The above is a quote from Mae West (great lady she was). I stumbled across it while trying to think of something funny about being single. Then I thought to myself, Why not look for quotes about being single. Which led to me googling "single quotes." When you follow my lead, be sure to click on the about.com section of dating to view what I found ("When you need a pick me up in terms of being single, often times someone who has been there before and navigated the course can offer sage advice and wise counsel. These being single quotes come from a variety of sources, and are intended to be used as inspiration. " Thanks About.com for always looking out for my self esteem!) Now, onto the important part of the post...why I, wonderful person that I am, am single. I know, you probably wonder as well.
1. This post came about because I took Valentine's Weekend to travel with one male friend to go visit another male friend in Charleston, SC. I really wanted to get away from all my friends who are dating, married or at least had a date for that night. So on night one I discovered something that really I should have discovered a long time ago. Okay, maybe I always knew it but failed to acknowledge the truth. The fact is... I cannot stand sharing a bed with someone. I mean they end up all up in your shit. And I like my room freezing so I can snuggle under the blankets. Everyone else I have encountered is not a fan of this. Also, sometimes people snore. I probably snore but that doesn't mean I want to hear it coming from you (funny side note- I have totally woken myself up with a snort in my sleep. Always weirds me out.) Also, I like total darkness. Meaning, no I do not want to fall asleep watching tv. Especially if you decide Sports Center is your show of choice to lull yourself to sleep. The great thing about Sports Center is you will wake up watching it as well because they play it on repeat from like 11pm to 8 am. So while you are enjoying a deep restful sleep, I am wide awake watching Sports Center for the upteenth time. Frankly, by the second time I am sick of it. So in summary, I like my bed empty, my room cold, no outside noise or light. Solution: SINGLE!
2. I absolutely cannot stand shaving. I hate everything about it- the lather, the razor, the burn afterwards. Honestly, it's a lot of work and by the end of the day I'm already prickly (TMI- Now NO ONE is going to want to date me.) Plus a good razor is getting expensive these days. It takes a lot of time too. The obvious solution would be to go another route. Here is why I cannot or will not take those other routes: 1. Those lotion things have nothing going for them. They smell terrible, they BURN. I mean BURN. And on top of those two terrible things- THEY DON'T WORK! 2. Waxing. At home, never works out for me. I am a freaking baby and it hurts. And it costs money to go to a salon. PLUS you have to let it grow to a certain length before waxing so there will always be a prickly time. 3. Laser Hair Removal. I can only really complain about this because I cannot afford it. I need it, I want it, someday I will have it. For now, I hate shaving, I do it as little as possible and I think that until I solve this problem I just shouldn't date.
3. I hate myself naked. And that will probably never change. But honestly, hating yourself naked really is a terrible thing and until I can at least pretend like I might someday like myself naked, no one else is seeing it.
4. I'm lazy. I am so lazy. Half the time I don't wear makeup or do my hair. I mean it just takes forever and I'd rather sleep the extra thirty minutes. I considered getting my makeup tattooed on but let's be honest, that is slightly ridiculous (at this point in time).
5. I can't cook. Not even I would date me for this fact. I tried to do some veggie panini thing the other day and ended up eating left over chicken fingers (see I hate myself naked). The few things I can cook are omelets, pasta, chicken and yeah that sums it up. I make a mean sandwich though- I worked at Panera for 3 years and Quizno's for about a year so it's hard not to be good at that. Plus cooking comes with cleaning and I absolutely hate cleaning.
6. I hate going out in downtown Atlanta. I have yet to find a place I can relax. I feel like I am always on my guard. Everyone is always judging (myself included). And I live 20 minutes outside of it so it is a pain. I always want to drive drunk home. The easiest way to combat this is of course to just drink in my own home- no driving required. And as my nice friend put it the other day, I will never meet someone if I don't ever go out. So, I will be single. Forever I guess.
7. I never want to bring a guy home to meet my parents. I'm going to be completely honest when I say this but I always feel like the guy is not good enough to bring home. The one guy who could be good enough is not interested so we will never have to worry about this possibility. Plus there is always the chance that mom and dad or potential boyfriend will embarrass me. In ways I cannot fathom and never want to encounter. I mean my parents are cool but who I am with my parents and who I am without them can be polar opposites and there is no reason to bring the two worlds together at this point.
8. I'm batshit crazy. This one is so important I not only bolded it, I italicized it as well. I'm pretty sure there is a way to highlight it but that seems slightly excessive. Maybe later. I've actually been in therapy for anxiety issues, there is an history of alcoholism in my family that I pretend does not exist, and I make up entire conversations between me and anyone else who is not really there just to get my anger, sadness, aggression or happiness out. I think sometimes I wish my life was a romance novel and that even creeps me out. On top of all of this, I am female and I like males and well there isn't a sane female out there who enjoys males. They absolutely make us crazy and I dare you to find one person this isn't true for. I haven't tested females who like females yet because I have no interest in females but anyone wants to chime in on that one, go for it!
Well, those are the glaringly obvious ones at this point. I'm sure I will think of others. Or maybe sometime one of these things will change. I guess now I will go listen to Natasha Bedingfields Single '08 song to boost my spirits!
No comments:
Post a Comment