And We're Back in Shambles!

So Shambles took a job at a small company, assuring them (after speaking with Todd Noble at Mccart Insurance) that I could get insurance coverage. Apparently, a month after I start my job I find out this is not the case.

Interesting. Glad Obamacare is going so well. So well that someone like me who goes to the doctor once a year cannot get health insurance.

Dear Berryfine,

This letter is in response to your inquiry regarding the recent declination of your application for individual coverage with CoventryOne.

Unfortunately, we were unable to offer coverage on you due to history of borderline hypertension with no follow up or blood pressure readings since starting medication in May 2009. The source of this information was medical records from Dr. William Bostock.

The decision is based strictly on insurance risk, not a clinical viewpoint.

Sincerely,

CoventryOne

Individual Medical Underwriting/lss

Background:

In May of 2009, my gynecologist said she was not going to continue prescribing birth control because she thought my blood pressure was too high. She insisted I see a doctor. So I called Dr. Bostock and ended up seeing one of his NPs. She laughed at my gynecologist but prescribed me with the LOWEST dose of medication and sent me home. She asked me to fax her some blood pressure readings before and after I began the medication. I did so and she told me there was no need for me to come back in. So I took the meds for 3 months

, monitored my blood pressure. Once I went off, I monitored it for a few weeks and there was no change. I figured this was the end of it. I'm not on birth control and I haven't been to a doctor since May 2009. I've lost almost 20 lbs, I run every day, I eat healthy (for the most part) and I drink. Never had a problem with health insurance until now.

My thoughts:

1. CoventryOne doesn't allow me to appeal. Which is bullshit. There is absolutely no reason not to allow me to provide my own notes and lab results that show when I spoke with my doctor and what she told me.

2. It pisses me the fuck off that something that my doctor didn't think was even an issue but just a cautionary reaction to another doctor is preventing me from getting healthcare coverage. My medical history includes this incident and one hospitalization back in 2003. Other than that, I am RARELY sick, haven't had the flu in over 10 years and go to the doctor only for yearly visits.

3. There are some fat fucks out there who gorge themselves on eve

rything, have a history of health problems and a ridiculous amount of pre-existing conditions and those assholes get coverage. On the other hand, someone who monitors her health and lost weight because of a warning from her doctor cannot get health insurance.

4. Oh wait, if I was hispanic I would be able to get FREE coverage when I went into the hospital.

5. I really love that I have spent a ridiculous amount on healthcare coverage and NOT USED it for anything other than check ups and I can't get health insurance. This makes a lot of sense to me.

6. Back to Coventry, they also don't provide a phone number, took over a month to get me a response and have basically made it so that when I do secure some sort of health insurance I will have a pre-existing clause (cause God knows, they'll find a

way around Obamacare's thoughts on that).

7. Mccart Insurance- thanks for your stellar follow up and customer service. The fact that I have had to call you and email you multiple times before getting a response is fucking ridiculous. No one answers your phone calls and your emails just

get pushed around. Thanks for your shitty service buddy.

And in case you were wondering, I'm fairly certain my blood pressure is off the fucking charts right now. Nice work.

Wig-Out Wednesday

I know this will shock absolutely none of my five readers (especially since one of you follows me twice) but I. Am. A. Terrible. Driver. Which is ironic considering my own wrath directed at other drivers on the roads in Atlanta but I figure being a bad driver just goes with the territory of having a life in shambles. Along with having the misfortune of being in the wrong place in the wrong time and panicking in the wrong fashion thus making bad situations worse. In my defense, I at least know the basics of green means go, red means stop, yellow means get the fuck out of the way, the left lane is for people moving fast (as in faster than you so get the fuck over), blinkers are used to let other drivers know your intention to move through traffic in a horizontal fashion and just because you want to be in a lane doesn’t mean you get to be in said lane if someone else is already there.

But sometimes, my own misfortune -and inability to judge distance when in panic mode- gets the best of me. Take for example this past Saturday, when I tapped another car in the parking lot after some dickhead almost backed into me after I pulled out of my spot. I immediately pulled into an empty spot and jogged over to look at the other parked car. I didn’t see any damage but just to be on the safe side, I went to my car to look for a pen and paper to leave a note. Below is said note:

To Whom it May Concern:

I am very sorry to have to say this but I tapped your car as I was backing out of my spot. I am unsure of what damage I may have caused so here is my contact information. Please call me if we will need to file this with insurance as I would like to be sure you and your car are properly taken care of.

Thanks,
Berryfine
XXX-XXX-XXXX

I know this is what the note says because said note is still in my possession. Why would I write a note and not deliver it you ask? Well, because the asshole whose car I had the misfortune of tapping turned out to be sitting right there on a patio watching this entire episode. Below is the letter I would like to leave instead had I the opportunity to go back in time:

Dear Dickhead Who’s Car I Bumped,

Unfortunately, I am hung the fuck over and panicked after some asshole almost hit my car. In my haste to ensure my car was not hit, I accidentally hit the gas and reversed my car into your bumper going the insane speed of 1 mile an hour. Lucky for me, your car is a piece of shit.

Knowing you car is a piece of shit, I had two options. I could have been a bitch and driven off. Or I could be a considerate person and try to determine what damage, if any, I caused. Then, I could leave a note with my contact information so that your car could be taken care of. I chose the latter course of action and BOY. DO. I. REGRET. IT.

What the fuck was I thinking going inside a restaurant to get a pen after I was unable to locate one in my car? This, of course, is after I opt to pull into a spot and even take the time to leave you a note in the first place. After borrowing a pen from a woman who doesn’t even speak English and writing you a note explaining what had happened and how to reach me, how dare I think I should put this note on your car? What a bitch I am!

