Monday Musings

• I added a new blogger to the site. I don't know why since I only have two public readers and she is one of them. But one day when this site takes off, she'll be so grateful for the opportunity I provided her. Or not. But whatever.
• I'm reading Google Blogger for Dummies. Hopefully, this improves the quality of the site. But probably not.
• My friend Kyle got me a Table Topics gift for my birthday. Why am I bringing this up now? Well, he just gave it to me last night. Hellooooo, belated. But then, I have been pretty MIA with that group of friends lately. Anyway, it would be great for when I have people over but I’m thinking of drawing one card a week or whenever I feel like it and blogging the responses. Then you will REALLLLLYYYYY get to know how boring I am. Thoughts?
• Tim Tebow commercial. Thoughts? When it came on last night, everyone rushed to the table to grab more food because we thought it would be some commercial no one gave a shit about. Imagine our surprise when Saint Timmy tackled his mom. Had I not been wedged between the wall and the couch with no ability to move, I would have missed it. As it was, I had tuned out whatever his mom said. So her pro-life commercial turned into a pro-abortion commercial with that dive bomb. I mean why raise a kid if he’s just going to tackle you on television?
• I am feeling particularly blank today. Empty almost.
• Where the hell was Miller Lite last night? Am I the only one who noticed they had ZERO commercials? Or maybe I just missed them… Bud Light and Doritos single handedly funded the Super Bowl broadcast with their commercials. And they were the best.
• While we are on the subject of super bowl ads… there is a new e*trade baby in town and I do not like him. At all. ANNND godaddy.com needs to hire a new marketing/ad firm stat. Does anyone ever actually go to the site to see the girls? As my friend Alex put it last night, “Unless I’m seeing some nipple, it’s not worth my time.”
• When someone emails me that they just got back from church or are reading proverbs I want to immediately say something that will send me straight to hell. It’s like I’m trying to balance out their goodness with my evilness.
• This. I want to do this. Except to the industrial scanner in my office that thinks it’s funny to claim I have misfed the paper randomly and intermittently while I’m trying to send people their work. 500 pages of work should not take an hour to scan to email.
• Dear body, when I overindulge on the weekends you will be properly punished on Monday. As in, you can complain about how hungry you are all you want but I’m not putting anything in you. Except water. A banana. And oatmeal. And I will workout for 3 hours. You should really have a conversation with the alcoholic side of me and find out how to remedy this.
• I wish someone would buy me everything on the It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia website. And the UGA Playbook which should be coming out this summer. I’d like to outfit my home.
• I lied. I just drank decaf coffee. Strangely, my hunger pangs are gone. New diet?
  With insurance companies, a doctor’s office may bill $21,000 worth of services. $12,000 of it ends up written off and the insurance company pays out $9,000. I don’t understand the math of that. Apparently, insurance companies only ALLOW you to bill so much per service and then has the right to say of that service how much they will pay. I work with insurance and I still don’t get it. No wonder obama wants to change it.
• I don't know why I think you would care about the above bullet. But I'm too lazy to delete it.
• Getting your shit together is an overwhelming task. I don’t even know where to start taking baby steps.
• Why does my blackberry think that curse words are just misspelled? They aren’t. I fucking like them and wish you would stop making me ignore the dashed lines below them. I know what the hell I’m writing and I’m okay with it. Damnit.
• I want chocolate.....in my mouth....NOW.

1 Night of Drinking + Superbowl Sunday = Weight Gain

WHO DAT?

Dat is a girl who just derailed her diet in a 24 hour span and the result was not pretty. If I had at least gone running as planned yesterday, I probably could have staved off some of the weight gain. As it is, now I'm not quite back at square one but I'm definitely back at square three. And don't tell me I gained water weight while drinking and it will go away fast. First, I like being depressed about this. I hope it motivates me. Second, it can't be water weight when on the way home from the bar I decided Steak and Shake would be a stellar idea. And then I baked cookies yesterday. And ate from a plentiful super bowl spread. Though I will say nothing I had was particularly bad for me. If I had just stuck with one plate I would have been fine. But even wedged in a damn corner, I managed to have two plates plus snack. And I would have resisted the cookies but Courtney saw them and passed the plate around to everyone. Ugggggghhhh...

Am I ever going to be under 160 for an extended period of time again?

