Team Challenge

Today I have decided to be SERIOUS. Dun Dun Dun....

Okay, so I got a flyer in the mail for Team Challenge back in January. I thought to myself, I need a goal for the year. Something to motivate me, to work toward. This could be good. Then I threw it in the pile with the rest of my mail. I thought, "No way I could run a 1/2 marathon". The next day I got one of those fitness magazines and the cover screamed at me to "Train for a 1/2 Marathon". Inside 5 pages were devoted to the training for a 1/2 marathon. It was like a sign. I picked back up the flyer and read through the information. Turns out they support the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America. It's was like God was screaming at me. Very loudly. And insistently.

"You idiot- get your shit together. You are meant to do this!"

I waffled for a week. I showed up to the first informational meeting. I balked at paying $100 nonrefundable fee to join the team. Inside my head I was saying go for it. But I was scared. And I didn't actually have $100. Then Angel called from the back of the room, "If you sign up tonight I will knock $25 off the fee!" It was like she could read my mind. So without another thought, I signed up.

The fact is, I am very scared of how this is going to go. 4 weeks into training and my feet and knees are throbbing. But my father had colitis and had to have his colon removed. I remember studying his scar with fascination and disgust as a child. I remember the sac he had to wear to help get toxins out of his system during his recovery period. I talked to him about it and he was very excited that I was doing this and began collecting money at work to help get me there. He also told me my aunt was diagnosed with colitis right before he was. I'm starting to wonder if maybe I have it as well.

So far I have raised $976 toward my goal of $4200. If I can raise the funds, I will be heading to Napa to run 13.1 miles in honor of my dad and aunt from Napa to Sonoma. I urge everyone to look into CCFA and see what you can do to help. If you can't help me get to my goal, at least help in another way to help CCFA reach their goals. There are currently 1.4 million Americans (over 30,000 right here in Georgia) that have Crohn’s or ulcerative colitis. These are seldom discussed, very painful diseases of the digestive tract. I am hoping that my participation in Team Challenge will help find a cure.

My own donation page can be reached below:
http://www.active.com/donate/napa09georgia/napa09EGrantham

On a special note, I will be donating my first mile to my friend Tracy's father who suffered from Crohn's. Tracy was the first person to donate $100 to my cause without a request from myself! Feel free to forward the link to anyone you think would like to help out.

Kind of like Madlibs...but not...

1. My ex....back. And I'm not excited about it at all. I cringe while going out in Atlanta that I might bump into him. The last time was not so pleasant as he wouldn't leave me alone.

2. I want to.....find a job that allows me to live on a beach and pays me to booze and travel.

3. I love...margaritas. They are tangy and delicious. And I love them with chips and salsa. On a patio, in my apartment, in a bar, at a concert... I could drink them anywhere, anytime!

4. People would say that I'm ...moody. Cause I am. I want to be left the fuck alone unless I don't want to be alone and I hope that my friends know well enough to know when.

5. I don't understand... why everyone loves Tim Tebow. I hate him. He is a goody two shoes and I don't trust him. Especially in his orange and blue glory. Eww.

6. When I wake up in the morning .....I contemplate saying fuck it.

7. I lost.... some of my self respect and I'm not sure how to get it back. It's hard not to get caught in the same patterns.

8. Life is full of ups and downs....How do you finish this sentence. So enjoy the ride? I'm not a motivational speaker and this sentence annoys me.

9. My past is...pretty fucked up. I've made a lot of mistakes lately.

10. I get annoyed by... people. In general. In case you hadn't already picked up on that.

11. Parties are fun, not as fun as....sex, sex is usually pretty outstanding, drunk sex at a party would probably rank up there.

12. I wish life was not...how it currently is. But what can you do? Just keep on keepin on.

13. Dogs are...like men. Fun to have around about 50 % of the time. The other 50% of the time, you'd like to throw them off a bridge.

14. Cats are...creepy. One time I passed one and I swear it's head made a 360 degree revolution more than once. They know shit too. Anyone see that House episode where the cat predicted when people would die. DIE. I don't care of House thought it was seeking heat, that shit is creepy as fuck.

15. Tomorrow is...going to be tweentastic and I cannot wait. It's fun to behave like a 13 year old at the age of 25.

16. I have a low tolerance for... people. Enough said.

17. If I had a million dollars.... I'd create a booze island. It would be glorious. I need an entire post to dedicate to my dream

