Forecast...Mostly Sunny with a few Storm Clouds on the Horizon

So my life may actually not be spiraling out of control as much as I think it is. As I said in the first post, I work as a recruiter for a staffing firm out of Atlanta. At the moment, I am 2nd from the bottom of the totem pole. I've been in my position for over a year and in my humble opinion, I do a fairly good job. While I was at another location, I was consistently in the top 5 in terms of placing people on assignment. I was transferred to a location with less volume but more difficult positions to fill. It has been a totally different experience for a number of reasons...

At the old office, I was constantly stressed. A personality clash had me feeling completely uncomfortable. I began doubting my own skills as a recruiter. A new hire who was touted as the greatest thing since sliced bread really set me on edge. I began picking up bad habits of those around me and making less than stellar choices regarding my job. As these things built up, I was less than pleasant to work with or live with as my mom will tell you. In short, I almost lost my job because I lost my focus.

With the help of my mom and dad, I began to logically consider my situation. My boss had told me to consider finding another job and all but fired me in less than so many words. I agreed to consider alternate employment because she requested it and at the time I could no longer do my job in a way that would be beneficial to myself or my company. Unfortunately, my company can be a bit of a web of gossip and soon the situation had spun out of control. Despite requesting help from superiors, I was not granted that help. Nor was I even granted the opportunity to have my say. In taking the high road, I had effectively rendered myself unable to direct my own position within the company. I was unable to communicate which for a journalism major is the end of the world.

Finally, I reached out to HR. I was scared because she is such a serious lady but with the economy in a downturn and less than a year at the job, I was afraid I was being pushed out the door with no hope of getting unemployment while I looked for my next position. A serious of ridiculous events led to me eventually being transferred to my current branch. It's made all the difference in the world.

I have two great co-workers who are technically my bosses but we all function as a piece of the pie. Without the others, we are unable to get the job done in a manner that satisfies us all. Recently, my Ops Manager received a promotion into sales. You might think this would open the door for a promotion for myself. While I have the support of the staff I work with, I do not have corporate support. Despite over a year of experience in my current position, I may not get the opportunity to take the next step. Rather, I would take on the role of my former boss as well as my own duties with no promotion or raise. As always there is conflict that is making our jobs more stressful and the ideas of how to handle them are not there anymore. At times, it is virtually impossible to behave in a professional manner with certain people. Backstabbing, manipulation,  and lying are the norm for some people within my company. To me it is not a healthy environment and it snuffs out success. These are the storm clouds I speak of. My hope is that the sun shines on through and everything works itself out.

This has me feeling kind of low but also revved. It is an opportunity in itself to show the people who don't think I can rise to the challenge that I am worthy of the promotion. That I care enough about my job to continue to strive for more. I work in an office of talented people and love my clients, my candidates and my coworkers. I get the opportunity to work on jobs ranging from the mundane receptionist to the HVAC installer. I deal with clients via email, phone calls and lunches. I get to work with cool technology in the form of video interviewing and interactive newsletters that track what my clients are clicking on. All-in-all it's an excellent position I find myself in.  

Boredom

So this weekend has taken on new proportions in levels of boredom. Without funds, I can't go anywhere or do anything. I didn't even bother calling my friends because I was sure they all had plans involving money. Probably stupid and my own fault but I basically chained myself to 700 square feet. 

No TV. No internet. Cooked for myself. Friday night I was in bed by 10. I watched to episodes of Gossip Girl that I had netflixed and ate an omelet. I got a ridiculous amount of texts from people who I couldn't have hung out with even if I had money.

