This is a question I am currently struggling with due to a recent reevaluation of the people in my life I call friends. Sometimes the people we do everything and anything for just don't treat us with the same respect. Many times we don't even notice it. Until it really matters and we end up hurt.
Last week I was excited for a friend's birthday. He mentioned he didn't have plans so I said let's go grab dinner, my treat. I left early to pick up his present which I had spent a week looking for and waited for him to let me know when he was ready. I never heard from him. Even after I text him.
I found out the next day he went out with a different group of friends and just "forgot" to let me know that. When I tried to discuss it with him, he wouldn't look at me. And suddenly, I realized just how ridiculous I had been. And I began to question my sanity and my choice of friends.
I sat down and composed a heart-felt email expressing how this had become a pattern and how hurt I was. It has now been over a week. No phone call, no text message, no email. No response.
Which really speaks volumes. Apparently the complete lack of response is the answer I was looking for. That adage of being careful what you wish for is true. I do not like this response. I wasted a year and a half being there for this person and he hurt me and does not even care.
HE DOES NOT CARE.
The hard part might be reconciling the person I thought he was with the person he obviously is: a self-centered jerk who can't be bothered with people's feelings or emotions. At what point did I overlook this? Was I so starved for friendship that I was willing to except the bare minimum of caring for me?
It's Saturday night. Normally I would be calling him to see what he is doing. Despite several offers to hang out with groups of people, I am sitting at home. Alone. And sad. I'm wondering if this may be something that I simply cannot get over. I flip between being really, really ANGRY and really, really SAD. Neither of which are emotions I am comfortable with. I'm also not comfortable with my inability to express just how this has affected me to anyone else. I simply cannot put into words how I am feeling.
Lost might be a start.
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