This is How I Get Shit Done....

Aka don't fuck with me. Don't fuck with my drunkeness. Don't fuck with my sleep. The wrath of Berryfine will result in a mean email. See below:

BLACK FRIDAY AT 3AM
Let's kick this b*tch off with limited tickets available for .99 cents. Now that's a F#*<#$*> bargain!

So reads your email however, I've been checking since just before 3 am only to get a sold out message (which my friend claims she has been getting since 1 am). I'd like to know what happened as I set an alarm for 3 am SIMPLY TO GET UP AND GET TICKETS THAT WERE CLEARLY NEVER AVAILABLE. I would like an explanation as well as a $.99 ticket. The error message has read:

PURCHASE TICKETS NOW! 99 cent tickets are sold out SUCKA! However, cheap a** tickets will be on sale at 9AM tomorrow. Get you some!

I personally feel kind of screwed over since I could have slept through this whole thing and instead got up for tickets that did not exist. I don't know if you meant Midnight but both your blog and the email you sent out read Friday at 3 am (which would be roughly 5 minutes ago). please let me know if there is any way for myself and my friend (akgfwgeifube@gmail.com) to get tickets for the price mentioned in the email (even if only 50 tickets were available the sold out message started popping up prior to 3 am which means you were offering them before the actual time which is misleading).

Thanks,

Berryfine

Hi Berryfine,

Wow, that's a loud email. We're gonna get through this...Xorbia (our ticket company) unfortunately made a mistake and issued the tickets at midnight and not 3am. However, just about everyone who purchased tix tried to be sneaky & purchase more than one. That being said, there are a few $.99 tix left & I'd be happy to get you one of these. Please use this one time code "loudemail" at checkout and you will receive a .99 ticket. Please email me if you have any problems.

Thanks!

Jennifer

Jennifer,

Sorry- in my defense I may have been slightly intoxicated after pounding booze for three hours because my Thanksgiving was booze free since my dad's return from rehab coincided with the holiday. Lesson learned: bars in Gwinnett close at midnight on the holiday. Thanks for taking care of it so quickly and I guess soberly, looking back on it, that seems like the logical and reasonable explanation that my mind would have determined had I been sober. Looking forward to the party.

Enjoy the rest of the weekend,

Berryfine

Hate Week 2

R's response to my Plastered Pick

First of all before I respond, Eric Church just came on. Right when I hit the reply button. "How bout you". I think that is a sign. A sign for what, I have no idea. I'm going to assume it means you're email is spot on, 100% correct.

Second of all, I have a question. I know when it came down to it, you would not do this, but you've got to admit that it might just cross your mind if the Dawgs made the National Championship. It would cross my mind for sure:
http://www.ajc.com/news/woman-charged-with-offering-175986.html?cxntlid=thbz_hm
By the way, the last sentence in that story is f'ing hilarious to me.

Thirdly, i was kind of dragging this morning. Now, due to this email, I am alive. I am ready. Ready for what, I don't know. Probably booze if I had to guess. And now that I think about it, if Ernest came over right now and offered me a beer, i would freakin pound it.

Fourth, your email should be posted somewhere. It pretty much covers it all. From God to Soulja Boy. Finally, I my prediction is very simple. Dawgs 31, Gators 26. That's what popped in my brain while I was typing. So, boom. Geno Atkins breaks Tebow's leg in the 4th quarter. Geno then takes off Timmy's helmet and cleet's him in the face while he lays helpless on the ground. After the game concludes, Richt pretends to go in for the handshake, and then, boom, psyche, b*&ch slaps Meyer in the face followed by a swift kick to his non-professional region. Meyer cries like a baby, and is fired due to his gayness. Tebow never plays again, gets married to an underage Argentinian woman, and lives happily ever after performing circumcisions and being a complete homo.

