I thought since I'm hopping back into the dating saddle (okay not hopping...ummm dipping my pinkie toe into the shallow end of the pool I guess would be a more appropriate analogy) that I would reflect on past dating dilemmas. Maybe mull them over, ask your opinions, etc. Today, what's on my mind? Why, sex of course.
As we all know, I've been a big proponent of dating backwards simply because I've always been drunk/stupid/needy or whatever the case may be. So, clearly, I've had no issue sleeping with someone on or even before the first date. BUT...let's say I was a more traditional sort.
How soon is too soon to start the discussion on your sexual proclivities? For instance, I once went on a date with a guy who asked me if I like anal. On the first date. I was kind of unsure how to answer that one as I've never had someone ask me outright like that. Needless to say, we did not have a second date and I've always wondered if it was because I was unwilling to address my willingness (or unwillingness) to be sexually adventuresome.
In my opinion, if you're doing the traditional dating thing, discussing ones likes or dislikes between the sheets is a little premature on the first date. If you're lips haven't locked with mine I would rather not tell you what goes on when I spread my legs. Hell, you may never have the chance to find out so probably you should work on the whole build up (foreplay if you will) before you decide to get straight to business. Let me tell you, you asking me if I like anal, if I'll give you a blow job or telling me you want to cum in my face is not endearing you to me. And it is definitely not upping your chances of ever finding out first hand what I like. Whether I want those things or not, it shows to me you're not looking for a relationship, you're looking for a sex toy.
On the other hand, maybe you're asking because you're very sexual and you need to know if I am, too. I can see you not wanting to waste your time on someone who would turn their nose up on what brings you pleasure. But again, I just am not sure asking someone that on the first date is really the way to go. And what if I say no to anal because I've never had anyone ask me to do that with them? Then you could be missing out on something because you're thinking if I haven't done it I wouldn't be interested.
What are your thoughts? Have you been asked what your sexual preferences are on the first date? When is the appropriate time to start asking those questions?
Showing posts with label dating backwards. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating backwards. Show all posts
Monday, September 20, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
And so the waiting begins...
The worst thing about dating in my humble, I-don't-go-on-dates opinion is the waiting. I hate the day (or days) after when you wonder what the fuck is coming next. So much anxiety.
And of course, you end up breaking down the date and analyzing ever word, look or action the other person made to try to determine if their interest in you has waned. In the course of doing this, you decide you are too fat, too ugly, too stupid, too everything they aren't looking for in a girlfriend. Then you start kicking yourself for the outfit you wore, the way you laughed, what you said and wondering what you could have done differently.
Its enough to make a girl wanna be a nun. Speaking of nuns, Oprah had those bitches on TV and I caught the syndicated version over the summer and she did not ask them if they...well, masturbate and imagine God while doing so. I mean, they are married to him for God's sake. Or Jesus. Ohhhh maybe they imagine both, is that cheating? Or maybe I should just go back to dating backwards. At least then I got action.
Anyway, the point is I have now convinced myself The Commercial Banker is not interested in me as anything more than a friend and I am actually really bummed about it.
Never. Dating. Again.
He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not...
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Dating Backwards
So a friend of mine was propositioned on the website plentyoffish.com the other day and when I say propositioned I mean propositioned. The guy admitted straight off the bat that he was looking for someone to sleep with first, possibly date later. Then admitted he grows bored with people. Not exactly a prime candidate for a long-lasting, monogamous relationship.
However, this began a post on her blog that lead to a discussion of dating backwards. Okay, discussion might be exaggerating but it got the wheels in my own head turning. In analyzing my past relationships, I realized that aside from high school, all my relationships have begun in the dating backwards fashion. Fuck, date, break up seems to be a pretty consistent cycle I’ve been trapped in. And for those of you about to say I have low self-esteem which leads to me behaving in this fashion, save it. I know. But it’s only part of the reason. The other 80% of the reason I do it this way is because I get drunk, make a terrible decision (but it’s a fun one!) and then fall into doing it repeatedly. And a relationship is born. Not the smoothest transition, I’ll admit. But also not one I’ve been in too much of a hurry to change. I refuse to feel bad about my decisions, instead I’d like to look back on them fondly and possibly learn something in my own good time. So save your lectures for someone who cares to hear them.