18. I'm totally terrified of...how I look in the morning. Jesus, lady, what do you do in your sleep?

19. My spouse is...nonexistent. The end.

Random Thoughts on a Thursday

• At 8 am this morning a car slowed to a complete stop on a busy road to make a right hand turn. She must have been watching me in the rearview mirror because when I got impatient I started cursing her out in my own car. She started making random hand gestures at me. Which just made her turn take even longer. What is so difficult about making a right turn when the light is green? What in God's name are you waiting for? And why were you watching me instead of the road? Then I happened to glance down and realize she had a GA Tech license plate. Explained everything.
• I really love munchkins. Really, really love munchkins. America may run on the coffee, but I run on little balls of doughy love and hints of cinnamon, sugar and strawberry jelly.
• My twin just sent me a birthday calculator. It was very informative. For example, I now know when I was conceived. Mom, what were you doing on the night of April 19th?
• I really absolutely cannot stand the ring of the telephone. I detest it.
• Out of curiousity I just typed my whatevers birthday in the birthday calculator and holy shit. This thing is amazing. It has him completely pegged. I now think every one of you should hop on this thing. I am also going to look every person I have ever met. Ohhhh every ex boyfriend- this thing will probably explain exactly why it didn't work! Link: http://www.paulsadowski.com/BirthData.asp
• What's a whatever, you ask? You know, more than a friend, less than a boyfriend. Like I make terrible decisions with them but have no commitment to do so.
• I really hate being in the office by myself. I always have to go to the bathroom and I have to hold it. It immediately takes me back to the age of 5. I want to hop around with my legs crossed and go "Mommy, are we there yet?"
• I hate the phone. I hate calling people. I wish everyone sat in front of their computer and zinged off responses to me immediately. What do you mean you are out of the office/ home/ room? What is that? I'm chained to my desk and you should be too.
• Ryan really likes "Cowgirls Don't Cry". I rally like it too. In fact, I listen to Kicks at work just to hear it 5 times a day. That part where it goes quiet and then Reba just rips into the silence gets me every time. I could probably listen to it on repeat if I wasn't so lazy and would just download it.
• When is the Eric Church cd coming out? I want it now. I am pumped to go see him in two weeks. Okay pumped is a terrible word for it but I can't think of a better one to convey my feelings about this concert. Which went up exponentially when I realized I was getting free tickets!
• I have the best twin ever. She is like a fellow tweener. She totally just checked the compatibility of myself and Twilight hunk Edward Cullen. I mean who does that? I love it. I am now going to have to check for myself!
• I wish work wouldn't get in the way of my internet enjoyment.
• I love Darius Rucker. Love him. I wish when I was in Charleston I had bumped into him. I would have screamed oh my god! Hootie's here! You are awesome. Can I get a pic? He probably would have given me one just because he thought I was crazy and you always give crazy people what they want or they do something crazy.
• Okay I just check Robert Pattison's birthday calcutator and will now commence planning ways to meet him, make him fall in love with me and then marry me. Good to have life goals.
• I still need to use the restroom. This sucks.
• I hate when I call someone and I get the "MATL-02 The mobile customer you have called does not answer. Please try your call again later." Get a fucking voicemail jackass. Especially when I have been calling you for FOUR straight days to get your time card so that you can get paid! WTF? Which carrier has this message? How do I file a complaint?
• I really want someone to fall down the stairs in front of my office. Call me the devil, but the shit cracks me up every time. EVERY time. I just really hope that person is not me. Then I would not laugh AT ALL.
• Our building shoe shiner just came into my office with a red UGA hat, red polo, black slacks and red reeboks. That's right, I ragged him so much about wearing other team hats that he decided to go all out to show me he is a true fan of the best team in America. Things like this make my day.
• I just had a candidate come back with a hit on their record. A hit for Grand Larceny. Not a good sign. I am pretty pissed about this.
• Is there a way to be paid to booze? I'm trying to think of things I am good at that I can get paid for. The obvious choice is drinking since 1. I enjoy it. 2. I'm good at it and all things associated with it. 3. I enjoy it. This is one of those lists that just repeats two things over and over so that you understand how important they are. Problem being, I'm too damn lazy to type them out.
• Can we please discuss unemployement? Look, if you were laid off or something terrible happened then yes you deserve a little help while you get back on your feet. But what the hell is the deal with giving every damn person unemployment- people are fired for not doing their jobs and not being there. Why should they be rewarded for this shit? I say this because I am about to sit in on an unemployment hearing and the girl does not deserve a dime of anyone's money. I am angry because I know I am going to lose.
• Why does everyone think I don't have things to do with my day? No you may not waltz in whenever you want and fill out your paperwork and interview. We have something called a PROCESS and we follow it. Just because I am a staffing service does not mean you should not treat us with respect.
• Day late and a dollar short. I think this about sums up my life. I'm always just a little behind everyone else.
• I'm afraid to take the Where Should You Be Living Quiz. For two reasons....1. They might tell me I should live here. 2. They might tell me I shouldn't live here. Neither option appeals to me right now. Perhaps I should consider a job with travel.
• Why do people I don't care about show up on my newsfeed? Did they not get the memo? I am only their friend because I want to look popular. Duh. Everyone I care about doesn't show up because you people keep doing shit. Get off facebook dammit.
• The guy from that Eddie Murphy movie where he wears the fat suits...is it dr. dolittle? He exists. And works in my building. I am going to try to score a picture with him for all you nonbelievers. But it will take time. I must utilize tact. I have no idea what that is or how to do it but I must.
• I'm lonely. Not just because I am in the office by myself today. Just lonely. Lots of people are paired off. I want to hang out with them but they make me feel awkward since I am not paired off. The people who aren't paired off I want to hang out with too but then I act weird cause I think they might like me. Man I have issues. But seriously, I'm lonely.
• Why don't people listen? I just said I'm sitting in an unemployment hearing and this girl showed up to the office anyway. Have fun sitting there for an hour cause I am not getting off this phone call until this girl is denied benefits.
• I hate feeling stupid. I hate not remembering shit too. I should probably stop killing brain cells with booze.
• Snoop Dogg is going to be in Hilton Head Island my friend Jessica informs me. Have you been to HHI? I feel like that man will stick out like...well, like Snoop Dogg in HHI! I may have to make a trip for this.
• How does Russell Brand already have a book? This ass just fell onto the face of the planet and makes a couple of stupid jokes and now he gets a book? That is complete Bull Shit if you ask me. I will be buying it though so I can further judge and ridicule him.
• Why is it whenever I go to take a bite of my sandwich the phone rings? I mean its 2 pm and I still haven't been able to eat and it is severaly affecting my ability to work!
• Does anyone else hate their boss? I mean, hate so much you have difficulty being professional with them? My boss does not seem to respect my time and it is really getting to the point that I absolutely hate coming to work.
• I often wish I was someone I am not. Sometimes, I am confident in my ability to be that person. Other times, not so much.
• The first time I ever felt old was this past weekend. My 13 year old sister said to me "Did you know Bob Saget is a real person?" Holy shit, she doesn't even know Full House?!?!?!
• Everyone wants to hook me up. But never with someone I want to be hooked up with. It's very sticky trying to find ways out of these situations!
• I hate my clients. I hate being spoken to like I'm a dumbass. I'm sorry you didn't get a resume you liked. Unfortunately, you didn't give me a fucking job description so I'm doing the best I fucking can. Thanks for your understanding. Also, I am not a mind reader. Just because you think it doesn't mean I know it.
• I love my coworker Barbie. Love her. She says everything I am thinking and we agree on almost anything with is excellent. We are often on the same page. It makes my day better.
• I hate my boss. I know I already said this but I hate him.