Saturday I woke up and ate Waffles with Peanut butter and watched two more episodes of Gossip Girl. Then I cleaned my living room. Which really meant I took everything that wasn't supposed to be in there in the first place and shoved it into my bedroom and vacuumed. Then I read some of a book. Then I cleaned my office nook. Which again involves shoving everything I can in desk drawers and anything that doesn't belong into my bedroom. By the time all this was done I had a pile of clothes up to my waist and $2.50 in quarters. Score! I could do some laundry today as well. I read some more. I shoved all those clothes into my closet and vacuumed my bedroom. I napped. I woke up and ate an entire box of mac'n'cheese. Nothing like comfort food to kill some boredom. I watched a movie- Prime. Which was alright. The guy in it was hot so that worked out. I sorted laundry which means I pulled enough from the pile to do one load. This involves contemplating what I need cleaned IMMEDIATELY. Everything else goes in a pile to be cleaned at some yet to be determined date. I threw on some workout clothes, grabbed the essentials (book, magazine, iPod, keys and fob to get into the clubhouse) and headed out of the complex on foot to do some laundry. I worked out for an hour and a half. Bike, Treadmill (3.2 miles) and elliptical. I folded my laundry and headed back. It was only 5:30pm. I did a pilates tape just for good measure. I had to work off those mac'n'cheese calories. I showered and put my pajamas back on and popped in another movie (The Notebook- which I had never seen. I have obviously been missing out.) That was over and it was only 8:30pm.

What is a broke girl to do on a Saturday night? The obvious choice is to raid the apartment and booze myself to sleep. So I made a Sweet Tea Vodka and Lemonade and booted up the computer. There is nothing like boozing and writing. It's amazing what comes out of your head and lands on the computer screen. After 4 hours, 3 stiff drinks in, and 20 pages of typing I finally passed out. 

Only to wake up with a hang over. Used to be I could drink an entire bottle of booze and wake up fit as a fiddle. I must be getting old. I popped a tylenol, chugged a water and popped in another movie at 7:45 am. By 9:30 am, sleep had not returned. I got dressed and headed to Panera. On foot of course. 

God, my life is quickly becoming way too boring to handle. Even this post is putting me to sleep. But I typed it so you better believe I'll be posting it.

I Hate My Life

Okay not really so don't go calling 911 fearing I am about the end it all. The thing is I go through phases of just completely exhausting discontent with my life. I don't know who it is more frustrating for: me or the people in my life. I tend to withdraw when this happens. My main reasoning for that is that every sentence, phrase and word out of my mouth is a complaint and then I feel like Debbie Downer. Plus half the time I feel like certain people ask because they think they should. Then they don't even listen. I think things like that tend to bring on my bouts of depression.

A lot of times money is the catalyst for the whole thing. I end up with 2 dollars to get me through 2 weeks and I get pissy. Especially because I tell certain people that I don't have money and they continually invite me to things that cost money. I can't even put gas in my fucking car and you think I want to go out? And then you spend your time making me feel bad about it? How bout I am finally growing the fuck up and realizing you can't spend your life away on a credit card so have a little respect and don't be rude about the fact that I am trying to get my life under control.

I don't so much mind my life being out of control but when you think about it that is a luxury. I mean the only way you can really be out of control is to just really not give a fuck. To know that somewhere someone is going to rescue you out of your tornadoe of a life. Shit did I even spell tornadoe right? I'm not even going to spellcheck it because I notice a lot of blogs don't. Seems to be some of their charm or something. Apologies for the digression.

I feel like I spend a lot of time doing things I want and then immediately regretting them. So I guess maybe I don't really want them? Maybe I am too impulsive. Maybe I need to think things through a little better. For example, I happened to adore this guy. I've spent a lot of time (okay we'll be brutally honest- I've wasted a lot of time) with him hanging out, making terrible decisions, helping him out, etc. And every time I leave him, I immediately wonder why I am doing it. Why am I going through all of this? That cannot be healthy. Maybe that's how addicts feel? Do alcoholics wake up one morning and hate what they've done and then reach right for the bottle to forget it? Why when I am in the presence of him is it so easy to forget the bad and remember the good? Is this something everyone has a problem with or is this a result of my batshit craziness?See previous post.

And my friends. I mean look, I know you got shit going on too but now that you have a boyfriend do you have to not pay attention to my life? Does everything have to revolve around your fantastic boyfriend, and your fantastic valentines day and your fantastic future? I mean I tell you someone is dyind and it has me down and the response is Everyone Goes Through It? I mean, duh. Thanks for putting that in perspective for me. Mind you that I came out (broke and upset) because I didn't want you to think I was mad at you and end up in a fight. Why don't you try sacraficing for once?

And it's not all my friends. See I can't even have a terrific rant because I'm already feeling bad for it. Now I am going to backtrack and tell you all the great things. Maybe I would like to dwell on the bad for a little while. Maybe Everything isn't all sunshines and rainbows. I shouldn't feel bad for that.

