The Special K Challenge

Has anyone else ever noticed how happy the bitches on the back of Special K boxes are? Probably because they just lost a whole jeans size in two weeks. I don't know if I believe it but I'm pretty broke and a giant box of cereal and a gallon of milk is infinitely cheaper than all that other shit I typically put in my cart. So here goes nothing.

The premise for those of you who mute your tv during the annoyingly red commercials:

Meal 1: Special K with fruit and 2/3 cup of skim milk

Meal 2: Special K with fruit and 2/3 cup of skim milk OR Special K protein bar or shake

Meal 3: Whatever you would normally eat (and I fail at this portion!)

Snacks: 2 a day- fruit, veggies or Special K treats (snack bars, protein water, cereal bars, crackers or fruit chips)

Bam. Seems easy enough right? If I seem extra bitchy during this ordeal just remember how damn happy I'll be at the end- just like the girl on the Special K box right?

Starting Weight: 164

Starting Jeans Size: 10

Looking for a Gift for the Virgin in your life?

Look no further than here. And be sure to read the commentary that accompanies this gem of a gift. You're welcome.

Morning After Messages

"It may have been my decision last night to do the Irish Whiskey shots, but I think it was your decision originally that started the Irish Whiskey history. I was somewhat coherent until that shot happened. After that shot happened things get quite hazy. You are blamed for me being drunk last night and not Athens and an all day tailgate fest. I hope your night turned out well!"

~Hot guy I had a glass with in college who bumped into me downtown Saturday.

* And like a true life in shambles, I have a picture of how this tradition started and I cannot fucking locate it. Anywhere.

What is Missing?

It has occured to me that this website is missing something. A couple of somethings:

1. Drunk blogging

2. Recaps

3. Pictures

Not sure I can remedy any of those but since I'm fucking sitting here stone-cold sober BY MYSELF on Thanksgiving after ingesting the Ruby Tuesday's fucking salad bar, I guess I could at least muster some damn pictures. So....here goes:

Nothing says I can't cook but fuck it, I like to booze like a fridge filled with a gallon of milk, two dozen eggs, some dips for chips, a sprite and over 3 dozen jello shots. Welcome to day 2 of my 22nd birthday.

If you want to bang a girl and make her feel like she drank you under a table when really you led her along like the pied piper into a naked blackout, I'm a whore state then head to Buddha Bar in Athens, GA and give her some sake bombs. When she stops trying to even get the shot glasses on the chopsticks, it's time to take her home. Not that this ever happened to me. I did, however, do this to a guy. Or two. Okay, three. That's my final answer.

Apparently, these guys are in a frat. What tipped you off? Maybe the fact that one brother is about to drink from another brother's crotch? Maybe? Tehehe, dick jokes are funny.

Welcome to a typical Shambles night. This was back in 2006. That is my collection of shot glasses and my chaser "fat bud". And no I do not pull that Coyote Ugly bullshit spit it in the beer bottle crap. I take my shots and I like them. Also, I am slightly artistic when I want to be.

Okay, bitches, I'm bored of this currently. I think 4 pictures into my past is enough. However, this is something I will start doing on the reg. Send me your funny shots and I'll post those too. Anonymously or otherwise.

Thankful Thursday

In honor of Turkey Day here are all the things I am thankful for.

• Clothing. Something has to cover the cellulite and stretch marks.
• Uggs. They may be ugly but damn if they aren't comfy.
• Wine. And wine glasses. And bottle openers for said wine.
• Beer. Kegs. Pint glasses. Power Hour. Pitchers.
• Football. Boys in tight pants playing with balls.
• Coolers. Keeping my booze cold. Great for bets. Also decent seating when in a crunch.
• People uglier than me. I know it's bitchy but don't even pretend like when someone less attractive than you is in the same room you don't secretly thank god for small favors.
• Liquor. Shot glasses.
• Bars. Somewhere everyone knows your name. Because you puked everywhere, took half your clothes off and went home with a rando.
• Hot boys. A girl can dream.
• Piedmont Park. I like to play with balls there.
• My blackberry. How the hell else would I get through the day? Who would entertain you with inappropriate or blatantly obvious tweets?
• Friends and Family. Because it's what everyone says. And someone out there probably listed me so this is really just to cover my bases.
• Mexican food. Feels so good going down...the next morning I may weigh 5 more lbs and feel like shit but damn last night was good.
• Other drunk people. This doesn't bear explaining.
• Sober people. For rides home, duh.
• Sweatpants. Ohhhh god I love sweatpants. There are even some guys who look sexy in them. Probably not any of my readers but don't fret, I don't look sexy in them either.
• Blogs like Barstool Sports, masshole sports, bulldog in exile, fired n fabulous,imboycrazy.com, Livit, Luvit and 8 billion other blogs I read every day (perhaps I should highlight one a week....hmmmm).
• The library. Every once in a while I need to get my dork on.
• The internet. dear Al Gore, thanks for helping me stalk people. Love Berryfine.
• My apartment. It's just me and my nudity whenever I hit the doorway. So delicious.