My Catholic Guilt Has Caught Up with Me...

I've always loved being Catholic. Not that there aren't things I disliked about it (their stance on the gays for instance...or the whole priest molestation of children thing...) but for the most part I like it. My great uncle was a Monsignor in the church and really and truly believed in all it had to offer. He gave the best Sunday masses- always making sure to end each mass with a joke. He also drove a Lexus and lived in a gorgeous house on the Jersey Shore despite a vocation that typically calls for being humble and modest. He traveled the world sharing his belief systems but only with those who asked him to do so. He never pushed upon anyone else his thoughts or feelings about religion. To me, he truly was the epitome of Catholicism. Of course, the things I liked about it go past his influence. I like that Catholics have a self-deprecating attitude (take for example E and C Catholics- I fall into that category at this point), believe that confessing is a cleansing process (though I don't understand praying to Mary as punishment) and that while Catholicism as a whole tends to be hypocritical and stuck in the past, as individuals Catholics are some of the coolest people I have ever met.

I often joke that being Catholic lets me get away with lots of things. And for the most part I don't always acknowledge it. But recently, I have felt that Catholic guilt creeping in (or maybe just the strong moral foundation my parents attempted to instill in me is finally catching on). It's rather uncomfortable and it never has a habit of appearing while I am in the midst of committing a transgression, but always rears it's ugly head immediately following. Which, honestly, makes living for the moment and living each day to the fullest cause it might be your last kind of difficult.

Now, you are probably wondering what I have done lately that has brought this on. Well, for the most part being broke has kept me in line. And maybe the fact that I have been in line for a while is making this guilt thing so much the worse. My tax return came though and I decided on Friday that I was going to live it up. Compared to my past, Friday was rather tame. After work, I hit up Happy Hour with someone I keep telling myself I need to stay away from. In his defense, he is not a bad person at all. Somewhat of an idiot but a decent person all around. The problem is, we make absolutely terrible decisions together. It's not good when I wake up in the morning and pray he isn't there. It's certainly not good when I want to boot him out when I realize he is still there. And it's fucking terrible, how bad I feel after these events transpire. I mean, I seriously consider packing up, moving out and starting all over far far away so that I no longer allow myself to make these mistakes.

Generally speaking, I'm a good person. I work 5 days a week, I pay my bills (mostly) on time, I tell my parents I love them, spend time with friends and family...I just really like to have a good time and sometimes a good time and Catholicism don't mix no matter how much Jesus Juice you drink. I'm struggling to reconcile who I want to be with who I am and I think that is the main problem here. When I think about these decisions, I wonder what my mom would think. Would she wonder how her daughter who had such a promising future ended up a fuck up? Would she ask herself where she went wrong? I ask myself those very questions a few times a day and never have an answer. Maybe I should call her and ask her! Maybe this has less to do with Catholicism and more to do with the quarterlife crisis!