So in summation, my finances are in shambles, my love life is a wreck, my friendships are seemingly fake and all I want at this point is a beer. Too bad I can't afford one. And I'm at work. And I still have to drive an hour home. Man this pity party is just getting better and better. I don't know why I don't do it more often.

And if one more person tells me I need to love myself before anyone else can love me I am going to punch them. I am working on loving myself, I don't see why someone else can't work and love with me!

I'm single because I was born that way

The above is a quote from Mae West (great lady she was). I stumbled across it while trying to think of something funny about being single. Then I thought to myself, Why not look for quotes about being single. Which led to me googling "single quotes." When you follow my lead, be sure to click on the about.com section of dating to view what I found ("When you need a pick me up in terms of being single, often times someone who has been there before and navigated the course can offer sage advice and wise counsel. These being single quotes come from a variety of sources, and are intended to be used as inspiration. " Thanks About.com for always looking out for my self esteem!) Now, onto the important part of the post...why I, wonderful person that I am, am single. I know, you probably wonder as well.

1. This post came about because I took Valentine's Weekend to travel with one male friend to go visit another male friend in Charleston, SC. I really wanted to get away from all my friends who are dating, married or at least had a date for that night. So on night one I discovered something that really I should have discovered a long time ago. Okay, maybe I always knew it but failed to acknowledge the truth. The fact is... I cannot stand sharing a bed with someone. I mean they end up all up in your shit. And I like my room freezing so I can snuggle under the blankets. Everyone else I have encountered is not a fan of this. Also, sometimes people snore. I probably snore but that doesn't mean I want to hear it coming from you (funny side note- I have totally woken myself up with a snort in my sleep. Always weirds me out.) Also, I like total darkness. Meaning, no I do not want to fall asleep watching tv. Especially if you decide Sports Center is your show of choice to lull yourself to sleep. The great thing about Sports Center is you will wake up watching it as well because they play it on repeat from like 11pm to 8 am. So while you are enjoying a deep restful sleep, I am wide awake watching Sports Center for the upteenth time. Frankly, by the second time I am sick of it. So in summary, I like my bed empty, my room cold, no outside noise or light. Solution: SINGLE!

2. I absolutely cannot stand shaving. I hate everything about it- the lather, the razor, the burn afterwards. Honestly, it's a lot of work and by the end of the day I'm already prickly (TMI- Now NO ONE is going to want to date me.) Plus a good razor is getting expensive these days. It takes a lot of time too. The obvious solution would be to go another route. Here is why I cannot or will not take those other routes: 1. Those lotion things have nothing going for them. They smell terrible, they BURN. I mean BURN. And on top of those two terrible things- THEY DON'T WORK! 2. Waxing. At home, never works out for me. I am a freaking baby and it hurts. And it costs money to go to a salon. PLUS you have to let it grow to a certain length before waxing so there will always be a prickly time. 3. Laser Hair Removal. I can only really complain about this because I cannot afford it. I need it, I want it, someday I will have it. For now, I hate shaving, I do it as little as possible and I think that until I solve this problem I just shouldn't date.

3. I hate myself naked. And that will probably never change. But honestly, hating yourself naked really is a terrible thing and until I can at least pretend like I might someday like myself naked, no one else is seeing it.

4. I'm lazy. I am so lazy. Half the time I don't wear makeup or do my hair. I mean it just takes forever and I'd rather sleep the extra thirty minutes. I considered getting my makeup tattooed on but let's be honest, that is slightly ridiculous (at this point in time).

5. I can't cook. Not even I would date me for this fact. I tried to do some veggie panini thing the other day and ended up eating left over chicken fingers (see I hate myself naked). The few things I can cook are omelets, pasta, chicken and yeah that sums it up. I make a mean sandwich though- I worked at Panera for 3 years and Quizno's for about a year so it's hard not to be good at that. Plus cooking comes with cleaning and I absolutely hate cleaning.

6. I hate going out in downtown Atlanta. I have yet to find a place I can relax. I feel like I am always on my guard. Everyone is always judging (myself included). And I live 20 minutes outside of it so it is a pain. I always want to drive drunk home. The easiest way to combat this is of course to just drink in my own home- no driving required. And as my nice friend put it the other day, I will never meet someone if I don't ever go out. So, I will be single. Forever I guess.

