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"It's crazy when it comes to making big decisions in life that u are usually forced to figure out the pros and cons yourself."

Are you fucking kidding me? Dude, where the fuck were you when the rest of us joined the real world and got rid of our Pullups and tricycles?

Are you waiting on someone to hold your hand and make these decisions for you? Life isn't a paint by numbers, boyo.

And don't even get me started on not bothering to spell out the word you. Those two extra letters were really too much for you, huh?

I cannot believe I dated this douchebag.

I want to do this

What I need:
1. A Partner in Crime
2. Shot glasses. Lots of them. I have over a dozen but you probs need your own.
3. Cardboard
4. Markers
5. Booze

Who's with me?

Conversations with my Personal Trainer

My personal trainer is the shit. In two months I went from 189 to 164. And I'm holding steady now mainly because I hurt my ankle which has made running impossible. Yesterday, my trainer and I met at Retro Fitness for a 30 minute session.

Trainer: So what have you eaten today.
Me: Candy.
Trainer: What?
Me: Candy. Are you deaf?
Trainer: How much?
Me: One Reese's Peanut Butter cup and a box of nerds.
Trainer: A whole box of nerds?
Me: A mini box. For Halloween. You know none of those bastard children came by my place so now I have tons of candy. Good shit too. None of that crap old peopel try to pass off as candy worth a shit.
Trainer: That's all you've eaten today?
Me: Eggs. And a sandwich. It was delicious. And by delicious I mean boring.
Trainer: No mayo.
Me: No mayo.
Trainer: Good. No more candy.
Me: It cost 10 bucks. So either the Mexicans down the street need to come trick or treating or you need to give me $10 not to eat it.
Trainer: I will not fall for this trick.

I promptly went home and had two boxes of nerds, sweet tarts and some kit kats. Fuck my trainer. I'm getting my money's worth.

STOP! IN THE NAME OF LOVE!

Couple of things:
1. The Stop sign knows what is up.
2. She could fit a lot more than a cell phone in there.
3. She is unaware that the veil she is wearing is see through. "Oh no one will see me if I answer this text real quick!"
4. Who the fuck is texting her that is important enough for her to be responding? Shouldn't they BE AT THE WEDDING IF THEY MATTER THAT MUCH?!?!
5. The lack of balls on this guy is appalling. I hope he uses this video in the divorce proceedings.

Vagina Vagina Vagina

The sign to the left. Kirk is just too easy of a target.

Kids these days

So, my alma mater is Brookwood High School. Grayson High School was created while I was in high school and cherry picked kids from the surrounding high schools to attend. Apparently, since then, Grayson has been seeking a rival. And my alma mater is their target. So they created this delicious video:



My hope was Brookwood would keep their mouths shut and kick their asses on the field as the reigning state champs should do. Of course, they didn't. Don't come into our school and make a video and think we'll let that shit go.


1. Which do you like better?
2. The BHS guy has a point- Grayson's cheerleader choice is busted. The one on the left was the hottest cheerleader they could find?
3. There will be a lot of fights at this game. So I'm going to attend. Of course.

Conversations With My 70s Throwback

Yes, we were whatevers. Now he is like my best friend. Probably not the best choice in friends I have ever made but whatever. Occassionally, I get some super sweet gems of conversations. See below:

Me: Haha I hate meatloaf.
Him: Ha yeah, I understand that. Most people don't like it.
Me: Haha good thing you and I didn't work out or I wouldn't be able to eat half of what you make haha
Him: Haha well that would just leave more for me.
Me: Haha good point. Make sure you find a girl who doesn't like your cooking and lets you use her ass as a plate.
Him: Yeah that is a must for sure.
Me: Hahaha omg I want to write you a personal ad.
Him: That would be a very interesting personal ad.

What the hell is wrong with me? I'm ridiculous.