Sex Dreams...Part I

Okay so one of my friends (hello there, Amanda) Blackberry Messaged me the other night and in the course of the conversation revealed that she had a dream about me. And it was kind of weird. And if brought to my attention that I have not discussed sex dreams on the site yet. So, as I told Amanda, I'm addressing it now.

Now before all of you start thinking Amanda is a lesbian who is in love with me I will let you know her dream did not involve a sexual encounter with me. But it did get the wheels rolling in my slightly sleepy head so here I am discussing it now. Also, it brought to light a very glaring hole in my sexual education. Basic run down of Amanda's dream: she and someone else went out and then she came back to my place. While waiting for me to arrive she turned on the TV to find porn. When she heard me at the door, she pretended to be asleep so as not to discuss the porn on my TV with me. (First, the glaring hole in my education is that I have never watched porn. Secret Diary of a Call Girl, Big Love, Californication, Weeds,Entourage and the Tudors are about as close to porn as I have ever gotten.) How would you handle this situation? Even in dream world Amanda opted to ignore it. Thanks for that darling.

That same night, after conversing with Amanda, I proceeded to have the weirdest dream about a friend of ours who is a cop (yes, Chloe and Amanda, that cop). In my dream, he burst into a house to bust another friend of ours who was breaking into the house for a hook up. Trust me, if I got into the details of this you'd wonder about the company I keep. I question it myself. Anyway, the cop bursts in...

Wearing nothing but a gun holster and his boxers.

Thankfully, my alarm went off before someone could pants him or something else utterly ridiculous. This dream has the makings of a porno as I've heard of them but it's still utterly embarrassing. I have never even seen this guy without his shirt off so I obviously filled in his abs for him. Congrats buddy, in my dream you have a six pack. And you're tanner- you've obviously been GTLin' it. And no I have never considered seeing this kid naked either. But was it the start of some sort of kinky sex dream? I mean who doesn't love a man in uniform? And out of one apparently...

Lucky Bitch...

Tell me, have you had crazy dreams that could have been leading up to a sex dream? Or dreams like Amanda's where you found out something sexual about a friend?

Day 29- February 2, 2010

Nothing exciting to report here- did a 5 am workout. Hottie was there but I missed him after my shower which was a bummer. Workout consisted of 30 minutes training on the treadmill on a random setting and 30 minutes on the elliptical on a manual setting of level 7. Weight loss is holding steady at 161. Might be at another plateau.

breakfast shake

lunch Taco Salad with chicken

dinner some pasta dish my mom had at her house. No idea what was in it. Did not go for seconds though so that is good!

Wig Out Wednesday: Taxes

Okay, so I missed Tuesday so its unveiling will have to be next week. Sorry kids, sometimes life outside the internet gets in the way of blogging. I know it's shocking that someone with three blogs, a twitter, two facebooks, a brand new blackberry and god knows what else out there in the world wide web would have a life outside the internet but if I didn't what the hell would I be talking about?

Anyway, Wednesdays shall commence being my very own version of Peter Griffin's What Really Grinds My Gears. If you know me, you know I like to bitch. It doesn't matter if it's valid or not. It pisses me off. And a lot pisses me off. For example, this paragraph is not going as planned. Why am I writing like a fucking 10 year old. An.y.way.

Last night I had the misfortune of doing my taxes. Yes, I do my taxes myself. And boy are they annoying as fuck. How can something seemingly so simple be so damn complicated? The government wants my money, they take it. Then at the end of the year, they throw in all these loopholes (which by the way I do no qualify for) and then add in a 28 page booklet of language no one fucking understands. Then when you turn them in incorrectly, they are all up on your ass. Letters, phone calls, more letters. Suddenly, it's like you murdered small children and followed it up with kicking puppies as opposed to missing page 6, line 11, schedule 2. On top of that, how can you get a refund from your federal taxes but owe money for your state taxes. I listed the same number of exemptions on both forms and had additional fucking money taken out to avoid this exact scenario and yet you still screwed me. In the ass. Without lube. As if my $13/hr paycheck didn't do that enough. Okay that might have been slightly graphic. This whole grinding of gears is new to me. I promise it will be better next time.

