So 2009 was a BUST...moving on!

Okay 2009 was a bust in terms of going from fat to fit- still fat but a little fitter I suppose. I was definitely better about fitting workouts in but other than that...NOTHING. With 26 fast approaching, I have got to get my life in order and I think the most important goal is to get my health on track. With that being said, over the next couple of days I will be coming up with my goals for 2010. If anyone has suggestions or ways to keep at it, definitely let me know!

One place to start is FITNESS magazine. They have short videos posted with motivation and ideas for how to achieve your goals so check out their website.

Also, I'm thinking I will take the FITNESS drop 10 lbs in one month challenge. It will have to start January 3rd for me though so I will keep you posted on how it goes. Unfortunately, I am in a wedding January 1st so I'm not even going to kid myself thinking I will behave New Years Eve and wedding day!

The Holidays Are NO Good for my Waistline

Enough said.

I Smell Sex and Candy...

The other night I was at my friend Ashley's for dinner and I stopped to use her brother's bathroom. While in there, I happened to spot an Aqua Di Gio bottle. I don't know about you, but the smell of Aqua Di Gio makes me want to rip my clothes off and spend a naughty night

Of course, ads like this (featuring Lars Burmeister) certainly help that idea.

Another smell that really gets the juices flowing for me is Bath and Body Works Eucalyptus Spearmint. My friend Allyson and I once spent thirty minutes in there just sniffing it. I could not figure out why I was so obsessed by the smell. We both ended up buying travel sizes to take with us and in the middle of the night I awoke with the answer: the shit makes me think of orgasms. Probably because it smells like MAN. It's billed as a relaxation scent by Bath and Body Works and it's truthful advertising. Think about it, when are you more relaxed than right after a bone-liquefying bout of sex? So much so, that I went and bought the spray for my sheets. Talk about getting in the mood for some solo love!

Apparently, there must be some kind of scent-sex connection- the theory of pheromones and all that. I'm okay with it and believe it wholeheartedly. I am definitely attracted to someone who smells good. I've only dated one guy who didn't use cologne- consequently the sex wasn't as good as I hoped. It makes me wonder if I've missed out on someone great simply just because he didn't smell sexual to me.

What about you? Are there any smells that get you in the mood?

Birthday Crushin

In honor of his recent birthday (December 19) and his alleged newfound single status, I thought I would provide some nice shots to aid in your fantasies about Jake Gyllenhaal. Happy Birthday crush!

OH. MY. GAWD. TAKE IT OFF!

I like to imagine you rebellious and dirty and SEXY, Jakey-poo.

All I want for Christmas...

Dear Santa,

I hope this letter finds you well. Christmas (as you know) is fast approaching and while I have given my mom a list of things I would like I believe it's time I take it straight to Santa's lap. Unfortunately, those mall minions cannot seem to get it right. Whatever.

Anyway, you probably think it is pretty ballsy of me to write you a letter with requests after the year I have had but...well, I deserve something that I actually want. I really think you need to rethink this lump of coal approach to naughty. Because I enjoy being naughty and I should be rewarded for it. And my list isn't out of the realm of possibility because you're Santa and you make shit happen. If you could tell me how to go about making shit happen, I'd happily do it myself. But since you won't...MAKE THIS HAPPEN.

1. My own liquor cabinet. Patron, Southern Comfort, Jim Beam, Jack Daniels...you know the great stuff. I want it in my kitchen Christmas morn- none of this egg nog bullshit.
2. Hot sex on a stick. No, I do not mean a vibrator though maybe I do. Damnit- this is 2 & 3. I want a vibrator AND a hot guy to have sex with. Meaningless hot sex.
3. A legitimate career. One I enjoy. And make a salary. And travel. Yeah, I think that's it.
4. Liposuction. EVERYWHERE.
5. A personal trainer to keep my ass in line.
6. Cute clothes
7. A boyfriend....maybe make that happen in the summer. I think that would be good timing, date a year, married by 28 or 29. Perfecto

So, yeah I think that's about it. Nothing too difficult so hop on it. I will misbehave until I get what I want. Just so you know.

Love,

Life in Shambles

PS. I'm still drunk from last night.

