drank 7 nights a week. Perhaps my initial thought was true: I cannot survive without booze. I think this makes me an alcoholic. Or pre-alcoholic. Is that possible? Is alcoholism a disease you develop or are you born with it? Is this a nature vs. nurture argument? This weight loss blog just got way to deep for me ( I desperately wanted to write "weigh too deep" but thought that was a pathetic attempt at injecting humor into a thus far humorless blog.) Also, I noticed that the day after I booze all I want is junk thus leading me to believe that in order for this to work, I would need to be drunk 24/7 so as not to eat every fast food joint in town.

Changing my attitude...

Weight: 163.4
Workout: Weight Circuit- 3x15, bike for 30 minutes
Food Diary:
Breakfast: Bagel with light cream cheese
Snack: Cheese cubes
Lunch: Taylor ham with egg and peperjack cheese sandwich
Dinner: Left over Hamburger Helper
Desert: Massive quanties of Athens finest booze

I refuse to be upset about the fact that I drank WAYYY more than I should have last night while in Athens. Half of being healthy is your outlook and I deserved a good time with a friend I rarely get to see. It's not all about denying yourself pleasures and so mentally I needed a night of fun in my favorite college town. Will I be doing it again in the near future? Most certainly with the football season upcoming. However, hopefully, I will be more cautious in what and how much I am drinking. But the best thing I can do right now is accept my night and move on. Dwelling is sure to add on the pounds!

For future reference: Calorie Counts!
Bud Light: 110 calories per 12 fl oz
Miller Lite: 96 calories per 12 fl oz
Coors Light: 102 calories per 12 fl oz
Michelob Ultra: 73 calories per one bottle (which I'm guessing is smaller than the others. Bastards!)
Blue Moon: 171 calories per fl oz (I will not be ordering this again!)
Miller High Life: 143 calories per fl oz (whoa champagne of beers...another to steer clear of!)
Reisling: 270 calories per 6 fl oz (figures since its my favorite wine!)
Champagne: 163 calories per 6.5 fl oz (be careful during wedding season!)
Bloody Mary: 123 calories per 6 fl oz
Rum & Coke: 133 calories per 6 fl oz (explains that freshman 15, eh?)
LIT: 275 calories per 6 fl oz (ouch....)

All empty calories that tend to make me binge eat everything in sight. But soooo much fun. It really is about a balance that I'm not sure I will ever find!

Delayed...8/20/2009

Weight: 163.8
Workout: Kickball game
Food Diary:
Breakfast- Multigrain Cheerios with skim milk
Snack: 1 serving of Quakes
Lunch: Lean Cuisine pasta dish
Dinner: Taco Stand- two tacos and chips with salsa and cheese dip. 3 beers.

Disappointment in myself. That is all.

Nothing makes me want to gulp down everything in sight (and out of sight for that matter) like LOSING. My kickball team was in the playoffs...but not because we were good. No, every team was invited and we lost in the first round. I am extremely competitive and hard on myself in sports. In fact, up until high school I was all about sports. Then I suddenly gave a shit what people thought, and stopped trying for fear of embarrassing myself. STUPID, I know. I'm kicking myself now. Anyway, after kickball who was I to say no to a losers feast of Mexican and Coronas. Needless to say, I work up this morning exhausted, with a hurt knee and bummed about my lack of self control. Which of course led to today...

Weight: 164.2 (again! ugh)
Workout: None (my knee and hamstring are KILLING me. I don't know what I keep doing to them but rather than go to a doctor, I just rest up and wwork out until I reinjure it. Endless cycle.)
Food Diary:
Breakfast: 1 serving of oatmeal
Lunch: Lean Cuisine Sweet and Sour Chicken (nowhere near as good as the real thing. Never buying again)
Snack: Crackers with pepperoni and munster cheese
Dinner: Hamburger helper bacon cheesburger
Desert: Screwdriver

While I was clipping coupons I came to the realization that part of my issue is using these so-called money saving coupons to purchase groceries with. Honestly, they are 95% junk food that do nothing but derail my plans and leave me unsatisfied. Next shopping trip I am sticking with the following things: Milk, strawberries, cucumbers, lettuce, yogurt, tomatoes, potatos, bananas and eggs. The staples. If I only keep these things around the house, then I can only eat those things!

Once a runner....