Then again, I never reached your vehicle to leave my apology. The minute I cleared the door, your punk ass yelled “Did you just hit my fucking car?” Well Captain Obvious, considering you were sitting there enjoying your $6 Panda Express with your fugly Carvel shirt wearing girlfriend and saw the whole thing, did I really need to answer that question? Furthermore, why didn’t you pipe up the minute you saw me park and move to check the damage of your car? Were you waiting to see what my next move was? Well, I imagine if I didn’t speed off pretending it never happened then the plan was to leave information for the owner of the car. So you could have saved us both some time and stepped up to the plate immediately at which point I would have handed over my insurance card for your perusal.

Instead, you and your 19-year-old, I-think-I-know-everything-ass, decided it would be far more productive and beneficial for both of us if you belittled and berated me for what was clearly an accident. Upset I can understand. But going bat shit crazy over what amounted to absolutely nothing and scathingly asking me if I did damage to your car is a bit overdramatic. It’s not like your car was totaled and I drove away. Your car had nary a scratch that hadn’t previously been on it and I still made sure I was making necessary information available for you. So dial your attitude down a notch. Trust me when I say your 1986 Toyota what the fuck ever it is ain’t worth the money my insurance information is printed on.

Throughout this entire ordeal, I was nice enough to apologize and repeatedly offer you my contact information and insurance card. You were so pissed you cut off your nose to spite your face and said “Whatever.” Whatever? Well, whatever right back at you buddy. I tried to behave like an adult and you behaved like a 5 year old who got pissed when he went to the store to pick out a toy and couldn’t narrow it down in the allotted time so went home with nothing.I'd also like to thank you for your sarcastic "Drive carefully." when I walked back to my own car. I think what you meant was, next time you hit a car in the parking lot, don't dillydally, drive the fuck away. The best part about this whole situation? You waited until I drove away to get your scrawny ass out of your chair and amble over to even look at your car. At which point you started pointing out imaginary damage that my plastic bumper caused your steel car at a whopping 1 mile an hour. I hope like hell I was wrong and there is a shit ton of damage to your car that you cannot afford to fix, you douche bag.

Sincerely,
Berryfine

PS. Get a fucking haircut.

Monday Musings

• I added a new blogger to the site. I don't know why since I only have two public readers and she is one of them. But one day when this site takes off, she'll be so grateful for the opportunity I provided her. Or not. But whatever.
• I'm reading Google Blogger for Dummies. Hopefully, this improves the quality of the site. But probably not.
• My friend Kyle got me a Table Topics gift for my birthday. Why am I bringing this up now? Well, he just gave it to me last night. Hellooooo, belated. But then, I have been pretty MIA with that group of friends lately. Anyway, it would be great for when I have people over but I’m thinking of drawing one card a week or whenever I feel like it and blogging the responses. Then you will REALLLLLYYYYY get to know how boring I am. Thoughts?
• Tim Tebow commercial. Thoughts? When it came on last night, everyone rushed to the table to grab more food because we thought it would be some commercial no one gave a shit about. Imagine our surprise when Saint Timmy tackled his mom. Had I not been wedged between the wall and the couch with no ability to move, I would have missed it. As it was, I had tuned out whatever his mom said. So her pro-life commercial turned into a pro-abortion commercial with that dive bomb. I mean why raise a kid if he’s just going to tackle you on television?
• I am feeling particularly blank today. Empty almost.
• Where the hell was Miller Lite last night? Am I the only one who noticed they had ZERO commercials? Or maybe I just missed them… Bud Light and Doritos single handedly funded the Super Bowl broadcast with their commercials. And they were the best.
• While we are on the subject of super bowl ads… there is a new e*trade baby in town and I do not like him. At all. ANNND godaddy.com needs to hire a new marketing/ad firm stat. Does anyone ever actually go to the site to see the girls? As my friend Alex put it last night, “Unless I’m seeing some nipple, it’s not worth my time.”
• When someone emails me that they just got back from church or are reading proverbs I want to immediately say something that will send me straight to hell. It’s like I’m trying to balance out their goodness with my evilness.
• This. I want to do this. Except to the industrial scanner in my office that thinks it’s funny to claim I have misfed the paper randomly and intermittently while I’m trying to send people their work. 500 pages of work should not take an hour to scan to email.
• Dear body, when I overindulge on the weekends you will be properly punished on Monday. As in, you can complain about how hungry you are all you want but I’m not putting anything in you. Except water. A banana. And oatmeal. And I will workout for 3 hours. You should really have a conversation with the alcoholic side of me and find out how to remedy this.
• I wish someone would buy me everything on the It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia website. And the UGA Playbook which should be coming out this summer. I’d like to outfit my home.
• I lied. I just drank decaf coffee. Strangely, my hunger pangs are gone. New diet?
  With insurance companies, a doctor’s office may bill $21,000 worth of services. $12,000 of it ends up written off and the insurance company pays out $9,000. I don’t understand the math of that. Apparently, insurance companies only ALLOW you to bill so much per service and then has the right to say of that service how much they will pay. I work with insurance and I still don’t get it. No wonder obama wants to change it.
• I don't know why I think you would care about the above bullet. But I'm too lazy to delete it.
• Getting your shit together is an overwhelming task. I don’t even know where to start taking baby steps.
• Why does my blackberry think that curse words are just misspelled? They aren’t. I fucking like them and wish you would stop making me ignore the dashed lines below them. I know what the hell I’m writing and I’m okay with it. Damnit.
• I want chocolate.....in my mouth....NOW.