From the Mailbag

I know this may come as a surprise to all 5 of my public readers but the fact is I do have people who email me with questions in regards to various posts. So, I have decided I will address them periodically. If you have questions or comments, you are always welcome to leave them in the comments section or if your prudish nature would prefer the world not know you are asking me sexual questions, you can email me at mylittleblackbook11@gmail.com.


dude...hahahaha, first off...were you really asleep & he took it upon himself to put his penis inside you? cause if so....thats creepy as fuck & sexual assault...how long b4 u woke up u think & decided to go with it? why did you stop if he was already in? was it bad, or just morals? basically i need more deets!!!

Okay, I suppose I didn't really quench a thirst with my story of the first time I've done the deed in 6 months. The fact of the matter is alcohol was involved and I was asleep to begin with. But I will try my best to explain the thoughts and reasoning behind putting a halt to sexual conquest #12.

1. Yes, I did wake up to find tab B had been inserted into tab A. At first, I thought I was having a lovely dream so in between dreamland and reality I suppose I felt some foreplay going on...the lips at my neck, hands stroking over me. But since, I thought it was a dream I just continued to enjoy it. For all I know, I encouraged it through movement.
2. I don't know that I would go so far as to call this sexual assault. I didn't object to anything and we had been flirting through the night. Booze had been drank in mass quantities and I don't know if I egged him on while half asleep. So, I wouldn't go so far as to report him to the authorities since the memory of how it all began is muddled. Had he not stopped when I put a halt to it, then I would call it sexual assault.
3. I don't know how long this was going on because I was asleep when it started. I do know in the lovely dream I was having I was definitely having really good sex as a result of spooning. So it wasn't like the guy mounted me and began spasmodically thrusting into me. Of course, it all started in a dream like state so it seems rather nice when I recall the whole thing.
4. I never made a decision to go with it. When I realized I was in fact having sex and not dreaming as I usually am at night, I put a stop to it.
5. Why? Well, for one, I wanted to be fully conscious for my first time having sex in 6 months. For another, until the next day when I went on a stalking mission via facebook I did not even know this guy's last name. And thirdly, we were in a child's bedroom (not that I haven't done that before) at a house party. There were people all over the damn house, including in the room we were in. I'm slightly slutty but not an exhibitionist!
6. Finally, the sex was not bad. It was actually really good but that just could be because it was a real live penis attached to a real live boy. Morally, I have no objection to one night stands. I just wasn't in the moment as I felt I should be and I was not comfortable with the locale or the person. There was a time I might have ignored all of this but not anymore. At 26, I feel you've got to start having a little respect for yourself. But not so much respect to keep me from sneaking out and sleeping on a couch in the basement upon his falling asleep.

Six Month Drought Ended!

Oh Good Lord. When I said I was going to Athens to pretend like I was still in college I had no idea I would literally be behaving like my parents still sent money used for booze rather than books, class was something I randomly attended when nothing better was going on and sex with randoms was just what you did. Out. Of. Control.

As, most of you know from this post, I hit six month no sex status last month. I celebrated by doing nothing and assumed this trend would continue for several months. This just shows that I had forgotten how easily booze could impact my life. But, don't worry, Jack Daniels helped me out with that one.

Last night, I headed to Athens to visit my bartender friend Krista. Krista is crazy and hot and extremely sexual. We tend to speak of vaginas like they are a group of our friends and not a part of our anatomy. I live vicariously through Krista's sexual shenanigans because I'm too chicken shit to participate in them myself. And I assumed, incorrectly, that this would be the case again last night.

How would you like to end your own personal sexual drought? Definitely with some mind blowing sex (which shouldn't be too hard considering how long it's been since a real live penis has creeped around the vagina). You would not, I repeat NOT, want it to end with drunken or sleepy sex. And, typical of me, that is how things went for me.

The Sleeper, with his blond hair and blue eyes, is the ideal fratty and perfect for some no strings attached sex. Despite that fact, I had absolutely NO plans to have sex with him. I indulged in three beers and then took a page out of Ke$ha's playbook and started swilling Jack out of the bottle while I watched other people get utterly retarded. Around 5:30 am, Krista found a room for me and The Sleeper followed me in and climbed into one of the twin beds with me. I have shared a bed with a lot of guys and not had sex so I wasn't worried about it and passed the fuck out.

The next thing I know, I'm having this lovely little dream where some sexy, stubbly kisses were traling over my neck and shoulders. I haven't had a sex dream in some time so I was thoroughly enjoying this.

Until, I realized, THERE WAS A REAL PENIS IN MY VAGINA. This was definitely not a dream. And I was in no way prepared to be having sex in a twin sized bed covered in a pink comforter of a little 8 year old girl. At first, my body just went with it. Damn, that felt real nice. Even drunk this guy was all over me with a finess that was impressive considering how well we did not know eachother and how much alcohol I had watched him swill through the night. I really enjoy being woken up having sex but not when I just met someone only hours ago!

Luckily, common sense prevailed and I put a stop to it. My vagina is pissed at me for it and I'm sure I'm going to have to rectify that with some solo-love and affection for it. I'm kind of pissed I didn't just finish the damn thing because now my number is back up and I didn't even orgasm for my (lack of) effort. Shit.

How have you ended a sexual drought? Was it disappointing or exactly what the doctor ordered?

February 21,2010- Born Again

My six month anniversary of the last time I had a sexual encounter including someone else has come and gone. Surprisingly enough I did not commemorate this incredible occasion with anything. Not even a masturbation and sexy lingerie.

Which lead me to the assumption that at this point I have been born again. Surprisingly enough, by month six I wasn't jonesing for sex as much as month one. Am I becoming desensitized to sexual encounters? And then I started feeling like the teenager who wasn't having sex when everyone else was and spent their days wondering "Am I normal"? Which really is not conducive to going out on the prowl.

I imagine if I was a guy, this would be the cartoon of my current situation:

So now I suppose I should probably start guarding my newly reacquired v card...maybe invest in some protective gear. Also, no more drinking cause that's a sure way to lose that shit again. But then I wonder, what would happen if I waited and waited and waited and nothing sexual ever happened again in my life? Would I be miserable? Would I be a bitch to people? Hmmm, six months in and I do get supremely annoyed with stupid shit so maybe there is a link.

I can't even write a proper blog that stays on topic or even makes sense! How should I break this drought? Should I break this drought?

Sexual Drought

Okay, so I know I only have 3 readers brave enough to follow me publicly, but the fact is I owe you an apology. I am struggling to write anything sexual as I am in the midst of a sexual drought.

"Forgive me father for I have sinned. My last sexual encounter was August 21st, 2009."

What is it about a drought that really makes you HUNGER for sexual contact. The first little bit, you are fine. You don't even think about it. But then...BAM. Suddenly, it's all you think about and you are reading Lora Leigh books and masturbating more than a 16 year old male virgin. I mean seriously. Okay, probably TMI but don't lie. I know you have this issue at times too. Maybe you don't masturbate as much but whatever.

The other thing is, when it is a self-imposed GUYATUS (I coined that word bitches. Don't even try to steal it. For those you not in the know: Guy + Hiatus= Guyatus. A noun meaning a hiatus from all things sexual with guys) it is totally different. Because you are actively avoiding sex. But when it's not, by God you feel like you couldn't get it if you passed it around(even to 16 year old virgins). So apologies for not posting more. I will dig into some archives and try to remember some stellar episodes soon!

So my question is, how long is your longest drought? What do you do to get out of it?