While complaining to my mother about this (who is smart and does not do her own taxes) it was discovered that my boss truly fucked me over with the failing to take medical insurance out of my paycheck. Apparently, that made my taxable income higher than it actually was meaning my federal refund is smaller than it should be and my state refund no longer exists and is instead negative. So, now, not only do I owe the money for the medical insurance she failed to take out, I also have to pay the government for said mistake. FUCK ME.

And before you say I should have been checking my paystubs let me say it for you: I SHOULD HAVE BEEN CHECKING MY PAYSTUBS. But if she had done her damn job correctly would this have been an issue? No, not at all. And now I have to find a way to discuss this with her and her boss. I know there is nothing they can do but she needs to learn to fix this shit so people who make WAY less money and could use the fucking tax refund don't have to deal with her incompetence. Taxes are hard enough without this kind of crap.

So, back to my original gripe, Taxes Blow. And Bite. I filed my federal taxes online (thanks federal government for getting a goddamn clue about that- so good for the environment and my piece of mind). Now, Georgia can we jump on the online train without charging me $17.95 to do it? What kind of bullshit is this? You already get money. I don't get anything out of paying my taxes (that I can see anyway. Seems to me you spend your time arguing, passing bills and then making huge loopholes into those bills to make your pockets fatter and mine emptier. It's like they cut a hole in my pocket or something. I digress). So I still have my state taxes in hand because where the fuck am I getting $180 bucks from.

Anyone, have any tax advice or horror stories that will make me feel better?

Day 28- February 1, 2010

So I am still riding the I lost 6 lbs high :) It makes it so much easier to keep going with all this hard work. Today I started taking my vitamins again so that's something to be proud of. I also added Omega 3 Fatty Acid to my daily routine as well. Here is a great site that tells the benefits of fish oil. I have no idea if I will notice a change but I'm willing to try anything. And with my high blood pressure this is another way to be heart healthy. It also helps with Crohn's and Colitis, brain health, cancer and many other things so it cannot be bad to try it out. I'm also taking B12, a multivitamin and vitamin D.

Today I hit the gym for some elliptical, biking and Group Power class. I got there to find out the class I take had been bumped to 6:30 on Mondays. Which was frustrating but it's worth it. I will continue to go and continue to drop weight. Tomorrow I have planned a 5 am workout (if the hot guy isn't there I don't know what I'll do!).

breakfast multigrain cheerios with banana and milk

snack apple and 1/2 a naval orange

lunch chicken, ranch, pepperjack cheese on pita

snack hummus with crackers

dinner salad with shrimp with tomato, cheese, cucumber, three crackers and roasted red pepper Italian dressing

Monday Musings

Okay, so I need to get more serious on this whole BLOGGING thing. I mean I pay attention to two other blogs I write but this one is sorely lacking. Therefore, over the next week, I will be unveiling an actual format for this blog. We will start with today, a regular feature to be added to the blog- Monday Musings. Much like Random Thoughts On A (insert day here), Monday Musings will be whatever pops into my head or that I find on the internet that entertains me. However, now it will occur on the reg (your welcome Barbie). So, I bring you...Random Thoughts on a Monday aka Monday Musings:

• If you have to come to a complete stop so that someone in the other lane can get over, then you probably don't need to be letting them over. The point is for them to speed up or slow down according to traffic and then get over when they spot an opening. If everyone followed this rule, I believe we could shave 5 minutes off the morning commute. Something to think about. Also, it is not rude for me to yell at you or give you the finger when I finally get around your malingering ass. You stopped traffic, buddy, not me.
• Common courtesy, much like chivalry, appears to be dead. For example, this morning I walked past a woman in the hallway. I said, "Hello, how are you?" she responded with "Hi, I'm good." Well, that's nice. I didn't fucking ask you because I cared- I asked because it's common courtesy. And if I have to ask you, then you damn sure should be asking me. It's polite. Jeez.
• I'm contemplating a relocation. I hate Atlanta. There, I said it to the internet world. It's out there and I can't take it back. My uncle made a great pitch for Raleigh but I'm open to other cities as well so leave a pitch in the comment section and I'll take it under consideration.
• Hahahahaha, my boss just realized they have not been taking medical or dental out of my paycheck. Nothing she can do now that she closed out 2009. Ironically, for the two months I had free dental and health insurance I was not going to the doctor. So the joke is really on me, not just them.
• I just ordered a Blackberry Tour from Verizon Wireless. And I am stalking it through fedex. Literally, stalking it. How the fuck did it leave Memphis Tennessee last night at 6:44pm and it's not arrived at a GA fedex location yet? This is bullshit.
• Sometimes I say things via text that I probably should not say. Often times I am hammered when I do this. And I offend people. Or end friendships. In these instances, I have found that the best thing to do is to pretend you did not say it and then wait for them to approach you weeks later. They will say something asinine, you will say something asinine and the Earth will continue to revolve around the sun.
• My feet seem to get cold a lot recently. I have no idea if this means something but whatever. They are cold and I don't know what to do about it.
• Sign up for Groupon.com and get gift certificates cheap. Also halfoffdepot.com. Don't say I never gave you anything.
• If I don't get a sweet tax return VEGAS IS GOING TO SUCK. No really, that return is going straight into my Vegas envelope ala Bradley Coopers character in The Hangover. God, I wish I was a teacher with a field trip so I could collect money from the students.
• It is really obnoxious that my boss gets my emails.Sometimes they come to her first and then she asks me about them and I have no idea what the fuck she is talking about. It's creepy.
• I shouldn't laugh when my boss makes a mistake. After telling me it would be between us that she messed up my benefits, the minute I went upstairs to drop off mail she told her boss. Now I owe them $268 because she made a mistake. How bout we split it since you made the mistake?
• On behalf of my friend JLove I would like to bring a charity to your attention. If you are looking to divert some funds or build up some good karma, head over to http://www.thon.org/ and donate now. They work tirelessly to conquer childhood cancer and the group is student run which is pretty cool even if you aren't a student. Even Khloe Kardashian is out there promoting it. The money specifically heads to the Four Diamonds Fund at Penn State Children's Hospital.
• Sometimes you need to read about someone else's life spiraling out of control to realize yours is as well. I'm not admitting to anything but this book I'm currently reading has me thinking a lot about things that I thought were funny but can take a dangerous turn. I'm lucky I'm still here if this book is any indication. So I recommend to all of you From Binge to Blackout by Chris and Toren Volkmann. It's a mother-son combo that had to go through alcoholism together and is just a GREAT read. I think one should be given to ever Freshman in high school and their parents. Perhaps, summer reading? You can learn more by going to their website.
• I am currently wearing a Victoria's Secret Pink sleep shirt to the office. It is comfy and a pretty purple color and I don't care who knows it! Also, my company just blocked their website. Damnit, there went shopping for Valentine's Day.
• My boyfriend is back! Check out his latest hilarious video. Yes, I am kind of getting to the point of creepy now.
• Why do people talk on their cellphones in the bathroom? If you are looking for privacy to make your call the restroom is not the place. Privacy to take a shit? Public restroom is also not the place but at least you are doing what the restroom is meant for. Take your personal phone calls elsewhere please. Otherwise, I'm flushing the toilet a hundred times until you get the point.
• Rihanna has a song called "Breaking Dishes". Ironically, in it she says something about Fighting a Man (Imma fight a man, a man, a man...). So let me get this straight, Chris Brown beat the fuck out of her and stories come out that she probably was hitting him as well. Chris Brown looks like the dick and she looks like a victim? After hearing this song, I'm wondering if they were mutually violent toward each other. Don't get me wrong, Chris Brown is a dick and should be in trouble for violence toward anyone. But let's stop the Rihanna train for a minute and find out if she really deserves this halo we're giving her. She shouldn't be hitting him anymore than he should be hitting her. And now that the song played on my iPod, I'm wondering if she has some violent tendencies of her own... I'm going to get so much shit for writing this.
• Actor Rip Torn was arrested over the weekend. FOR ROBBING A FUCKING BANK. Okay, not entirely true. Actually, he just broke in with a loaded gun. But the funniest part is he was drunk and didn't even realize it was a bank. WTF?
• Apparently, you can only have so many tags for a blog. BUSCH LEAGUE, BLOGGER. I have hit the limit.
• Please see how hott Mr. Hamm looked on Saturday Night. SO HOT. Like the cover of a trashy romance novel.
• I'm sorry, I lied on that one. Not so hot. Damn you Sergio.
• If you don't watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia then you should start now. No joke. Nothing like a group of people who are so selfish they think they are helping the world when serving their own purposes. For example.