Game Day Plans

For some reason, looking back on old emails really makes me laugh. So here is another one to demonstrate how absolutely ridiculous we are when trying to determine weekend plans:

From: K
To: E, R, EEW, M
Sent: Sep 3, 2008 09:00:31 AM
Subject: gameday plans?

Whats evayeryones plans for this weekend?? I just found out that I do not have to go to Berry for the XC meet Sat am!! I am free to head to Athens whenever!! Are people staying up there or coming back?? Going to church Sunday?? Maybe some of us could Carpool??

PS- Evan casually mentioned the possibility of taking me to a Braves game Thursday night!! = )

From: E
Sent: Wednesday, September 03, 2008 10:11 AM
To: K, R; EEW; M
Subject: RE: gameday plans?

WOOO NO XCOUNTRY! My plans will involve finding Sweet Tea Vodka and ingesting large quantities of it...oh yeah, and the game.

Beyond that I have no idea.

From: R
To: E,K,EEW,M
Sent: Sep 3, 2008 11:04:45 AM
Subject: RE: gameday plans?

R's plans:
1. Wake up
2. Booze
3. Eat/Booze
4. Bumble
5. Dawgs win by 40
6. Booze
7. Mopes
8. Sleep

The only items that are not flexible are Booze and Dawgs. Other than that, I am open for anything. I like to party.

From: E
Sent: Wednesday, September 03, 2008 11:10 AM
To: K,EEW,M,R
Subject: RE: gameday plans?

It's called Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka and I will be contacting the National Distributing Company today to find out where they sell it. They distribute for Georgia. It's going to be a blackout weekend if I actually get my hands on this stuff.

Bobs plans sound delicious.

-----Original Message-----
From: R
To: E
Sent: Sep 3, 2008 03:41:58 PM
Subject: RE: gameday plans?

Emily’s initials are funny

From: E
Sent: Wednesday, September 03, 2008 4:18 PM
To:R
Subject: RE: gameday plans?

I've been hoping she would email us back today with something suitably naive so I could mess with her but she has not responded. I have looked at her email address before and thought it was funny but couldn't figure out why. Now I know.

Katie is really on me to find a place for her and I to stay this weekend. I was planning on winging it but I don't think she liked hearing that...oops.

-----Original Message-----
From: R
To: E
Sent: Sep 3, 2008 04:36:37 PM
Subject: RE: gameday plans?

I would be fine with coming back and flopping to a bar here. Last weekend really hurt my life.

From: E
Sent: Wednesday, September 03, 2008 5:00 PM
To:R
Subject: RE: gameday plans?

Then someone has to drive if we come back.

And oh wait you drive a truck. And you're a sloppy drunk.

K is driving a truck.

So that leaves me with my cavalier...and I'm a sloppy drunk.

That, to me, spells DISASTER. BUT I could probably keep myself from getting sloppy so long as if we flopped at a bar here we got a cab and THEN I could get sloppy.

-----Original Message-----
From: R
To: E
Sent: Sep 3, 2008 05:09:17 PM
Subject: RE: gameday plans?

I don’t care. C invited me with his ticket, so I would assume he will be with R. Also, I drive a Ford Explorer for a few days til the Silver Bullet is fixed in the shop. No need to make plans in my humble opinion.

Now, you are probably wondering what we actually ended up doing. Well, we rode in R's Ford Explorer to Athens the day of the game. Then K and I disappeared to visit boy of the moment and got nasty phone calls from R. Then R and I disappeared and went to hang out with his friends and former employees (shortly after the email exchange R was fired- I refuse to believe this is a result of our less than professional emails). Then R and I went to the game and got hammered. Then we went to a bar (took shots and drank tons of beer) and got nasty messages from C who was ready to go home. Of course, R was too drunk to drive us home so C drove R's car to C's apt while K and I rode in boy of the moments truck. An hour after we got back to K's, R rolled up in the Explorer with Arby's and proceeded to listen to Garth Brooks and sink into depression over his recent firing. I actually had to drunkenly console him and convince him to come inside and have another beer. Aren't you impressed I remember this?

