I Hate Myself Naked

I am FAT.

I know you probably weren't expecting me to admit that on my second post but I was thinking about it on my drive home yesterday. Now if anyone out there who actually knows me is reading this post do not send me a comment telling me I am not fat. Trust me I have seen myself naked- it's fat and not in a phat kind of way.

I'm lucky that I don't always look as fat as I am but the fact is I am what is considered overweight, teetering on the thin line and in danger of crossing over to obese. I'm 5'6" and lucky in that I carry my weight well but the fact remains I'm fat. (I wonder how many times I will use Fat in this blog. Now it seems like a challenge to use it in every sentence but I will stop myself.) At 5'6", I should weigh between 117 and 154 ideally. For the sake of honesty I am going to go ahead and tell you what I weigh. The purpose is twofold: 1. It will conclusively prove I am fat and 2. It might force me to take action if people know how much I weigh.

160 POUNDS. SIX LITTLE LBS TO MY IDEAL WEIGHT. Except in my mind 154 is huge as well. I mean if a guy I date weighs 190 I am still way to close to weighing as much as he does. And the only way I am okay with that is if I weigh 154 lbs of water, bone and muscle.

I was also thinking on my way into work today what I would do if I was skinny. So here it is my list of things to do if I were skinny:

1. I would find a really hot guy with a zippy little car. He would be hot and have a great job. Like a lawyer or a doctor or...something great. And he would obviously have loads of money and great friends and take me to fantastic places. (Applications are welcome during my fat phase, too.) Not going to lie, it probably wouldn't work out but I should be allowed a shallow month to see where this goes...
2. I would audition for a movie or tv show. Just cause I could. I would be skinny and quite possibly passably attractive. Maybe I could be a skinny extra. Dream role: A bitch obviously.
3. I'd go streaking dammit. In the quad. Maybe I would write a message right across my skinny ass too.
4. I would go on a cruise and wear beautiful bikini's from Victoria's Secret and have a passionate affair with a college student. Maybe. Probably not. Maybe just the cruise and bikini part.
5. I would eat disgustingly fattening foods in front of the general public so normal sized people could wonder what I did to maintain my figure when I eat like...well, a pig. Cause when I go out with a skinny bitch and order a salad and she gets the burger with cheese and bacon and mayo and a double order of fries with a milkshake I know I am pea green with envy and secretly wondering if she is going to vomit this all up after dinner.

Okay the list of things I would do if I was skinny is short because it was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I guess I would just do the same things I do now except maybe not binge on food as much and I'd be skinny instead of fat.

So you are probably wondering about the get skinny plan. Well it's simple, I'm going to add the dreaded veggies into the equation. I already don't eat a lot of sugar (damn you type II diabetes), drink a lot of soda or eat a lot of junk so I can't really do much there. I'll add some protein- especially shakes with fruit. Stay on top of those vitamins (god they are DISGUSTING. I'm forced to take them with juice just to swallow them). Continue to work out. I am going to add running back into the regime too. I hear its bad for the knees but great on calories. Any other suggestions short of lipo, tummy tucks and weird cleansing rituals are welcome.

I suppose I will have to keep you posted on how all this goes. And I definitely don't want to hear that I am not really fat because there are women out there over 200 lbs. Trust me I know. In fact, I almost got pretty close there a while back but I threw out all the ice cream which is why I am down to 160. The point is I'm making a change because, well, if I don't like me naked who else will?