Probably the worst case of this occurrence would involve my friend and former WHATEVER, Ryan. You see Ryan and I somehow managed to attend the same school and same social functions for years and not interact AT ALL. Fast Forward a solid 6 years later and we’re at a trivia night with a mutual friend just pounding drinks. Mind you it is a Wednesday night. We both have work in the morning. Our friends are teachers and on Christmas break so they have no problem getting hammered. We don’t either.
The mutual friend invites everyone back to her house where we start playing beer pong and just generally being drunken idiots. Somehow, Ryan and I end up being the last awake and we just keep going until about 4 am. Then we’re like, damn, we need to sober up so we can head home and get ready for work (mind you I was living with my rents at this point, who had no idea where the fuck I was). We head into the house to try to locate a couch to crash on and find them all taken. Everyone, including our mutual friend but minus her roommate, is passed out in various positions around the living room. Drunk as we are, we think we might as well take the mutual friends room for a quick nap. Nap might have been my thought but it definitely was not his...
Before I know it, we are having sex in our mutual friend’s bed. For what feels like forever. When it finally ends, I’m up and throwing on my clothes. For a couple of reasons:
1. I just met this guy and at 24 I know better than this
2. I realized I was having sex without a condom or birth control so plan b needed to happen asap (as well as a drs appt.)
3. I am horrified (haha which contains the word HO) that I am sleeping with someone in my friend’s bed. How fucking rude am I?
Of course he immediately follows suit and then walks me out to my car. Gets my number and a whatever is born. Did it last? No. Was it the best relationship I’ve had? Actually, even with the fights and the never knowing our status, yes. Would I do it again if I had a chance to go back? 99% sure. If you could guarantee me things would work out, 100%.
More on my thoughts on dating backwards will be revealed at a later date…
However, this began a post on her blog that lead to a discussion of dating backwards. Okay, discussion might be exaggerating but it got the wheels in my own head turning. In analyzing my past relationships, I realized that aside from high school, all my relationships have begun in the dating backwards fashion. Fuck, date, break up seems to be a pretty consistent cycle I’ve been trapped in. And for those of you about to say I have low self-esteem which leads to me behaving in this fashion, save it. I know. But it’s only part of the reason. The other 80% of the reason I do it this way is because I get drunk, make a terrible decision (but it’s a fun one!) and then fall into doing it repeatedly. And a relationship is born. Not the smoothest transition, I’ll admit. But also not one I’ve been in too much of a hurry to change. I refuse to feel bad about my decisions, instead I’d like to look back on them fondly and possibly learn something in my own good time. So save your lectures for someone who cares to hear them.
Probably the worst case of this occurrence would involve my friend and former WHATEVER, Ryan. You see Ryan and I somehow managed to attend the same school and same social functions for years and not interact AT ALL. Fast Forward a solid 6 years later and we’re at a trivia night with a mutual friend just pounding drinks. Mind you it is a Wednesday night. We both have work in the morning. Our friends are teachers and on Christmas break so they have no problem getting hammered. We don’t either.
The mutual friend invites everyone back to her house where we start playing beer pong and just generally being drunken idiots. Somehow, Ryan and I end up being the last awake and we just keep going until about 4 am. Then we’re like, damn, we need to sober up so we can head home and get ready for work (mind you I was living with my rents at this point, who had no idea where the fuck I was). We head into the house to try to locate a couch to crash on and find them all taken. Everyone, including our mutual friend but minus her roommate, is passed out in various positions around the living room. Drunk as we are, we think we might as well take the mutual friends room for a quick nap. Nap might have been my thought but it definitely was not his...
Before I know it, we are having sex in our mutual friend’s bed. For what feels like forever. When it finally ends, I’m up and throwing on my clothes. For a couple of reasons:
1. I just met this guy and at 24 I know better than this
2. I realized I was having sex without a condom or birth control so plan b needed to happen asap (as well as a drs appt.)
3. I am horrified (haha which contains the word HO) that I am sleeping with someone in my friend’s bed. How fucking rude am I?
Of course he immediately follows suit and then walks me out to my car. Gets my number and a whatever is born. Did it last? No. Was it the best relationship I’ve had? Actually, even with the fights and the never knowing our status, yes. Would I do it again if I had a chance to go back? 99% sure. If you could guarantee me things would work out, 100%.
More on my thoughts on dating backwards will be revealed at a later date…
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)