7. I never want to bring a guy home to meet my parents. I'm going to be completely honest when I say this but I always feel like the guy is not good enough to bring home. The one guy who could be good enough is not interested so we will never have to worry about this possibility. Plus there is always the chance that mom and dad or potential boyfriend will embarrass me. In ways I cannot fathom and never want to encounter. I mean my parents are cool but who I am with my parents and who I am without them can be polar opposites and there is no reason to bring the two worlds together at this point.

8. I'm batshit crazy. This one is so important I not only bolded it, I italicized it as well. I'm pretty sure there is a way to highlight it but that seems slightly excessive. Maybe later. I've actually been in therapy for anxiety issues, there is an history of alcoholism in my family that I pretend does not exist, and I make up entire conversations between me and anyone else who is not really there just to get my anger, sadness, aggression or happiness out. I think sometimes I wish my life was a romance novel and that even creeps me out. On top of all of this, I am female and I like males and well there isn't a sane female out there who enjoys males. They absolutely make us crazy and I dare you to find one person this isn't true for. I haven't tested females who like females yet because I have no interest in females but anyone wants to chime in on that one, go for it!

Well, those are the glaringly obvious ones at this point. I'm sure I will think of others. Or maybe sometime one of these things will change. I guess now I will go listen to Natasha Bedingfields Single '08 song to boost my spirits!

Why I Hate My Job

1. I am convinced it will make me racist. I feel bad even putting this down but I really feel a need to be honest here. Some of the people I have met in this field are the most judgemental people ever despite promises to never discriminate. And clients tend to be the worst!





2. Hang ups. What happened to ending a conversation with Good Bye. Just because you consider the conversation over and happen to be in a pissy mood does not mean you need to hang the phone up without saying a goodbye or even a thanks. Also, when you slam the phone down I CAN HEAR IT...and in case you were wondering... IT HURTS. Also, when you call somewhere and the person you want to talk to doesn't answer or its the wrong number, why don't you a. ask for the person you are looking for or b. say, "Wrong number. Sorry!" and then hang up. If the phone rings one more time, and I hear a click as I'm running through my thanks for calling.... this is... how may I help you?" I'm going to throw the phone through the glass that is currently encasing my desk.





3. What is with the inability to listen? You ask a question, I answer. Don't ask the same question again. For example, today a guy called in asking if we were accepting applications. I explained to him that we accept applications online only and proceeded to give him the web address. He then said, "So you don't take applications in the office?" I believe I just covered that. Even after I said, "As I stated before, we take applications online only" and again gave him the web address he thought maybe the third time might be the charm.





4. Stupidity of the ridiclous kind. The same guy then proceeded to ask me if I had the number of the location that did take applications in person. I asked him if he knew what location he was interested in. He said, "The one closest to me." Oh really? The one closest to you? Well, just out of curiousity, where the hell are you? Because you know when I pick up the phone it lists your EXACT location with a map so I can pinpoint the location you are closest to. And by the way the conversation literally started with the question- no hello or greeting of any sort. Why not try identifying yourself at the start of a conversation. In fact, in case you need some help:


Hi my name is Sally Stupid and I am currently looking for a job in the Atlanta area.


Can you tell me how I would go about doing so with your agency?


Honestly, how fucking hard is that? Then of course, you would have to listen to my answer and respond appropriately.





4. Constant reminders of how to do my job. I love getting calls from candidates wanting to remind me to do something for them.


Hi this is Debbie Dumbo and I just wanted to remind you to check my references!


In case you were wondering, my job is not to cater to specific candidates. My job is actually to find the best candidate for my client in a way that benefits both the client and the candidate. Also, I have all manner of things to complete before I can place you. Paperwork, testing and references included. Trust me, I am working on it but when a job comes in that has to be filled, well your request is no longer a priority. I will get to it. I promise. I don't need you calling 10 times a day to remind me to do so.





5. I hate the phone. I have just learned this. I don't even really enjoy talking to my friends on the phone anymore due to the amount of time I am on the phone with candidates and clients. I don't return calls or answer the phone after hours unless I'm planning to meet up with you or you are my mom. Sorry my bad experiences with the phone at work have ruined it for me. I cannot stand the sound of the phone ringing and now understand why my stepdad wouldn't allow phone calls at home when I was growing up.