Random Thoughts on a Tuesday

• Ummm someone I know got arrested. And it's on TV. And it's for a violent crime. I cannot stop googling this shit. I want to know everything. Does that make me a horrible person?
• I like how if I click two or three songs in a row that I dislike, Pandora is like Fuck the songs she hasn't listened to yet, I'm going to throw one in she already clicked a thumbs up for. Sound logic except this station is only playing the same 10 songs. I'm sick of them and now having to give them all thumbs down. Damn you Pandora.
• Also, Pandora, I don't like Miley Cyrus. I don't know how much she pays you to randomly insert her shit into my stations but kindly tell her to shove it.
• The holidays make me want to not work at all. Obviously.
• I just got asked out over the internet. But not on a dating website. Does this still make me pathetic? Just in case, I told him I have to check my schedule until I get a good idea of what you people think.
• Why is it easier for guys to lose weight? I mean they already don't have a period so why should they be able to shed pounds easier? It's not like they are good for anything as it is. So far, God, you have really messed this shit up. I absolutely do not need a man for anything anymore.
• I sure as shit hope all these loud noises mean that my fucking neighbors are moving AWAY. For good. Forever. I hate every one of them. Damn elephants. Also the one across the hall is a prostitute. That is the only conclusion for having 10 guys living there with her in a one bedroom apt. No, they are not Mexican in case you were going to ask.
• Just looked out the window. She is definitely moving. God forbid she get boxes though. Everything is in trash bags. This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever watched.
• Does anyone else make fun of their friends on a regular basis? Or am I just THAT BITCH.
• Seriously, Jon Lajoie, you need to call me. I'm lonely, you're hot and I think we could be good together. I will even overlook the fact that you are Canadien. What's that all aboot?
• Ryan Reynolds is Canadien too. Maybe I should just move there and meet a man.
• Does anything shock anybody anymore?
• Why do people get so offended when you ask for money for Christmas? I mean, it's a useful gift. I actually NEED money. What is so wrong about being honest about what I want?
• Besides, if I tell you why I want the money you might get offended. Or buy the wrong thing. Then I would just have to return it for the MONEY. And in today's society you probably forgot a gift receipt so I just get store credit. To a store not in my state. Or that I hate.
• WTF is Gavin DeGraw up to these days? I mean One Tree Hill doesn't even have opening credits anymore. I know he guested one time last season. But where is he now? Doing drugs? Wooing hoes? Inquiring minds want to know.
• Why at almost 26 years of age am I breaking out like a damn 13 year old? And just like my 13 year old self, I'm picking at them too. Because it's not bad enough having mountains on your face, you want them to be volcanoes and spew blood on your face too.
• After reading "Until Proven Innocent", about the Duke Lacrosse case I really have to wonder why they hell I wanted to get into journalism. I used to want to double major in criminal justice and journalism so I could cover a crime beat. Because the shit fascinates me. But who knew that as a journalist I would be almost required to ignore facts in order to be published?
• The guy under me has a small child. I'm not sure what that small child does, but his father ROCKS out. At 5 pm every day, the music starts blasting. It sounds like techno down there. I like to imagine them eating "candy" and playing with glowsticks.
• Jason Mraz does not appreciate the rave going on below me. He is getting angry.
• Everyone should have an alcoholic in their life to remind them why drinking is bad. And why your life is better than theirs. I do not recommend spending too much time with them though. That could have a negative effect.
• I feel sexy in my Nike tempo running shorts. I just feel like Damn my legs look good. Then someone takes a picture and I'm like ew! kill me now.
• Seriously does every techno song sound the same or is this asshole listening to the same song on repeat?
• I refuse to buy groceries this month. I will not use them so what is the point. Fast Food Nation bitches!
• I don't think anyone has an imagination like mine. Why do I not write this shit down?
• When you meet someone do you immediately wonder what your parents will think of them? Is it weird that I do?
• What am I doing with my life? I don't have an answer so I thought I would ask you. Perhaps someone else can get my shit together for me. I could come up with a wish list and they could help me make it happen. For free. Pro Bono. Cause I'm broke.
• Does anyone else get pissed when someone doesn't answer an email. It makes me angry! ROAR!
• Can someone please explain to me how dating works? It's been a while and I'm kind of nervous.
• I signed up for another 1/2 marathon. WTF am I thinking?
• I mentioned turning temporarily anorexic to my mom. She told me to go for it if I thought I could do it. She knows me too well. Self control and discipline are not my strong suits. I swear to god if someone responds to me to tell me anorexia is not a joke I will flip. I know. I know. I know. Don't waste my time and your typing skills.
• Dear Jon Lajoie, I'm sorry I am creeping you out. Love, me. Maybe I should delete the comma to be extra creepy. Love me. Love me. Love me. Ohhhhh it is creepy.
• I think I am vastly underappreciated...by myself especially.