Weight: 164.2

Workout: Weights- 3x 15 circuit training with 10 minute mile run between each circuit

Food Diary:

Breakfast: Multigrain Cheerios

Snack: 1 serving of Quakes with 2 servings of Crystal Light Natural Lemonade ( for the curious each serving has 5 calories and 35 mg of sodium)

Lunch: Lean Cuisine 5 cheese rigatoni ( calories: 330, fat 9 g, 12 g of protein, 50 g of carbs and 690 mg of sodium)

Snack # 1: Crackers with provelone and turkey pepperoni (about 7 crackers)

Snack # 2: Cliff Bar Sample Size ( 100 calories, 2 g of fat, 55 mg of sodium, 18 g of carbs and 4 g of protein)

Dinner: 2 Pepperidge farm sliders with crunchy all natural peanut butter and jelly

"A new study says that one of the advantages of treadmills is that it's the highest calorie burner of the exercises. And the other advantage is that hamsters can now laugh at us."

~Johnny Robish

Since I am in training (doesn't that sound important, like an athlete or something?) I thought I would focus today on what I am training for: the Big Peach Sizzler 10 K. Formerly, the Buckhead Sizzler, the Big Peach Sizzler takes place on September 26, 2009 in Atlanta. To sign up for the event go here: http://www.active.com/page/Event_Details.htm?event_id=1772574&assetId=63B456F5-1B5B-44CB-8220-2C7E7C15911A. I will be running with my friend Barbie but would love anyone who wants to join me to sign up and then let me know- running is definitely more fun with friends! Anyway, I am jazzed because I was the 10th person to sign up so I get a sweet shirt at the end. Its the small things in life. I used to be a runner in high school but I let it go when I got to college and now I keep trying to get back into it but challenges keep arising. One is that I don't want to change my life style (like an alcoholic, I have to want to do it for it to stick) so I refuse to get up at 5 am and go running EVERY day. Another is injury. The slightest twinge and I'm scared my body is dying and I take a breather and have to start all over. I just read a great article about cross training though so I think this time around I may finally get into it again :) I thought since I was here I would tell you about two awesome events coming up that I am not involved in but that I have friends who are particpating in.

First, shout out to my former coworker Barbie. She is awesome. Her close friend was recently diagnosed with leukemia and Barbie (who since moving to GA has not worked out AT ALL) committed to running 13.1 miles to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society through the Team in Training Program. Barbie has done an amazing job of raising much needed funds and beat her orginal goal amount within a number of weeks of making the decision to join. She has since signed up to run several other races and upped the ante on her monetary goal. Couple of websites you should check out:

• 
  
  http://pages.teamintraining.org/ga/nikesf09/bvines This is Barbie's Team in Training Site. You can read updates on her training and see a picture of her good friend Bekah who is also running the same event in October!


• 
  
  http://barbieruns.blogspot.com/ Looking for inspiration? Check out Barbie's blog here. She tells you all about her struggles to get race ready be it physically or emotionally. It's a great page- she really has a way with words that make you empathize with her and inspire you.

Second, I want to tell you about my own experience with Team Challenge, who are gearing up for the Vegas Rock and Roll 1/2 Marathon. You can still sign up so be sure to contact Angel Whitworth for information a AWhitworth@ccfa.org. I just finished running the Napa to Sonama 1/2 marathon with Team Challenge. It was an awesome experience and I finished in 2 hours 39 minutes with minimal training. On top of that I met some awesome people and raised over $4200 for the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America. The picture above is the Georgia team at 5 am on race day. Here are some related websites to check out:

• 
  
  http://www.ccteamchallenge.org/Teams/Georgia_Chapter.htm Team Challenge Georgia's Website. Some good basic information on the upcoming race.


• 
  
  http://teamchallengega.blogspot.com/ Angel's blog about Team Challenge.

Y'all v Ya'll

Email from R:
Ok. Finished. One other thing that bothers the hell out of me that I need help with. The word yall. It is a real word in the dictionary. I know this for a fact. From my understanding it is a contraction for "you all". So, if this is indeed correct, shouldn't (contraction for "should not") it be written "y'all". Everyone in America types it "ya'll". Which doesn't (contraction for "does not") make one f'ing lick of sense. Are we contracting "youa" and "ll". Seriuosly, am I wrong, or is everybody else wrong?