6. Inability to follow directions. Why, when I send you an email DETAILING information, must you call me to ask what it means? I'm pretty sure it means exactly what I typed out otherwise I would not have wasted 30 minutes typing it to send you. It's not like I was doing it just to keep my words per minute up in case I lose my job! Try actually reading the email a time or two before calling me. 90% of the time, the answer to your question is in the email. Part B of 6 would be that if I email you asking you to call me or vice versa DO IT. If you don't, then I will not put you to work. If you can't follow my simple instructions, then you will not impress my client. It's like that quiz (which coincidently I failed 1 time before learning from my mistake) where if you had read the directions you would not have written a word on the paper. Yeah, that one you probably failed every year.





7. Payroll. I cannot stand payroll. I will never be an HR generalist for this simple fact. For one thing, candidates never get their time card in on time. For another, if it isn't in their hand the minute we said it would be, they FLIP. That being said, don't tell me I don't know what it's like to live paycheck to paycheck. Trust me, I'm doing it right now just like the rest of the world buddy. No reason for you to be rude to me when your check is screwed up. It happens to everyone and I'm more likely to help you if you aren't a dick about it.





8. ASAPS. Look I'm not calling you at 5:30 the night before a job starts just to have fun with you. Nor am I waking your ass up at 8 am to send you to work as a prank. I hate these and probably more than you do. I hate calling ungrateful people and begging them to take an assignment but it's part of my job. If I can get past it so can you. And contrary to popular belief, a lot of the recruiters in my office started out as temps so take down the you don't understand where I am coming from a notch.



9. Sob Stories. Everyone's got one. I honestly don't care. I care about whether or not you sound professional on the phone, can wear a suit when needed, and will work harder than anyone else on an assignment. What I don't care about is how your bills have all gone to collections, your dad died, you were in a horrific wreck, you are dying of cancer or any other sob story you tell me. Trust me every person that calls in tells me one. I feel for your plight but seriously everyone has got something going on that makes them desperate for work.



10. Last minute cancellations. Unless you have contracted a fatal or contagious disease, a family member has died or you were in a horrific car accident, there is absolutely no reason to call me 20 minutes after you were supposed to be at work to tell me another sob story detailing why you can't be at work. My dog ate my homework takes on a whole new life when you are dealing with temps. How can you possibly be that desperate for work and then cancel when I offer you an assignment? My favorite excuse to date is a woman who called me from inside her garage to tell me that she had locked herself in. I have no idea how she did it or why she couldn't get out but I would have made something up. Anything she had made up would have been better than telling me she is the dumbest fucker in Atlanta.



11. Inability to Read a Job Description. If my job post says you will be paid $12 an hour, trust me that ain't gonna change. If I get one more resume listing their salary requirement at $200,000 on a temp to hire $12/hr position, I am going to probably have to quit my job before I get fired for screaming at the person who sent it. Why would I hire you when you obviously cannot read?!?!?! You saying what you want, isn't gonne make it happen buddy. There was a reason I included the job description- so that you wouldn't apply and waste my time. I don't have enough of it as it is and when I get 200 resumes the last thing I want to see is a salary request that does not match what we are looking to pay.



12. Unemployment Hearings. For your sake, I won't go into too much detail. Suffice to say, even if you fuck up, the state will probably pay you unemployment. Awesome for you, shitty for me.



13. Clients, Candidates and any other PEOPLE I may come into contact with. I think that one says it all.

I'm sure one day I will be able to tell you all the reasons I love my job but lets be honest a reason why I hate my job is much more enjoyable. When things are going well, what's there to write about?

I Hate Myself Naked

I am FAT.

I know you probably weren't expecting me to admit that on my second post but I was thinking about it on my drive home yesterday. Now if anyone out there who actually knows me is reading this post do not send me a comment telling me I am not fat. Trust me I have seen myself naked- it's fat and not in a phat kind of way.

I'm lucky that I don't always look as fat as I am but the fact is I am what is considered overweight, teetering on the thin line and in danger of crossing over to obese. I'm 5'6" and lucky in that I carry my weight well but the fact remains I'm fat. (I wonder how many times I will use Fat in this blog. Now it seems like a challenge to use it in every sentence but I will stop myself.) At 5'6", I should weigh between 117 and 154 ideally. For the sake of honesty I am going to go ahead and tell you what I weigh. The purpose is twofold: 1. It will conclusively prove I am fat and 2. It might force me to take action if people know how much I weigh.