Email Fun with R and E

SoI get a good amount of GREAT emails from a friend of mine. I have decided I must share the entertainment with the world. Perhaps you will not find it as funny but whatever. I don't care.

From: E [mailto:hjhofhaioghin@hiahfioan.com]
Sent: Friday, February 15, 2008 9:35 AM
To: R, Store 6579
Subject:

YOU ICE SCULPT?!?!?!?! That's wayyyyy cooler than a cake with sprinkles

E

-----Original Message-----
From: R
To: E
Sent: Feb 15, 2008 09:59:49 AM
Subject: RE:


Yeah. I’m kind of like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day after he’s had like 100 days to refine his life. On another note, it is a pleasure to know that at ________, “your bottom line is people”.

From: E
Sent: Friday, February 15, 2008 10:18 AM
To: R- Store 6579
Subject: RE:

Thanks for the laugh...I'm having a terrible morning and I needed that.Don't be jealous because I have a sweet signature and you don't.

E

-----Original Message-----
From: R
To: E
Sent: Feb 15, 2008 10:25:07 AM
Subject: RE:


Actually, I have a very beautiful signature. I don’t put it on replies due to my utter professionalism.

From: E
Sent: Friday, February 15, 2008 10:30 AM
To: R Store 6579
Subject: RE:

well i guess you showed me :0 Mine automatically shows up on an email whether I like it or not. And I'm not allowed to put a sweet UGA football helmet on mine. You're just better than me in every way. You win. I might stay home tonight and eat quarts of ice cream and drink massive amounts of wine until I pass out or end up in the hospital. If no one hears from me over the weekend you might want to tell them to check my house....

-----Original Message-----
From: R
To: E
Sent: Feb 15, 2008 12:05:30 PM
Subject: RE:

Actually, I’m not going to lie to you. Had the UGA helmet on my email for about a year. Then, one day I had a deal that I was trying to get an exception on. Emailed my boss, who used to work in Florida. He then emailed his former boss, a regional vice president (big deal). This jerk proceeded to personally email me, telling me that personal logos are not allowed on the signature. I found out later that he was a Gayturd fan. But after writing this, I have decided to reassert my allegiance to the dawgs and add it back.

From: E
Sent: Friday, February 15, 2008 12:15 PM
To: R Store 6579
Subject: RE:

Wow you sound bitter. I don't think I've ever heard you so worked up or personally offended! Not even when I make fun of you have I heard such hurt... But you're showing him with that personal logo attached to your email. You rebel you.

You going to dinner with us tonight?

-----Original Message-----
From: R
To: E
Sent: Feb 15, 2008 01:11:11 PM
Subject: RE:

I am bitter. Gators are bad. And I like my bulldog helmet. I have tried to rebel before, and just delete it when emailing the boss, but I always blow it. We’ll see how it goes this time. Tonight I’m driving to South Carolina. I’ve got an engagement party. Basically none of us like this guy’s future wife, and he has been a pretty non-existent friend for about 2 years. I probably wouldn’t have gone to the wedding if I wasn’t in it. 2 of the guys have come up with bs excuses, so I basically have to go or he will have practically none of his wedding party there. Not very excited.

From: E
Sent: Friday, February 15, 2008 1:57 PM
To: R - Store 6579
Subject: RE:

Ewwwwwww. That sucks. You're such a good friend though. Way to take one for the team. How bad is this girl?!?!?! That sucks you wont be at dinner tonight- I've had a shitty day and it's only 2 and I could have used you to entertain me :)

From: R- Store 6579
Sent: Friday, February 15, 2008 2:34 PM
To: E
Subject: RE:

It’s great to know that you can send curse words over email. I hate emailing people when I have to sensor my language. We can send anything within the company, but I really despise getting blocked. I got censored for the word “n^de” the other day for God’s sake. Let’s see if this works- f^ck, @ss, sh^t, b^^b.