My response:
I can't (contraction for can not) even focus on Benihana when I have that to digest. So I will address it first. I believe you are correct. However, considering it wasn't (contraction for was not) a "real" word until just recently (within the last 10 years I would wager to guess) and that the South (no offense but seriously?) came up with this word, I am not surprised the spelling of the contraction is incorrect.

Okay, because I was curious, I tried to look up when it was added to the dictionary and just kept getting the actual definition. No date. Soooooo, I googled wikipedia and ya'll together and it immediately said, "Did you mean y'all?" and took me to the page which I have generously copied and pasted for your enjoyment....here:

Y'all, archaically spelled "You-all'", is a contraction of the phrase "you all". It is used as a plural second-person pronoun. Commonly believed to have originated in the Southern United States, it is primarily associated with Southern American English, African-American Vernacular English, and some dialects of the Western United States.

Usages:

[1] It is also used outside the United States in Sri Lankan English There are currently four generally recognized, and one generally unrecognized[not in citation given] properties that y'all follows[2]:A replacement for the plural of you. Example: "Y'all can use the internet at the same time." An associative plural, including individuals associated but not present with the singular addressee. Example: "Y'all can come over at around 10:30," Chris says. Chris explains to John that he and John's friends, who are not present at the time, can come over at around 10:30. Chris is speaking to John, but treats John as a representative for others (i.e., his friends). An institutional plural addressed to one person representing a group. Example: "Y'all sell the best candies, Mrs. Johnson." Y'all is received by Mrs. Johnson who is the representative of a small candy business. A form used in direct address in certain contexts (e.g., partings, greetings, invitations, and vocatives) Example: "Hey, y'all!" A greeting that addresses a multitude of people without referencing a singular identity comprising that multitude
Y'all is also used in the phrase "all y'all", which is a more inclusive form comparable to "all of you". Note that we can be used as the first-person analog of y'all for the first three properties listed above.

Surprisingly enough, R, I was wrong. It orginates in the 1700s with the Scots. Learn something new everyday. I need to get back to work for a few minutes and will email you shortly about Benihana's.

R's final word:
HAHAHAHAHA. I knew I was right. I also forgot that I used another contraction (fu*&^king). That is awesome. Now I am even more amazed that EVERYBODY spells it wrong. Maybe it's just that my mother taught me how to spell, but it really does annoy me when people spell things horribly wrong. Education in the south (other than metro atlanta) in my opinion is simply a disaster. Benihana?

Epic FAIL

Weight: 165
Workout: 30 minutes stationary bike
Food Diary:
Breakfast- multi grain cheerios with skim milk
Snack: 2 servings of Quakes
Lunch: Chicken Quesadilla with onions and green bell peppers
Snack: Tomatoes, Cucumbers and Feta in balsamic vinegar and oil
Snack 2: Strawberries
Dinner: Benihana's Hibachi chicken with fried rice, zucchini, shrimp, soup, salad, 2 glasses of red wine and birthday cake

The alarm going off and subsequent hitting of the snooze button should have been an indication of how your day was going to go. You set it for 5 am thinking you would squeeze a workout in before work since you had a birthday dinner to attend to that night. 30 minutes later, you only had thirty minutes to work out. You had hoped to run since you am training for the Buckhead Sizzler 10 k in September but your knee has really been bothering you so you settled for biking instead. Added bonus, you could sneak some reading into your day. Of course, the calories burned on that are practically non-existent but the point is you did something.

YOU WERE HUNGRY ALL DAMN DAY.

By 8:30am you were jonesing for something, anything. You busted out the bag of Quakes which your lazy ass failed to separate after saying you would and ate about 2 servings of delicious caramel rice cakes. You chugged some water. By 10:30 am, you were hungry again. Obviously, you need to work on figuring out which foods are both healthy and filling but you guess that is the point of this whole thing- to learn healthy habits and incorporate them into your life (added bonus- you get a good laugh). At 11 am your boss comes around saying they are buying lunch. Now, you are too broke to turn down a free lunch so you are on board no matter what it is. Which is, of course, Mexican food. Without a menu or nutrition label to guide you, you just pick something you know you'll like- a chicken quesadilla. Which turned out to be smaller than you thought. After eating that, you felt full and thought FINALLY.

YOUR RELIEF WAS SHORTLIVED.

