Random Thoughts on a Thursday

• At 8 am this morning a car slowed to a complete stop on a busy road to make a right hand turn. She must have been watching me in the rearview mirror because when I got impatient I started cursing her out in my own car. She started making random hand gestures at me. Which just made her turn take even longer. What is so difficult about making a right turn when the light is green? What in God's name are you waiting for? And why were you watching me instead of the road? Then I happened to glance down and realize she had a GA Tech license plate. Explained everything.
• I really love munchkins. Really, really love munchkins. America may run on the coffee, but I run on little balls of doughy love and hints of cinnamon, sugar and strawberry jelly.
• My twin just sent me a birthday calculator. It was very informative. For example, I now know when I was conceived. Mom, what were you doing on the night of April 19th?
• I really absolutely cannot stand the ring of the telephone. I detest it.
• Out of curiousity I just typed my whatevers birthday in the birthday calculator and holy shit. This thing is amazing. It has him completely pegged. I now think every one of you should hop on this thing. I am also going to look every person I have ever met. Ohhhh every ex boyfriend- this thing will probably explain exactly why it didn't work! Link: http://www.paulsadowski.com/BirthData.asp
• What's a whatever, you ask? You know, more than a friend, less than a boyfriend. Like I make terrible decisions with them but have no commitment to do so.
• I really hate being in the office by myself. I always have to go to the bathroom and I have to hold it. It immediately takes me back to the age of 5. I want to hop around with my legs crossed and go "Mommy, are we there yet?"
• I hate the phone. I hate calling people. I wish everyone sat in front of their computer and zinged off responses to me immediately. What do you mean you are out of the office/ home/ room? What is that? I'm chained to my desk and you should be too.
• Ryan really likes "Cowgirls Don't Cry". I rally like it too. In fact, I listen to Kicks at work just to hear it 5 times a day. That part where it goes quiet and then Reba just rips into the silence gets me every time. I could probably listen to it on repeat if I wasn't so lazy and would just download it.
• When is the Eric Church cd coming out? I want it now. I am pumped to go see him in two weeks. Okay pumped is a terrible word for it but I can't think of a better one to convey my feelings about this concert. Which went up exponentially when I realized I was getting free tickets!
• I have the best twin ever. She is like a fellow tweener. She totally just checked the compatibility of myself and Twilight hunk Edward Cullen. I mean who does that? I love it. I am now going to have to check for myself!
• I wish work wouldn't get in the way of my internet enjoyment.
• I love Darius Rucker. Love him. I wish when I was in Charleston I had bumped into him. I would have screamed oh my god! Hootie's here! You are awesome. Can I get a pic? He probably would have given me one just because he thought I was crazy and you always give crazy people what they want or they do something crazy.
• Okay I just check Robert Pattison's birthday calcutator and will now commence planning ways to meet him, make him fall in love with me and then marry me. Good to have life goals.
• I still need to use the restroom. This sucks.
• I hate when I call someone and I get the "MATL-02 The mobile customer you have called does not answer. Please try your call again later." Get a fucking voicemail jackass. Especially when I have been calling you for FOUR straight days to get your time card so that you can get paid! WTF? Which carrier has this message? How do I file a complaint?
• I really want someone to fall down the stairs in front of my office. Call me the devil, but the shit cracks me up every time. EVERY time. I just really hope that person is not me. Then I would not laugh AT ALL.
• Our building shoe shiner just came into my office with a red UGA hat, red polo, black slacks and red reeboks. That's right, I ragged him so much about wearing other team hats that he decided to go all out to show me he is a true fan of the best team in America. Things like this make my day.
• I just had a candidate come back with a hit on their record. A hit for Grand Larceny. Not a good sign. I am pretty pissed about this.
• Is there a way to be paid to booze? I'm trying to think of things I am good at that I can get paid for. The obvious choice is drinking since 1. I enjoy it. 2. I'm good at it and all things associated with it. 3. I enjoy it. This is one of those lists that just repeats two things over and over so that you understand how important they are. Problem being, I'm too damn lazy to type them out.
• Can we please discuss unemployement? Look, if you were laid off or something terrible happened then yes you deserve a little help while you get back on your feet. But what the hell is the deal with giving every damn person unemployment- people are fired for not doing their jobs and not being there. Why should they be rewarded for this shit? I say this because I am about to sit in on an unemployment hearing and the girl does not deserve a dime of anyone's money. I am angry because I know I am going to lose.
• Why does everyone think I don't have things to do with my day? No you may not waltz in whenever you want and fill out your paperwork and interview. We have something called a PROCESS and we follow it. Just because I am a staffing service does not mean you should not treat us with respect.
• Day late and a dollar short. I think this about sums up my life. I'm always just a little behind everyone else.
• I'm afraid to take the Where Should You Be Living Quiz. For two reasons....1. They might tell me I should live here. 2. They might tell me I shouldn't live here. Neither option appeals to me right now. Perhaps I should consider a job with travel.
• Why do people I don't care about show up on my newsfeed? Did they not get the memo? I am only their friend because I want to look popular. Duh. Everyone I care about doesn't show up because you people keep doing shit. Get off facebook dammit.
• The guy from that Eddie Murphy movie where he wears the fat suits...is it dr. dolittle? He exists. And works in my building. I am going to try to score a picture with him for all you nonbelievers. But it will take time. I must utilize tact. I have no idea what that is or how to do it but I must.
• I'm lonely. Not just because I am in the office by myself today. Just lonely. Lots of people are paired off. I want to hang out with them but they make me feel awkward since I am not paired off. The people who aren't paired off I want to hang out with too but then I act weird cause I think they might like me. Man I have issues. But seriously, I'm lonely.
• Why don't people listen? I just said I'm sitting in an unemployment hearing and this girl showed up to the office anyway. Have fun sitting there for an hour cause I am not getting off this phone call until this girl is denied benefits.
• I hate feeling stupid. I hate not remembering shit too. I should probably stop killing brain cells with booze.
• Snoop Dogg is going to be in Hilton Head Island my friend Jessica informs me. Have you been to HHI? I feel like that man will stick out like...well, like Snoop Dogg in HHI! I may have to make a trip for this.
• How does Russell Brand already have a book? This ass just fell onto the face of the planet and makes a couple of stupid jokes and now he gets a book? That is complete Bull Shit if you ask me. I will be buying it though so I can further judge and ridicule him.
• Why is it whenever I go to take a bite of my sandwich the phone rings? I mean its 2 pm and I still haven't been able to eat and it is severaly affecting my ability to work!
• Does anyone else hate their boss? I mean, hate so much you have difficulty being professional with them? My boss does not seem to respect my time and it is really getting to the point that I absolutely hate coming to work.
• I often wish I was someone I am not. Sometimes, I am confident in my ability to be that person. Other times, not so much.
• The first time I ever felt old was this past weekend. My 13 year old sister said to me "Did you know Bob Saget is a real person?" Holy shit, she doesn't even know Full House?!?!?!
• Everyone wants to hook me up. But never with someone I want to be hooked up with. It's very sticky trying to find ways out of these situations!
• I hate my clients. I hate being spoken to like I'm a dumbass. I'm sorry you didn't get a resume you liked. Unfortunately, you didn't give me a fucking job description so I'm doing the best I fucking can. Thanks for your understanding. Also, I am not a mind reader. Just because you think it doesn't mean I know it.
• I love my coworker Barbie. Love her. She says everything I am thinking and we agree on almost anything with is excellent. We are often on the same page. It makes my day better.
• I hate my boss. I know I already said this but I hate him.