God, that's a lot of stupid, material shit to be thankful for. Your turn, what ridiculous shit are you thankful for that you're too embarrassed to say at the dinner table today? Don't worry, I won't judge.

And We're Back in Shambles!

So Shambles took a job at a small company, assuring them (after speaking with Todd Noble at Mccart Insurance) that I could get insurance coverage. Apparently, a month after I start my job I find out this is not the case.

Interesting. Glad Obamacare is going so well. So well that someone like me who goes to the doctor once a year cannot get health insurance.

Dear Berryfine,

This letter is in response to your inquiry regarding the recent declination of your application for individual coverage with CoventryOne.

Unfortunately, we were unable to offer coverage on you due to history of borderline hypertension with no follow up or blood pressure readings since starting medication in May 2009. The source of this information was medical records from Dr. William Bostock.

The decision is based strictly on insurance risk, not a clinical viewpoint.

Sincerely,

CoventryOne

Individual Medical Underwriting/lss

Background:

In May of 2009, my gynecologist said she was not going to continue prescribing birth control because she thought my blood pressure was too high. She insisted I see a doctor. So I called Dr. Bostock and ended up seeing one of his NPs. She laughed at my gynecologist but prescribed me with the LOWEST dose of medication and sent me home. She asked me to fax her some blood pressure readings before and after I began the medication. I did so and she told me there was no need for me to come back in. So I took the meds for 3 months

, monitored my blood pressure. Once I went off, I monitored it for a few weeks and there was no change. I figured this was the end of it. I'm not on birth control and I haven't been to a doctor since May 2009. I've lost almost 20 lbs, I run every day, I eat healthy (for the most part) and I drink. Never had a problem with health insurance until now.

My thoughts:

1. CoventryOne doesn't allow me to appeal. Which is bullshit. There is absolutely no reason not to allow me to provide my own notes and lab results that show when I spoke with my doctor and what she told me.

2. It pisses me the fuck off that something that my doctor didn't think was even an issue but just a cautionary reaction to another doctor is preventing me from getting healthcare coverage. My medical history includes this incident and one hospitalization back in 2003. Other than that, I am RARELY sick, haven't had the flu in over 10 years and go to the doctor only for yearly visits.

3. There are some fat fucks out there who gorge themselves on eve

rything, have a history of health problems and a ridiculous amount of pre-existing conditions and those assholes get coverage. On the other hand, someone who monitors her health and lost weight because of a warning from her doctor cannot get health insurance.

4. Oh wait, if I was hispanic I would be able to get FREE coverage when I went into the hospital.

5. I really love that I have spent a ridiculous amount on healthcare coverage and NOT USED it for anything other than check ups and I can't get health insurance. This makes a lot of sense to me.

6. Back to Coventry, they also don't provide a phone number, took over a month to get me a response and have basically made it so that when I do secure some sort of health insurance I will have a pre-existing clause (cause God knows, they'll find a

way around Obamacare's thoughts on that).

7. Mccart Insurance- thanks for your stellar follow up and customer service. The fact that I have had to call you and email you multiple times before getting a response is fucking ridiculous. No one answers your phone calls and your emails just

get pushed around. Thanks for your shitty service buddy.

And in case you were wondering, I'm fairly certain my blood pressure is off the fucking charts right now. Nice work.

Twitter Tuesday

So Barbie made me feel bad about letting this slide. To be honest, I didn't think anyone actually took my advice on who to follow so I just said Peace bitches. But I'm bringing it back. I would love it if some of you let me know who you like, what your favorite tweets are and if you actually want me to keep sharing.

Anyway, in keeping with my theme of WOW I'M GROWING UP! I've found someone else who loves their job. So much so they use Twitter to share their hatred for life between the hours of 9-5. Check out @cubicletweets for a few good laughs and to commiserate about how shitty work really is.

• I sure am happy my college degree allows me to do things like put labels on dividers and fax things.
• assualt isn't a crime if they had it coming right?
• thanks to your face, I no longer have an appetite.
• I actually prefer that no one asks me what my weekend plans are. If they did, I would have to inquire about there's and I don't care.
• If I set myself on fire, would anyone notice?
• I'm all for donating clothes to poor families, but you all have terrible fashion sense and I don't trust your judgement.
• I think you should get out of my personal space. I have a full cup of very hot coffee that could "accidentally" get thrown in your face.
• Let me tell you how much I love my job, oh wait, I fucking don't so I can't.
• I'm so happy that I can do all your work for you so you can eat M&Ms.
• The woman in the cubicle next to me just said, "it was too big to fit in my box." It's gems like that that make me happy.
• Things I hate: work. Things I love: not working.
• I'm sorry I can't understand you when your heads all the way up our bosses ass.
• I was a damn fool for thinking today could be different.
• Warning: final 30 minutes of the workday may cause suicide.
• To everyone that enjoys their job, fuck you.

Yeah, we're pretty much on the same page here buddy. Please don't commit suicide or I'll have nothing left to live for.