The girl is horrible. She controls absolutely everything he does, and he just takes it. She has pretty much banned him from friends, and really anything that doesn’t involve her. And this party, they sent out the invitations roughly a week ago, I called him to tell him I’m coming, hasn’t returned my call. He is like a ghost. It’s very sad. The old Z was a good guy.

Z before devil woman: Actually, I just looked at 400 something pictures on facebook, and there is not one left of Z before devil woman got to him.

Z after devil woman:
(Picture not included to protect the innocent)

-----Original Message-----
From: R
To: E
Sent: Feb 15, 2008 02:38:27 PM
Subject: FW:

They blocked me. Busch league

From: E
Sent: Friday, February 15, 2008 2:52 PM
To: R - Store 6579
Subject: RE:

Ohhhhh my gosh. I almost fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard. You are killing me. I'm so glad I have your email address now for my daily dose of mope. That is pretty Busch League that you just got blocked. AND if someone doesn't respond to your rsvp then you are free to skip said event. It's an etiquette thing. Or just bring a really horrendous drunk as a date who will ruin her night and be a complete...I guess I cant say what I want to or we'll get blocked again.... hahaha. It's like an ad lib. you just fill in what you want it to say! So I guess my point is unless your conscious would bother you then you should totally skip it and entertain me at dinner hahaha. Good luck- and don't do anything to ruin your friendship....;)

-----Original Message-----
From: R
To: E
Sent: Feb 15, 2008 03:27:57 PM
Subject: RE:

Apparently you can say absolutely anything to me, and I can say anything to a _________ _________ person, but God forbid I say something dirty to someone that doesn’t work for my company. My anger stems from last night when I was attempting to write an email to 20 guys regarding a bachelor party I’m planning. It took me a solid 30 minutes to figure out which word was getting blocked. Turns out, it was “n^de”. I mean of all the bad things I could say, “n^de”! And it wasn’t even my word, it was an Old School quote. I 100% agree on your stance on the rsvp. But I’ll go, like an idiot. I despise my conscience.

Your Silence Speaks Volumes...

What is worse: An answer you didn't want to hear or no answer at all?

This is a question I am currently struggling with due to a recent reevaluation of the people in my life I call friends. Sometimes the people we do everything and anything for just don't treat us with the same respect. Many times we don't even notice it. Until it really matters and we end up hurt.

Last week I was excited for a friend's birthday. He mentioned he didn't have plans so I said let's go grab dinner, my treat. I left early to pick up his present which I had spent a week looking for and waited for him to let me know when he was ready. I never heard from him. Even after I text him.

I found out the next day he went out with a different group of friends and just "forgot" to let me know that. When I tried to discuss it with him, he wouldn't look at me. And suddenly, I realized just how ridiculous I had been. And I began to question my sanity and my choice of friends.

I sat down and composed a heart-felt email expressing how this had become a pattern and how hurt I was. It has now been over a week. No phone call, no text message, no email. No response.

Which really speaks volumes. Apparently the complete lack of response is the answer I was looking for. That adage of being careful what you wish for is true. I do not like this response. I wasted a year and a half being there for this person and he hurt me and does not even care.

HE DOES NOT CARE.

The hard part might be reconciling the person I thought he was with the person he obviously is: a self-centered jerk who can't be bothered with people's feelings or emotions. At what point did I overlook this? Was I so starved for friendship that I was willing to except the bare minimum of caring for me?

It's Saturday night. Normally I would be calling him to see what he is doing. Despite several offers to hang out with groups of people, I am sitting at home. Alone. And sad. I'm wondering if this may be something that I simply cannot get over. I flip between being really, really ANGRY and really, really SAD. Neither of which are emotions I am comfortable with. I'm also not comfortable with my inability to express just how this has affected me to anyone else. I simply cannot put into words how I am feeling.

Lost might be a start.