By 2 pm, you are home and STARVING. By 3 pm, you are insisting to yourself that you have to eat something. You should listen to your body...even when its screaming at you to stuff your face with sweets? Okay, you should listen to your body, respect its opinion and then eat what you know is best for you (kind of like what a husband does to his wife). So you tackled some of your delicious tomatoes and cucumbers mix and threw some feta cheese into it. You actually devoured it and for an hour felt satiated. But hunger won out again. This time you hit the fridge for some strawberries. Two days into the week and you are already out of fruit and almost out of veggies. And broke. Jeez eating is costly.

And then came BENIHANA'S.

You tried to be good, promise. You even went so far as to look up Benihana's to see if you could find nutrition information. Turns out they are the one restaurant that does not provide this information. After failing at that research, you googled them to see if ANYONE has anything remotely like their nutrition information (they don't). Finally, you chose your meal based on cost. Jesus, 17 bucks for chicken? He didn't even do a smoking volcano! And of course, after having two glasses of red wine with your friends, you were so hungry you forgot your vow to only eat half of what was on your plate. In fact, you kept thinking, 'man these are incredibly small portions!' To top it off, it was a birthday party so of course you had cake.

Well, folks, EPIC FAIL. You suppose we will call that your cheat day. Sucks it was so early in the week!

Day 1: Oops

Weight: 164.2
Workout: Circuit training in a weight room 3 x 15 and 35 minutes on the stationary bike
Food Diary:
Breakfast- Multigrain Cheerios with Skim Milk
Snack: 1/2 a bag of Chocolate Quakes
Lunch: Digiorno's flatbread steak sandwich
Snack: Strawberries
Dinner: Chicken breast with spicy seasoning, tomatoes and cucumbers in olive oil and balsalmic vingar, 2 fluffy rolls and a glass of milk

Random Thoughts:

• So after inhaling 1/2 a bag of quakes like they were going out of style (which lets be honest I don't think they have seriously ever been IN style), you thought to yourself, 'Self, how many calories did you just inhale?' Shit. This is why nutritionists must tell you to plan your meals ahead of time. So you grabbed the bag and here is how it breaks down: 7 mini cakes equal one serving. Servings per container: 7. Already your mind is going shit, shit, shit. What will we have to cut out today? Each serving contains 60 calories of which only 10 are from fat. So if you figure you had 3 1/2 servings, you only ingested 210 calories. Still a solid 50-60 calories more than you want from a snack but not the end of the world. On top of that, these delicious rice cakes only have 1 g of fat, 45 mg of sodium and 13 g of carbs with 1 g of protein. Not the worst thing you could be putting in your body. HOWEVER, you will be breaking the bags into your own ziplock bags for the future. God, even snacking is a lot of effort.
• Now, you are panicking about the lunch you decided to bring. Frozen meals seem like a great idea when you purchase them. In fact, they are downright cheap when you have coupons which is how you ended up with the Digiorno's flatbread steak sandwich anyway. With 4 varieties to choose from, you decided to venture off your beaten path of CHICKEN and grab some red meat for the road. In the office, after 210 calories of chocolate covered rice cake, you are starting to wonder why you didn't make and effort to pack a better lunch last night. Luckily, the package contains only one serving so you can't eat more than one. Breath a sigh of relief for that one. Head over to http://brands.fraftfoods.com/digiorno and you can get some nutritional information before you shop. Gee, there's that brain when you need it! Anyway, quick breakdown of what you ingested today shows this lunch off your beaten path came in at 380 calories (yay you for keeping it under 400!) but with 45 g of carbs, 14 g of fat and 750 mg of sodium it was not your healthiest pick of the day. However, you did grab 19 g of protein which is why it isn't until 3pm that hunger strikes again.
• While sitting on the phone with Charter (30 minutes on hold to find out their server is down), you manage to eat 1/2 a basket of strawberries. Yummmmmmm. Ooops, ate more of that than you meant to there as well. At least you are putting some kind of fruit into your diet. Something about small steps. The problem with food like this is it doesn't have its nutrition stuff out there for someone like you. That and, often times, it goes bad before you use it- something about perishables in your apt does not work well. After some research on the internet, you appear to have ingested about 2 1/2 cups of strawberries. 125 calories, 2 1/2 g of protein, 28 g of carbs, and all kinds of nutrients that take away your guilt. For more information about strawberries head over to http://urbanext.illinois.edu/strawberries/nutrition.html (thanks, University of Illinois- we owe you one.)
• Gym time. You decide on weights. After a 5 minute warmup on the elliptical you get to it. God, why is that kid always in here watching TV. He doesn't actually work out, just sits on the damn machine you want to use and stares at the TV as if 15 people in your apt gym aren't trying to work out around him. When did kids stop showing anyone else any kind of respect? This is a fucking gym not a damn lounge. Go home ass-clown.
• The girl on the treadmill has some legs! But after a quick critique to make yourself feel better, she is pale to the point of being ghostly and it makes the tiny bit of cellulite on her thighs all the more noticeable. And she has no muscle tone in her upper body. Points to you for having the muscle tone of a 10 year old and the fat of a 40 year old. Still a winner! ( she will later return to do weights with her attractive but quiet boyfriend. Bitch.)
• There is a group of african american men in your gym. They kind of strut like peacocks and don't really do much.
• Some guy just came in- he was cute but he only worked on 4 machines and you think he was getting annoyed by you coming through on your circuit and changing the weights right before he used them. This is half the reason why if anyone else is in the gym, you refuse to do weights. You always feel as though someone is watching and judging you...probably because you do it to them so someone has to do it to you.
• Doing your laundry at the same time, has motivated you to stay in the gym for over an hour. Nice. Multitasking at its finest.
• For dinner, you have decided to make chicken. After your workout you are starving so there is no time to marinate. You crack out the extra spicy marinade courtesy of Mrs. Dash (and your bff who bought you spices for your apt as a house warming gift!) and spice up the bland chicken. Some people like bland. This is not a criticism. You prefer something with flavor and especially kick.
• To die for: Perdue is brilliant (Christ, you should be sponsored with all the name dropping you do...in fact, you will include their website as well: http://www.perdue.com/. Also, shouldn't that guy be dead by now? No way he is still kicking and looks that young. Does he have a kid?You digress). Anyway, you are probably wondering about the adoration for Perdue. You are lazy. There are no two ways about it, you're lazy. So you obviously, do not want to separate your chicken after going through the grocery store wishing you could have Ben & Jerry's but settling for Yoplait Whips (which coincidentally, you can freeze into sorbet? Who knew?). Perdue has solved this problem with PERFECT PORTIONS. Pre-separated so you just pop one boneless, skinless chicken breast out of the freezer and do with it what you please.
• Now you are curious so you head over to Perdue's website to check out the content of what you are eating. One filet (breast, friend) has 130 calories. Wow that is without my spicing. Hmmm. Something to consider. 29 g of protein. If you end up hungry before bedtime, then you have a problem.
• Fun thing you did with dinner: threw some diced cucumbers and tomatoes in some balsalmic vinegar and EEOV ( you hate Rachel Ray and seriously doubt she came up with this which she has registered but it is so convenient. Just like abbrevs.) into a container with a dash of salt and pepper. It sat in the fridge while you cooked your chicken and you ate half of it with dinner. Delicious and easy. You will do this more often since you hate veggies.
• Ooooh, next time add cheese.
• All in all, for day one you are proud. You had some hits and some misses but you stuck with it.

Why Not?

Rumor has it if you write down everything you eat, you will feel great remorse and adjust your habits accordingly. Apparently putting it all down in black and white (or whatever color gel pen you happen to use) forces you to admit what you've actually eaten. However, you have to be willing to write everything down. For example, those 5 jellybeans you snuck from your client gifts while you coworkers were out of the office (you really needed that sugar fix). So really this only works if you want it to work. If you will yourself into doing it. Which would require self discipline. Which you lack.

And maybe you need some motivation. Maybe you've tried every other way. Slim-fast...you don't know who told them that the optima shit would keep your hunger away for 4 hours but it's bullshit. You would know. Lean cuisines. Why do they always contain foods you don't like? The Zone Diet... you guess if you were Jen Aniston and the whole world was following you, that you'd be able to do this ridiculous diet as well. Hydroxy cut scares you. As do any other magic pills (though secretly you want to try them and be on the infomercials having lost 50 lbs in just 2 months!). That 1/2 marathon you trained for didn't do you any favors. You didn't feel like running for training so you just ran it the day of and broke three hours and were content. You've quit the gym because it costs money. The workouts in Self are either too hard or too easy.

So you are putting it out there in the public for everyone to read. Not only will you have to document your food intake...but also some unflattering pictures, your work out log and your weight. This could potentially cost you any and all male attention you might have received. But at fat what do you have to lose? So it all starts tomorrow... stay tuned.