Sex Song of the Week

Courtesy of Jon Lajoie (yes I am slowly creeping into stalker territory), I found this video on youtube that truly speaks to all of us who have had a boyfriend or fuck friend with this problem. Rather than just share the lyrics, I thought I might share the video as well!

Too Fast

Some Balls...but not enough for you to notice!

Jon Lajoie is my new sexual fantasy. I would like to have sex with him (possibly date and marry him) and have him write a song or infomercial about it. For your viewing pleasure:

Three Penis Wine Infomercial

Show Me Your Genitals

Sex On The Beach

For a sex blog, this blog has had a lack of sexual escapades. This is due to two things: 1. I'm not having it so writing about it is painful. It makes me all itchy and restless. 2. I was looking for something that I thought was imperative to the site. I still think it is but I can't wait forever for the damn thing to appear. So, I thought, I would write about sex on the beach. It's not just a drink you know. I've had two trysts in the sand but tonight I will just focus on the first one.

So, The First and I had been dating a little over a year when his dad invited both of us to the beach for a week vacation with his brothers. I have never gone on a family vacation with a boyfriend (in fact, to this day he is still the only one I have done this with) so I was a little nervous. I have no idea why- his dad OBVIOUSLY knew we were having sex and had no problem with us sharing a bed not only in his own home but while on vacation with the whole family. However, he challenged us on this vacation by putting The First and I on the pullout couch so that at any given time someone could walk in on us having sex. Suffice to say, there was a lot of teasing but not much sex.

After four days of this, we were understandbly cranky. I mean you can only take so much of sleeping in the same bed and seeing each other in next to nothing on the beach before one, or both of you, explodes. So that night, after a family dinner and time on the boardwalk, The First and I grabbed a blanket and went to watch the fireworks. Sounds nice and romantical, right? Well, it could have been had I not been dying to get his damn clothes off. And of course, all the families in the damn town are out on the beach watching fireworks. I don't want to be watching them, I want to be making them.

Where there is a will there is a way. I don't know a guy who is going to pass up sex when his girlfriend is like a damn bitch in heat. The First drags me down the beach, under the pier (which is just covered in families milling about now that the light show is over) and takes me against the pole (is that what you would call it?). I mean, takes me. Ravages me. I wish I felt more comfortable talking in detail about it but well, not yet. This was by far the most animalistic sex he and I ever had and it was all the better because at any moment someone would wander under the pier and see us going at it. It felt great to rid ourselves of some sexual frustration and doing it under a pier is the way to go. There was no sand in our shorts afterwards! Wait, I'm too smart for that, I was wearing a skirt with no panties. It was inevitable that I was going to get him to have sex with me!

So, tell me, have you had sex on the beach? How was it? Would you do it again?

Anyone Want to Run a 1/2?

Soooo...I ran the Napa to Sonoma 1/2 marathon this year and had an absolute blast. I did it with Team Challenge and raised over $4,000 for the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America. My dad has Colitis so this was pretty near and dear to my heart. I decided I wanted to do another one the minute I crossed the finish line. Angel said I should try Vegas but like Kona, I didn't want my first experience to be a race weekend. However, BOSTON's 13.1 is coming June 27, 2010 and I plan on participating! Click here for a link to the website about the race and click here if you are interested in running with Team Challenge.

My dad flew out to surprise me!

Jingle Jog Recap!

Okay, as soon as photos become available from the race I will be sure to post them for you to see! Kelly and I planned on running the 22nd annual Jingle Jog with a few other friends but they dropped out for various reasons (Shannon, Chloe, Britt- I'm looking at you!). Anyway, I picked up some Tonka Trucks and Kelly bought a cute costume for dress up to donate to the Salvation Army. We woke up at 6:45am (which is EARLY for a Saturday!) and headed to the race. I ate a banana on my way and guzzled some water. It was a chilly 33 degrees out but I was ready. After dropping off our gifts, picking up our numbers and securing our bells to our shoes, we were ready. Unfortunately, we got there just before the start so we were at the back of the back. I haven't timed a 5K recently but I pegged it at about 36 or 37 minutes so I was pleasantly surprised by my time of 32:53. Kelly and I cherry picked off a lot of people. She was a great person to run with because she kept pace with me and jammed to her own tunes. I hate when you feel like you have to keep up conversation. I did have to stop and walk for about a minute at one point because my lungs were crying and I didn't work out at all this week so obviously my body was not happy with me. All in all it was an awesome experience- definitely one I hope to continue for years to come!

Other People Inspire Me...