160 POUNDS. SIX LITTLE LBS TO MY IDEAL WEIGHT. Except in my mind 154 is huge as well. I mean if a guy I date weighs 190 I am still way to close to weighing as much as he does. And the only way I am okay with that is if I weigh 154 lbs of water, bone and muscle.

I was also thinking on my way into work today what I would do if I was skinny. So here it is my list of things to do if I were skinny:

1. I would find a really hot guy with a zippy little car. He would be hot and have a great job. Like a lawyer or a doctor or...something great. And he would obviously have loads of money and great friends and take me to fantastic places. (Applications are welcome during my fat phase, too.) Not going to lie, it probably wouldn't work out but I should be allowed a shallow month to see where this goes...
2. I would audition for a movie or tv show. Just cause I could. I would be skinny and quite possibly passably attractive. Maybe I could be a skinny extra. Dream role: A bitch obviously.
3. I'd go streaking dammit. In the quad. Maybe I would write a message right across my skinny ass too.
4. I would go on a cruise and wear beautiful bikini's from Victoria's Secret and have a passionate affair with a college student. Maybe. Probably not. Maybe just the cruise and bikini part.
5. I would eat disgustingly fattening foods in front of the general public so normal sized people could wonder what I did to maintain my figure when I eat like...well, a pig. Cause when I go out with a skinny bitch and order a salad and she gets the burger with cheese and bacon and mayo and a double order of fries with a milkshake I know I am pea green with envy and secretly wondering if she is going to vomit this all up after dinner.

Okay the list of things I would do if I was skinny is short because it was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I guess I would just do the same things I do now except maybe not binge on food as much and I'd be skinny instead of fat.

So you are probably wondering about the get skinny plan. Well it's simple, I'm going to add the dreaded veggies into the equation. I already don't eat a lot of sugar (damn you type II diabetes), drink a lot of soda or eat a lot of junk so I can't really do much there. I'll add some protein- especially shakes with fruit. Stay on top of those vitamins (god they are DISGUSTING. I'm forced to take them with juice just to swallow them). Continue to work out. I am going to add running back into the regime too. I hear its bad for the knees but great on calories. Any other suggestions short of lipo, tummy tucks and weird cleansing rituals are welcome.

I suppose I will have to keep you posted on how all this goes. And I definitely don't want to hear that I am not really fat because there are women out there over 200 lbs. Trust me I know. In fact, I almost got pretty close there a while back but I threw out all the ice cream which is why I am down to 160. The point is I'm making a change because, well, if I don't like me naked who else will?

I'm a Blogger!

Okay, so I have no idea what it means to be a blogger. I assume it means people will flock on over to read my opinions that have absolutely no semblance of fact in them. Then they will either love it or hate it and feel a need to comment on it. THEN, the word will spread! Suddenly, every website worth a damn will begin refrencing my commentary on pop culture that let's be honest are GEMS. It will be like an avalanche- I'll be on every talk show possible and everyone will want to hear my opinion for no other reason than it's so ridiculous it has to be plausible! Okay, so my imagination is slightly out of control.

Now, you may ask yourself what qualifies me to write a blog. Absolutely nothing in my opinion except that I feel a need to reach even further into the internet than I have already gone. I have two degrees- one in Journalism and one in Literature- and I am not doing a thing with either of them. I am currently a recruiter who helps companies find help on a temp, temp to hire and permenent basis because, frankly, I couldn't find a job so I figure I can find someone else a job. Have you ever noticed how much easier it is to look at someone else's resume and spot issues or figure out what kind of job they would be good for? Maybe that is just me. So I'm a writer who doesn't write and a recruiter. I'm 25 so I'm right in the middle of the quarter life crisis which means I have all sorts of ridiculous complaints that will piss people off so I figure now is the time to air them to the world.

Not sure how this whole blogging thing is going to go but we are going to give it a whirl. And by we I mean me because I'm 90% positive that no one is going to read this. And because I do not have another personality so I don't really qualify as a we persay. Okay you get my point.