Just not when I really need to to occur. Like at the gym or at my apt by myself. Anyway, my fabulous friend (and former boss) Ellen discusses her AHA! gym moment on her blog so I thought I would toss it your way. Click Here! Also, read some of her other posts if you have a yen to- she is a great writer and covers a lot of cool and funny topics :)

Christmas Presents- Book Edition

Looking for a last minute gift for someone (don't forget yourself!!!)? Well, I have some great reading material you should pick up!

• If you want to put maximum effort into your gift giving go hunt up the book RPatz (Robert Pattinson for you people not in the know) is reading in his Vanity Fair shoot. I just checked Amazon.com and it is currently unavailable. Sex Driven People: An Autobiographical Approach to the Problem of a Sex-Dominated Personality. Written by Robert Masters, this book was published in 1965. While I cannot vouch for it's content the bright red, hard cover book will undoubtedly garner some attention. I'll let you determine if that is good or bad.
• Have a friend who's sex turnons are just plain weird? Make them feel better about it and purchase them Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices. Amazon has paperback copies for $14.66 and if you spend $25 you get free shipping so pick yourself up a copy too. Who knows? Maybe there is a fetish in there for you!
• If you are Catholic (like me!), I am positive you have felt a need to confess the pleasure you take in sex to a priest. Perhaps you aren't having sex because you feel guilty about it (Christ, that is a great excuse. Now, that will be why I'm not having sex. So much better than the obvious no one is pounding down the door for sex with me...) Anyway, pick up Sex Without Guilt in the Twenty-first Century. Written by Albert Ellis, you can pick up this gem for $11.66 on Amazon (thus satisfying the free shipping requirement).
• This next book is definitely on my wish list so if you haven't bought me a present yet, pick it up! Just please don't give it to me in front of my family or in a public place. Written by Tammy Nelson, Getting the Sex You Want: Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together grabs my attention simply for the fantastic biceps on the cover. If the book sucks, at least you have the picture as a turn on. You can pick up this key to masturbation and more for $15.61 in hard cover on Amazon.
• Confused? Me too. Pick up Tantric Sex for Women: A Guide for Lesbian, Bi, Hetero and Solo Lovers by Christa Schulte. So you can be having sex instead of reading and writing about it...shiiiiiit I need a life.
• The title of this next book grabbed my attention so it is also on my book list. Alternatives to Sex is a novel listed at $11.97 on Amazon. Well it did until I started reading about it. The book is about a gay 40 something who trolls the internet. If this is your cup of tea I am fairly certain there will be plenty of copies left. Hey, even gays need gay lit. Seems like it could be a good beach read at any rate.
• A Torn Skirt is a great read for someone who still watches Twilight, loves Miley Cyrus and thinks it's okay to fantasize about Zac Efron. It has the added bonus of not sounding like a sex novel so you can read it on the subway or at a solo lunch without getting weird looks or awkwardly trying to hide the title of the book from people. It lists at $9.32 on Amazon.

I could go on but the simplest thing in my opinion is to head over to Amazon.com and type in sex or sex novels. Sex brings up a lot of how-tos and maybe you are just looking for a fictional account of sex being awesome or going wrong. If that's the case a how-to is not what you want. Obviously. And I stand by Lora Leigh as a way to get in the mood for solo sex so if all else fails pick up a copy of one of her books (which you can get at Walmart as you know from my previous post).

Tell me, any sex books on your wishlist?

ARGHHHHHHH

I would like to have sex again sometime in this lifetime.

That is all.

Am I Being Shallow?

Okay, so I have been trying to sign up for one race a month- it can be a 5K, 10K, 1/2 marathon, whatever. But I guess I can be kind of picky because the one I signed up for the month of November displease me before I even got there. In fact, I never showed up!

The event was a post-Thanksgiving 5K around Piedmont Park through MOVfitness. Well, I should have done my research. The $15 fee basically signed me up to show up. That's it. The money supports other ventures with the group and they advocate a race with no timing chips, no paper cups, no numbers and no t-shirts at the end. I wish I had known this prior to signing up. Next time, I will peruse the entire site before running the ole credit card through. I probably still would have gone but further inspection of the website turned up a fact that I could not get past: The race consists on anywhere from 10-100 people. Basically, I just shelled out $15 bucks to drive 40 minutes to do a club run.

I know, I know it sounds shallow. But I like my race t-shirts at the end of the race. I wear them out until they are nothing but holey pieces of fabric that no longer have a use. And I want the camaraderie of thousands of runners. I'm okay with water stations. And I'm okay with getting up at 6 am to drive 40 minutes to run IF there are race times and pictures to gloat over later.

So tell me, do you agree or disagree with me? Why do you run races?